Good-looking people who don't know they're good-looking

[EoinMcLovesCakeJumper]

Do they really not know? I know a friend of a friend who is absolutely stunning - tall, slim, perfect complexion, naturally curly waist-length hair etc. Men go gaga over her, but she always seems to be surprised when it's pointed out.

I just don't understand how someone can be that oblivious. We live in such a looks-orientated world, and people who don't meet the approved standard are certainly told about it often enough. I tend to think that everyone has a good idea of where they stand, and if they say otherwise it's because they think it would be seen as boasting or a lack of humility.

So does anyone know someone who appears to be genuinely unaware that they're gorgeous? I'm sure I've seen a few examples on threads of "my painfully handsome DH who looks like a long-lost Hemsworth brother thinks that all the women throwing themselves at him are just being friendly and he's bemused when I point out that they're coming on to him". Are they for real?

I get told I’m beautiful, stunning, gorgeous etc.

I don’t believe a word of it!
I have wonky mouth, an over projected deviated nose, I have awful frizzy hair, I could go on for hours!

My therapist even sent my photo (with permission) to random work associates who all said nothing but positive things and I still couldn’t accept it.

I honestly hate the way I look, I hate my face, I hate my body yet my husband acts like he is the luckiest man in the world.

I’m one of those people who gets taken aback when someone says I’m attractive, it doesn’t fit in with my perception and feels like a lie, I’ll instantly disagree or change the subject.

I will admit I do have body dysmorphia but I still don’t understand how that could change my perception so much, surely what I see in the mirror or in photos and videos is accurate enough as everyone else I know looks the same yet I look like a hideous mess!

@NameChange84

The person that springs to mind that I know looks like Nicole Scherzinger, very exotic and stunning and has no idea because a lot of people treat her quite badly and she assumes she is unlikeable. Her parents and grandparents were aware from childhood that she was unusually pretty (she was often scouted to be a child model which her family always turned down) and so they kept “putting her in her place” so she’d not get big headed, wouldn’t compliment her looks or say she was pretty/beautiful etc and if strangers complimented her they’d say “no she’s not” or deflect it. Then she was teased by the boys at high school (obviously cos they liked her) and she assumed they found her ugly, girls would be quite bitchy and whisper about her and not give her a chance to be their friend. She’s really kind and sweet but because she’s so beautiful I think even as an adult people push her away. Weirdly she’s not had much luck with men either. I think they are too intimidated to ask her out or they only want to sleep with her.

It’s quite funny as she seems to think she’s nothing special but she’s gorgeous. And intelligent and lovely too which is quite sickening lol but her looks actually haven’t done her any favours and she’s totally unaware of how unusually beautiful she is. I think we assume that life is easier for the beautiful ones but I often think that’s not true. Even amongst friends children, the prettier children seem to be the ones who get bullied or excluded from parties and the like. Even the other mothers can often be quite cruel. jealous and competitive towards the prettier kids especially ones with hobbies like ballet or gymnastics. Speaking to my friend that certainly seems to have been her experience of growing up. Always the only one not invited to things. And knowing her, I really can’t see how it was based on her personality.

I can quite believe this, unthreatening attractiveness is what will help you in life, true beauty, unless you have monetised it through modelling, acting or becoming famous can hinder you, and even then the rich and famous can suffer when they age and loose their looks (though in my opinion true beauty lasts a lifetime you just become an older beautiful person), I think true beauty is a double edged sword.

@Mothermorph you could be talking about my children there I might be biased but they do get an awful lot of compliments from strangers. Me and my partner are not considered good looking by any means, I love my partner to bits and wouldn't change a hair on his head but i know he isn't considered attractive by any of my friends or family - having said that we are well matched because I'm very ugly myself. Our children however seem to have won the lottery when it comes to looks both have red hair and bright blue eyes and the most perfect little faces. I honestly don't know where they get it from, then again my parents are both attractive, and so are my siblings so maybe I just got all the rubbish bits

@TheFormidableMrsC it's very strange!

It is difficult to say with children between gorgeous kids sometimes grow into plainer adults, and some plain children turn into beautiful swans!

At school the prettier girls peaked too soon and now are all quite plain & overweight. You lose the fresh facedness past a certain age and their faces just dont look as nice any more.

The ganglier girls with braces have all turned into beautiful tall, slim swans. There was one girl who looked like ed sheeran with long hair when she was 16 and now she looks like the Little Mermaid.

Some obvious humble brags on here.

@pissflaps1 I think a lot of people are forgetting it is polite to compliment kids

I know I am classically handsome but we all still have insecurities and self doubt.

@RUOKHon

My husband.

He looks like Jose Mourinho. Friends and relatives are always saying to me how lucky I am to have such a good looking husband (obviously I am well fit too ) But he has absolutely no concept of how handsome he is. Thinks his arms are too skinny (they’re not), his shoulders aren’t broad enough (they are), worries he’s not very interesting in conversations (he is). His obliviousness to his attractiveness just makes him even more attractive.

But someone else may look at him and see a narrow shouldered skinny armed man who’s a bit dull, 🤷‍♀️ you love him so see him differently, it’s all about individual perception.

Jose Mourinho just reminds me of a silver haired Rowan Atkinson. Not attractive at all.

My DP looks like a less horsey version of a younger Hugh Grant. Not everyone's cup of tea, but definitely mine

It is all about what you are personally attracted to of course but I work with models who are deemed attractive by virtue of their job, and they are all pretty much clones of one another.

If we were all to post a pic, what we’d find is that there’d be many different Ideas about what constitutes beauty/attractiveness. It’s all relative.

I once dated a man who I was crazy about. Looking back, he was short, skinny, had bad skin and was a (to put it politely) quirky dresser. My friends didn’t get it. My family didn’t get it but I thought he was so so beautiful. I married the male model instead. Mistake.

She knows and is trying to be modest. Or disingenuous.

You underestimate what the mind can do to the eye. I was in a changing room and I saw this emaciated person opposite me. She was so skinny it was frightening. When I turned round there was only me. Back to the way I saw myself.

A few weeks later I was out shopping and my sister said she thought I had body dysmorphia. And the penny finally dropped.

It explained my family's worried behaviour. I knew I looked like the skeletal woman in the changing room.

But I still couldn't see it when I looked in my mirror.

There are four types of people that do this

1.the ones that know it and downplay it to get even more compliments and attention
2.the ones that know it and downplay it due to modesty, or because it's not that big a deal to them. They honestly don't see what all the fuss is about.
3.the ones that focus so much on their flaws /how they think they should look that they don't see it

1. the ones that have had drummed into them (by parents,peers,family etc) that they're nothing special, not that great, not that pretty or even worse deeply flawed/ugly.

Things like "you'd better study, because your looks won't get you anywhere ", "you are pretty but such a shame about your body", being compared to siblings/relatives that are taller, prettier, hair curly/straight etc.

i think it's because they were brought up to believe beauty is not the be-all and end-all. that other qualities like being kind and doing your best were important. looks fade, they aren't that important in the scheme of things but I do enjoy a nice view myself even if i am old these days

I've been told at varying times throughout my life, and I get stared at a lot. If I think about it, without cringe and embarrassment, I suppose I know. But I don't like to admit it to myself or anyone else. It seems such an undeserved quality, and I've never known what to do with it. I know I can get things, help, etc. From men, it it's all fleeting, and not genuine. Also now that I'm in my 50s, it's almost as if people, are suspicious of me for Not falling apart and I've been asked what my "secret" is.
It didn't lead me to lasting relationships, I don't trust men, I'm not loved, or anything, just used. I wish I could just ignore the fact, but it's thrust out there and I can't cover up my face, hair or body.
I'm not saying I hate it, but I'm an intelligent woman, and resent being treated like an object

Plus, no matter what I did, I was always accused of showing off, or being stuck up etc etc. It wears you down.
My daughter is very beautiful, and I'm trying to teach her how to handle it. It's something people want, and if they can't possess it themselves, they will want to benefit from it somehow. And it's ugly

It's really messed me up actually

My eldest son is strikingly handsome. He doesn't give it a thought, and seeks oblivious to all the simpering girls and grown women. All he cares about is physics and maths, and old cinema

When I was younger I was really quite beautiful. People did tell me, but I thought men said that to everyone (to get sex) and when women said it I thought they were being kind. A combination of my big brother telling me I was ugly when I was little (I wasn’t), and the occasional boy/man “negging” me, what I saw was that I wasn’t 5”10 like models, I had big boobs instead of the flat chested look popular at the time and crucially, I wasn’t blonde. Even the man who claimed to be very in love with me would wax lyrical about children w blonde hair and how it was “like spun gold”, never a word about my thick and wavy chestnut hair. So I always thought, cautiously, looking in the mirror “you’re quite pretty” but thought it was a minority opinion.

I now “look good for my age” but think no-one else notices. My adult kids are gorgeous though! High cheekbones, big eyes, gorgeous skin, and thick hair. My son could model (daughter is beautiful but 5”4).

@roundandsideways - yes! All that. Men don’t seem keen on beautiful women who are clever, I know my (nasty) exhusband has people tell him he was punching above his weight and so he took that out on me.

My son is likewise oblivious.

In my 50’s I’m holding up well, but it makes some women suspicious of me. At work I gravitate to the gentle ones as the A-types can be quite mean to women they think are “showing them up”.

Being pretty does not make you immune from criticism or (in my case) loneliness.

There was one girl who looked like ed sheeran with long hair when she was 16 and now she looks like the Little Mermaid.

^

Frigging gold

I’ve always been told I’m very good looking and sometimes I believe it and sometimes I don’t depending on how I’m feeling about myself in general - I was rejected by my dad as a baby and my mother was abusive to me and I have been no contact with her for years. I’m also ambivalent about good looks since both my parents were stunning and I always felt other people put up with their negative qualities more than they would have had they been plain. Because of that I don’t rally rate looks as much as other people seem to.

However, despite often being told I was very pretty, I was never approached much by men when younger. My boyfriends were usually people who had got to know me as a person first. My DH reckons this was because men were afraid to approach me in case of rejection. When I asked him how come he asked me out then he says it’s because he had known me since we were children and he knew that even if I knocked him back I’d do it kindly. He has always said he is punching well above his weight and that his friends think I am very good looking and, to be honest, I can tell they do. However, I adore him and think I am very lucky he’s my DH because he is a wonderful person. I find him really attractive for so many reasons.

Having said all this, like most people, I focus on my negatives which are that I am very short, I have an hour glass figure but I’m not that toned and my hair is frizzy and hard to tame!

I think they probably do know but don't want to admit to it in any way because then people will have an actual reason to dislike them. If you're above average attractiveness or have talents etc it can be an absolute fucking curse, make no mistake. Lots of other women are jealous, whether they admit to it or not. Men can turn nasty if you don't fancy them.

I am fairly good looking, I don't consider it a burden. I think people are nicer to me & trust me more.