When do you stop showing people your upstairs?

[Scrunchcake]

We moved house in January and when family and friends first popped round to visit we "gave them the tour" - pretty normal ime to show people round your new house, including the bedrooms.

Anyway, with lockdown and whatnot we have a few friends who hadn't yet visited us at the new place. One of them is calling in later this week and I've realised I feel a bit weird about showing her round, and I definitely think it would be strange to show her upstairs.

Is that just me? Is there a statute of limitations on "the tour"??

Obviously this is completely lighthearted and I'm relaxed about visitors, just amused that I've realised I have some strict rules in my head about it!

I remember doing this as kids - we'd explore all over our friends' houses. But as adults the only people I've shown are close family (our parents, siblings), on their first visit. Never friends, unless they've expressed an interest in buying a neighbouring house. I've also never seen beyond reception rooms, kitchen, downstairs loo when visiting friends.

The only other 'tourers' are neighbours on our shared road of rather odd houses, as everyone does a wee inspection of everyone else's renovations before they design their own. They're not visiting socially and then asking for a tour though, they are coming specifically to look, measure and take photos.

Obviously varies by culture as we have a holiday house abroad (nothing special or exciting) and everyone asks to look around when they come for dinner or a BBQ. I've had to learn to keep the beds made and my knickers off the floor.

I moved into a new build a few years ago and did the tours. I don't think there was a time scale as to when it started to peter off, more a tidiness scale.
Right at the start we had no furniture and gradually filled it so there wasn't much "private" to show.
However after about a year in when tours were long forgotten my Aunt called and fully expected the tour as she hadn't seen the house since we moved in. I was mortified at the state of the place!
So clean as if she is getting the tour, just in case

However I have my entire house posted on insta
⬆️Genuine question, WHY is it of architectural merit, noteworthy

Totally normal to me, but then, I am lower-middle class

OMG, from the title I thought it was a euphemism for showing your tits!
"Show us your upstairs, luv"
So glad it wasn't, now slightly worried that I'm the only person who read it that way.

I don’t think it’s necessarily a class issue.It’s the norm in Ireland and Scotland

I've never offered "tours" and nobody has asked! People who come in will naturally have a wander around when they first come in but wouldn't ever go upstairs.

Surely it depends who the guests are and how much of the house you want to show them. We’ve had a whole year of building work (finished last week) and I had some friends here earlier who got the full tour. They’re good friends and they’ve not seen the house before. I love this house and I like to show people. I don’t think I’ve been into their upstairs much but I think that’s because we met them when they’d been in their house a while. I think if they moved we would get the full tour.

Oooo I love a house tour. I think if they're close to you and they haven't seen all of the house, you should show them. No matter what the time span. I can't believe in other countries they aren't nosey like us Brits!! They're missing out.

I fucking hate “The Tour”

Hate being taken on them. Find it beyond bloody rude to be asked for them.

Was taken on a tour recently by a new friend. The woman had 5 bathrooms. What can you say?! She showed me the inside of all her cupboards and wardrobes. So awkward.

Ok,so am I the only person who looks in bathroom cupboard & shelves when up there?

@TurkeyTrot

OMG, from the title I thought it was a euphemism for showing your tits! "Show us your upstairs, luv" So glad it wasn't, now slightly worried that I'm the only person who read it that way.

Haha, the title was a bit deliberate. And see @SomethingNastyInTheBallPool 's post on the first page - you weren't the only one 😁

This is getting weirder. To those who offer tours, what do you imagine your guests are interested in — your wallpaper? Your underwear drawer? To those who ask for a tour — why? What is it that interests you, assuming the house is architecturally ordinary?

@CrazedInsomniac

Wasn’t intended to ‘put you in your place’, OP. It’s just not something I ever encountered in my life till I lived in England, and I found it incredibly weird. I moved to a village on maternity leave where the regular baby group met in people’s houses, and there seemed to have been a lot of renovations, as I suddenly found myself part of a group nodding at en suite loos and thinking up admiring remarks about landing carpet.

I would find that odd too, to be fair. I wouldn't show baby group /school mums etc round. Just family and close friends.

Why offer the tour - friends & family expect it, and if you don’t offer they’ll go to big get “lost” and look in every room,every Press.

We invite people around if they show a special interest in features of the house, and ask to see the beams. As it's 300 years old, that happens quite often (not to my beams though, no one wants to see what they hold up after 42 years).

But what do they want to see in some standard-issue four-bed semi, @SentientAndCognisant? I’m trying to figure out the appeal of walking around someone’s bedroom...?

It’s the done thing,if you move or redecorate,get work done. You do a tour
Everyone does it, it’s genuinely not considered odd. It’s odd not to offer, that’s more noteworthy. You’ll get talked about if you don’t do the tour
Genuinely most folk are interested,they’ll ask where did you get the paint from, was it expensive etc

Some entirely arbitrary rules I now realise I have about The Tour:

Insides of drawers and cupboards are not part of The Tour.

Bathrooms might be part of The Tour but not if they're en suite.

You don't offer The Tour and you don't request it. It just happens.

Bedrooms are part of The Tour for the first couple of weeks. Then you can stand on the landing and generally waft your arms to indicate layout for another week or two. After that upstairs is not part of The Tour.

Clearly there’s a hierarchy in your, tour. So friends,family.Not the school mums you know loosely

Nowadays I'd probably give a tour to my nearest and dearest, but not to others such as neighbours or parents of my children's friends for example. I use to think that this was a strange act but many people around me can't wait to give me the tour of their home - obviously when they have just moved in or newly decorated or if it is my first visit. With the pandemic I can see how it may feel odd but just go with how you feel at the time. Maybe if they say "well let's have a look around then" you could show them otherwise leave it?

I've never heard of this. Just why would you show friends your en-suite?

@SentientAndCognisant

It’s the done thing,if you move or redecorate,get work done. You do a tour Everyone does it, it’s genuinely not considered odd. It’s odd not to offer, that’s more noteworthy. You’ll get talked about if you don’t do the tour Genuinely most folk are interested,they’ll ask where did you get the paint from, was it expensive etc

Clearly I have broken all the rules of civilised behaviour. I lived for more than two decades in the UK in a number of houses, some of which I renovated, without ever offering to let anyone look around. Mind you, I don’t think anyone ever wandered off to sneakily look, either.

@Fingertipping where in ireland are you? It's absolutely the norm in my circles (Dublin) and almond family (rural, mostly west) but generally only if you've had work done/just moved.

I love other people's houses! I'm always interested in what they've done. We did major unfinished renovations before lockdown and the few people who've been round I had to explain couldn't get a 'tour' because much of upstairs remained unfinished (and full of unpacked boxes) and people really did extract promises they could have a look around once it's done.

Personally, I think unless there's a reason - ie someone planning to buy a similar house/do a similar extension- the stature of limitations on upstairs visiting is first visit since the move/work provided it happens within six months of completion. I have no idea how lockdown feeds into that though.

@MNX42 me too- they do that a lot in the US