Please can we have a thread about things kids say. Just to cheer us all up.

[Shosha1]

DGD sat at a table in the local museum. Little boy at the next table talking to his Grandad.
"Your the greatest Grandad"
DGD turns to me a look of utter consternation on her face
"How can he be the greatest Grandad. My Grandad is"
😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁

Not always as cute though.
Daddy putting her to bed and she's playing up. Mummy shouts through from the next room.
"Will you listen"
DGD looks at DS and raises one eyebrow.
"She's talking to you" she says

These are so hilarious! I'm just remembering, years ago, DS1 and I popped into the Tesco Express next to his old primary school and we were waiting in the queue (along with an entire line of parents and kids from his school) when he blurts out at Brian Blessed volume, "Oh look! They have all the wine and beer in the world for you here mummy!" then proceeds to lug a 6 pack over from the fridge to me. It's not the kind of school gate image a parent's after.

DS, aged seven, watching a James Bond film on tv : "I really want to be James Bond! "
His brother said " But you'd have to kiss lots of ladies!"
DS : " Well,no....I'd.....I'd have a stuntman for that!"

A few weeks ago on a country walk my dd took a shine to some young bullocks in a field, they all lined up to see her so she decided she would be known as queen of cows, daddy would be known as queen of sheep and I would be queen of all knowledge- I was very proud

@DollyTots

My 4 year old DD had made an elaborate Covid controlled shop and spent ages explaining how I must sanitise, follow the arrows and walk one way round the dining room, the kitchen, then outside the house through the garden to the lounge patio doors where she’d meet me. So I bit and went through all the motions, repeatedly being warned ‘it’s not funny’, finally got to the bloody patio doors, where she met me and said... ‘we’re closed.’

Omg that is brilliant 👸🏻

DH got made redundant recently & DS1, 9yo, overheard us having a conversation about what we can do to cut costs until one of us can get an adequately paid job. He offered to get us a few pounds from his pocket money. He has a good heart!

@TheVanguardSix

These are so hilarious! I'm just remembering, years ago, DS1 and I popped into the Tesco Express next to his old primary school and we were waiting in the queue (along with an entire line of parents and kids from his school) when he blurts out at Brian Blessed volume, "Oh look! They have all the wine and beer in the world for you here mummy!" then proceeds to lug a 6 pack over from the fridge to me. It's not the kind of school gate image a parent's after.

My son (5) calls beer “Daddy juice”

My now 20 year old son had a buzz light year toy back in the day. Favourite sayings: I come in peace because I come in beef; to infinity and beyond became to infinity with my hands. His dad did a lot of decorating when he was 18 months and favourite saying was ooh daddy dropped it.

I've told this one before.

When DD was about 4 we were on a nearly empty bus except a couple of men towards the back and a lady probably in her late 30s a couple of seats in front of us.

DD who'd been sitting there very quietly suddenly pointed at lady in front of us and said in a very clear voice "Mummy that lady's really old, is she going to die soon?" The look we got in return was understandably venomous.

I was so embarrassed we got off 2 stops early and walked.

@Aroundtheworldin80moves

Over the last few months, DH has continued to be out at work 5/6 days a week. On one of his days off, DDs were being particularly energetic. At 11.30, DD2 (7yo) looks at me and asks, in front of DH, "Shall I pour you your lunchtime Prosecco now?". As tiring as I was finding the situation, I hadn't resorted to lunchtime drinking.

I’d have said yes and leave the bottle.

Anyway, 'Bob' was teaching DS a card game, explaining that he was going a bit slowly because his eyesight wasn't great, to which DS responded, "Oh! Are your eyes deaf?"

Slightly of topic but my parents visited me when I had a friend staying, this friend is both deaf and from Jordan, her watch had the modern Arabic numerals so I suggested my mumm had a look at it (the one thing we both had in common was a love of watches).

So my mum asked, "Oh is it Braille?"

Back to the cute kids.

My DS 2 calls his wellies 'willy boots'.
He was running around the woods yesterday shouting 'muuuuum my willies wet'

Where we live, ice lollies are called ice blocks. I told DD we could have one when we got to the park. She gets out of the car and runs away from me shouting ICE COCKS ICE COCKS.

DD7 likes adventurous sports. She was asked yesterday if she would like to try Water Skiing when she older. She replied yes... 'And Waterboarding!' Poor thing was a little confused why DH and I found it funny... Even when DH showed her it was called Wake boarding. We think she may believe Water boarding is an even more adventurous sport now, but aren't quite ready to explain illegal torture to her.

Not real names but we were giving each other Horrid Henry type names so for example gorgeous Gabby, silly Simon. My DS6 comes out with a name for his little sister. Fucking hell Flora!

DS(very nearly 12), still sleeps with a lot of soft toys, all lined up in his bed. He sleeps squashed up against the wall (all 5’4” of him!). I laid down on his bed last night to have a good night chat and he said “Mum, get up, you are squashing the others”.

Doris Daisy May - Your son is a diplomat!

pasteldechocolateconchispa - Your daughter not so much!

At the end of Reception, DSis’ teacher went on maternity leave. A few months later she came into school and was in the playground at the end of the day shoring off her baby. DSis went to have look. DM asked her whether the baby was a boy or a girl. “I don’t know” she said, “but it’s called Timothy”.

This may be outing, but l don’t think she’d mind...

My nephew when he was little had a Hulk toy. He couldn’t say Hulk, so called it Fuck instead.

Sil in Catholic Church service with nephew and forgotten Hulk toy. He starred yeijng ‘want Fuck want Fuck’

Sil removed him from the service.

Not one of mine but said about me -

I was walking my 2 children in their double pram (newborn ds2 and 18 month Ds1)

Little boy about 3 walks past and says very loudly - Mummy, that’s a lot of babies. That’s too many babies! Why does that lady have so many babies??!! His mum looked really embarrassed, shushed him and ran off 😂

Out walking the other day and it started to rain. Oh dear! I said. Oh bugger, said the toddler.

My DS when he was about 3. We were at swimming and a heavily tattooed man was rinsing under the shower before getting in the pool. DS watched him very carefully before asking ‘is he washing all the paint off?’.

When my daughter was about 3 she said 'oh mummy look I've got sugar balls' - eventually realised she meant goose pimples 😆

When I was little our next door neighbour was called Fenella, I apparently used to call her Vanilla.

Vanilla would make a much nicer baby name than Fenella.

My dad was a huge football fan and not really into rugby although he’d watch the big rugby matches and took great delight in me saying ( I was 5 ) whilst watching a rugby scrum on tv “oh we play that at school daddy “ “what rugby?”
“ No daddy in and out the dusty bluebells “ my dad thought that was hilarious and told his rugby mates that for years

My 12 year old said he thought Coronavirus was made up by the government so that they could change all the batteries in the pigeons (pigeons being a robotic creation with Spyware in them, obviously.)

Yeah, one of my teens shared that one, too. It's a YouTuber thing.