Please can we have a thread about things kids say. Just to cheer us all up.

[Shosha1]

DGD sat at a table in the local museum. Little boy at the next table talking to his Grandad.
"Your the greatest Grandad"
DGD turns to me a look of utter consternation on her face
"How can he be the greatest Grandad. My Grandad is"
😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁

Not always as cute though.
Daddy putting her to bed and she's playing up. Mummy shouts through from the next room.
"Will you listen"
DGD looks at DS and raises one eyebrow.
"She's talking to you" she says

Sat on the bus to town DD4 said to a (very) tattooed gentleman
"Your mummy will be so mad with you" -
he played along... "why is that?" -

"You drawed all over your arms IN PEN"

The other passengers laughed so loudly.

Took DS3 to an open air military band concert when we were posted abroad in the early eighties. He was obviously not keen on their choice of music, so during a quiet moment between pieces he said in his loudest voice, "Mummy, are they going to play any Abba?" . It echoed throughout the silent auditorium..... and caused lots of smiles.

My DD calls old deer park oh deer park

Same DD got birthday card from her great uncle, said I don’t know why he wrote great uncle he isn’t even that great.

I was sitting doing crafts with kids at after school club and were making seahorse and one of the boys said did you known that a male seahorse has babies, and a girl on my table says what about a monkey? He replies no they’re like humans they just sit and watch. I laughed inside and a tear rolled down, he was so matter of fact and continued colouring. Just love listening to children talk, the are hilarious

My 3 yo was talking to us about his pre school and described one of his teachers as "the spiky one"

Dd when she was about 4 was talking about an "unexpected leg", it turned out she meant a prosthetic leg

I wish I could remember all of the funny things they say!

Nearly 2 year old DD at the beach walked up to a 15 month old boy and stood watching him for a few minutes while he played in the water. He threw a stone into the water to which she clapped and said «well done»

Playing with her pram and the dog walked in front of her. She carried on walking and said «Oscar, move it»

She went to bed and fell asleep quickly, after ten minutes she woke up and you could see in the monitor that she was confused. She shouted on mum who took her downstairs to which she said «morning everyone» she thought she had slept all night, hence the confused look.

My dd6 calls pistachios moustachios which always makes me smile

I absolutely love thease threads.
Mine are adults now and sadly I can't remember the cute stuff.
Top tip, make notes.

DS3 was very keen on shopping & would try to persuade me to get him something from
‘Amazon.con’ or ‘Sniffs toy Superstore’

Gromice and Wallit for Wallace and Gromit. Makes me smile

Trying to explain what I was doing at Polling Station for General Election to DD who was about 5 at the time. "I don't think I could choose someone to run the country when I'm big. I'll just do it myself". Same child singing wrong words to a song, replacing child with cha. I said (after trying to get her to sing the right words about 10 times) "but why do you think it's cha? It's not even a word?" She got right in my face and said "come and join our conga. Cha Cha CHA"
Same child (she's my youngest it won't surprise many of you with 2 or more dc) she was still in P1, sitting at tea says to her brother "what did you do at school today? We learned about threesomes. Did you do threesomes in P1? Mummy do you know what a threesome is? Will I tell you about threesomes?" Errrrrr, ok, turns out if your teacher thinks you've nailed adding two numbers she might stretch your knowledge by getting you to try adding 3 numbers together - a 3 sum. Pretty sure the teacher didn't call them 3 sums though, she was splitting her sides when I told her.

Thanks, OP. Great thread!!
My 20 month old (whom I speak Spanish to) calls fruta (fruit) puta, which means whore in Spanish. So whenever she fancies a snack she looks at me and effectively goes whore, whore, whore!

This came up on my Facebook memories from the Scottish independence referendum.. Hmm (said ds) I’d say yes, except I’d rename the country Thomasland (he’s not really called Thomas, but you get the idea) and give everyone a free house and a free car. I’d vote for him! (I think there was also something about building a statue of himself).

When my DS was about four, he burst into the room exclaiming 'Here comes trouble, with a cup of tea!' Took us ages to work out that he meant 'with a capital T'.

Same child, aged 9. We went to Primark (not a frequent occurrence as there isn't one very near). DS, open mouthed: 'Wow, isn't Primark supposed to be really expensive?'
Me: 'No, it's literally known for being the cheapest shop.'
Him: 'Oh yeah, I was confusing it with Gucci.'

We refer to all our Primark clothes as Gucci now!

My DD6 was in the car with her Great Nanny (90) Great Nanny was complaining about something, DD turned to her straight faced & said ‘ Well Nanny you've got to be grateful for what you have got Family, Friends ect’

My sister was walking into a tapas restaurant and there was a family with kids walking out having just eaten. As they went out the door she heard the little girl say to her dad "Daddy, what's tapas?".

In the car with my Dad and DS when he was around 3. My dad pointed to a field of black and white cows and said "look FrangipaniToddler, those are called Friesians" DS deadpan looked my Dad in the eye and proclaimed "no Grandad. Those are MOO COWS!"

When he was a wee bit older we were playing I-spy in the car and I said "something beginning with P" after a while he gave in and I told him it was Pilons (the electricity carrying kind). Again looked me in the eye and said "that's not a Pilon, a Pilon is when dads lying in the floor and we both jump on him!!"

Some of these are very sweet.

My youngest gets a lot of his words mixed up still. My favourite is ‘Foomans’ for ‘humans’ and ‘bikini’ for ‘panini’.

My son was delighted to tell me his good news the other day
"Mum you know you thought you had a double chin??? Great news you actually have three" 😩

@ColdTattyWaitingForSummer hahahahaha that reminded me of that period in time my son asked me if I wanted independence or outdependance!

My eldest daughter, when she was little, was often ‘goDsmacked.’ Went to a very churchy school.

3 year old Ds started hysterically crying.
I ask what's the matter
"I wanted to save my chocolate for later" he replies

He'd just ate it 🤷🏻‍♀️

DD1 5yo: You know, Australia is where you go when you die. Being in Australia makes you dead.
Me: Well, actually Australia has lots of people in it.
DD1, scornfully: Yes, Mummy, they are the people who've already died

DD2 to her twin brother, 6am on the morning of their 2nd birthday in Feb : Wake up, you bad dog, it's Christmas again!

Dd1 again, to my mum, who is 71: I suppose you feel quite lucky that you're not dead yet?

Me to DS 2.5: Would you like to go for a walk?
DS, with a sweet smile: I like touch penis an' look cars.
Me: Fair enough.....

Doing potty training recently. Today DS 3 and I were just coming out from the toilet in a restaurant. Moved to the side to let a guy pass. DS looks at him dead in the eye, and at the top of his voice announces to everyone in a five mile radius, "I've just done a big boy wee wee standing up. Do you do a big boy wee wee too? Mummy doesn't, she sits down like doggys."

Luckily everyone laughed. You could have fried an egg on my face.

He had some speech and language problems which hes come full circle on now. In sainsburys going up and down the aisles. DS, 2 at the time, sees clocks. Guy standing in front of clocks. DS points at the clocks (but looks like hes pointing at the dude) and shouts "COCK MAMMY. COCK! COCK!" If looks could kill....

Talking to my 3.5 year old about something she couldn’t do due to the current situation and she replies ‘is it because of bloody lockdown?’ Oops that sounds exactly how I would say it!