Good-looking people who don't know they're good-looking

[EoinMcLovesCakeJumper]

Do they really not know? I know a friend of a friend who is absolutely stunning - tall, slim, perfect complexion, naturally curly waist-length hair etc. Men go gaga over her, but she always seems to be surprised when it's pointed out.

I just don't understand how someone can be that oblivious. We live in such a looks-orientated world, and people who don't meet the approved standard are certainly told about it often enough. I tend to think that everyone has a good idea of where they stand, and if they say otherwise it's because they think it would be seen as boasting or a lack of humility.

So does anyone know someone who appears to be genuinely unaware that they're gorgeous? I'm sure I've seen a few examples on threads of "my painfully handsome DH who looks like a long-lost Hemsworth brother thinks that all the women throwing themselves at him are just being friendly and he's bemused when I point out that they're coming on to him". Are they for real?

You are missing one major thing.
Beauty consists of:

1. How you physically look
2. How you perceive your own attractiveness

You can absolutely be 1 without having 2. Beauty is also about perception, its not just about how objectively beautiful anyone is. You could be angelina jolie, but if you have low self esteem and perceive only your own flaws, you will not "feel" beautiful.

Some people have glow ups later on in life but still see themselves as their younger "plain" selves. Atleast that's what happened to me. I am still painfully shy and never really changed personality wise and don't like too much attention on my looks.

Your husband doesn't look like Jose Mourinho. He might look like Jose mourinho's less attractive older fatter less successful half brother. Please keep it real.

You tend to notice the good in others, but focus on your flaws.
I am slim, dark, good bone structure. I used to have an amazing figure before kids. My hair is thick.
But I think people see me as short, bad teeth, big nose, moles, hairy. And now with no boobs and a pot belly.
Both versions are true.

She knows and is trying to be modest. Or disingenuous. Kinda like when very slim people say things like 'oh yes I need to lose weight too' when the conversation turns that way. Sure people have hang ups about their appearance but they know where they rank in the world order.

Re Charles Dance - I totally would now, but I wouldn't have been interested in his younger self! And I don't think Jose Mourinho is especially attractive - not ugly but just a normal looking middle-aged bloke who I would barely look at if he passed me in the street. Funny how subjective it is. I also don't really see the appeal of Tom Hardy but maybe I'm weird!

I was a very plain but happy little girl (mistaken for a boy at one Community Centre disco aged about 6, yay) so I really noticed people’s reactions towards me when they started to be altered massively around age 11. From about 14 people routinely called me beautiful, stunning, blah, blah. That has gone on ever since. I did a bit of modelling, was approached all the time by boys and girls in clubs, on the street, etc.—and was still utterly intent on believing I was deeply flawed and rather insecure.

I think it’s genuinely possibly to know intellectually you fit the criteria to be societally beautiful but really not ever quite believe it. Maybe because it doesn’t really mean much after all?

I’m 41 now and still scrub up pretty decently on a superficial level . Quelle surprise; now I genuinely like myself I have finally learned to actively thank a person for any compliment. Naturally these days I’m much more jazzed to hear they like me as a person or my abilities as a friend/professional/parent etc., but I like me and that’s what matters.

Funny how subjective it is.

I think thats another symptom of our sexist society, a man being attractive is subjective and varies hugely. For example Benedict Cumberbatch, to some is gorgeous, to others he isn’t. Where as women are essentially ‘hot or not’ as they have a prescribed way to look beautiful.

Straight men are also less likely to admit they like a physical characteristic that isn’t considered traditionally desirable, you don’t tend to get that as much with women.

I agree it is subjective.

Charles dance- I totally would.

Good thing, considering I was the poster with the CD lookalike DH. To be honest I think my DH is way more lovely than CD. :)

He has literally no clue.

I also think true beauty doesn't really age, it may dim but it's still there. To me Christy Turlington is still beautiful & my close friend has an aunt who is 70 something (indian so looks a bit younger) with the most incredible bone structure (think Kate Moss) & she was easily the most beautiful at my friends wedding.

You can also find people good looking but not be sexually attracted to them. Ryan Reynolds, Robert Pattison & Bradley Cooper are not ugly but Im not personally attracted to them.

I've been told I'm good looking since childhood but never saw it. When I started going out I started to believe it a little, I'd get attention from both men and women on nights out and would get stares and comments. I'm less attractive these days, I've put on a few stone since having four kids but I do still get a fair bit of attention and told I'm gorgeous/ pretty/ sexy depending on who's saying it. I have zero confidence in my looks though as I'm nowhere near as good as I once was. I think a lot of my self worth was put on my looks due to it being pretty much the only thing I would be complimented on.

It’s more than just looks that we focus on so much as people are more than just a canvas

Some people are very attractive to men, women and children warm to them. Some very sexual too some are very good looking others not, some people others just warm too them

Jose Mourinho Is a good example he is good looking but it’s that certain thing he has that many find very attractive

Fern Britton is one of the most attractive women I have ever met (this was post her weight loss when she seem to blossom) obviously sexy to some too she just has something. Yes she is pretty but it’s that other thing that has nothing to do with looks

I agree. I am classically good looking as in good bone structure etc but ... not sexy. Except, DH would disagree 😉

It is also very cultural. i lived for a decade in Mainland China and Hong Kong and am apparently considered very attractive there.

Slightly off topic but does anyone else find interesting when stunning children have very ordinary looking parents or other way round? (Will prob get flamed for being mean or judgy!) Me and DH know 2 couples - one couple very lovely but ordinary looking, nothing that would stand out about them - their children are possibly the most beautiful children I've ever seen.
Another couple are both very good looking and look like they should be models or celebrities but their children are quite average looking. (I was expecting them to produce model-looking children!)

I should add we are also ordinary looking and not stunners ourselves!

Name changed. I've always been told that I'm 'beautiful', by lots of different people - not just family. I couldn't ever really see it... I could see that I wasn't ugly, and I have always been able to do myself up nicely, but couldn't really see what there was to comment on.

I'm tall and slim and when I was in my teens was scouted by a few modelling agencies when out and about. I signed up even though I wasn't very confident and quite an awkward person - thought I might earn some pocket money.

I was let go from the agency because, and I quote, 'you're very beautiful in person, but the beauty doesn't translate when you're photographed'.

And it's true - I don't look good on photographs. And I can't see myself in day to day life when others comment on my attractiveness - so in a way I don't have a clue how I look to others.

When I look in the mirror, all I focus on is acne scars, asymmetry and a weird twitchy thing my mouth does.

It's a minefield the way we see ourselves.

I do think beauty shines through though. I've met people who I've thought weren't attractive in the slightest, and the more I get to know them, the more attractive they become. Similarly, I've met people I've initially thought were beautiful and the more I get to know them, the uglier they seem to become.

Mothermorph Yes, I know a couple who are very much Mr and Mrs Average, and their teenage daughter has porcelain skin and beautiful light red hair. She doesn't really look anything like either of them, but apparently she's a throwback to her paternal grandmother!

I am frequently told I am very attractive but I lack confidence and find fault in myself all the time. Having said that, a man in a medical capacity recently forgot where he was and blurted out "my goodness you're beautiful". I was completely thrown and didn't know what to do with myself. I smiled all the way home 😊. I don't think I'm beautiful, I am 50, a single mum to a primary aged son and utterly knackered 😂

@nchange1 I definitely understand this, I am very photogenic and I am fortunate in that respect. I know a few very gorgeous people where it just doesn't show in photos and one very good looking man who somehow has a completely different face in pics. Weird isn't it?

I'm not classically pretty,I've actually a strange face, big square forehead high cheekbones full lips big nose big eyes,slim and tall.funnnily I dont get Male attention but frequently told by woman I'm beautiful,I'm in my 40s and personally don't like my face or body but finally I'm at peace with it.

@haditall but you describe having a "strange face" and then go on to list features which are considered attractive in modern western society - high cheekbones, full lipe, big eyes, strong nose, high forehead, slim, tall etc

@2020wasShocking

I think on average, there would be a general consensus whether someone is attractive or not. I won’t give examples because that would be hideous.

When it comes to using words like stunning or beautiful, I think things become more uncertain.

For example (and again I’m not using real examples as I feel it’s awful) celeb A is attractive and most people wouldn’t disagree that they are nice looking, but they wouldn’t necessarily describe them as stunning.

That’s the epitome of perfection and imo there’s very few people I would describe as such. In the same was as being described as beautiful. It’s the top award shall was say (imo) and so I wouldn’t use it in the same was as I would use attractive/pretty.

I would describe lots of people as attractive, good looking or pretty, but again imo beautiful I’d the crem de la crem and most people don’t fall in to that elusive category.

So my definition of beautiful is quite narrow and wouldn’t be the same as the next persons defining of the word.

So whilst you may think your friends is out of this word stunningly beautiful, there’s a good chance the next person wouldn’t think so- although can see they are attractive.

Agree with this, I see many pretty, attractive or good looking people but have rarely seen anyone in real life who I would describe as beautiful or stunning.