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Original poster

Good-looking people who don't know they're good-looking

189 replies

EoinMcLovesCakeJumper · 01/08/2020 10:30

Do they really not know? I know a friend of a friend who is absolutely stunning - tall, slim, perfect complexion, naturally curly waist-length hair etc. Men go gaga over her, but she always seems to be surprised when it's pointed out.

I just don't understand how someone can be that oblivious. We live in such a looks-orientated world, and people who don't meet the approved standard are certainly told about it often enough. I tend to think that everyone has a good idea of where they stand, and if they say otherwise it's because they think it would be seen as boasting or a lack of humility.

So does anyone know someone who appears to be genuinely unaware that they're gorgeous? I'm sure I've seen a few examples on threads of "my painfully handsome DH who looks like a long-lost Hemsworth brother thinks that all the women throwing themselves at him are just being friendly and he's bemused when I point out that they're coming on to him". Are they for real?

OP posts:
Ffsseriously · 01/08/2020 11:38

The words stunning and beautiful are so overused. In my long and eventful life the amount of people I have met who are stunning or beautiful, i can count on one hand.
The amount of people who I have told them, they are beautiful or stunning well thats rather more.

ItsAlwaysSunnyOnMN · 01/08/2020 11:39

I think people are confusing good Looks with inner confidence

I knew I was beautiful I was constantly told (not just by family) from all child ;not so much now but that’s fine there is more to me)

But knowing I was didn’t make me confident or feel secure in relationships it’s just a small factor of life that so many focus on

I think it often actually creates more insecurity especially for girls as how clever/talented/kind/funny/creative they are too often gets ignored

My friends daughter is beautiful I always make sure I compliment her on achievements and her personality not just how pretty she looks this really is secondary

2020wasShocking · 01/08/2020 11:40

@Ffsseriously

The words stunning and beautiful are so overused. In my long and eventful life the amount of people I have met who are stunning or beautiful, i can count on one hand. The amount of people who I have told them, they are beautiful or stunning well thats rather more.
I agree. Beautiful and stunning are so over used words.
diggadoo · 01/08/2020 11:42

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the request of the OP.

blosstree · 01/08/2020 11:46

They look in the mirror and only see faults, the same as 'less attractive' people do, really.

We live in a world where we are basically told what standard beauty is via the media etc - no one looks in the mirror in the morning and looks like what is pushed on them everyday.

There is a degree of modesty, but they most often judge themselves on their worst - just got out of bed, hair needs washing, etc rather than when they're more groomed.

InglouriousBasterd · 01/08/2020 11:48

I can only read your title in a Zoolander voice Grin

I think people are more attuned to their perceived faults than attributes, tbh. Your friend may see her curly hair as a tangled, frizzy nightmare (I feel her pain!) but others see beautiful curls, for example.

DigOutThoseLemonHandWipes · 01/08/2020 11:55

In our late teens/early 20s I had a stunning male friend, all the women were secretly swooning over him. No one ever told him we just gazed adoringly from a far. He was sweet, kind and a little shy. He moved overseas for a couple of years to somewhere that people were a lot less reserved and stiff upper lipped and lots of women there would directly approach him and tell him he was gorgeous. When he came back to London he was an arrogant twat, aware that heads turned when he walked into a room. The sweet shy young man turned into a total "player' while he was still very, very good looking he was nowhere near as attractive.

toohotz · 01/08/2020 11:57

I think it depends if you always looked like that or blossomed so you speak. I used to do modelling so have tall friends. One who is 5ft 11 is incredibly conscious of her height because she was the tallest girl & often boy throughout primary. I'm 5ft 10 but was average height until high school & I don't think about my height at all.

I generically attractive but beauty is somewhat in the eye of the beholder. Some thing I'm gorgeous, some don't. I mean look at the hot men threads, some of the suggestions are odd.

stellabelle · 01/08/2020 11:58

Of course they know. It isn't possible to go through life with really good looks and "not know". I suspect that they feign surprise in order to be likeable. They don't want you to think they are vain.

IndieTara · 01/08/2020 11:58

I think women in particular see what they perceive as their flaws but what other people see as normal or as attributes. I'm seeing a man who constantly tells me I have no idea how good looking I am and he cannot believe I'm single. I take issue with looks being equated to relationship status and think this is just the way he personally sees me. He seems to think I should have men falling at my feet! I think I'm overweight but scrub up well.
It's perception .

toohotz · 01/08/2020 12:04

Oh & I knows models who I thought were stunning but were very insecure.

Agree with the poster who said real beauty is rare & subjective. I think Angelina Jolie is incredibly beautiful, others would disagree.

toohotz · 01/08/2020 12:05

Also agree there are different categories some one can be sexy but not beautiful or striking but not sexy, very pretty but not striking etc.

I think most people are attractive or have an attractive feature.

Valkadin · 01/08/2020 12:06

I have been told I look like Demi Moore but I am mixed race so a version of her. Many people have made comments about my looks personally I never really gave much of a shit apart from the fact it has meant I have been harassed a lot by men even now and I’m just over 50. I belong to a very big discord, which is a site for gamers. I have a head and shoulders shot of me wearing a hoodie, they have given me and one other woman a title based on our looks, Waifu it’s an anime term. Personally I want a title that reflects I’m actually really good at the game I play.

Original poster
EoinMcLovesCakeJumper · 01/08/2020 12:08

This is very interesting to me. I suppose I had divided them into two categories - the ones who know they're attractive but downplay it through a sense of modesty, and the ones who are really oblivious. I'm coming at it from the point of view of someone who is ugly, and has had no shortage of people willing to point this out to me over the years. I just assumed that the beautiful ones had similar experience from the other side! It's depressing to think of all these people who didn't realise they were lovely until they looked back at old pictures of themselves.

OP posts:
Newjez · 01/08/2020 12:22

My eldest son is very good looking but has no idea. I've seen girls react to him, and he's completely oblivious. He's too shy to do anything about it, and they assume he's not interested. He needs to find a confident woman.

Bigkingdom · 01/08/2020 12:24

I get told i am stunning beautiful all the time, people love my long curly brown hair, my olive complexion, full lips and say i have mysterious eyes. But people aren’t going to come up to me and say i’m ugly are they so i just take it as people being polite.

I look in the mirror and i see a long face, lips that are too big, massive brown eyes, hair thats difficult to control and needs so many products to control it, a horrible body ruined by pregnancy even though i am a size 10.

But yeah, i literally just think people are being kind.

DioneTheDiabolist · 01/08/2020 12:24

I suffer from body dysmorphia but didn't realise until I was mid 30s. When people would comment on my looks I thought they were taking the piss or trying to be kind.

What we see in the mirror is not how others see us.

AnExistentialcrisis · 01/08/2020 12:29

I've 2 drop dead gorgeous friends, as in look like they've just walked off a movie set with little effort (e.g don't plaster make up on etc) but they both dont seem to agree how beautiful they are. It's not that they are totally oblivious one is on dating sites and thinks it funny how much attention she gets but more in a dismissive 'guys just like blondes with big tits' way. Interestingly I'm quite plain but they both fawn over how beautiful my bright blue eyes are as theirs are brown.

doadeer · 01/08/2020 12:30

I would say very few people you see day to day are beautiful or stunning. Lots of pretty / attractive people who can be transformed with a lovely smile or interesting dress sense.

There's so many different types of beautiful - eg for me... Someone like Cillian Murphy holds no appeal.... But for others he is gorgeous. My DP is handsome... He was model scouted a number of times and has lots of female attention but I'm sure there are some people who aren't fussed. He is extremely modest and doesn't consider himself attractive.

I was never someone who other girls said was pretty but I had and still have a lot of male attention. What's horrible is I get it loads now walking the pram with my son. Yesterday a man was shouting out of his van at me. How vile.

DanniArthur · 01/08/2020 12:40

I was literally talking to my friend about this earlier! We were looking at photos from last night and she kept commenting on how beautiful I am. I wouldnt say I was ugly but think I'm more the pretty but plain girl before she gets a make up in chick flicks. I do scrub up well and the photos were from a night out so I had put on makeup etc.
I tried explaining this to her and she pointed at my DD's long straight strawberry blonde hair, big blue eyes and clear pale skin and asked if she is a beautiful child. Obviously I agreed and she asked who she looked like. DD is my image Grin

vixxo · 01/08/2020 12:46

@Ffsseriously

The words stunning and beautiful are so overused. In my long and eventful life the amount of people I have met who are stunning or beautiful, i can count on one hand. The amount of people who I have told them, they are beautiful or stunning well thats rather more.
Yes I agree. I think I've only met a dozen of truly stunning people in my life. And they know it.
VoppityHoosh · 01/08/2020 12:51

I was always told I was "striking" and "naturally pretty" which I assumed was people being kind, as I was badly bullied for my looks in school. However I look back at photos from only a few years ago, that I can remember thinking I looked vile in, and actually I did look nice. But all I ever see is flaws, hugely magnified. I'm fat and exhausted after having my toddler now though, so sadly I do think my most attractive days are behind me and I didn't even realise!

IseeIsee · 01/08/2020 12:52

I was very pretty when younger. I got a lot of attention which I thought was normal. My Mother always told me I wasn't pretty and I believed her. When I look back on photos I can now see it. If you are insecure for whatever reason, you genuinely can't see yourself properly.

TheLadyAnneNeville · 01/08/2020 12:58

Tricky this. I was always told by my mum that my sister was “the pretty one” but that I had an attractive personality “something about me”. I have gone through life feeling this and unsure about myself on a physical level. However, my husband always describes me as a head turner in that when we first met and we’d arrange to meet somewhere he sit and watch an entire restaurant turn to look at me, as I walked in. If I put a picture on here (usually a well meant “what shall I do with my hair/colour/skin” question) I get a range of “you’re gorgeous” to “stop fishing for compliments”. So, I have no idea of “myself” in terms of looks.

When I was younger, I was excruciatingly shy so would avoid any kind of socialising unless it was in small groups of people I knew. I once went on an assertiveness training course to help me and when on the last day we each had to write a short note about each other and place the comments into an envelope p, so we could take them all home and use as reaffirmation notes on a “bad day” I was genuinely dismayed that the majority of mine read that I was unusually lovely looking and had no clue, which was to them odd and endearing.

Now, I’m much older and have a lot more confidence. Which I think, in itself, can be attractive. But, I can still hear my mum’s summation of my looks in the back of my mind.

Mothermorph · 01/08/2020 12:58

I know a really good looking guy, he has worked as a model and is really handsome. I've even heard lots of straight men joke that they fancy him....but he is quite arrogant about a lot of stuff and the more I know about him the less attractive he seems if that makes sense.
I guess though if someone faked surprise t being called pretty, I would find that kind of annoying but then they might come across as boastful or vain if they said " oh it happens all the time because I'm so beautiful!".....so they probably cant win!