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Original poster

Please talk me down, my son nearly died today

185 replies

FeatherLoverGod · 26/08/2020 22:05

On holiday in Devon and Have had the worst day of my life today. DS11 who has autism got caught in a riptide and nearly drowned. Had to be rescued, nearly didn’t find him in the sea. I had to be rescued trying to rescue him. Coastguard called and everything. Lost sight of him when he was washing sand off His legs, he started swimming underwater and I thought I could see him but it was someone in the same wetsuit. I panicked and ran to the shoreline. somehow caught sight of a head bobbing once out of the water 30 metres out. I grabbed a man and screamed thats my boy please help me. He just swam for it. I followed and got sucked in, felt so powerless. A teenager pulled me out and dragged me back to shore by pulling me on his surfboard. Didn’t know if DSwas drowned or alive. Took 15 minutes for get him out as the riptide was so strong. Can’t believe he is alive. I feel utterly sick. Every time I look at the sea I just see that head bobbing and i could throw up. I know that at least he is safe now but it’s awful. That guy, Christ, I owe him everything. And the teenager that rescued me was his son. They were amazing. What a fucking day. I can’t stop crying and feel like such a shit mother. I just lost sight of him, there were so many kids in the water with wetsuits similar to his. He refuses to talk about it, won’t let me hug him etc as he hates that but I want to just grip him close to me and inhale him. Please help and talk me down

OP posts:
Frownette · 26/08/2020 22:21

You'll start to feel better soon. Have you had anything like sweet tea for the shock?

stardance · 26/08/2020 22:22

Thank goodness you're both safe.

Different situation but I experienced something traumatic at work this year, I wanted to reassure you that you will feel better about this in time. To start with I felt like I'd never be able to think of anything else, it just consumed everything. But gradually I found it was on my mind less and less. Talking helped- just telling the story, to anyone who will listen, it's like it unloads a little off your mind. Be kind to yourself.

Lweji · 26/08/2020 22:23

I just want to give you the biggest hug. I can't imagine the feeling.

My dad grew up in a fishing village and he was ott careful with us and his grandchildren in the sea. It can be brutal and unexpected.

Maybe hug him when he's asleep, just for your sake?
Or ask your OH, even if he doesn't quite feel it.

ballsdeep · 26/08/2020 22:24

Oh op I felt so so sick reading that wo good was knows how you must feel. It just have been so traumatic, sending you very unmumsnetty hugs. Just try to think that your son is ok.
I hate riptides xxxxxx

Totickleamockingbird · 26/08/2020 22:24

@FeatherLoverGod

No signs about riptide, no guards, its Saunton Sands Owned by the MOD I think. Afterwards several people Said it’s well known but I had no idea. Thanks for being so kind I just keep torturing myself
In that case, this can be an excellent way to heal for you from this trauma. If you write to the local MP and a few other suitable groups/charities, this can be turned into something positive that can save lives! Do it OP!
FunnysInLaJardin · 26/08/2020 22:24

Oh OP how awful.

We were on the beach today and DS2 and DH decided to swim in large waves etc. Thankfully the life guard told us to move as there were rip tides where they were about to swim.

I am very thankful, a rip tide can take you out and drown you faster than you can think.

So happy you are both safe, but how very terrifying.

apapuchi · 26/08/2020 22:25

Bless your heart, if not only because it must still be racing now, I imagine. You've had the shock of your son being in such danger and also being pulled out of a dangerous situation yourself and it will take time to process.

Not the same at all, but we were on holiday last year in Mexico on the Pacific Coast where my husband is from and we were staying in a beachside hotel. We ate at the hotel restaurant and were going back to our room when our son - 7, autistic and madly drawn to water with no awareness of danger - slipped away from us. He was walking in between us but just bolted in a second and I was sure it was down to the huge waves crashing in total darkness on the beach. I screamed and ran like I never have down to the shore where I would never have found him in the darkness and the wild sea (not the ideal holiday location for us, I now acknowledge). He had slipped around us through bushes on the walkway and back to the kitchen of the restaurant where he was behind the counter looking (greedily) at pizzas ready to go out. No awareness of the fear we would have had or that he had even run away.

I was screaming into the sea, running around in the waves looking for him, others had leapt up from the restaurant to help, when my husband shouted he was there. We'd gone looking in opposite directions. I was sick with fear and guilt in the pit of my stomach for days but I did get through it. Sending you lots of love and calming thoughts, you did nothing wrong and luck was on all of your sides too. I hope you can get some rest.

Dancingdeer77 · 26/08/2020 22:26

How absolutely terrifying! Can only imagine how you must have felt. You’re human and no one can get every moment perfectly right, every time. That doesn’t make you a bad mum. Please don’t feel guilty.

Do you have a friend you could ring and talk to? Samaritans might also be good for just processing and saying it out loud.

Sending you a hug.

Standrewsschool · 26/08/2020 22:26

Flowers and hugs for you

Whattheworldneedsnowislove · 26/08/2020 22:27

You poor, poor thing. That sounds awful and I know you will be re-living it again and again but you are not a bad mother, you are a very brave mother who tried to save her son and who had the instinct to ask for help and you asked absolutely the right person for help!

I hope this doesn't ruin your holiday for you. It must feel bloody awful now but in future, the stark awfulness of what might have happened will fade as things do. Please don't be so hard on yourself, you were very, very brave.

FortunesFave · 26/08/2020 22:28

Op it might help you if you reach out to the coastguard and thank them and ask them if they got the details of the man and his son who saved you both.

You can meet up with them and thank them....they were there and will talk it through with you. It was probably shocking and memorable to them too...

itsgettingweird · 26/08/2020 22:28

Oh gosh how terrifying.

I'm not surprised your all tears and worry.

Do you have someone there to support you?

Glad you are all ok. Thanks

Ilovesausages · 26/08/2020 22:28

You poor love. How utterly traumatic.

Your brain will replay it and that is totally normal.

Try and focus on home comforts - a hot cup of tea, warm blankets, nice film or something.

He is ok and you will be ok. Big hugs.

Elderflower14 · 26/08/2020 22:28

My son has autism so I can understand how you must feel... Huge hugs being sent to you... 💙

MadameBlobby · 26/08/2020 22:29

Oh Jesus, how terrifying. I also have an 11 year old with autism and my 2 boys love the sea, it scares the shit out of me when they go in tbh. We were in that area recently and only went to beaches with lifeguards as I just find it so stressful x big hugs to you and shit mother status denied. Xxx

Houseplantmad · 26/08/2020 22:30

OMG you poor thing - you and your DS must be so shocked. I can understand how a simple day at the beach today turned into a nightmare.
I went swimming this afternoon at a beach I am very familiar with and nearly got into difficulty. The rip was unbelievable and there was so much seaweed I almost got trapped in it. As I was getting out DH and I noticed a young teenage boy getting out of his depth so we alerted the lifeguard who went in to get him. He was carried quite a way and they said he was starting to panic and get into trouble. The waters are very dangerous at the moment.
I'm sure you will take some time to get past this but I hope you do soon.

SunInTheSkyYouKnowHowIFeel · 26/08/2020 22:30

Op that sounds so traumatic, things can happen so fast with the sea. Give yourself time to process this & try and seek someone professional to talk it over with if possible. Even people who rescue others often need a debrief type thing, it's horrible for everyone.
Did you both get checked out by paramedics?
So glad your story had a good outcone today. I know you said you're soon won't hug you at the moment, how about taking one of his tshirts to bed and keeping it close? Might seem a bit sappy but might give you some closeness that you need.

BenoneBeauty · 26/08/2020 22:31

Oh Op, you've suffered a terrible shock but you're not a bad mother at all & you're both safe, so focus on that. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself time to process it. You're absolutely not a bad mother though!

FloreanFortescue · 26/08/2020 22:31

You are in shock OP, please look after yourself.

Tell yourself over and over:

DS is SAFE
DS is ALIVE
DS is HOME

Repeat that a thousand times. You are all safe and well.

This is a parent's worst nightmare but it's over Thanks

Gilead · 26/08/2020 22:32

Glad you are both okay, be gentle on yourself. 💐

Original poster
FeatherLoverGod · 26/08/2020 22:35

@apapuchi that sounds bloody awful. Oh lovely Mumsnetters thanks for being there for me I’m very very grateful. DH determines to get into bed now and for us both to get some sleep- we will see... but thank you again for your kind words xxx

OP posts:
Colycola · 26/08/2020 22:35

You aren’t a shit mum you are brilliant. Your first instinct was to charge in after him.

I froze when ds fell into a pool when he was about 18 months I literally just stood there and my sister shouted my name and I then jumped in with my clothes onto pull him out. I couldn’t move until prompted.

Have a drink and maybe put a post on a local FB group describing what happened the boy and his dad may come forward.

Arthersleep · 26/08/2020 22:35

Oh you poor poor love! These things can happen so quickly. Thank heavens that you were sufficiently vigilant and able to get him help.
In future (and I fully understand if you never want to go to a beach again), you could always buy a neon rash vest and pop over his wetsuit to make him highly visible and get him one of those safety lifeguard float things. You could share your story online (FB etc) to warn others of the dangers of rip tides and to raise money for lifeguards etc. By doing something positive and talking about your experience, you will probably find that it helps you to cope with the ordeal better. I did this in order to help me cope with a traumatic experience and it definitely helped. Also, do mindfulness to relax over the next few days.

WingingWonder · 26/08/2020 22:36

FWIW my brother has been one of the Good Samaritan people who saved you. He sees it as just good fortune. It wasn’t your time. They knew how to navigate a rip. Enjoy the life but go with the shock. And donate to RNLI for good measure xxx

ZolaGrey · 26/08/2020 22:36

I live very close to Saunton and yes it's known to often have rips.

You can spot them by watching how the waves break, if they're coming along in straight sets then you're normally fine, if there is a portion that is repeatedly missing, usually tapering wide to narrower from foreground backwards, that's usually a rip tide.

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