Please talk me down, my son nearly died today

[FeatherLoverGod]

On holiday in Devon and Have had the worst day of my life today. DS11 who has autism got caught in a riptide and nearly drowned. Had to be rescued, nearly didn’t find him in the sea. I had to be rescued trying to rescue him. Coastguard called and everything. Lost sight of him when he was washing sand off His legs, he started swimming underwater and I thought I could see him but it was someone in the same wetsuit. I panicked and ran to the shoreline. somehow caught sight of a head bobbing once out of the water 30 metres out. I grabbed a man and screamed thats my boy please help me. He just swam for it. I followed and got sucked in, felt so powerless. A teenager pulled me out and dragged me back to shore by pulling me on his surfboard. Didn’t know if DSwas drowned or alive. Took 15 minutes for get him out as the riptide was so strong. Can’t believe he is alive. I feel utterly sick. Every time I look at the sea I just see that head bobbing and i could throw up. I know that at least he is safe now but it’s awful. That guy, Christ, I owe him everything. And the teenager that rescued me was his son. They were amazing. What a fucking day. I can’t stop crying and feel like such a shit mother. I just lost sight of him, there were so many kids in the water with wetsuits similar to his. He refuses to talk about it, won’t let me hug him etc as he hates that but I want to just grip him close to me and inhale him. Please help and talk me down

You've had a massive shock and surge of Adrenaline and that'll take a few days to settle, I think of it like dropping a stone into a lake, the ripples are still hitting you.

He's okay and he's safe and he's learned a really important lesson about riptides, in a situation where he had help. Who knows this might save his life again one day, maybe when no help would have been available.

Seeing it through to the rescue is a great idea.

Also trying to find the rescuers and sending a heartfelt message would be lovely. Start with the coastguard. Maybe they will even be at the same beach today or tomorrow? You might find them to thank them in person.

Be kind to yourself

Huge hugs OP.
What a traumatic day - it's only natural that you're feeling.

Not RTFT (sorry) but it's worth reaching out on Twitter - putting the event down in writing and appealing for others to read-tweet. It may reach the father and son who saved your DS but it will highlight the dangers.

I always re-tweet things like this.

If you were bold enough, I'd even contact the local paper too.

Thank you for posting, albeit in shock and reeling from what happened. We are 'eager' sea swimmers and this has made me pause for thought. As a family, we need to research more, definitely.

Thank you.
Be kind to yourself.
Sleep-hug your DS.
Allow yourself a good cry whenever the need takes you.

The app mentioned a walk to the same spot today - I think that's a very good cathartic idea and you may even see the Father and Son

Oh you poor love, what an utterly terrifying experience. I hope you're able to take a breath and feel the safety and love of your family today.

That sounds terrible. And very strange that the multiple signs up around the place about the rip have been removed since I was last there.

I hope you're feeling a little better now.

As a bit of a public service announcement, all beaches have rips somewhere - what comes in must go out. And it's often that suspiciously calm strip of water (which probably looks quite tempting to a not so confident swimmer).

Not wishing to hijack the OP's thread and gladdened to see the young 'un is OK:) is this ture of all beaches and places as a youngster and in more recent times have visited several locations in Sufolk and Narfolke.

One lcoation is dear old Brancaster, nice because theres nothing there simply unspoilt! Never heard af any rip tides, sometimes poeople have walked out to see an old ruin there and have been suprised at the speed at which the tide comes in but no other hazards to speak of.

@FeatherLoverGod Your post made me very teary! It made me think of how i'd feel if it was my 9 year old autistic brother. I'm so sorry you all had to go through it, we had a similar kind of thing last year in a massive field where my brother ran off and no one could find him and we thought he may have drowned in the river.. worst day of my life really.

The main thing is to focus on the positives, you're all ok now just in shock! You'll be alright in a few days, and it will hopefully become a memory where you can say 'omg remember when this happened?'
Sending you hugs and best wishes ❤️

So terrifying for you. I had an experience with DC (with SN) going missing near a huge main road with an awful near miss and it was so so terrible.

I always think how strange it is we can't really recall/recreate in our minds the exact precise feeling of physical pain afterwards, but experiences like that - when you remember them you can always exactly recall the precise feeling of mental terror afterwards.

I also witnessed a sudden fatal accident and it was (I don't want to sound self centred when obviously I was not hurt myself) terrible and affected me deeply.

The thing I found most helpful was talking and talking about the experiences afterwards, even if the person (eg DH) you talk to wasn't there and won't fully understand how horrifying it was.

If it helps at all, the incident with my DC is 20 years ago, and the feeling when I remember it is still awful, but crucially it very very rarely comes into my memory - only when I see threads like this and want to post like everyone else has done so you know people truly understand what you are going through.

and for you. Forgive me if you've said, are you eating and drinking? Please do so if you're not, it really helps you even if you have no appetite.

Op, please listen to me. You saved your son's life. You really did. Plenty of parents don't keep an eye out when their kids are in the sea, but you did. You were so observant that after he got pulled out, you saw his head bob up. Just a fleeting moment that so many parents would have missed.

Then, you instinctively found a really strong, heroic swimmer to save him and if that wasn't enough, you chucked yourself in after him and nearly drowned (probably the least effective part of your rescue mission but very brave ).

You did everything right and as a result, saved a life.

On a practical note, I have bought a sailing life vest for one of my son's to wear in the sea. He was measured and weighed at a sailing shop to get the right one. The other two refuse to wear one but it is very good.

You poor thing x

Oh god OP I really feel for you, I absolutely hate the kids being in the sea for this reason and try very hard to drum it in to them how dangerous it is without putting them off/scaring them! You hear of perfectly capable adults getting into trouble all the time, it could happen to anybody!

I remember one summer seeing a very young (not able to swim) child in a dingy and it got blown out to sea, it was horrible how powerless an entire beach of people felt watching 2 men from separate parts of the beach desperately swimming out to the child praying she didn’t panic and fall in before they got to her! It’s alway fuether out than you think too, luckily one man managed it and I can only begin to imagine how her poor parents felt. Please try not to blame yourself xxxx

What a horrendous experience OP, you poor thing.
I would highly recommend getting some Bach Flower rescue remedy for yourself, it's incredibly helpful in stopping the intrusive thoughts and helps the brain stop whirring.

My mum used it for us when we were kids and got into accidents/broken bones, and I've continued to use it as an adult, for exam nerves, labor, major shock/death and anxiety.

I really would recommend some for you now to take the edge off your shock - I'm sure most major pharmacies/supermarkets in the UK stock it (I live overseas).

I know how awful intrusive thoughts can be, and flashbacks. One minute you're feeling like you're able to focus on something else and then bam! you see it all over again...

Wishing you all the best, I'm very glad your boy is ok x

Thanks everyone for your kindness and excellent advice. Oh @MrsBobDylan thank you for making me laugh, it really was the most ineffectual part of my response 😁 I drank so much seawater Ive got the most awful trots today. Just managed to eat some cereal as I e felt to jittery til now. Thanks again everyone. 😘

I'm glad I've made you smile! Two years ago I got a dog and took him for a walk by a lake. He suddenly jumped in the water and I panicked and jumped in after him.

He just swam past me and casually got out while I dragged myself through weeds and stinky water. My husband and kids were laughing so much none of them helped me. I was so embarrassed and surprised that I jumped in. DH kept repeating "he can swim" while the kids complained that I smelt very bad

Most rip tides aren't very strong, unless the waves are strong.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rip_current#Danger_to_swimmers

Some skills that will be useful for beaches with stronger waves:

• diving under waves
• use waves to reach the shore like a surfer would
• learn the wave cycle. As a rule, they run in cycles of 7 or so. There will be 2 or 3 stronger ones, followed by some weaker ones. 1) wait for the weakest to reach the shore. 2) don't turn on backs to the waves when they are weaker, as a stronger one will hit you when you don't expect.
• swim properly. If you are caught out, you may need to swim sideways for a while, or behind the waves.
• how to stand vertically in the water without getting tired. If you are caught out, you may need to spend some time behind the waves.

Good link that Lweji

This GIF shows very well the way these are formed and as can be seen swimming along the beach as it were, can get you out of one and possibily into a current thats going towards the beach!

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rip_current#/media/File:Backcomp.gif

People caught in a rip current may notice that they are moving away from the shore quite rapidly. Often, it is not possible to swim directly back to shore against a rip current, so this is not recommended. Contrary to popular misunderstanding, a rip does not pull a swimmer under the water, it simply carries the swimmer away from the shore in a narrow band of moving water.

A rip current is like a moving treadmill, which the swimmer can get out of quite easily by swimming at a right angle across the current, i.e. parallel to the shore in either direction. Rip currents are usually not very wide, so getting out of one only takes a few strokes. Once out of the rip current, getting back to shore is also not difficult, since waves are breaking, and floating objects (including swimmers) will be pushed by the waves towards the shore

Even just reading this thread has been a good reminder to me about rip currents and good beach safety. I know thats not why you posted this Op but thank you to you (and the other posters who have given advice)for raising awareness and giving a reminder to me and other people who have read this thread about what to and how aware you need to be around water. I have lived near the sea all my life but I think we all need a real life reminder sometimes.

What a shock OP. I'm so glad your DS is ok and what a hero the man who rescued him was.
My DD has ASD and loves the water but doesn't listen to boundaries very well. I live in fear of something like this happening.

How are you today OP?

How are you Feather?
I live in Cornwall, and 2 years ago my son was pulled out in a riptide. It happened incredibly quickly and still haunts me. The sea changed so quickly, one minute he was paddling, next minute he was being pulled into the sea screaming. The waves were "dumping" on top of him, so he couldn't lie back and not fight it. I ran in after him, and we both ended up being pulled out. Thank fuck someone from the local lifesaving club was there, and he rescued my son. I still replay the event over and over in my head, but am trying to be kind to myself. He is safe, all is OK. The sea is incredibly beautiful but incredibly dangerous.

I
Live near here and saw your Facebook
Post on a local site. It happens all the time, honestly. Nothing to feel bad about. My sister was once helicoptered off the beach after a surfing accident and aunt after another accident.

It's why we have the emergency services. I hope you guys are ok and manage to enjoy some of the rest of your holiday

My boy is nearly 11 now, and still goes in the sea regularly but is definitely more weary.
He won't go out of his depth, but he enjoys splashing about and swimming.
Going to the beach and in the sea is a big part of our lives.
Please don't be too hard on yourself. The what ifs are just petrifying and can be crippling. He is OK though. He is safe.

As a member of RNLI lifeboat crew, I feel qualified to comment on this!
Il start with saying I havent read the other posts as there is too many, so sorry if i repeat anything.

Unfortunately riptides/currents are extremely fast flowing, I cant remember the exact figures but they will pull you out to sea about 2mph faster than an Olympic swimmer could swim.
Neither of you had a chance if trying to swim to shore, a Riptide is fortunately not very wide, the best course of action for anyone caught in one is to swim parallel with the beach, not towards it like instinct tells you. You will soon be out of the strong current and can then make your way back towards the beach safely.

Please do not feel shame, bearing in mind we live on a small island very little sea safety is taught in schools or even talked about, turn your greatfullness into sharing advice to help others, you may just save a life.
We honestly see so many people ill equipped getting them selves into trouble, I doubt anybody would judge you, we never judge and are usually just greatfull that someone had the savvy to ring the coastguard and get help out rather than struggling.

Glad everyone is ok, try and enjoy the rest of your holiday, fortunately nothing came of your little mis hap today, so put it behind you and share the experience with friends and family to spread awareness.

Final note, if in a riptide getting pulled out to sea, swim sideways not to shore, you will never make the shore.
Float to live, after entering the water unintentionally, you will likely experience cold water shock, you will become short of breath, feel light headed and feel weak. Resist the urge to swim and just conserve energy by floating, wait until your heart tate settles and the panic has passed. Then come up with a plan to try and get help or get yourself out of the water.
We recently had a lad survive for an hour in the water after seeing an advert on television advising him to float!
If doubt call 999 and ask for the coastguard, things escalate so quickly in the water that if you wait a few minutes it can literally be life and death, if in doubt call it in, nobody will mind in the slightest.

Great post @Boatingforthestars and thank you for your RNLI service. Brave men & women. ♥️