Good-looking people who don't know they're good-looking

[EoinMcLovesCakeJumper]

Do they really not know? I know a friend of a friend who is absolutely stunning - tall, slim, perfect complexion, naturally curly waist-length hair etc. Men go gaga over her, but she always seems to be surprised when it's pointed out.

I just don't understand how someone can be that oblivious. We live in such a looks-orientated world, and people who don't meet the approved standard are certainly told about it often enough. I tend to think that everyone has a good idea of where they stand, and if they say otherwise it's because they think it would be seen as boasting or a lack of humility.

So does anyone know someone who appears to be genuinely unaware that they're gorgeous? I'm sure I've seen a few examples on threads of "my painfully handsome DH who looks like a long-lost Hemsworth brother thinks that all the women throwing themselves at him are just being friendly and he's bemused when I point out that they're coming on to him". Are they for real?

Good grief @EoinMcLovesCakeJumper... avoid anyone who says you are ugly, like the plague they are! How fucking cruel.

Just as an aside... my first husband was very good looking. He did quite a bit of modelling and I was very aware of his being a magnet to women (and men 😊) but, he knew it and “worked it” relentlessly. I couldn’t imagine him getting older and “losing his looks” because he was a little vacuous, it turned out, in anything but the looks department. In the end, he traded me in for a younger lady and looking back, it was the very best thing to have happened!

I also don't think confidence is particularly related to the way you look. I've always been confident in myself, hopefully in a more take me as you find me way & not arrogance. I'm not particularly sensitive either so if a boy didn't like me or I said something stupid in class I'd forget about it pretty quickly.

Oh and as a former model I'm much better in photos then real life! 🤣

My husband looks a bit like Tom Hardy! Loads of people have commented on the similarity. I think he's gorgeous but he has no idea and won't even have his picture taken! He's so oblivious and doesn't think he's attractive at all

Good grief @EoinMcLovesCakeJumper... avoid anyone who says you are ugly, like the plague they are! How fucking cruel.

This! I'm sure it's not true but who would even say that.

I always used to look good i photos - perhaps because unlike my mum and aunt I don't 'freeze' in photos.

However, now I look not so good! I asked someone to take a photo for facebook and my god! I look like I have had loads of fillers done!

I am one of those " You have a lovely face, shame you are fat" types. I would probably look chicken necked if I dieted!

I think there are a few types of beauty/attractiveness.

One being the classically beautiful/classy type like the girl from Poldark. Very slim, natural look. However from my experience they're not really 'sexy' and therefore dont get hit on much, maybe that's why they dont think they're attractive. Usually admired by other women.

Two being 'sexy', not conventionally beautiful but with a curvy figure, a twinkle in the eye, figure hugging clothes etc. Susanna Reid!?!

Three being people that are 'striking' or 'unusual' in a kind of fashion model way, maybe a bit like Emma Willis. Quirkier style. Again usually admired by other women, not hit on by men so unaware of their attractiveness.

Upon reflection of lots of posts it does seem people judge their own attractiveness by how much they get hit on

I've grown up being called the ugly one out of my siblings, and it is true I don't resemble any of them, and had no shortage of people telling me I was ugly in school either so I'm definitely not attractive. My step-dad used to tell me that my two sisters were the type of girl who men would flock to - whilst I would be the short, ginger one standing next to the gorgeous woman. When people give me compliments I just think they are being kind, I say thank you and don't act shocked exactly but I definitely don't believe they are being serious.

@Wolfgirrl

I think there are a few types of beauty/attractiveness.

One being the classically beautiful/classy type like the girl from Poldark. Very slim, natural look. However from my experience they're not really 'sexy' and therefore dont get hit on much, maybe that's why they dont think they're attractive. Usually admired by other women.

Two being 'sexy', not conventionally beautiful but with a curvy figure, a twinkle in the eye, figure hugging clothes etc. Susanna Reid!?!

Three being people that are 'striking' or 'unusual' in a kind of fashion model way, maybe a bit like Emma Willis. Quirkier style. Again usually admired by other women, not hit on by men so unaware of their attractiveness.

Upon reflection of lots of posts it does seem people judge their own attractiveness by how much they get hit on

Interesting, especially the last paragraph. I see what you mean.

The reverse could be true as well, in that those that are deemed ‘too attractive/out of the league’ of the ‘pursuer’, won’t get hit on as much for fear of rejection.

So could it be the that more average looking people in fact get more attention- which gives them the confidence.

The ones that ‘on paper’ are considered more attractive fail to get as much attention so they think they aren’t as attractive as they actually are

If that makes sense

tend to think that everyone has a good idea of where they stand, and if they say otherwise it's because they think it would be seen as boasting or a lack of humility.

See this is definitely not true for everyone. I thought I had a Purple Ronnie body shape, even when I weighed less than 7 stone. To me, scales were faulty, clothes were vanity sized, or they put the wrong size label on by accident, people were being kind/taking the piss. My family thought I had an eating disorder.

so many people I think are gorgeous, go further than not realising they are attractive, they actively hate themselves/think they are fat etc

People often comment on my looks but in photos I always think I look hideous.
I think it stems from a childhood where I was ignored and one of my siblings(mum's favourite) was constantly told how good looking they were by my mum.
When others commented on me being pretty etc my mum would reply with a derogatory comment about my looks. So that I wouldn't get big-headed
I've never quite believed people and am a bit vain in that I put a lot of importance on looking my best.

@TableFlowerss

DP said this to me once. I'm not beautiful, I would say I am pretty though, tall, slim, blonde hair.

I told him I didnt get hit on much when I was single and he said a lot of men go for the more 'achievable' looking women as they assume the more attractive ones are already taken or wont be interested.

It’s such a fraught topic. I’m not insecure or unconfident but looking back at my first job, it was 15-20 years ago. And I clear as day remember joking to the back office manager when I wasn’t getting something that I should have gone into modelling ( choosing something the polar opposite of my finance job). And I agonised over that for days thinking oh god he thinks I think I’m this model level stunningly beautiful person who must be so up her own arse. Ridiculous looking back, and I definitely knew I was attractive, but so humiliating thinking someone might think I overrated my looks because of one throw away comment

[quote Wolfgirrl]@TableFlowerss

DP said this to me once. I'm not beautiful, I would say I am pretty though, tall, slim, blonde hair.

I told him I didnt get hit on much when I was single and he said a lot of men go for the more 'achievable' looking women as they assume the more attractive ones are already taken or wont be interested.[/quote]
I can quite believe it!! Makes sense

Looks are a weird thing though, to one person someone is physically beautiful, to another they’re just normal.

I have a plain but well proportioned face, straight nose, decent jaw.

My boyfriend however is very good looking, he looks very similar to Troye Sivan but blonde, he hugely lacks confidence in his appearance, he has a physical disability and he sees that as an ugly physical characteristic which cancels out everything else.

The person that springs to mind that I know looks like Nicole Scherzinger, very exotic and stunning and has no idea because a lot of people treat her quite badly and she assumes she is unlikeable. Her parents and grandparents were aware from childhood that she was unusually pretty (she was often scouted to be a child model which her family always turned down) and so they kept “putting her in her place” so she’d not get big headed, wouldn’t compliment her looks or say she was pretty/beautiful etc and if strangers complimented her they’d say “no she’s not” or deflect it. Then she was teased by the boys at high school (obviously cos they liked her) and she assumed they found her ugly, girls would be quite bitchy and whisper about her and not give her a chance to be their friend. She’s really kind and sweet but because she’s so beautiful I think even as an adult people push her away. Weirdly she’s not had much luck with men either. I think they are too intimidated to ask her out or they only want to sleep with her.

It’s quite funny as she seems to think she’s nothing special but she’s gorgeous. And intelligent and lovely too which is quite sickening lol but her looks actually haven’t done her any favours and she’s totally unaware of how unusually beautiful she is. I think we assume that life is easier for the beautiful ones but I often think that’s not true. Even amongst friends children, the prettier children seem to be the ones who get bullied or excluded from parties and the like. Even the other mothers can often be quite cruel. jealous and competitive towards the prettier kids especially ones with hobbies like ballet or gymnastics. Speaking to my friend that certainly seems to have been her experience of growing up. Always the only one not invited to things. And knowing her, I really can’t see how it was based on her personality.

I have been told several times by people I know and random strangers out and about how beautiful/naturally pretty my youngest dd is, she is 8 and this has been a regular thing since she was a toddler. Once we were chased through an airport in Egypt to ask if she coulf do a pboto shoot for a hotel and more recently yesterday a lady at the park with her children came over and said, "I probably shouldn't say this as I have daughter's myself but your little girl is the prettiest child I have ever seen." Being her mum of course I think she is beautiful likewise my other dd that's my job being their mum but I don't know if she is above average in the looks department or not. I think pretty/beautiful/handsome means something different to everybody.

Because there is always something about yourself that you would like to change and that becomes the focus.

When I was younger (and thinner) I KNEW that men flirted and propositioned me more than anyone else I was out with. I KNEW people thought I was beautiful.

I also KNEW that was because they only saw the carefully presented me, with carefully chosen clothes and makeup and hair done. Primped and preened.

Of course, now I look back, I realise none of this was true. I was pretty with or without all that but my genuine belief at the time was that all those other peopled had been "fooled" by my carefully prepared appearance.

I fel like a fraud.

Aww! @BlueSwathesChoose

What do you want us to say op? 🤣

There are also the Samantha Bricks of this world so I think it's plausible that some see themselves differently to others.

smiledwiththerisingsun I was merely curious. There are times when it can be annoying if you're not blessed in the looks department - similar to listening to your slim friend complaining about their wobbly stomach when you yourself are overweight. I've found it interesting to see people's answers though - it's been eye-opening.

Interesting thread - thanks

So I'll put my hand up and say now I'm mid 40's I think I'm the sort of person you're talking about. I'm pretty. But I only really realised this watching my children grow. I think all children are beautiful when young. The cuteness. Cute can pack up and go when they hit teens and there are some very ugly teens (whereas there are no ugly children).

DD is 13. She is cruising the teens (as did I), she is stunning - even features, clear skin, long lashes, symmetrical which is a proven theory to beauty. She mostly looks like her DF side of the family but is thankfully blessed with my slenderness
Her uncle was often model scouted. And like him, she is utterly appalled by such things. She is shy. Photo-phobic, quiet.

DS is 10. He looks like me, so much so in photo's of the same age we are a mirror. Even our expressions. His eyes are his paternal grandfathers blue though and they are piercing. He's outgoing so I have taught him he is good looking using Derek Zoolander as our guide . Confident but self depreciating.

I tell them both they are attractive etc. I don't over do it. And I tell them that no one will ask them out because they are too good looking so they should be brave and tell people they fancy them. Age appropriate of course!

When I was young, teens and twenties - when it mattered - NOBODY asked me out EVER. Everyone around me got asked out or whispers rumours abounded that so and so likes you. This never happened to me ever.

When I meet people from that era now, I've been told several times how much they fancied me back then.

But because they never told me, I have gone through life thinking I must be ugly. To this day I don't get asked out (single) except by jumped up arrogant unattractive men. Nice men still don't ask.

AM I being boastful? No. It's taken me this long in life to realise that I am pretty and lots of men think I am pretty but they don't ask me out. So my self fulfilling prophecy continues looping. Every partner I've had is told by their mates they are punching.

It's really annoying actually.