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Original poster

Please talk me down, my son nearly died today

185 replies

FeatherLoverGod · 26/08/2020 22:05

On holiday in Devon and Have had the worst day of my life today. DS11 who has autism got caught in a riptide and nearly drowned. Had to be rescued, nearly didn’t find him in the sea. I had to be rescued trying to rescue him. Coastguard called and everything. Lost sight of him when he was washing sand off His legs, he started swimming underwater and I thought I could see him but it was someone in the same wetsuit. I panicked and ran to the shoreline. somehow caught sight of a head bobbing once out of the water 30 metres out. I grabbed a man and screamed thats my boy please help me. He just swam for it. I followed and got sucked in, felt so powerless. A teenager pulled me out and dragged me back to shore by pulling me on his surfboard. Didn’t know if DSwas drowned or alive. Took 15 minutes for get him out as the riptide was so strong. Can’t believe he is alive. I feel utterly sick. Every time I look at the sea I just see that head bobbing and i could throw up. I know that at least he is safe now but it’s awful. That guy, Christ, I owe him everything. And the teenager that rescued me was his son. They were amazing. What a fucking day. I can’t stop crying and feel like such a shit mother. I just lost sight of him, there were so many kids in the water with wetsuits similar to his. He refuses to talk about it, won’t let me hug him etc as he hates that but I want to just grip him close to me and inhale him. Please help and talk me down

OP posts:
BenoneBeauty · 27/08/2020 21:05

Great post @Boatingforthestars and thank you for all you and your colleagues do.

Boatingforthestars · 27/08/2020 21:10

Sorry for the long post and images

Please talk me down, my son nearly died today
Please talk me down, my son nearly died today
Caelano · 27/08/2020 21:11

It must have been utterly terrifying; no wonder you’re in shock.
And (I mean this in the right way) although it was awful I think you’ve done a good thing in posting about it, because it highlights how treacherous the sea can be. One second you’re in shallow water, a second later it can take your feet from under you

Pebblexox · 27/08/2020 21:22

I'm so sorry for what happened! A complete freak accident, and you did what you could in the situation!
Please try and focus on the fact that you're both safe, alive and together.
It's going to be hard to get past it, as it's so horrifying to witness.
Something similar happened to two of my sisters when we were children, and it's horrifying. I will add we do laugh about it now, (they were waving for help, and we all thought they were just waving so started waving back) but we're talking 20 years on.

TheBigFatMermaid · 27/08/2020 22:11

I cannot imagine anything worse. It could happen to any of us. Be kind to yourself.

Maybe even get counselling.

Justaboy · 27/08/2020 22:31

Second that @Boatingforthestars!

If this thread just edcuates one person to the dangers then it will have been wortwhile hopefully it will serve more than just the One:)

If your still here i asked earlier if this affected all beaches or just some as I had never heard of this problem around the coast of East Anglia North Norfolk in particutlar, any comments you'd like to make?.

Boatingforthestars · 27/08/2020 23:01

It would all depend what your beaches are like and the sea state on any particular day.

Quick guide to a rip current, so waves are caused by the wind, the waves lap up to the beach, this water once its lost its energy will need to run back to the sea, depending on the shape of the beach and amount of water moving it can create a rip current.

So if you think of a surf beach in Cornwall or Devon, big long waves rolling all the way into shore, the waves lose their energy and draw back out to sea, when a lot of water is drawing back in the same place you get a rip current, one of the pictures I posted a bit further up shows a good diagram of that and why its necessary to swim parallel to the beach to get out of it.

Hope this helps you understand a little more, sorry I'm not an expert on this but do know how they work

DianasLasso · 28/08/2020 20:05

What Boating said - if you have visibly breaking waves bringing water onshore, it has to go out again somewhere, and that somewhere is the rip. Often (but not always) suspiciously calm looking and wave-free.

Other point - don't let your children play with inflatables if there's any wind. Flat calm maybe, but watch them like a hawk.

tootyfruitypickle · 28/08/2020 20:19

When my dd was little she went into a crater on a skiing holiday. It was completely my fault as I was letting her mess around with some other kids and it wasn’t safe. It all happened so fast and as I went over the side after her I had no idea what I would find. Luckily she still had her ski helmet on. She landed head first and jt still hurt her head but she was trying to climb and out screaming. . I still replay it in my head, so I cannot imagine how you must feel. My dh wasn’t there and was very dismissive of it as she was fine. It’s very hard to explain the absolute horror unless you’ve experienced this feeling .

tootyfruitypickle · 28/08/2020 20:21

Thank you for highlighting this. I had no idea about rip tides.

BertieBotts · 28/08/2020 20:24

Rip tides are terrifying and if you do not know, you wouldn't know. I am not even very sure I would know what to do! It could happen to anybody. Really frightening stuff.

Make sure when you get home you get chance to process this correctly - GP can refer to counselling. It's important that you process it. Understandable if DS doesn't want to talk about it, though.

Will he let you hold him when he's asleep perhaps?

mrsmuddlepies · 28/08/2020 20:30

Perhaps try the website, Next Door, to locate the man and his son. Or even the local mayor / local paper to thank them for their heroism. They might even be back at the beach tomorrow.

GunsAndShips · 28/08/2020 20:31

@Justaboy do you mean are rip tides a problem on the Norfolk coast because the answer is absolutely YES.

Longwhiskers14 · 28/08/2020 20:36

God that sounds horrendous. You absolutely cannot blame yourself though – nature is such an unpredictable beast! Just be thankful you're both okay.

michelle1504 · 28/08/2020 20:40

You're not a shit mother. Accidents happen otherwise bar illness, no one would ever die or even get hurt.

Think about how you would be feeling right now if the worst had happened. Now concentrate on your feelings of relief that the worst didn't happen.

LaLaLandIsNoFun · 28/08/2020 20:40

I’m so sorry, OP. This is my fear. I’m an ex beach lifeguard but am not physically strong anymore and wouldn’t stand a chance these days. My partner takes my water baby out and I’m there in the shore watching for rip tides or signs of people being carried out.

Would you perhaps feel a bit better in a few weeks if you could send your boy links to how to spot costal pitfalls and perhaps have him do a costal water safety course.

You poor thing.

Doingmybest4u · 28/08/2020 20:51

Please be kind to yourself - it wasn’t your fault and will make sure you always have eyes on going forward. I got swept out when I was a child (abroad) with my brother. Honestly, I have the most sensible, sea respecting, responsible parents you can imagine. It took hold quickly in the few seconds they weren’t watching us. Luckily we lived to tell the tale. These things happen. You’re probably in shock - it must have been terrifying. Is there anyone you can call to talk it through with? Take care xx

Dowser · 28/08/2020 21:42

That was terrifying and thank god ot had a good outcome.
You’ve had a terrible shock.
Cry all you need to.
It’s the best therapy going..and don’t worry it will make you feel tired and drowsy as you release the energy that is bound up with the feelings of shock and terror.

Sleep as much as you need till your body equates itself with the reality that everything is ok now.
You’re both fine and can begin to move on with your lives.

Big hugs.

Justaboy · 28/08/2020 21:56

@Justaboy do you mean are rip tides a problem on the Norfolk coast because the answer is absolutely YES.

Okay coky on that!, its just that I've never heard them mentioned maybe I suppose as not that many people know abut them and what they can do!

We when i were a nipper used to go to Clacton and Frinton as they had a rail link back then, then sometimes Southwold thats the too much beer incident happened courtsey of the Sole Bay Inn there! then sometines Caister but in more recent times old Brancaster has been the place of choice as per the link below.

Can't remember big waves there always seems very calm unlike say the cornish coast! Went to Cromer once now that did look a bit rough there, remeber it well as they'd just launched the lifeboat for some faimily in a cabin crusier that really shoudlnt have gone out that day

Can you specify any Norfolk locations please?

Would old Hunstantion come into the list I wonder?.

OP how are you today?.

goo.gl/maps/L39ef1CnaqJrLipq8

Justaboy · 28/08/2020 21:58

LaLaLandIsNoFun

JOOI is a beach life gaurd just a very good swimmer or do you have any other equipment or gear to help out?

Like flotation devices or do you tow a rope behind you can you say?.

Rupertpenrysmistress · 28/08/2020 22:19

I think this is currently being reported in the Deven times. Is this correct op?

Hollyhocksarenotmessy · 28/08/2020 23:21

Quite a few similar near drowning tales here. I nearly drowned as a young child around 6 or 7 years old. My Mum was guilt ridden over this. As a parent, I understand why. As that child, I can say you dont need to be. I have a clear memory of the event and I know I didn't feel the fear and trauma that an adult or older child would. I had no concept of death or drowning. My main emotion was to feel disgusted by fish wee in the water and it getting in my mouth. While I was actually under water, that is what I was thinking. It didn't traumatise me.

thegcatsmother · 28/08/2020 23:55

www.christieestates.co.uk/saunton-sands/

Not the MOD!

fluffydinosaur · 29/08/2020 01:23

this happened to me when I was about 10 - got stuck in a riptide and my sister (age 13) went in after me to try and save me. both of us ended up being rescued by a surfer. it was a very scary experience but we are both fine as adults, love the water - swimming, snorkeling, diving etc so it hasnt left us mentally scarred. hopefully your son just needs a bit of time to process it all before he can speak about it. My mum who was with us at the time is absolutely the best mum ever as I'm sure you are to your boy too. sometimes horrible accidents happen, it's not your fault. I imagine the whole thing is actually way more terrifying for the parent in this situation. please give yourself a break, you've been through something horrible but thankfully you are both here and ok... eventually it will just be a memory

WellThisIsShit · 29/08/2020 10:07

I hope you’re feeling better now, and the racing thoughts and replaying terrors have subsided now. It can take a while and I hope you’ve been super kind to yourself in the meantime!

Thanks for sharing about this. My son got stuck in a riptide on a beach near Bournemouth last year. It was life guarded but I noticed before others did and pulled him out as it was within my depth... but to be truthful, I almost got pulled in with him in spite of that, and fell over on the way out, just where the rip subsided into normal waves, and had rolling waves crashing over my head with me gripping my son in one hand and digging my fingers into the shingle with the other on my knees trying not to get pulled right out and under those waves... it was bloody terrifying.

My son had no idea he was in so much trouble until he saw me go down, and then he said afterwards it was then he really panicked. He thought it was all a bit of a joke up until then.

He’s not swum in the sea this year due to the corona virus, we’ve not been able to get away properly, but I wonder whether he would be effected by what happened.

I’d like him to be a little less over confident but I wouldn’t want him to be put off altogether... it’s a hard balance to achieve!

Anyway. Flowers to you