Please can we have a thread about things kids say. Just to cheer us all up.

[Shosha1]

DGD sat at a table in the local museum. Little boy at the next table talking to his Grandad.
"Your the greatest Grandad"
DGD turns to me a look of utter consternation on her face
"How can he be the greatest Grandad. My Grandad is"
😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁

Not always as cute though.
Daddy putting her to bed and she's playing up. Mummy shouts through from the next room.
"Will you listen"
DGD looks at DS and raises one eyebrow.
"She's talking to you" she says

Luckily we mainly speak Urdu with each other so people don’t generally know what he is saying thankfully

His new thing is to imitate me, we have a puppy who is of course very naughty, he uses my phrases etc when the puppy is naughty that I would use on him when he misbehaves.

He also told the neighbour he sleeps in a cage. He once got into the puppy crate so while he was pretending to be a puppy I shut (but didn’t lock) the door.

DS1 at 6 years old was angry with me so he said "I'll lick all your clothes so you can't wear them"

DS2 at 3.5 years old was angry with with (sensing a theme here) and said he would "hoover me up into the dark hoover where worms would eat my hair".

When DS1 was about 3 he was complaining he didn't want to go to nursery so said he was going to eat the sun so it'd go dark and he could go back to bed. Very vivid imaginations.

One of my favourites was when DS1 was again about 3 he saw DH in his work suit and said "Daddy, you are too smart for my eyes!"

DS2 at 3 called a hula hoop a "hoop a loop"

I've got loads!

love these. My 5 year old dd wanted to do role play with her toy kitchen.

dd - welcome to the happiest café in town ( said in a really sulky voice)
what do you want to order? ( really huffy)

me - oh ok can I have a cup of tea and cake please

dd- if you must ( throws the pretend menu on the floor and stomps on it )

me - you don't seem very happy to be in the happiest café in town

dd - Well I'm the only one who turned up today so I need to do everything myself!!???

completely no idea where she gets it from.

Her fave meal is spaghetti bolocknaise. Have never had the heart to correct her

'Are we driving on the George Carrotway (Dual carriageway) today mummy?'

My 4 year old DD had made an elaborate Covid controlled shop and spent ages explaining how I must sanitise, follow the arrows and walk one way round the dining room, the kitchen, then outside the house through the garden to the lounge patio doors where she’d meet me. So I bit and went through all the motions, repeatedly being warned ‘it’s not funny’, finally got to the bloody patio doors, where she met me and said... ‘we’re closed.’

Just put my toddler into bed and I can hear him thru the monitor saying night night to all his teddies! He's just learnt how to say it in the last couple of days.

Little boy in my class years ago drawing a hedgehog, and asked me how to spell it, because "Miss, I can spell the "egg" but not the "jog"........

My niece told me "you'll get baaaaaaaaaad feet", when she saw me putting on Toms without socks.

@SimonJT He also told the neighbour he sleeps in a cage. He once got into the puppy crate so while he was pretending to be a puppy I shut (but didn’t lock) the door.

That reminds me of a time I hid in a dog crate once as a child, playing hide and seek at someone else's house; one of the older kids who was also hiding secured the door so I couldn't get out. They forgot about me, and I stayed locked in for ages. But I was shy, and happy pretending to be a dog, it didn't bother me at all, until the adults were worried about where I was.

I love these!
Ds aged 4 said he supported Tottenham Hot Sperms
Called our friend Amphibian ....her name was Vivian
Dd aged about 5 'you don't look fat mummy it's just your bottom is at the front" referring to my fat stomach

@DollyTots That is priceless! She should go work at @pintsizeprincess Happiest Cafe in Town!

@ DollyTots

Ds is 5. Out on a walk last week: "mummy, where did I come out of?" (Oh boy)
"My vagina"
"What's a vagina?"
"It's the bit babies come out of"
"Do you mean your willy?"
"No, girls don't have a willy."
"Well, what's a vagina then, do you mean your bum?"
"No, girls have 3 holes and it's the one between your bum and your wee hole."
"Oh. Ok."

A similar conversation with his sisters then aged 3 and 5 ended up as a whole biology lesson as they would not accept a simple answer when asking about an advert for bodyform.

A city I once lived in had a shopping centre on two floors linked by an elevator. One day I was passing by and saw a small girl pointing up this elevator, and then asking, "Mummy, where does that alligator go to?"

Another time I was on the train sitting opposite a mother and two daughters, the younger about three and the other around six or seven. The older one seemed to be taking every opportunity to impress on her younger sibling how much cleverer she was. (I felt very sorry for the younger sister, although she seemed to take no notice of these put-downs.) At one point, the younger girl, busy colouring in a farmyard picture, asked "Mummy, baby sheep are lambs, so what are baby goats called?"
Her sister piped up: "Well, I know that - they're called 'children'!"

Ds when leaving to speak often pronounced “th” as “f”, that didn’t go well when he politely (and loudly) said thank you to the waitress in a restaurant.. unfortunately his n’s were pretty non existent as well . I may have taught him to just say ta or cheers after that..

My youngest dd had some cute names for things when she was small -

'Pyjama dress' = nightie
'hat with a cloud on it' = chef's hat

@DollyTots

My 4 year old DD had made an elaborate Covid controlled shop and spent ages explaining how I must sanitise, follow the arrows and walk one way round the dining room, the kitchen, then outside the house through the garden to the lounge patio doors where she’d meet me. So I bit and went through all the motions, repeatedly being warned ‘it’s not funny’, finally got to the bloody patio doors, where she met me and said... ‘we’re closed.’

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

My 6 year old grandson informed me that a soft toy whale he had, had been in his family for generations and generations

Oh these are lovely. I should start writing things down! Tonight at dinner 4yr old told daddy to ‘stop getting stressed up daddy’.

She also believes strongly in her magical/superhero powers and often tells me in the morning she is tired as she was out all night ‘doing rescues’.

My 5 year old has some pumps (slip on shoes) calls them his pimps. No matter how many times I correct him he will still shout that he's off to get his pimps!!!

My nearly three year old daughter calls Wellington boots, 'welly and boots' 😍. She also calls Yorkshire puddings 'orkshire puddings' (she loves them), so many more but I can't remember them!

When DS1 was little he stubbed his toe and was very upset . After a while and plenty of cuddles hadn’t helped I asked him if a biscuit would make it better . He nodded . I passed him a biscuit and he placed it on his foot . Looked at me with a sad face and tears in his eyes . “Still hurts mummy”

Tried a new body creme recently. First time I used it ds1(14) said. “Why do you smell like Granny?”
Later on ds2 walked in and said “why does it smell like granny’s house in here”
Ds3 “I miss granny 😭😭”
Ds1 “don’t use that anymore it reminds me of granny and I miss her”

Not seen granny for over a year.☹️
Not used body cream since 😳

Ds (2) recently on a hot day told me "I want icecream in my cold frozen mouth!" Which I thought was very cute.

DD, around 4yo: "What happens when you die Mummy?"
My answer was along the lines of "some people believe in reincarnation; some people believe you become a star in the sky; some people believe you go to a place called Heaven...."
DD: "Yeah, but what happens to your eyeballs? Do they turn black and fall out?"

On buying a notebook to write down her funny anecdotes, "I don't know why you are buying that. I'm not going to say anything funny ALL YEAR" 😀

DD14 whist out shopping...'Ooh mum, I love this hat, reaaaallly love it '
Me: 'well buy it out of your allowance then
DD ' but I haven't got a hat allowance'

DD12 ' what are you cooking?'
Me : 'curry'
DD: 'can't be curry...there's no chicken in it'

DD9: 'I know what a disco stick is'
Me: 'what is that then?'
DD: ' it's that pole that girls dance round and show their knickers off'