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Original poster

Please talk me down, my son nearly died today

185 replies

FeatherLoverGod · 26/08/2020 22:05

On holiday in Devon and Have had the worst day of my life today. DS11 who has autism got caught in a riptide and nearly drowned. Had to be rescued, nearly didn’t find him in the sea. I had to be rescued trying to rescue him. Coastguard called and everything. Lost sight of him when he was washing sand off His legs, he started swimming underwater and I thought I could see him but it was someone in the same wetsuit. I panicked and ran to the shoreline. somehow caught sight of a head bobbing once out of the water 30 metres out. I grabbed a man and screamed thats my boy please help me. He just swam for it. I followed and got sucked in, felt so powerless. A teenager pulled me out and dragged me back to shore by pulling me on his surfboard. Didn’t know if DSwas drowned or alive. Took 15 minutes for get him out as the riptide was so strong. Can’t believe he is alive. I feel utterly sick. Every time I look at the sea I just see that head bobbing and i could throw up. I know that at least he is safe now but it’s awful. That guy, Christ, I owe him everything. And the teenager that rescued me was his son. They were amazing. What a fucking day. I can’t stop crying and feel like such a shit mother. I just lost sight of him, there were so many kids in the water with wetsuits similar to his. He refuses to talk about it, won’t let me hug him etc as he hates that but I want to just grip him close to me and inhale him. Please help and talk me down

OP posts:
FunnysInLaJardin · 26/08/2020 22:36

We live on an island surrounded by sea and the DC have had lessons all their school lives about what to do if caught in a riptide.

Just for info, if you are caught in a rip try to walk parallel with the coastline. This should take you out of the rip as they are vertical tides which will take you out to sea in an instant

Don't know how easy this is btw, but its what our DC have always been told

akerman · 26/08/2020 22:37

Oh God, you poor poor thing. It sounds a nightmare. Could hav3 happened to anyone. But he’s safe and alive and so are you. (And you sound like a lovely mother.) xx

akerman · 26/08/2020 22:37

have

Arthersleep · 26/08/2020 22:37

P.s. thanks for the heads up re Staunton Sands!

Fruitsaladjelly · 26/08/2020 22:38

How scary op, but how great that your 11 year old was a strong enough swimmer to cope and manage long enough and that someone was able to get to him. Use this as a learning experience and make sure your kids know what to do if they ever encounter a rip tide again. You are not a bad parent, today your son learnt an important life lesson.

ItsIslandTime · 26/08/2020 22:38

Oh you poor thing. That was a close shave.

highviolet · 26/08/2020 22:38

You’ve been through a very traumatic event. Please allow yourself to feel the full set of emotions this naturally produces. At the moment there is no need at all to worry about what you’re feeling. Just feel it and take deep care of yourself. Your son is safe now. You are safe now. It was NOT your fault. You will more than likely naturally regulate yourself in the coming days and weeks. Your reaction is so normal and you will navigate it, with help if necessary. Be very kind to yourself

glitterfarts · 26/08/2020 22:39

Hi OP
If he went under, or you did, please get checked by medical personnel if you start coughing or having trouble breathing.

There is a risk if sea water gets in your lungs.

Apart from that, glad they were there to help you. Hopefully you can get in touch to thank them. Maybe join the local Facebook page for example.

Arriettyborrower · 26/08/2020 22:39

Years ago when Ds4 was 2, I was holding his hands as he paddled at the waters edge, a freak rolling wave literally sucked him into the sea head over heels. I feel sick right now thinking of it. I struggled to pull him out as every wave pulled him out, it was the scariest moment of my life.

These things happen, you will feel awful, it’s over now and you are both ok, just be thankful or you will drive yourself mad with the whatifs!

Be kind to yourself x

Purpleice · 26/08/2020 22:41

You poor thing. I hope you get some sleep.I’ve swum out to sea when the current has been stronger than I thought it would be - it is very frightening. I’m glad you are both safe.

Lweji · 26/08/2020 22:41

In addition to all other precautions, everyone, please, go to beaches with life guards.
They do make a difference.

InDeoEstMeaFiducia · 26/08/2020 22:42

You poor thing! I'm so glad he's safe and okay.

Chicchicchicchiclana · 26/08/2020 22:43

How awful that there were so many people in the sea in such dangerous conditions!

Elderflower14 · 26/08/2020 22:44

OP someone I know fell into a pond... Her family were told to stay with her for 48 hours because of secondary drowning...

DancyNancy · 26/08/2020 22:47

Oh God you poor mama. My heart was racing reading your OP just imagining it. That 15 mins must have seemed like 24hours.

You've had a massive trauma girly.
Adrenal overdrive, major hormone release happened. The crying is good. You need that.
Maybe writing down would help. Doesn't have to make sense.
Acknowledge that today for that time I thought my son was dead.
I thought he was gone
I felt really helpless
I know I screamed
Today I almost drowned too
I feel grateful we were saved
I feel terrified of what could have happened
I feel guilty it happened
I feel scared

All the feelings you felt crammed into that 15 mins will now trickle out and process. Allow them. You need that. Let them open and spill out. You've had a major shock.
This may take some time to process and recover from.

So much hugs to you and so glad you and your son are ok

Maybe a local appeal would help you find the father and son who helped. That might also help your healing to hug them and thank them X

ArabellaScott · 26/08/2020 22:47

Oh, OP, no wonder you're in shock, I'd be in bits. Hope you can take some time to look after yourself. Flowers

Lindy2 · 26/08/2020 22:49

Oh gosh how awful. I'm so glad you are ok.

I love the sea but it is scary how quickly things can go wrong. You did exactly the right thing alerting others that you needed help as soon as you saw the danger. Your quick reaction helped keep your boy safe.

Be kind yourself OP. I can only imagine the fear that you felt at the time and it will be hard for others to understand just what you went through in those moments. The human brain generally wants to block out those kind of emotions. It will take you time to process it and move forward again.

My DD is on the autistic spectrum too. It would be just like her to say don't talk about it and simply block that experience out. She would regard it as something from the past that was no longer relevant. I guess it's one of the plus points of ASD although most of us can't just block out feelings like that.

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 26/08/2020 22:51

@glitterfarts

Hi OP If he went under, or you did, please get checked by medical personnel if you start coughing or having trouble breathing.

There is a risk if sea water gets in your lungs.

Apart from that, glad they were there to help you. Hopefully you can get in touch to thank them. Maybe join the local Facebook page for example.

Good advice. You must get medical help if either of you start to get chest symptoms.

And be kind to yourself OP. You saved your DS's life. OK, you couldn't get to him yourself - though you tried - but the rescuers were only able to save him because you kept him in sight and got them to help.

OhioOhioOhio · 26/08/2020 22:54

Nearly means it didn't happen. My Nans said that for nearly a hundred years. It's true. Be kind to yourself op.

IWantToBeAFairy · 26/08/2020 22:54

You have gone through every mums worst nightmare today but please don't beat yourself up about it, you're all safe!
We use this coast a lot and some of the beaches in that area have lifeguards and some don't including saunton.
The best advice I can give you is to make your dc's aware of what a rip looks like (google has some great pictures) and teach them to 'float to live' I have drummed into mine that if ever they're in trouble in the sea is to lie back and float and if they can, put an arm in the air to alert someone that they're in trouble.
Best wishes to you and your family

MadameBlobby · 26/08/2020 22:55

@Lweji

In addition to all other precautions, everyone, please, go to beaches with life guards. They do make a difference.
Totally agree, I would never go to a beach on holiday without RNLI lifeguards. In North Devon Croyde, Woolacombe and Westward Ho have guards.
amicissimma · 26/08/2020 22:57

When I was in Cornwall one year we befriended a family. One day the dad, a super fit guy in his 40s, was in the sea, not very deep and got caught and dragged out by a rip tide. He said it was so fast and so strong that there was nothing he could do although he was a very experienced swimmer.

Fortunately there were Life Guards on the beach and he was rescued.

But if he could get caught off guard and not deal with the rip, then it's no reflection on you that you and your DS that you couldn't. It's quite common, according to the Life Guards.

Xmasfairy86 · 26/08/2020 22:58

Quite literally my worst nightmare.
However, he (and you) are both still here. Definitely try a FB post to track down the rescuers. Even if it doesn’t it will raise awareness of the dangers.

hedgehogger1 · 26/08/2020 22:58

Terrifying. Glad you're both ok. Just go give him a big cuddle

Fishfingersandwichplease · 26/08/2020 23:00

Oh gosh OP how awful - my daughter nearly drowned when she was 18 months old, we were on holiday and the pool was mich deeper than l realised - every time l think of it l still shudder at what could have happened. Sending you lots of love - thank God he is safe. Have a nice chilled day at home tomorrow xx

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