Good-looking people who don't know they're good-looking

[EoinMcLovesCakeJumper]

Do they really not know? I know a friend of a friend who is absolutely stunning - tall, slim, perfect complexion, naturally curly waist-length hair etc. Men go gaga over her, but she always seems to be surprised when it's pointed out.

I just don't understand how someone can be that oblivious. We live in such a looks-orientated world, and people who don't meet the approved standard are certainly told about it often enough. I tend to think that everyone has a good idea of where they stand, and if they say otherwise it's because they think it would be seen as boasting or a lack of humility.

So does anyone know someone who appears to be genuinely unaware that they're gorgeous? I'm sure I've seen a few examples on threads of "my painfully handsome DH who looks like a long-lost Hemsworth brother thinks that all the women throwing themselves at him are just being friendly and he's bemused when I point out that they're coming on to him". Are they for real?

My eldest son (21) is extremely handsome. He is tall, slim with raven hair and almost black eyes. When I am out with him, I see the reaction from young women in his wake. The pointing, the staring, the whispering.. He is completely oblivious. I am constantly told by my friends how stunning he is.

If I ever mention his looks to him, he goes nuts. He has absolutely zero vanity - the opposite. He doesn't think he's unattractive, he just can't bear people making a thing of it. It makes me despair a bit. I wish he would enjoy his beauty to a tiny degree. We have never made a thing of looks, but I can't really relate to him in the complete lack of conceit.

I had parents that never, ever complimented me. I was a teenager before I knew I was attractive. But at 49, I still enjoy being 'good-looking' even if it's shallow. My husband does too. I don't know how we made our son the opposite.

I spend every waking moment making "hilarious" self-deprecating comments - I don't know why I do it, desperate for nobody to think I've got ideas above my station I suppose but mainly because it gets a laugh.

But I do have a face that has been put together in an aesthetically pleasing manner, I have wild thick curly hair that apparently other people would kill for (it's overrated, trust me), and I have unusual light green eyes. From the neck up, some would say I am striking.

From the neck down, however...that's where it all went wrong. As a child I was constantly reminded that I was pretty and clever, but was also warned - every day, thanks to my DMs dieting and fasting habits and constant topic of conversation and fear of getting fat - not to get fat.

I get enthusiastic attention when I'm slim, but sadly I am now, probably unsurprisingly, fat. They say you can't outrun a bad diet, and neither can a great face make up for a universally unattractive body (IMO).

My best friend’s brother is startlingly classically handsome ( by current Western standards of beauty) Film star/ model - head turning . He must ‘know’ in the sense that he would have been told ( comes from a large, teasing, good looking family ) and isn’t oblivious but it seems to have zero effect on him, apart from being embarrassed when women - and men- have tried to chat him up or give him their number, even when he is with his wife and family.

He’s modest and clever and amiable company - I permanently see him as the gawky 11 year old he was when I first met him, but occasionally I ‘see ‘ the Adonis that he is now and it quite startles me. Maybe that is how he sees himself - his face is just his face in the mirror when he is shaving but occasionally sees what the fuss is all about - then continues on with his day.

DH was absolutely gorgeous when we first got together and genuinely had no idea. He was soooo shy and unconfident that I had to basically take the lead for ages when we were newly dating, he wouldn’t try and hold my hand or kiss me or anything in case I’d changed my mind and didn’t fancy him any more and was just too polite to say so

Like someone said earlier, I don’t think it’s as straightforward as ‘pretty and know it’ or ‘not pretty’. I was very pretty as a teen and I sort of knew that, but I was also horrendously insecure and unhappy in my own skin, self harm, eating disorder, the works. I got a lot of attention but I was totally incapable of filtering out the dickheads so I got used a lot too and I just accepted it, never thought i deserved better.

I’m still pretty but not by any means stunning or beautiful - but I have much more confidence these days, so people are attracted to me because I’m charismatic and outgoing and chat to everyone. I think it fools people into thinking I’m better looking than I really am

I love all the mums saying how beautiful and stunning their children are

Possibly on occasion slightly bias, but I do think it’s a positive think to tell your child they’re beautiful. Must be awful if your own mum says your not attractive

I have a good friend like this ,she is stunning. Naturally blonde , beautiful face ,great figure. I'm ashamed to say when I first met her I thought she'd be really horrible ( I figured no one can be that good inside and out !) But she's lovely , and totally unaffected.
I , on the other hand seem to think I am so good looking and sexy then see a photo of myself and I'm like oh dear , I'm really not all that ! I think I have the opposite of body dysmorphia haha

A young girl at work is possibly the most beautiful person I've ever seen.
She is just breathtaking and she is completely oblivious to it.
She is also just a genuinely lovely young lady .

I love all the mums saying how beautiful and stunning their children are

Everyone on MNs has stunning dc!

They know op it’s humility not admitting it. Saying you know it is seen as unacceptable. Arrogant. You need to act surprised and deny It. Be self depreciating.

They know it because they are told constantly. I’m fifty one now, normally considered attractive, I’ve been told since I was a little girl, a teen, a young woman through to a mature woman, I know because people tell me, they stare at me, they comment on it. Men, children and women, although more women bizarrely than men. The comments range from “ your face, wow“ “you’re very pretty” “ your mum is so pretty “ (from my daughters friends) through to the really bitchy comments, and from random strangers too.

I personally only see what’s wrong, the negatives most of the time, and I am not photo genie at all, and I would never dream of reacting in any way other than surprise, humility and denial if someone says I’m attractive.. There is no way in hell I’d ever respond with “yes, I get told all the time”. Because just how much would you hate that person?

On the flip side though, when you fancy or love someone you can see what others don’t, I have genuinely seen women believe their partners are nothing short of gods walking the earth, and all everyone else can see is some knuckle dragging troll. Love really is blind.

wow @Bluntness100 you're quite distinctive on MNs. I'm very surprised that in RL you care about other people's perceptions of you 🤣

Doesn’t everyone care in real life?

Lol @anonm I was thinking that!

I think mum goggles are powerful things!

It's the rare person who genuinely doesn't care what others think of them. Nobody wants to think that people are looking at them and thinking "Eww, I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole". In reality, I'm sure very few people actually do that, but if you're insecure, the irrational little voice in your head convinces you that everyone is physically recoiling from you!

I think you often have to look a certain way to be considered pretty or beautiful these days. Like hd brows and pouty lips get loads of "you're stunning babe" comments on Facebook when often it's an otherwise plain looking girl with loads of makeup on. I have been commented on as being good looking by lots of older people but I think they may see me differently to how younger people may as I'm never told I'm pretty by anyone remotely young. Also men seem to compliment me but never women, again do they perceive me differently.

@Bluntness100 I may be the unusual poster who tends to respond to MNs posts how I would respond to people in real life. Plus the way you often respond in a very shall we say blunt manner I can't imagine is magically different in RL.

@toohotz

There are also the Samantha Bricks of this world so I think it's plausible that some see themselves differently to others.

Yes that was all really baffling. She was attractive but in a very ordinary way.

I laugh at the posters on mumsnet who think their husbands look like Tom Hardy. No, he doesn't. I will forgive you for describing your children as stunning but don't delude yourself that your husband looks like a lost Hemsworth Brother.

I think that people are not told they are good looking in a vacuum if that makes sense.

Some people are feted upon from childhood because they are goodlooking. My DS went to school with a girl who was like an angel Gold curly locks. Huge big blue eyes. She was a terrible bully but got away with it (at least until about the age of 10).

I have had people tell me I was a lovely looking child. But my mother - if I asked as a small child if she thought I was pretty would sort of snort. When I was older she would say that I took after my father's side of the family. This was very much not a compliment and i knew it. i have had eating disorders all my life (now 48). You absorb that as a child. So i think i am disgusting. I always joke that my descendants will look back at family photos and think DH was a stoic widowed father because I do not think i have a single photo of me anywhere.

There's a bit in tangled, where the 'mother' is standing with Rapunzel and looking in the mirror.

She says "you know what I see? A strong, confident, beautiful young lady. Oh look, you're here too!"

Pretty much sums it up, those who have mother's who make them feel like shit.

I’m middle aged, fat and too many late nights have taken their toll now but in my youth I was described by some as stunning. Looking back I guess I was conventionally very attractive. I never groomed, didn’t pluck eyebrows, go to hairdressers, etc, usually dressed down but I was tall which get me noticed and had a very symmetrical face. I was asked to model a few times, stopped in the street etc, chatted up a lot. But most of the time these were by people who I had no interest in. So it wasn’t an ego boost, it was annoying. It would quite often turn into harassment from men who wouldn’t go away.

I picked a few bad boyfriends and was raped by one who was possessive. Also on a lot of occasions I thought I had male friends but then they’d come onto me and I’d realise that they hadn’t been my friend, they’d just wanted to have sex. Then there was jealousy from some females including eg a really good friend that is grown up with. These things made me not want to be attractive so if anyone ever mentioned it it would make me awkward, because I didn’t want to be.

I do appreciate that some things in life were easier than if I was ugly so this isn’t meant as a ‘poor me’ - just that things are never clear cut. You’re looked at a certain way and I didn’t like it. Sometimes friends would comment on me being attractive and I wouldn’t like it so I guess I would try to brush it off/dismiss it. It seemed such a trivial thing - our friendships were bigger than that - ‘purer’ than that maybe? I didn’t want attractiveness to exist really.

You wouldn’t know it to look at me now and I like that! (Though would like to lose some weight to be healthier now!)

My brother is very good looking but he is very sensitive and was bullied as a quiet shy lad so thinks he’s a ‘massive freak’

My husband.

He looks like Jose Mourinho. Friends and relatives are always saying to me how lucky I am to have such a good looking husband (obviously I am well fit too ) But he has absolutely no concept of how handsome he is. Thinks his arms are too skinny (they’re not), his shoulders aren’t broad enough (they are), worries he’s not very interesting in conversations (he is). His obliviousness to his attractiveness just makes him even more attractive.

My best friend told me this once but I just don't see it. I am definitely not good looking anymore but when younger had men look at me a lot and always someone at school or uni had a crush on me. To be honest I just couldn't see it and never felt it and in my head just didn't clock it properly I guess. I also fixated on my physical flaws.

I think beauty really is in the eye of the beholder, which is rather lovely! I’ve seen friends describe some very ordinary (at best) partners as “absolutely stunning” or “real head turners” and I just don’t get it. A PP mentioned Charles Dance in relation to her attractive husband - Charles Dance makes me literally recoil! Equally people I find attractive other people find very odd .

I would say I am good looking - I’m conventionally attractive (short, curvy, thick long hair, nice eyes, nice lips and a pretty face) even though I’m three stone over weight . I know I’m attractive and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t, I also have ASD so I’m quite matter of fact about it. I have a lot of friends so it doesn’t seem to put people off me?

I had a fair bit of work done to get to this level of attractiveness so I’m going to bloody well enjoy it while it lasts

My husband.

He looks like Jose Mourinho
___

See as pp have said, it's all in the eye of the beholder as JM is extremely unattractive to me (no offence to your husband!). It's definitely subjective

Thing is... I'm always complimentary to people and point out nice things about them... But truth be told the number of people who are stunning who I've met, I could count on one or two hands.

The thing with celebrities is they are often made more attractive by their charisma. So saying my partner looks like X who is a film star... Isn't always a sign that they are gorgeous. Some celebs if they didn't have a movie star career and loads of PR training and that x factor... If you met in the street would seem very ordinary.

I live near lots of celebrities, I saw Hugo Speer yesterday in fact and he's just an ordinary looking bloke... Yet he has played a heartthrob in lots of films/shows.

This is a long winded way of saying... Few people are beautiful!