Need advice, would you let your 16 yo dd do this?

[Loopylou6]

Dd has been in a relationship with her boyfriend for a few months, it's all very serious and they stay at each others houses regularly.
Her boyfriend is not English and has gone back to home country for 2 and a half months to visit his other family. Dd had wanted to fly over herself for a week to stay with him, which I said no to. Anyway, shes told me last night that his family are flying over for 10 days to visit him im his home country, and have invited her to go with them, he will pay her plane tickets and she will stay with him in an apartment.
She's desperate to go, but I'm not sure, she's had an extremely rough couple of years through no fault of her own, didn't get to have a prom because of covid etc, and I think it'll be a lovely adventure for her, she gets on well with his family as she spends alot of time at his house.
But she's only 16, altho she's very mature, so i just don't know
WWYD?

I wouldn't because as mature as she can act her previous life experience is still brief. She will be in an environment where she cannot easily access help should anything go wrong. I would say yes to an apartment a drive away, but not plane away.

@feelingfree17

The parents should be contacting you directly to discuss the possibility of her joining them. I would be concerned this hasn’t been done. I would also want to meet the parents

I agree the parents need to contact you before anything. 16 is quite young I would feel a bit uneasy if it was my child.

At 16, no.

Why would sex be the primary attraction of a holiday with someone you are already having sex with

Because the BF has already left and gone back to Italy and won't be back in England until October, cuntryclub. And because she is 16.

Maybe she wasn't happy with the no and his family found a possible workable solution for them.

That would be a hugely disrespectful act on their part and if this is what happened then the OP should immediately call a halt to this madness.

But as noted, they don't speak English and the go-between here is the 19 year old Casanova who appears to have his mother and step father wrapped around his little finger to such an extent that they are willing to facilitate his sexual relationship with a girl who is barely legal.

None of this sounds like any Italian family I know.

Vodkacranberryplease, the child is 16 and the BF is significantly older and apparently a good deal more of an international traveler than she is. They have been an item for only a few months. If the BF had the hots for her as much as she does for him, he might have found a way to stay in the UK instead of flying off to Italy for several months. They will be staying in a country whose language the DD doesn't speak. She is so naive that she believes the UK government would repatriate her if Italy had another lockdown.

I would let her.

@Hardbackwriter & @cuntryclub

They’re a harsh reality, aren’t they? Which is exactly why we wouldn’t allow this. No matter how emotionally mature a 16 year old appears to be, going overseas with someone who has contacts in a country whose language she doesn’t speak puts her in a vulnerable position.

It’s other people that can’t be trusted.

We personally would regret giving her that time at this age of 16 there for the risk of losing her for a lifetime. Neither of you know the lengths we went to to get this child, how much we spent in fertility treatment over the decades. You don’t know how many years I spent working with children in the EYFS & older groups in which I’m aware of the many, many experiences in every sense of the word to learn of the world, emotions and development.

Don’t judge me by telling me that my child is limited because I would be travelling to the same country but keeping a geographical distance FOR A REASON.

You have made an assumption.

@Realitybites21

The Taken films are not a harsh reality though?

The bit about your IVF and how much you wanted your child as if my child doesn't matter because she was conceived naturally

It's fine to disagree, but you don't get to place move value on your child because of how she was conceived. My child is just as bloody loved and wanted.

I have a 16 year old. Next week I am driving her to Denmark where she will live for the next 3 years to study for an IB

I would have said yes to a holiday in Italy providing contact was held up throughout

Yeah, travelling to Italy for work .

I don’t know why OP bothered posting because she only thanks the poster urging her to go for it.

It’s irrelevant what other posters did aged 12, the situation is what is presented here and i would just say you can see Loverboy in a couple of months.

From what you say, I would let her go. Make sure she has enough money to be able to leave and stay elsewhere if needed, and a ticket home that can be changed. Talk to her seriously about what she can do if she isn't happy, and meet the parents beforehand if you can.

@IrmaFayLear I think you'll find that I thanked EVERYONE for their opinions, whether they were for or against. I wouldn't have bothered coming here to ask if I didn't want advice, I've been on this site for around 13 years and find it a valuable source of advice

Yeah, travelling to Italy for work

Who is?.

I don’t know why OP bothered posting because she only thanks the poster urging her to go for it.

OP thanks everyone 'for or against' or at lest the ones who did it without insulting her, which is entirely reasonable.

Also thank you to OP for recognising my inability to drop it

@cuntryclub I like you

UPDATE
she had a wonderful time :)