Answer the question above you. Wrong answers only. PART 2

[bearlyactive]

To answer the most recent question...

What to do to stop procrastinating?

Take a nap. Keep procrastinating until it gets boring.

And my next question is...

How long will it take for this thread to fill up?

You should stay up all night.

Why does it always rain on me?

It is because you lied when you were seventeen, obviously.

Jam first or cream first?

No cheese then ham then sliced tomato. Everyone knows that's the fashionable way to eat a scone.

Should I go to Antarctica on holiday as it seems quite safe?

No thats where the penguins created covid.

Why were dummies invented?

No, it'll be packed at this time of year.

What's the best kind of cheese - cheddar or brie?

Neither. The best kind of cheese is an obscure French cheese called Abondance. It's like Gruyere or Comte, but softer. Some branches of Tesco sell it occasionally.

Cheese or chocolate?

You can never choose. These are your children of the food world.

Should I just pull my sore tooth out?

No put some make up on it, give it a pep talk then throw a party for said tooth.

Why does my Dad talk so much?

He's got Duracell batteries in.

Why did I use the wrong debit card to buy petrol last month (it's someone else's, it was in my wallet for a sensible reason).

This mean card pushed your usual friendly card out of the way and jumped into your hand. It had a knowing smirk when it did it.

Should I buy another coffee?

Only safe to have two coffees if you dilute the second with cake.

Why did I ever buy a hand wash-only jumper?

Because the feet only wash were too small.

Who wants to live forever?

Tardigrades.

Is it ethical to have an army of turtles?

No. You need to have a Navy, or at a push an Air Force.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To go to Waitrose.

Why did I think it was a good idea to drink nearly 2 bottles of Cava last night?

Because you were celebrating it being Friday!

Why do I feel shit tonight? (Come on, brain, it's Saturday!)

Because your Afghan hound has rolled in a cowpat and you are having to remove it manually

Can gerbils swim?

Yes, they love it. They can frequently be seen in the wild, performing synchronised swimming routines in large groups. They struggle to get hold of sequinned swimsuits in the correct sizes, but they never give up.

Should I have another gin and tonic?

No, mix it with Fanta instead.

Will I have enough wool to finish the cuffs on this jumper? It seems really tight.

Probably not, it’s be a good idea to shrink your hands to fit.

Why is my dog barking, what’s She trying to tell me?

That she wants you to get her a bottle of champagne & pour it her water bowl.

(Loving the synchronised swimming gerbils )

Why have giraffes got long necks?

They need them to sniff fresh air,Why do I like wine so much yet I'm on Mumsnet?

Just peel me a grape and stop overthinking it

What's wrong with DD - she's doing her homework without being nagged

She's trying to draw your attention away from her newly started international diamond smuggling business.

How long will my newly tidied and hoovered living room stay like this?

3 minutes 29 seconds, I have just cooked a chicken how many meals will I get out of it?