Please can we have a thread about things kids say. Just to cheer us all up.

[Shosha1]

DGD sat at a table in the local museum. Little boy at the next table talking to his Grandad.
"Your the greatest Grandad"
DGD turns to me a look of utter consternation on her face
"How can he be the greatest Grandad. My Grandad is"
😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁

Not always as cute though.
Daddy putting her to bed and she's playing up. Mummy shouts through from the next room.
"Will you listen"
DGD looks at DS and raises one eyebrow.
"She's talking to you" she says

I've started confiscating my sons (4) things if he misbehaves.
I wouldn't let him play on my phone the other day so he took my Birkenstock off my foot and said 'right, you're not having this anymore! You can have it back when you stop being rude to me!'
He then put my shoe in the cupboard.

I’ve posted this before, but it still makes me chuckle, so I’ll repeat it here for any MNers who haven’t seen it yet.
I was on the bus in Edinburgh. A very middle class Edinburgh dad got on with his little daughter, about 3 or 4 years old, in her shiny patent shoes and velvet coat, very prim.
“I want to sit at the front, Daddy” (in very posh Edinburgh accent)
“No, we will sit here”
“BUM!”
“Catriona, we do not say bum. Bum is a sweary word!”
He looked around, smugly, expecting approval for his good middle class parenting.
Catriona was having none of it.
“Bum’s not a sweary word.” She said scornfully.
There was a small significant pause before she added helpfully:
“FUCK’s a sweary word!”
Daddy put his head in his hands and the whole bus laughed....!

When my dsd was about 6, I asked her what she'd done earlier in the day; 'we went to one of those campsites for dead people to give some flowers'.

@Babdoc

I’ve posted this before, but it still makes me chuckle, so I’ll repeat it here for any MNers who haven’t seen it yet. I was on the bus in Edinburgh. A very middle class Edinburgh dad got on with his little daughter, about 3 or 4 years old, in her shiny patent shoes and velvet coat, very prim. “I want to sit at the front, Daddy” (in very posh Edinburgh accent) “No, we will sit here” “BUM!” “Catriona, we do not say bum. Bum is a sweary word!” He looked around, smugly, expecting approval for his good middle class parenting. Catriona was having none of it. “Bum’s not a sweary word.” She said scornfully. There was a small significant pause before she added helpfully: “FUCK’s a sweary word!” Daddy put his head in his hands and the whole bus laughed....!

Lol 😂 how very Edinburgh

DD5 at the beach yesterday, concerned that she wouldn’t have any “private seek” to change into her swimming costume

@Cherryup

When my dsd was about 6, I asked her what she'd done earlier in the day; 'we went to one of those campsites for dead people to give some flowers'.

That’s very sweet actually

My 3 year old makes mini-plans, she sounds them out loud like a checklist on her fingers. It may be helpful except she changes the plans to suit herself. So if I say “right this morning we’re getting dressed then colouring a picture then we’ll tidy your toys”, she counts on her fingers “GETTY DRESSED... MAKEY PICTURE... EATY CAKEY!!!”

My DS was offered his choice of dinner on his birthday and asked for the lovely meal with banana and carrots dinner.

Eventually worked out he wanted spaghetti carbonara (spaghetti carrot banana).

Also my 3 year old likes to take my handbags and hide behind the same curtain with them. I call “That’s Mummy’s bag” to her and I can hear her quietly whispering to herself “Sarah’s bag” ha ha ha errr no (not her real name)

Dh from one room to the next after a strange noise. "Are you ok?" No answer. Repeated again. Finally dh hoes to see. Ds (4) is fine dh asked why he didnt answer. Ds "you told me not to answer back!"

My 4yo has created a new game called ‘Find the Nipple’. He announces we will play it and we have to point out through his shirt where his nipple is. He then lifts his shirt up and announces, “Well done, you’re correct! Now, for the next round, it’s Daddy’s turn!” And then Daddy has to find the nipple. Sometimes he also likes to find Daddy’s nipple, usually around 6am when Daddy is still trying to sleep. Makes me laugh every time.

Dh explained that hand gel kills the germs. Ds (4) then asked if germs have eyes? Then where they go when dead? Stops to say a prayer for the dead germs and Hope's they're ok I heaven......

My nearly 3yr old shouted in the car the other day "look mummy, big cock!!!" We passed the clock at the town hall...I couldn't stop laughing.

My youngest calls the beach ‘The Bitch’...

When my youngest was 4, he was trying to push my boobs up my chest and saying "no mummy! They should be up there!" Mortified.

Same child, front of the queue in a busy shop said "we don't say "shit" do we mummy?" 😐 I mean, he's not wrong.

Mine struggles with R sounds. When he was younger he picked up the word 'rank' from me. "Mammy, that's wank..."

My ds 9 wanted out to play at 7.30am this morning I told him no it was to early and a Sunday. I got "why is life so cruel" tad over dramatic son!

My favourite is from when DS was about 2, I was peeling a satsuma for him. He was being very impatient, and I told him he had to wait while I took the pith off. Cue him marching around muttering 'pith off'... I learned my lesson, and have called it peel ever since.

He's 5 now, and recently asked if the Easter Bunny believes in Jesus...

LOVE the dead people campsite what a lovely thing to look forward to, all those holidays

Youzam sounds like your DD knows her own mind. Take my advice (I have a teen that started off like that) - go with it as much as you can- people like that change the world

@IveSeenThings thank you that’s a really lovely thing to say

One of my dc has a Christmas birthday, so I thought nothing of it when I heard their 3yo sibling constantly singing Happy Birthday in the run-up to Christmas. Until they asked me "Do all cheeses have a birthday?"

When teaching about Easter, the teachers in pre-school and Reception kept saying things like "When Jesus was in the garden..." As a result both that dc and another of my dc were convinced that the main character in the Easter story was called Wenjesus.

My DS called the hiccups 'the haircuts'. Its so cute I cant bring myself to correct it!

2 from my 3yo DS.

Teaching him how to say please, we would tell him to ask for something nicely. For a few weeks after, every time he wanted something he would come up to us and just say "nicely?" If we said no, he would say it again in a really angry voice with a scowl on his face.

He decided pigeons were to be called "fat tummies". Every time he saw one he would pat his belly and shout "fat tummies". Fine when he's watching the birds in the trees in our garden. Not so fine when he was out with DH shopping in our local town.

Used to teach reception. One day I asked one of the little girls to name the shapes I showed her (square, triangle)...she pointed to each one naming them "George, Harry" etc.

My ds(7) saw my face looking in the mirror.
He said “Do you think you are fat mummy? You are not fat. You are my kind of skinny”.
I love him!