Only Children: What are your thoughts or experiences?

[ottermum3]

Just that. If it was not a financial or age constraint, would you have an only? If you do, what are your thoughts about it?

Have this ongoing conversation with my sister and she believes only children are better off as the resources and time of parents is not diluted.

When she talks, I see her point but I am wondering if there are some sort of intrinsic benefits to having siblings

It’s a bit stifling. Having all the attention and expectations trained on you, and you alone. You’re outnumbered by your parents. They’re a team against you, alone.

But you inherit everything.

I also plan on having 1 child. I have siblings but tbh they have always been more trouble than they are worth!
Also, the majority of my friends and family who have had a second child have has a very hard time juggling 2 children. Most of the second children I know are hard work compared to the first!
I also think dedicating my time, money and energy to one child would be very beneficial for them. I'd involve them in lots of clubs and provide plenty opportunities for them to socialise with other kids!

I’m an only child and I don’t seem to remember being hugely bothered by it when I was young; there were times I’m sure where I wish I had someone to play with as my parents never played with me, but I was always out at friends houses or they came to mine. I certainly had a lot more opportunities such as regular overseas travel which I seem to remember my friends with siblings did not.

It’s as I’ve got older that I wish I had a sibling/s, but then it’s pot luck as to whether you would be close or can’t stand each other - I’ve known so many people who fall into both of these scenarios.

We’ve had an only child but I had him at 40, then a miscarriage at 41, and after that I decided I was too old to try for another one. I regret that now, 5 years on. I worry about our only child when we are gone, as he has no aunts/uncles/cousins/grandparents on my side, and only one of each on his DF’s side so it’s a very small family circle. If he doesn’t one day have a family of his own then I fear he will be very lonely once we are gone along with other older family members. But then again there are no guarantees that if he had had a sibling that they would even like each other into adulthood.

I have a big family and when my dad died it was the support of my siblings which helped me through it. That is the sole reason I had a second child, I didn’t want my child to be alone when my husband and I pass.

I think it is so important not to generalise, each family is different and what is right for one won't be right for another.

Due to an abusive childhood I do not have the mental capacity to have more than one child. I would not cope with normal sibling bickering etc. Far better in my opinion that my DS has a healthy mother than a sibling he may or may not get along with.

Having an only child is a gamble, they may not enjoy the experience. Having a sibling for your child is a gamble, they may not enjoy the experience.

Neither is inherently better than the other.

“You either have mine to keep yours company OR you palm yours off for a child free day”

So you have an issue with another Mum having your child for the day? You can just say no...

Wow Green Tulips, that’s a big chip on your shoulder.

I have an “only”. She’s just won a school ambassador award for kindness, integrity, team work and perseverance.

Most siblings I know fight like cat and dog and drive their parents mad.

But we can’t go around stereotyping people.

Obviously depends on the child, the parent(s) and how they’re brought up! Some people will be ok with it, others less so. But then again the same applies to families with two or more children.

Ds is an only.Im 40 now and having a bad birth confirmed the fact that I don't want anymore.We love being a family of 3.

I have an only. All good here. Peaceful loving home just the two of us. Perfect for us.

Also, she comments a lot how we are much closer than she sees her friends with their parents.

I'm an only, I have 2 children.

I hated being an only and was adamant we were having more than one if we had children. A lot of my issues were circumstantial though, df in the military, 8 different schools in multiple different countries, a mum who had severe pnd and wished I was a cot death statistic. Parents fought all the time, df drank and was really stressed, I had to navigate all that by myself. Df died when I was heavily pregnant and again, I had to organise the funeral, register his death and support my mum with no help from my own family.

@GreenTulips what a bizarre and utterly vile thing to say. Agree with a previous poster who suggests that other see only children as an attack on them personally. Can't begin to fathom what that's all about.

I have an I my, didn't plan to but couldn't have any more. I'm one of 5, have great relationship with my sibs, dh has a sister and hates her. Having a sibling is not a guarantee that you will have a nice relationship.

I love having one. We are incredibly close. She is easy going, very sociable, confident and most importantly happy! Yes she does have lots of play dates that I facilitate but more often than not her friends and her will come up with a plan to ask me if they can come round as they love being here- it's quiet, no annoying siblings, uninterrupted play/ hot tub usage etc.

Mixed feelings. I am an only but am 60 and there were a lot of negative comments in the 60s and 70s when only children were considered fair game to be called spoilt etc., which materially I was. I hated being an only child but I was an unwanted child and realise now my mother was/is a narcissist. The reality probably would have been if I'd had a sibling that they would have been the golden child and it would have been worse but I didn't know about that back then. I vowed not to have an only and didn't.

It used to weigh heavily that I'd be solely responsible for my parents but DH is one of three and his two sisters do bugger all and live on the other side of the world so he has sole responsibility in any event and none of them are close to each other. MIL a former teacher likes to have digs about spoilt, selfish only children but paradoxically her own two dd's are jaw dropping my selfish. One so much so that she didn't attend her father's funeral because It was a 24 hour flight and too expensive for a short and stressful trip!

My mother was an only and loved it but she was deeply wanted and very loved.

So, after a lifetime and two grown up children I don't think it matters if the child is loved and wanted.

My dd is an only (has a half brother much older and lives miles away), wasn't a lifestyle choice, wasn't able to have any more after her - was devastating at the time but actually she has a lovely life we always have other kids here and one particular friend comes on holiday with us regularly. All the fun but no arguing to referee. Still wouldn't be my choice to have an only but there are definitely advantages. I have got a sister who l get on with but honestly l am much closer to my friends than her.

@Lizzie523

I am an only child. Always loved it as a child and growing up. Didnt yearn for a sibling.

But now my parents are ageing and I start to feel the burden of everything falling to me. The attention I enjoyed from my parents when younger has become quite stifling in my adult years.

Exactly this.

I’ll be honest, I’m envious of my friends’ relationships with their siblings. With a few exceptions they’re healthy relationships even when not super-close. It doesn’t help that my parents have no friends either, other than another elderly couple who are frail themselves.

DH is an only and hates it. He had/has the whole weight of his parent’s care and expectation on his shoulder and had a pretty lonely childhood too.
My friends who only have one, most didn’t though choice.
We have 3.
It’s your sister’s choice though.

I'm an only and had a great childhood. Very much helped by having other children my age in my road and we were in and out of each others houses, I went on holiday with them etc.

However, as an adult I don't like being an only. So much pressure to care for my DM and I have no one who has shared childhood experiences. I have a really good life, but would have loved a sister. I've gone on to have 3 DC as I wanted the large family feeling. Of course there are no guarantees they will stay close, but many of my friends are very close to their siblings and I'm praying mine will be the same. I love watching them all play together, ask for each other when they wake, hug each other goodbye, be excited to show one another what they've made etc. I'm very aware this may not last forever and they have their fair share of bickering as well, but it's very special at the moment.

No. I wouldn’t have or want to be an only child. I loved having a brother and I can’t imagine dealing with my dads death without him.

I always say the same thing on only child threads.

I'm an only child & only grandchild so no cousins as a child either, can honestly say hand on heart that I never yearned for a sibling and still don't now I'm an adult. I have an only and no plans to have a second, not age or financially restricted just choice.

DH is a twin, they had an awful relationship growing up that lasted well into adulthood and now they haven't spoken in 5 years.

I'm an only child and I loved my childhood, had cousins living in the neighborhood and spent lots of time with them. Never wanted to have a sibling and happy I don't have one as an adult. I've got a large distant family though.

I don't think this is a decision anyone else can make for you. I do think that having another child just because you want your first child to have a sibling is a terrible reason to bring another baby into the world. That's exactly why I haven't done it. Would I like my DS to have a sibling? Yes. Do I want another child? No. So he won't be getting a sibling until I do.

Also important to remember that your children are bound to blame you for something. I've got siblings and to be honest I adore them but objectively I think I'd have been happier as an only - I'm really introverted and love to be alone. I think it's also difficult to find your place when you're a sibling - you always end up in a specific "role" and it lasts well into adulthood. I would never repeat any of this to my mum as she'd be devastated that I felt that way of course.

All I can do is the best thing for my own son, with the information I have at the time. Right now I know I wouldn't cope with a second and I've made the judgement call that it's more important for my son to have a happy mother than it is for him to have a sibling. That's my own call. When he's older if he wants to think that was the wrong one, that's up to him.