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Original poster

Need advice, would you let your 16 yo dd do this?

289 replies

Loopylou6 · 20/07/2020 12:18

Dd has been in a relationship with her boyfriend for a few months, it's all very serious and they stay at each others houses regularly.
Her boyfriend is not English and has gone back to home country for 2 and a half months to visit his other family. Dd had wanted to fly over herself for a week to stay with him, which I said no to. Anyway, shes told me last night that his family are flying over for 10 days to visit him im his home country, and have invited her to go with them, he will pay her plane tickets and she will stay with him in an apartment.
She's desperate to go, but I'm not sure, she's had an extremely rough couple of years through no fault of her own, didn't get to have a prom because of covid etc, and I think it'll be a lovely adventure for her, she gets on well with his family as she spends alot of time at his house.
But she's only 16, altho she's very mature, so i just don't know
WWYD?

OP posts:
Original poster
Loopylou6 · 21/07/2020 11:56

It was when Boris said we could start having 1 person from a different family into the household

OP posts:
cuntryclub · 21/07/2020 11:59

Also, who has a "relationship" when they're 16, during GCSEs?! Talk about being old before your time...

Literally thousands of kids. It's really common for 16 year olds to have a boy/girl friend. Their parents are not on Mumsnet obviously as all the 16 year olds in here are babies from what I have seen.

cuntryclub · 21/07/2020 12:00

The thought of waving my 16-year-old dd off on a shag-fest... nooooooooo.

A 'shag fest' ?

It's a fucking holiday Hmm

Interested in this thread?

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Families
IrmaFayLear · 21/07/2020 12:02

In a separate apartment. So a holiday very much with a "purpose" !

EricLove123 · 21/07/2020 12:03

No 'normal teen' has romantic relationships? Billions have since forever and will continue to do so.

Of course it's 'normal'.

cuntryclub · 21/07/2020 12:05

@IrmaFayLear

In a separate apartment. So a holiday very much with a "purpose" !

Oh get a grip. The purpose of the holiday is not sex. They have sex at home. They will probably have sex on holiday too, but it's hardly the reason for going to bloody Italy

Hardbackwriter · 21/07/2020 12:06

Also, who has a "relationship" when they're 16, during GCSEs?!

Did you not go to school, never seen a teen drama, never spoken to a teenager?! Having a boyfriend at 16 is totally unremarkable - and having sex with that boyfriend is completely legal. It might gross the parent out to think about it, but that doesn't make it wrong.

Itsjustabitofbanter · 21/07/2020 12:11

Oh dear lord, the hysterics on here 😂😂 use your own judgement op, the way people mollycoddle their children on here I’m surprised the average 16 year old is allowed to wipe their own arse. There’s nothing that can happen to a sensible 16 year old that can’t happen to an adult when abroad. Just use common sense in figuring out the best way to keep her safe when travelling etc. Thinking about it now, I’m not even sure if legally she needs your permission to go. If someone had told me not to do something like this when I was 16 I’d have told them where to go and do it anyway

Itsjustabitofbanter · 21/07/2020 12:11

@IrmaFayLear are you fucking serious?? 😂😂😂

saraclara · 21/07/2020 12:15

@Vodkacranberryplease

Jesus what is everyone on! It's Italy ffs! No one is forcing anyone to marry. They are a very family orientated country with a more the merrier outlook.

They probably speak little English otherwise would have asked directly. She will be 100% safe and it will be a wonderful adventure. The food will be incredible and they will make a fuss of her.

Honestly I just can't believe these responses. It's Italy for gods sake.

Yep. Some really hysterical posting on this thread. My daughter went on holiday with her boyfriend and his family at that age, and we took him with us to France for a week. We'd only really met his parents on the doorstep and chatted when picking her up etc.

The only difference here is that the parents don't speak a lot of English and people seem freaked out that it's their home country. But it's Italy!

IrmaFayLear · 21/07/2020 12:21

Totally serious, as I assume most parents would be. I honestly can't imagine any of dd's friends being allowed to do this. As others have said, there's a flippin' pandemic on as well!

Sometimes you have to be the parent. It seems like too many people are desperate to be the cool mum and have missed the part where you have to actually do the hard bits. I mean, fancy condoning this because the OP's dd has missed her Prom . That doesn't strike me as an indication of the dd's maturity...

Of course teens have boyfriends/girlfriends. I had my fair share. I think there was a lot of enjoyment in plotting and sneaking around. How boring if your mum is enthusiastically enabling everything.

cuntryclub · 21/07/2020 12:25

I mean, fancy condoning this because the OP's dd has missed her Prom . That doesn't strike me as an indication of the dd's maturity...

Why would the parent saying her DD had a rough couple of years, including missing her prom, be an indication of the DD maturity? That is the mothers own thoughts - absolutely nothing to do with the maturity level of the DD Confused

Megan2018 · 21/07/2020 12:26

@Hardbackwriter I’ll judge as much as I bloody like. She’s an arsehole.
I don’t have had to experience everything to have an opinion on it.
I know I judge other people on all manner of things I haven’t done myself.
She’s ignored the pandemic and wants to let her child travel unnecessarily to another country. A country that doesn’t actually have Covid well controlled yet like here, my cousin flew back yesterday after visiting family and says it was hideous. The plane so awful, the experience in Italy awful. How anyone can contemplate traveling now when they don’t need to is beyond me.

The fact she’s 16 is neither here nor there.

cuntryclub · 21/07/2020 12:29

Sometimes you have to be the parent. It seems like too many people are desperate to be the cool mum and have missed the part where you have to actually do the hard bits

I'm no cool parent and I have done all the hard bits, but I go with individual ability of each D.C. when they ask to do something new/big. We will discuss it and work out what could go wrong and what contingency plans can be put in place. It's not about being cool so much as reading what is age appropriate and a holiday without your parents with friends or boyfriend at 16 is not particularly radical tbh.

cuntryclub · 21/07/2020 12:31

The fact she’s 16 is neither here nor there

I think the discussion has long since passed the 'Covid' situation. Many people are discussing in general allowing 16 yo on holiday.

dayswithaY · 21/07/2020 12:32

I think it's a shame that at 16 she wants to be in a serious relationship with a 19 year old whose idea of fun is to go on holiday with his parents. I know Italian families are different but if someone floated that idea to me at 16 I'd have run for the hills towards the nearest bottle of cider. She's got years of going on holiday with a serious boyfriend in front of her, why do it now especially as you, the parent must have serious doubts about it because you wouldn't be asking for advice if you were happy about it. Poor girl, tell her to stay at home, go out with her mates and stop living like a 30 year old.

cuntryclub · 21/07/2020 12:34

I think it's a shame that at 16 she wants to be in a serious relationship with a 19 year old whose idea of fun is to go on holiday with his parents

You should maybe read it again.

BellaVida · 21/07/2020 12:36

Absolutely not at 16. You don’t even know the family. If they are serious, they they will be together longer and have plenty more opportunities. This is coming from personal experience.

JoshLymanIsHotterThanSam · 21/07/2020 12:49

Haha some real precious people on here.

I am typing this from my hotel room in Lanzarote where I have bought my 4 DCs on a death tube (airplane) to holiday for a week.

OP-would I let my 16 year old DD in those circumstances-yes but I would want to meet the parents beforehand if I could.

frustrationcentral · 21/07/2020 13:12

Hmm I can't say I'd feel comfortable with it, and my 16 yo DS is pretty sensible - I'd have no issue with him travelling, it's the age gap I don't like

SlinkyStairs · 21/07/2020 13:17

What if you went over as a family holiday the first time? She stayed with you but can meet up with him.

Hailtomyteeth · 21/07/2020 13:22

No. She'll be marking herself out as not respectable and of no value. Of no value to her parents either as they send her off to have sex with a boy she has been with for 'a few months'.
But you are determined, so I hope it all goes well and she comes back safe and happy.

worstwitch18 · 21/07/2020 13:27

No, I would not allow this at all. Eighteen year old DD in non-COVID times? Yes, sure, help her pack and wave her off. Sixteen in 2020? No.

BUT I would already have not allowed some of what you do, so we have different outlooks. I would not be very keen on a 16 dating a 19 year old and staying over at each other's houses. It would be very unusual in my social circle for someone university age to date a year 11.

I would not encourage or permit this holiday.

cuntryclub · 21/07/2020 13:32

She'll be marking herself out as not respectable and of no value. Of no value to her parents either as they send her off to have sex with a boy she has been with for 'a few months'.

What the actual fuck Confused

Like seriously. What theeee fuck Hmm

Fanthorpe · 21/07/2020 13:33

not respectable and of no value

Extraordinary.

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