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Original poster

Need advice, would you let your 16 yo dd do this?

289 replies

Loopylou6 · 20/07/2020 12:18

Dd has been in a relationship with her boyfriend for a few months, it's all very serious and they stay at each others houses regularly.
Her boyfriend is not English and has gone back to home country for 2 and a half months to visit his other family. Dd had wanted to fly over herself for a week to stay with him, which I said no to. Anyway, shes told me last night that his family are flying over for 10 days to visit him im his home country, and have invited her to go with them, he will pay her plane tickets and she will stay with him in an apartment.
She's desperate to go, but I'm not sure, she's had an extremely rough couple of years through no fault of her own, didn't get to have a prom because of covid etc, and I think it'll be a lovely adventure for her, she gets on well with his family as she spends alot of time at his house.
But she's only 16, altho she's very mature, so i just don't know
WWYD?

OP posts:
IdblowJonSnow · 20/07/2020 20:56

No, definitely not. 16 is too young and theyve only been seeing each other for a few months.
And Covid is the icing on the cake, say no and blame it on that.

mathanxiety · 20/07/2020 21:35

Does she speak Italian?

mathanxiety · 20/07/2020 21:54

I agree with IrmaFayLear.

This family sounds very un-Italian. There is no way an Italian mama would be facilitating a sex holiday for her 19 year old son and his English girlfriend of only a few months.

Say no, OP.

Interested in this thread?

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Families
cuntryclub · 20/07/2020 21:57

but that's exactly what I did! if you have ever used google translate in a situation where accuracy is important, you would know not to trust it. Waving your hands around and pronouncing english words in an Italian accent won't do.

Which is why I said prior to travel.

supersonicginandtonic · 20/07/2020 22:04

When I was 16, if my mum said no, I did it anyway.

cuntryclub · 20/07/2020 22:20

There is no way an Italian mama would be facilitating a sex holiday

A sex holiday Confused

cuntryclub · 20/07/2020 22:22

@mathanxiety

I agree with IrmaFayLear.

This family sounds very un-Italian. There is no way an Italian mama would be facilitating a sex holiday for her 19 year old son and his English girlfriend of only a few months.

Say no, OP.

She gets in with and regularly stays over at his house with his family already.

Lollypop4 · 20/07/2020 22:26

I have a 16 yr old DD , nearly 17 & I would say no.
Only together a few months, The pandemic is still ongoing, His family have'nt approached you directly yet about this...

BuffaloCauliflower · 20/07/2020 22:39

Gosh people are barmy here! 16 and 19 is a completely normal age difference, and 16 is the age of consent? A 16 year old is considered able to decide to have sex with whoever they chose, and 19 isn’t exactly 39. Ridiculous pearl clutching here really.

Vodkacranberryplease · 21/07/2020 00:27

The 'Italian Mama' is likely to be in her 40s, very glamorous/well groomed and well aware of what sex is.

This is a family holiday not a sex holiday. I think it's very kind of them to offer - they are bringing her into their home. They probably think she is neglected - having to eat shitty English food and go on rubbish english holidays when she could be in Puglia swimming in beautiful seas and eating heavenly food surrounded by people she knows. Plus their son probably begged them to invite her and being loving parents they agreed. If only they knew how they were being discussed on mumsnet.

I'm amazed at the attitudes here. She is going away with a family who live nearby to have a far better holiday than most kids have. Kids of this age going away with other families abroad is common in many of the better London sets where families are international (and wealthy). And yes that does include boyfriends and girlfriends. Honestly.

And in case you missed it the girl kidnapped in Italy was not kidnapped by an Italian (not with a name like Kas!). Though maybe this family have links to the Mafia?? 😂

InTheWings · 21/07/2020 06:36

@Loopylou6 You said in your OP or an early post that if you were to say yes then you would meet his Mum and Step Dad before she goes. I think you should make contact and discuss the proposed arrangements.

If they have been living here why is her English so limited and his non existent? Presumably the boyfriend speaks good English? What was he doing here? Working? College?

mathanxiety · 21/07/2020 06:47

Yes, that's why I don't think they are Italian in culture, cuntryclub.

As for '40s, very glamorous/well groomed and well aware of what sex is. ' - the woman doesn't speak more than a few words of English and her husband speaks none.

Essentially what you are saying, Vodkacranberryplease, is that this family of a 19 year old are so happy he is shagging a 16 year old that they are generously inviting her on holiday with them so he can continue to do so.

The 'better London sets' jet setting off with each other's offspring in tow all speak English together, are all familiar with the various resorts they visit and can afford to leave them if the need arises, are very likely to be able to summon nearby friends to the rescue if their holiday goes tits up, all have a few credit cards with them, and have zilch in common with the OP's DD contemplating a holiday in Italy where she knows nobody but this family, doesn't speak Italian, and the OP hasn't heard a peep from the family that allegedly loves her to bits but are sadly remiss when it comes to the social graces.

Of course this is a holiday planned with sex as the primary attraction. Both parties want to take up where they left off. 'It's all very serious' according to the OP.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 21/07/2020 07:00

As a pp said, a lot of this age group (in normal times) would be heading off to reading or Leeds festival next month.

The stories I’ve heard about that with the booze, drugs and sex .... I think I’d prefer an Italian family hols for my 16 year old and her boyfriend.

Murraygoldberg · 21/07/2020 07:10

She is 16 and it is Italy, I would. Stick her name on your credit card and discuss what to do in emergencies

Hardbackwriter · 21/07/2020 07:19

I am amazed at the reaction to this. When I was 16 I went clubbing in Newquay for a week with all my friends. Italy sounds lovely and civilized by comparison! I can understand having concerns about flying at the moment, but people trafficking is a very big leap...

Hardbackwriter · 21/07/2020 07:22

And the people saying 'why is she desperate to see him, that's a red flag in itself' - were you never 16 and in love? I was desperate to see my boyfriend if we spent a few days apart, let alone months!

Realitybites21 · 21/07/2020 07:59

At 17 I was working independently in the USA but now I have a child and have seen the Taken films, there’s no way DH & I would allow DD to do it.

My DH would want to go ‘with’ her and stay close by (ie within a 15 mile radius) and she’d know she can call us for back-up at any time but that we weren’t babysitting and watching her every move.

Vodkacranberryplease · 21/07/2020 08:10

Oh my God @mathanxiety is right. They are going to have SEX. A lot of it! I hadn't realised that! Obviously she can't go. Going away on holiday to have sex is just filthy and disgusting and should be banned. They are staying in an apartment and that's only allowed for married people or those over 20. Preferably both.

The mother doesn't speak English properly either which means the boy she is having The Sex with is from a Very Bad Family. Probably not rich and definitely not to be trusted. (Clutched pearls and faints)

Better that she go to Benidorm or magaluf with some nice English lads that won't want to have The Sex with her and all (kind of) speak English.

PlanDeRaccordement · 21/07/2020 08:16

@Vodkacranberryplease

The 'Italian Mama' is likely to be in her 40s, very glamorous/well groomed and well aware of what sex is.

This is a family holiday not a sex holiday. I think it's very kind of them to offer - they are bringing her into their home. They probably think she is neglected - having to eat shitty English food and go on rubbish english holidays when she could be in Puglia swimming in beautiful seas and eating heavenly food surrounded by people she knows. Plus their son probably begged them to invite her and being loving parents they agreed. If only they knew how they were being discussed on mumsnet.

I'm amazed at the attitudes here. She is going away with a family who live nearby to have a far better holiday than most kids have. Kids of this age going away with other families abroad is common in many of the better London sets where families are international (and wealthy). And yes that does include boyfriends and girlfriends. Honestly.

And in case you missed it the girl kidnapped in Italy was not kidnapped by an Italian (not with a name like Kas!). Though maybe this family have links to the Mafia?? 😂

Your post is so full of romanticised preconceptions, racist stereotyping and racial profiling. I do not know where to begin.

They’re not “bringing her into their home” did you not read the OP? She is going to be with boyfriend in a separate apartment. Isolated. Alone. There will be no Italian family looking out for her.

Kas by the way can be short for Cosimo. And even if it were not short for an actual Italian name, people in Italy just like anywhere else do name their children with unique and different names many from other cultures but they are still Italian. You cannot possibly know nationality from a nick name.

Hardbackwriter · 21/07/2020 08:21

At 17 I was working independently in the USA but now I have a child and have seen the Taken films, there’s no way DH & I would allow DD to do it.

You know those films weren't documentaries, right?

cuntryclub · 21/07/2020 08:23

Of course this is a holiday planned with sex as the primary attraction.

They are having sex anyway. Why would sex be the primary attraction of a holiday with someone you are already having sex with Confused

PlanDeRaccordement · 21/07/2020 08:25

I was wondering what job this 19yr old boyfriend has that he can be gone from July to October in Italy? He can’t be a university student as he’d miss the start of term in September. But then he can’t be working a regular job either to just go abroad for four months to “visit family.”

And he’d already invited OPs DD on holiday and was told no. But wouldn’t accept the no and is pushing now for DD to fly out under escort of other family members. It’s not good that he won’t accept a no but responds by applying pressure to get that yes.

I think that’s all a bit suspicious too, tbh.

cuntryclub · 21/07/2020 08:25

now I have a child and have seen the Taken films, there’s no way DH & I would allow DD to do it.

So do you not let your D.C. do anything that has been in a movie? That must be incredibly limiting.

cuntryclub · 21/07/2020 08:27

And he’d already invited OPs DD on holiday and was told no. But wouldn’t accept the no and is pushing now for DD to fly out under escort of other family members.

It says in the OP she was invited by the family to fly out with them. Perhaps that is because they realised her mum wasn't happy for her to travel alone, there is absolutely no indication he has 'pushed' for anything. Maybe she wasn't happy with the no and his family found a possible workable solution for them.

PlanDeRaccordement · 21/07/2020 08:33

@cuntryclub

And he’d already invited OPs DD on holiday and was told no. But wouldn’t accept the no and is pushing now for DD to fly out under escort of other family members.

It says in the OP she was invited by the family to fly out with them. Perhaps that is because they realised her mum wasn't happy for her to travel alone, there is absolutely no indication he has 'pushed' for anything. Maybe she wasn't happy with the no and his family found a possible workable solution for them.

There is an indication. The language barrier. OPs DD could not have asked boyfriends family because they do not speak English and she does not speak Italian. The boyfriend who speaks both languages has to have communicated things and done the asking.