Please can we have a thread about things kids say. Just to cheer us all up.

[Shosha1]

DGD sat at a table in the local museum. Little boy at the next table talking to his Grandad.
"Your the greatest Grandad"
DGD turns to me a look of utter consternation on her face
"How can he be the greatest Grandad. My Grandad is"
😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁

Not always as cute though.
Daddy putting her to bed and she's playing up. Mummy shouts through from the next room.
"Will you listen"
DGD looks at DS and raises one eyebrow.
"She's talking to you" she says

I've got a couple of mine!
When I was about 2, I apparently saw a dog cocking his leg against a lamp post and observed "Look, doggy dancing!"
When I started school, my teacher, I informed my Mum, was called Mrs.Table (Tabor)

My (then) nearly 3 year old, very earnestly asking me if I’d be watching Peppa Pig and getting a lollipop as I was off to get my haircut 😂 brilliant!

Another from me. My five year old stayed with my parents on Sunday night. In the morning, my dad's newspaper arrived. He took it upstairs to Grandad (still in bed) and told him he wasn't allowed out of his room until he had read it all.

There are so many from him, I just can't remember them all.

@JamMakingWannaBe My mum kept a quote book, which is a treasured possession!

My niece was delighted to receive Hogwarts slippers. She put them on and said in her most pompous manner "Excuse me, I'm Head Girl!", channelling her inner Percy.

My eldest niece is 27, but visiting when she was about 3 my brother and I took her somewhere with animals. She seemed to be really enjoying stroking a pygmy goat.

My brother in full on parenting mode asked her, "What does that feel like dnname?" She paused for a moment to think before declaring "It feels like a goat daddy".

Later on she was showing me her counting skills, 1,2,3,4,6,7...

I said 'hang on what happened to 5?'

the answer, 'under the chair' with pointing

Over the last few months, DH has continued to be out at work 5/6 days a week. On one of his days off, DDs were being particularly energetic. At 11.30, DD2 (7yo) looks at me and asks, in front of DH, "Shall I pour you your lunchtime Prosecco now?".
As tiring as I was finding the situation, I hadn't resorted to lunchtime drinking.

My son was about 5 when he asked his dad “will I grow more testicles when I grow up?” “No” said dad, “you’ll always have what you’ve got now. Why?” “Well,” said my boy, “How come you’ve got four children and I can only feel two eggs in mine?”

That’s when I realised he hadn’t quite got to grips with how babies are made!

My 5 yo has a very cute turn of phrase when we pass the local hospital

“Mummy that’s the hostipal. It’s where you go to get born”

He is very vigorous these days with his “hand santisiser”.

Older son can only just say “car park”. For years it was “par carp”.

My 12 year old said he thought Coronavirus was made up by the government so that they could change all the batteries in the pigeons (pigeons being a robotic creation with Spyware in them, obviously.)

Ds2 had a slight speech delay and often muddled up words. We regularly had cock for clock and fuck for fork.
His favourite story was "Wewwy hungy patterlillar."
One day ds2 started crying. Ds1 had been playing with him.
Me - Ds1, why is your brother crying?
Ds1 - He hitted his head.
Me - On what?
Ds1 - My hand.

And walking ds1 to preschool when he was three. Ds1 was asleep in the buggy and a lady walked past in the opposite direction with a baby.
"Mummy, that lady had a cute baby."
"Yes she did."
"Not as cute as OUR baby."
She probably heard.

When DS1 was 6, we had friends visiting- an elderly couple. Anyway, 'Bob' was teaching DS a card game, explaining that he was going a bit slowly because his eyesight wasn't great, to which DS responded, "Oh! Are your eyes deaf?"

NCd as identifying.

DD2, in Sainsbury's, when she was 5. She has a loud, pitchy voice that carries.

"Mummy, remember when I was 3 and I didn't know what a penis was, and I thought daddy had a tail? A REAL LIFE TAIL!"

I stared intently at the tinned tomatoes.

My friends DNephew, then 7, was digging pits on a busy Norfolk beach. He then started started saying to other holiday makers '20p to come in my hole!'. Market trader volume 😂.

I pmsl every time I think of that whilst on the beach with my own DC.

My DS5 says he's got muscles for doing not for showing lol!!

At work. Wee girl asks why the dolls don't have any clothes. Explain it's because of the germs. She points at the boy doll. "That doll has a willy. That's a nicer word than penis and it's much nicer than cock. Mummy doesn't let me say that word." She's got 3 older brothers!

My son recently asked me: "What shall I do with my mask in the future? When coronavirus is over."

I said, "You could put it in a box in the loft to look back on, like Nana has lots of things in her loft."

Son: "Does she have one from the plague?"

3 yo: Mummy, why’s it black and white in the night?
Me: because your eyes need more light to be able to see colour
3 yo: was it really dark in the olden days then?

Obviously because olden days = black and white.

Dd (and us) were tormented by her itchy bum when she was little, about 4 or 5.

We were in Waterstones (a very quiet shop😳)
Dd pulls trousers and pants down to thigh level and says loudly ‘Daddy I’ve got a really itchy bum, and mummy says you need to let air get to it’

Rapid exit from shop. The same child who kept asking for a snot rag in the doctors

@Foldinthecheese my 3 year old calls nipples Immbles we do not correct him

Ds age 4 once told me l had a bottom like Mr Jelly😭.

Ds age 2 1/2 when going out somewhere on a very cold day. (Sometimes l wore contact lenses) ‘you need to put your glasses on, or your eyes will get cold...

'I've been calling you- why didn't you come?'
'I didn't hear you the first two times.'

He then started started saying to other holiday makers '20p to come in my hole!'. Market trader volume.

That properly made me laugh out loud! God. I could only imagine!

DD aged three playing tea parties with grandad. Hands him a cup and a plate “for his cake”

Grandad pretends to drink tea, smacks lips with relish then asks “where’s my cake?”

DD rolls eyes, sighs dramatically and replies “WHAT a stupid man, it’s on your plate”