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Original poster

Talk me down because I am about to leave the house and go away forever

236 replies

FallingOffTheBed · 30/08/2020 19:11

I have a really stressful job that pays shit money and which is pretty much relentless. I have worked through lockdown and every weekend since it all began. My work furloughed 80% of staff and epxected us remaining to pick it all up. I am on my fucking knees.

I have 2 Dcs one of whom has ASD and is hard fucking work.

Abotu half an hour ago he took a chocolate milkshake upstairs, sat on my bed and then spilled it everywhere. All over my bed. All down the side of the bed. Into my drawers, Ruined two books I had on my nightstand. Down into the extension cord so our power went out. Everywhere.

I can't even look at him. i am just literally on my fucking knees and this is the last fucking straw. My bed is ruined. My bedclothes are ruined. i am trying to clean up the mattress. Milk has soaked trhough into the mattres itself. i am trying to clean the carpet. DS is aged 10 and kniows he is not allowed to do this. he is screaming in his room. I just want to walk out of the house and never come back. I need a break from my own life. i am so so so tired and now I have to sleep on a milk sodden mattress.

God help me. I am at the end of my fucking rope.

OP posts:
witchofthenorth · 31/08/2020 08:00

I'm so glad your feeling calmer and that DH is on board to get things sorted. And so what if you freaked out badly, it was clearly needed to bring the issues to the fore.

Be kind to yourself, and do what you need to. Sending much love 💕. If I could reach in and give you a hug I would.

RhymesWithOrange · 31/08/2020 08:03

my colleagues who are not furloughed (there are 5 of us in my department) are all on our knees. If I go off sick they will have to pick up the pieces.

Or they will follow your lead and your company will step up and sort the problem out.

Seriously, working all hours to the detriment of your health and wellbeing is so far from normal. You need to reset your boundaries.

rose69 · 31/08/2020 08:29

Glad you are feeling better this morning and your family sound lovely.
Please do consider time away from your work (or leaving). You should not be on anti-depressants to keep working. I used to love travelling but because of circumstances at the moment we don't and I have adjusted to that.
Can anyone else support your mother and sister?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

10 year olds
Wolfiefan · 31/08/2020 08:56

Wishing you the very very best OP. Perhaps a rota with DH so he takes some of the strain. Rather than you running around trying to do everything?
Hope you enjoyed that coffee! And didn’t spill it. Grin

Flyingarcher · 31/08/2020 09:40

Best wishes, OP. I lost my shit in countless ways with my ASD son when he was younger. I too have a lovely DH but who has a second string to his bow which is very time consuming but public facing, important to others and to him and brings in much needed cash to pay for holidays. However, it makes him quite absent with me having to cope on numerous occasions. I think he realised he was on thin ice when I posted on fb that I had had enough of life. I was stuck at home, suffering from awful fatigue post cancer treatment and from very demanding job and he was out all weekend for the second or third weekend running just before Christmas doing things for other people. He has got a lot better since and now says no to things.
Your son sounds a bit like mine. He still, obviously, has ASD and dyspraxia and yes, things break, get ruined more than they should but he is a fully functioning member of society, working, driving. He still needs our help more than a peer of a similar age would but he is lovely and so kind. There is hope. I too have nearly drivenninto a wall on many an occasion.

tornadoalley · 31/08/2020 09:46

Poor you. It seems like you have guilt burden the size of Everest. I hope the counsellor tells you, you don't need to prove yourself to anyone. You are good enough. You have a successful marriage and lovely children. You have a lovely home. You are good at your job. You are a success, you don't need to prove anything to anyone.

Give yourself a break. Maybe just take one full day off and let DH manage everything while you sleep, walk, relax. It's not much so shouldn't impact too much on others, and maybe they could do the same?

Being acknowledged is important and a first step to managing the stress.

ALLIS0N · 31/08/2020 10:27

We were with you but you saved yourself OP. You reached out for help and you listened to good advice.

Please go on doing that. I think you know your current lifestyle is unsustainable - I’m sure a counsellor will help you work out a good way forward.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 31/08/2020 10:42

Lovely OP. Can you filter your posts and read them back in a one-r and see how concerned you are with being kind and supportive back to the MN community? Like you are literally on your knees and you are still taking time to say 'thank you' with almost every single post? You are clearly a very giving person, but you really need to be able to start to do some taking now. You can't pour from an empty cup - it's only a cliche because it's true!

I'm not giving you a hard time for having lovely manners Grin I'm suggesting that a) you are of course worthy of our support because you are a human and you matter and b) you are worthy of your DH's support, your GP's support and particularly your organisation's support. I'm really sorry that the rest of the team is stressed too but that is not your concern. Your health is your concern. You can't keep your family, you and your team going all on your own, something has to give and that something is you.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 31/08/2020 10:43

In other words, two Proseccos, a MN thread and a hug from DP isn't going to sort this. It's pulled you back from the edge and I'm so happy it has, but you're still at the edge.

Itsjustabitofbanter · 31/08/2020 14:38

@SunshineCake marking a place so I can find the thread again?

Holothane · 31/08/2020 16:12

Hugs you certainly deserve them please make time for yourself we all need that, work can sort itself out. Your health comes first 💐💐💐💐💐💐💐

SunshineCake · 31/08/2020 17:54

Given what the biscuit means, and what this thread is about, posting the biscuit is really disrespectful.

You can add to the watch list if you don't want to post but want to read.

Original poster
FallingOffTheBed · 31/08/2020 18:13

TBH i thought i would get loads of biscuits, considering. :)

I have been genuinely bowled over at how kind everyone has been.

Have not yet had the chat with DH yet. DS 1 is in the bath and DS2 is in the shower.

I hope everyone has had a good day. Thanks

OP posts:
LovingLola · 31/08/2020 18:18

Did you take the day off today?

Original poster
FallingOffTheBed · 31/08/2020 18:21

Mostly. It's bank holiday where I am and I checked in to talk with the deputy at work. I am in tomorrow until lunchtime as I have something I very genuinely cannot miss (people relying on me) and then she is buying me lunch and then I am going home. She said we are all at the end of our tether and we need to strategise the next few weeks because she feels the same as me, and has adult children not oiving at home and no other major external stressors.

So, it turns out I have good people around me who are willing to listen when i talk rather than bottle things up and explode. Who would have thought?

OP posts:
LovingLola · 31/08/2020 18:24

That’s great.
Supportive colleagues are worth their weight in gold

Imissmoominmama · 31/08/2020 18:50

Your ‘freak out’ has opened up a dialogue with your DH and prompted you to address your workload, so it was ultimately a good thing! I remember walking out once, going to a local bistro and having a bowl of soup and two glasses of wine- in perfect peace. Everyone was very sheepish when I got back. If I’d have stayed in the house, I’d have throttled the lot of them. Sometimes, you need to put space between you for everyone’s sake.

Fluffycloudland77 · 31/08/2020 20:03

Even if you were a gold digger who cares?. That’s his look out not theirs.

If you buy three 4.5tog duvets & fasten them together with stick on Velcro you can wash superking duvets at home one at a time.

That’s my top tip for bedding. In summer I don’t change the cover I stick the whole lot in.

ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble · 31/08/2020 21:49

Keep talking. You are worthy of help, you have the right to ask for help. At work,at home etc.

Family,friends,husband,work colleagues and friends. Hell,even the kids! Everyone can listen and pitch in .

You do not have to carry the weight of the world alone.

I don't know who did what to you, that you'd rather end up so ,so exhausted rather than asking for help, but they were toxic,abusive arseholes.

Make a plan, make the ones who can help aware of it. Follow that plan. Ask for help. Accept the help.

Stop killing yourself in a bid to prove yourself, and start living..for you,for your family.

"The steps you take don't have to be big, they just need to take you in the right direction."

OhioOhioOhio · 31/08/2020 22:00

Great news. We'll done.

Jux · 31/08/2020 22:27

Well done, and I'm glad your dh seems open to finding a solution. I hope you can find a way to make things smooth and easy for all of you.

Is it worth talking to your counsellor about how to recognise the first signs that things are getting on top of you (if they do again) so that you can head things off at the pass before they get this bad again?

Supersimkin2 · 31/08/2020 22:47

Congrats OP. Star You can tell from your posts you are a splendiferous woman.

Everyone in your life relies on that, which is the ultimate compliment no one wants to get.

No good deed goes unpunished and all that - it's all too much work for one human.

Get shot of as much as you can - crucially, dump a bit more than you think.

Supersimkin2 · 31/08/2020 22:50

Oh and by the way - more good people around than you think.

We've all been put off asking for the help we so readily provide others by dreadful relations and bad bosses. Most other people are saner and nicer than they are.

Dowser · 01/09/2020 05:41

Glad you are feeling better.
When my three were little , all under 5 I decided what was the worst thing to have to deal with . Wet mattresses.

Each bed including ours had a good quality waterproof on it. Spills and wet beds were easily dealt with and mattresses were like new when we’d finished with them.

Anything to make life that bit easier.

Coffeecak3 · 01/09/2020 06:13

So pleased you're feeling a bit better.
When my dgs was 4 he managed to sneak a 4 pint carton of milk upstairs to play washing machines. He sat on his parents bed and poured it into a bin with his socks, swirled them round and emptied it onto the double mattress. He had been told off the day before for fetching water so obviously thought milk was different.
My son and dil were really cross. My dh and I ordered them a new mattress we felt so sorry.
4 years later it's a funny memory.