Answer the question above you. Wrong answers only. PART 2

[bearlyactive]

To answer the most recent question...

What to do to stop procrastinating?

Take a nap. Keep procrastinating until it gets boring.

And my next question is...

How long will it take for this thread to fill up?

Because its the law, punishable by death.

When will DS drag himself out of bed?

10 mins After @x2boys family get up.

Why when meeting have been in a shared calender does everyone ring me 5 mins befor asking when and where it is

Because you are the fountain of all knowledge and keeper of the rings.

Should I go out and pull some weeds up?

Only if they are intresting weeds

What the hell I I just done with the notes from my meeting on Friday

You got really drunk on Friday night & ran out of loo roll, so you used your work notes to wipe your bum!

Thousands of years ago why did someone look at a patch of some weird looking long grass (wild wheat) & thought I know, I'll pick some of this weird grass plant ,crush it, then decide to add water to it, mix into a floppy paste & then heat it? And then decide to eat & decide it tasted nice? (thousands of years later ending up with Greggs, Pret & Subway)

Said experiment was done Marius Berrius, a stone age cavewife. With 15 ravenous boys to feed, she had to get creative

What shall I do after dropping DDs at school on Thursday?

Get really, REALLY drunk and run up and down your local high street shouting "Freedom! Freedom!"

Why can't I get this song out of my head?

Because the song has been bad and your head is it's prison ,why is my washing machine cycles so long?

Because it is actually powering a small village in Botswana, and it takes that long for the electricity generated to reach there.

Apple pie or rhubarb crumble?

Chocolate cake. Preferably a Colin.

Jam or cream first?

Marmite obviously ,Why do Americans call Jam, Jelly?

Because they call jelly jello.

What colour are my socks?

Transparent.

How big is the Universe?

It's only as big as your front door but it has loads of mirrors so people think it's infinite ,Why would anyone vote for Donald Trump?

Because he is such an amazing altruistic man with an amazing programme to build a fairer world

What's the best way to get sticking plaster residue off skin?

Amputation.

What is heavy metal?

The lead pipes in my garden.

How can I ease my sore tooth?

Break your wrist and focus on that instead

How long will it take me to summon the energy to lift my arse off the sofa and go to bed?

6 years, 3 months, 5 days, 13 hours, 12 minutes and 26 seconds.

Why does my husband watch so many action films?

Because they turn him on.

Why after doing a big food shop & putting it away, does my teenager look in the cupboards/fridge & announce that there isn't anything to eat?

Because the pixies hide food from teenagers.

What is the point of insomnia?

To give you an excuse for falling asleep on the sofa during The One Show.
Why do little girls love unicorns??

Because they secretly are one!

When will my period pains go away?

Should I cook pasta with wine tonight, or just guzzle then entire bottle?

guzzle the wine and have toast for tea

Should I get the bus or tram to work later