Please can we have a thread about things kids say. Just to cheer us all up.

[Shosha1]

DGD sat at a table in the local museum. Little boy at the next table talking to his Grandad.
"Your the greatest Grandad"
DGD turns to me a look of utter consternation on her face
"How can he be the greatest Grandad. My Grandad is"
😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁

Not always as cute though.
Daddy putting her to bed and she's playing up. Mummy shouts through from the next room.
"Will you listen"
DGD looks at DS and raises one eyebrow.
"She's talking to you" she says

@Samcro

I absolutely love thease threads. Mine are adults now and sadly I can't remember the cute stuff. Top tip, make notes.

Second all of this. Makes notes, people. Wish I had.

"Mum said you were very posh, you're awesome" dsil is a top London barrister. 3rd times the charm, 3rd time meeting I loved her.

My boy has loads. He's 5 now and never bloody shuts up, but was seriously delayed in talking and is being assessed for autism. Recent ones:

Says misappeared instead of disappeared (makes sense to me).

Playing a game with my dad, asked him how old he is. Dad said 73. C : "I hope you don't die before we finish this game grandad ".

Shopping the other day. As usual he was talking about his current obsession and not listening to what I was asking him at all.
Me: "I'm talking to you! You need to listen. "
Him:"I don't want to listen to you!"
Me:"why not?"
Him: "I haven't got the time!" 😂

He's also started telling me when I ask him to do something "life isn't like that mummy"

Ffs 😂

My DD, 4, has taken to putting ‘meatball’ syrup on her pancakes. I don’t have the heart to correct it to maple because I love it so much.

Was having coffee with a friend one day when ds3 was 7. Was in half term, and he was due to go that afternoon to a holiday football club which he'd seemed quite keen on at the time of booking. Friend enquired whether he was looking forward to it (he wasn't) and not wanting to be impolite, he replied, (very diplomatically, I thought!) "Well, you can't always hope for the best"
We subsequently adopted it as the family motto!

Let me preface this by just informing you that DH is known for his fruity language. He & I have had discussions on the matter since DD was born. Many discussions. He insisted she wouldn't pick it up...

One day when DD was 2, & not long after she'd started talking, we were all 3 going into town, DD was in the buggy. A motorcycle suddenly roared past, unnecessarily noisily, & made DD cry. (She's on the ASD spectrum & struggles with loud noises.) DH commented that the motorcyclist was a knobhead. DD was already crying so we assumed she hadn't heard...

Next day, I took her out in the buggy. As we were waiting by a crossing, 2 old ladies stopped to wait, & admired her curls & dimples. A motorcyclist went past, again, noisy. Clear as a bell & very loudly, she pronounced "knobhead!" I wanted the ground to open up & swallow me. The old ladies, fortunately, saw the funny side. I'm sure I must have been puce with embarrassment. I told DH later, & DD told him, helpfully, what she'd said.

That was the day we started the swear jar.
----
We also had artificially loud correcting DD when she said Makka Pakka or caterpillar in public (pronounced Makka pakki & catapaki) Argh!
----
Also, there was the time she asked "what's this finger?"
Me: Darling, it's your finger.
DD: Yes, but what is it?
Me: It's your finger, sweetheart.
DD: But mummy, what's this finger? (Getting grumpy now)
Me: Maybe daddy will know?
DH:
We never did find out.

I love these threads and can finally contribute 😁 DS is 11 months old and for a while has been able to say dog, but he says doog 😍 he says it so enthusiastically too. Not only is the dog a doog, but all the cats, a small horse we saw, a rabbit etc 😂 so all animals are a doog and they are all called one of my cats names.

If I say to DS, give me a minute, he says, let me get the timer

And friggin

TIMES ME!

Our 3 year old says 'adore-bubble' instead of adorable and it's so cute.

I say love you lots like jelly tots to my boys and our youngest always replies with 'love you lots like chicken nuggets'

When another of our boys was little we would teach him things that were dirty, such as the bin, the toilet, things on the floor, were 'yuck' except he couldn't say yuck, it sounded more like 'cock'
Cue my embarrassment at coming out of a public toilet with him, into a row of people waiting, after he had expressed himself in the cubicle by saying 'look mummy, cock' over and over

My 9 year old said to me “mum I don’t think I will have a wife when I’m older”
Why’s that?
“ well it won’t fit my lifestyle, I’ll be a Michelin star chef and working all hours!” 😂

Dd wanted to see how tall she was against me

Me:- ah look. You’re booby height

So she wanted to see how tall she was against dh

Me:- still booby height
Her:- mooby height

Me: DD5 come on we need to get home, concrete for the house is being delivered.
DD5: Ooo concrete! Fancy!

I've never used fancy in front of her before

Little arsehole last night refusing bed because I wouldn't let her have a last minute snack as she'd eaten loads that day. Finally she came in saying it's all her fault and she's so sorry. Then DD5: "have you changed your mind about that snack yet?" I love her it was a no though.

@buttcrackmcheese

When my youngest was 4, he was trying to push my boobs up my chest and saying "no mummy! They should be up there!" Mortified.

Same child, front of the queue in a busy shop said "we don't say "shit" do we mummy?" 😐 I mean, he's not wrong.

When my youngest was 4, he was trying to push my boobs up my chest and saying "no mummy! They should be up there!" Mortified. Everyone's a critic... 😁

My eldest who is now 18, came out of school when he was in Year 4 and proudly announced "we learnt about dildos today!!".

I did crack up and ask him if he meant dodos.

6 year old DS a few months ago - mummy if I get the virus I'll be ok because I'm young.

Me - yes, it's very unlikely you'd be seriously ill. You still need to be careful, but it affects old people much more.

Him - old people like you

Me - err no, old people like nana and grandad

Him - and you

Me - I'm not old !

Him (shocked voice) but mummy you're 46 that's half your life gone

(- on the plus side I guess he has me living into my 90's !)

Dd aged about 5 playing interminable I spy in the car.. "I spy wiv my lickle eye something begin wiv ahhhh" ... we guessed for about 10 min before giving up...

"a tree"

it has ascended into family lore now...

My niece said: "I want to go blind for real so I get presents every day."

(She and her sister were blindfolded by their parents before receiving a big present; and it became a tradition to play "hit the pot" to find smaller ones.)

@Dilbertian

One of my dc has a Christmas birthday, so I thought nothing of it when I heard their 3yo sibling constantly singing Happy Birthday in the run-up to Christmas. Until they asked me "Do all cheeses have a birthday?"

When teaching about Easter, the teachers in pre-school and Reception kept saying things like "When Jesus was in the garden..." As a result both that dc and another of my dc were convinced that the main character in the Easter story was called Wenjesus.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

DD used to call sheep "baa baas". We were driving through Dartmoor and pointed out some freshly sheared sheep "Look DD, baa baas!" She was silent for a moment then we heard a small voice from the back say "naked baa baas".

Kindergarten play with 12 4-5 year olds. My son was the main character in the story of the carrot that is stuck so the father (him) tries to pull it out, but can't. Then he calls on Babushka,.... until they even get the dog and the cat at the end of a very long family (conga :)) line.
The textile carrot as big as him was wedged into an upside down chair covered with a brown textile to form a bump.

They say their first lines, outside rain starts falling, thunder is coming closer. So my son had a great idea:
He pulled out the carrot in one go then declared in a very dramatic way "The sky is falling! Go hide!" and all the kids ran back to the room :D
Half a minute later he came out, took a bow and went back to the playroom to the others.

I was listening to some 80s love songs with my 5yo DD. She asked if I had a boyfriend then. To which I said, no I was too young for a boy friend then. But there was a boy I had a crush on...
‘what was his name?’ She asks..
‘David’
‘Oh. And how did he die? That’s very sad.’
Eh?
‘You said he got crushed?..

I'm doing couch to 5k and I came in after doing my first 25 min run and said to my 6 year old, mummy has just ran for 25 mins are you proud of me? He said yeah, but I'll be more proud of you if you make me a butty!

And the same child, when he started in reception hated it. Came home and said please mummy don't send me back. The teacher didn't have any clothes on!
His lovely teacher was totally red faced the next day telling me that she'd actually had her clothes on all day!

@EdwardCullensBiteOnTheSide

I'm doing couch to 5k and I came in after doing my first 25 min run and said to my 6 year old, mummy has just ran for 25 mins are you proud of me? He said yeah, but I'll be more proud of you if you make me a butty!

HaHa! So early they start!! 😁

2.5yr old ds this evening. I nipped upstairs and came down to a distinct smell and a very proud looking kid. 'Mommy mommy I did a poo!' 'Wow thats great, did you do a poo in the potty?' I ask, wandering over to check said potty which is mysteriously empty, save for a few brown streaks, cold dread forming at the back of my neck as I wonder where the poo has gone. 'I did poo in potty!' Ds confirms. 'So where is the poo?' I ask him. Ds points at our dog who is hovering suspiciously. 'Doggie eated it! Good doggie!' FML.