Only Children: What are your thoughts or experiences?

[ottermum3]

Just that. If it was not a financial or age constraint, would you have an only? If you do, what are your thoughts about it?

Have this ongoing conversation with my sister and she believes only children are better off as the resources and time of parents is not diluted.

When she talks, I see her point but I am wondering if there are some sort of intrinsic benefits to having siblings

I was/am an only child.
I would never have planned to only have one due to my lonely upbringing but if I wasn’t able to have a choice then I would ensure an only child would have plenty of opportunities to mix with other children and also would play with them a lot.
Just my experience but my parents split when I was 6 and my father moved away. My mum was disinterested in me, never played board games with me or anything and I rarely had friends over to my house.
I now have two children and although they fight like cat and dog, I can see they do care and wouldn’t be without each other.
I hope they’ll remain friends as adults.

My husband, on the other hand, has a brother that he never speaks to outside of family meet-ups with their parents. It’s not that they don’t get along, they just have nothing in common and have no interest in keeping in touch with each other.
I find it really sad but I guess that’s because I always longed for a sibling to be close to, i could never imagine having such a distant relationship with one.

I had the opposite experience to the poster above. Was an only child myself and LOVED my childhood as an only. Could only see the negatives of having siblings from my experiences at friends houses etc. I was shy/introverted growing up, but happy nonetheless.

I haven't changed much over the years to be honest. I'n not close to wider family and have only a few close friends, but that's how I like it. DS is and will continue to be an only, as both DH and I are happy with our family of 3 and don't believe an additional child/children would bring anything to our lives. DH has two siblings and has a very distant relationship with both of them through choice.

Do what feels right for you and your situation

I am an only child.
Always wanted a sibling and tbh as a 40+ woman I still miss having a sibling.
I think it would have added a lot to my childhood and I think being an only really affected who I am today. Personally.

Well, I had DC2 as I didn't want DC1 to be an only, and the fight like cat and dog.

They probably do love each other though, and DC2 positively idolises DC1.

*they

Having more than one child is always a gamble in my mind.

Generally, you have your first and after a few years you decide to have a second so your first child can have a sibling, so they’re not lonely or simply because you want a second child.

This sibling may change their life for the better and they go on to have an amazing friendship or it may change it for the worse.
Some people are willing to take the gamble as they perceive the benefits of a great sibling relationship outweighs the risks that these siblings hate each other. Other people aren’t willing to take that risk.

I’m one of three and can honestly say that once I became old enough, I had nothing to do with one of my siblings but the other I am fairly close to.
I chose to have an only as she never felt lonely nor ever asked for siblings. My sister had two and they honestly spend most of the day fighting, yelling and trying to get each other into trouble.
However friends have two children and they get on very well. And the benefits are having someone to share life experiences with (however looking back I can honestly say from teenage years onwards my friends were the ones I shared my life with, not my siblings)

With regards to resources, children are expensive. If you have less of then it’s easier to give them more time, attention and material things.
I teach at university level for a professional role and I was always amazed that most of my students were only children; but I imagine with the bar being high with regards to entrance criteria the only children have the advantage of a more varied and expensive eduction or extra curricular activities unless parents could afford to do the same for more multiple children

I personally loved it and felt I experienced a lot of opportunities because the funds were available that wouldn't have been had I had siblings. I also had a busy social life as a child, however, so I imagine that massively helped to prevent any loneliness. I would be very open to having an only myself but would also ensure that they too get to mix with lots of friends as much as they wanted to.

Speaking as an only, I think it’s selfish as a lifestyle choice.

I don't know if it's a good example but when my nieces and nephews go home I love having one to one time with my only DD. I love the bond the two of us have, but I'm aware she is fortunate to have cousins close by.

I’m also an only, and like @rottiemum88 I loved it. I was definitely spoilt for attention by my parents, but I’m also quite happy in my own company. I had plenty of friends as a child and never wanted a sibling. I’m happy as an adult too, but as time goes on, I become more aware of the fact that my parents are getting older, and that caring for - or at least worrying about - them, will fall on me and me alone. I do sometimes wish I had someone to share the emotional burden with in the future.

I don't have children yet but I would want an only. Live 8 timezones away from my sister and not close at all.

I do think it's hard to generalize because unless everyone had the same parents, everyone would have different experiences. Its the same with big families- many kids hate being 1 of 5 or 1 of 4 but there are those who love it.

I'm an only child, I was always happy not to have a sister as my friends were always argueing with theirs.

I have one child my Husband died young and I never had any more, I wish I had

Not only to give her the companionship and support of siblings, but to give me a variation too

If I could have my time again I'd have had another one, at least, but sometimes life doesn't work out the way we plan it

I'm an only. I have no thoughts on it really. My childhood was fine, I never felt lonely or longed for a sibling. I don't long for a sibling as an adult either.

My DS is an only, he is 7 and I'm 29 so not an age issue. I just don't want any more children. I organise lots of play dates for him and he wants for nothing really.

I am an only child. Always loved it as a child and growing up. Didnt yearn for a sibling.

But now my parents are ageing and I start to feel the burden of everything falling to me. The attention I enjoyed from my parents when younger has become quite stifling in my adult years.

@GreenTulips excuse me? My DS isn't lonely, and his friends and their parents are lovely, we all enjoy play dates. Just because you can't be arsed doesn't mean everyone is the same.

It always amazes me how some people take other people having one child so personally. It's as though they think it is an attack on them it seems. Most bizarre.

I'm an only sibling and I'm so thankful for it. I'd hate to share my parents with other siblings. They were able to help me through uni and do a lot for me financially and emotionally which would have been diluted with siblings. I love them. They're mine. Why would I ever want to share them!

My experience of knowing very well 2 men who were only children is that they are very self centred - I think this is because their parents had only them to give all their attention etc. to - all the time. They can't help it.

And no Green, I'm not prepared to have another child, because I don't want one, and I don't think it's a good idea to bring an unwanted child into the world.