Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Need advice, would you let your 16 yo dd do this?

289 replies

Loopylou6 · 20/07/2020 12:18

Dd has been in a relationship with her boyfriend for a few months, it's all very serious and they stay at each others houses regularly.
Her boyfriend is not English and has gone back to home country for 2 and a half months to visit his other family. Dd had wanted to fly over herself for a week to stay with him, which I said no to. Anyway, shes told me last night that his family are flying over for 10 days to visit him im his home country, and have invited her to go with them, he will pay her plane tickets and she will stay with him in an apartment.
She's desperate to go, but I'm not sure, she's had an extremely rough couple of years through no fault of her own, didn't get to have a prom because of covid etc, and I think it'll be a lovely adventure for her, she gets on well with his family as she spends alot of time at his house.
But she's only 16, altho she's very mature, so i just don't know
WWYD?

OP posts:
Fanthorpe · 20/07/2020 15:47

Yes, if she’s a savvy girl who can sort things out for herself. If she’s the sort who relies on you for everything then no.

okiedokieme · 20/07/2020 15:53

Depends where. In the EU/Switzerland ok, n Africa no way

Original poster
Loopylou6 · 20/07/2020 15:56

Thanks again for the replies
She gets on well with bf's mum, but her english is very limited, and his step dad doesn't speak any, maybe that's why they haven't contacted me?
I'm so torn, I honestly don't know, but reading through all your replies and reasoning for both yes and no is helping

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
Original poster
Loopylou6 · 20/07/2020 16:02

And yes, she's very mature and self sufficient, I can't even remember the last time I cooked her a meal as she prefers to choose her own food and prepare it herself ConfusedGrin

OP posts:
lljkk · 20/07/2020 16:08

None of us can say, OP. You've met him & we haven't.

I'm not following very well, but I think you're saying she'll stay in appt with boyfriend & his family will be nearby in Italy. But mainly they are his digs. And you already trust him, and have good experience of both of them making sensible decisions.

My hunch is I would let her go. Our kids deserve some special outings given the upheaval they had this year.
a 2nd choice is see if you could fly out with her to see the situation for yourself & you come back after a couple of days when you have seen it's all legit. His family would probably enjoy meeting you & would completely understand and appreciate you wanting to be sure she's safe.

SoPanny · 20/07/2020 16:13

The fact you’ve not contacted them and they’ve not contacted you means for me this would be a big fat no.

Prettybluepigeons · 20/07/2020 16:34

Not a chance.
I have a 16 year old son who is mature, sensible etc but no way would I allow him to abroad alone yet.
I also have a son who was 19 very recently and if he told me he had a 16vyear old girlfriend who was of school age(!) , I'd be having harsh words with him about how inappropriate it was not let her stay over so he could have sex with her!
This is all kinds of wrong!

lukasiak · 20/07/2020 16:37

Absolutely not.

I'm very, very cautious in situations where teenage girls are alone in forgien countries with a boy and his 'family'. Heard that exact scenerio one too many times as a human trafficking social worker back in my 20's.

Mmsnet101 · 20/07/2020 16:40

By 16 I was working full time in a decent job, paid for my own flat and driving lessons and went on holidays abroad with friends.

I don't think age is the issue here if she's mature as you've suggested, it's more the covid risk with it being Italy she's travelling to. Great adventure and experience for her but if it was in a previous hot-spot etc then I'm not sure I'd risk being locked down there.

Mixitupalot · 20/07/2020 16:47

Oh hell no! But then again I’d never let my 16yo do what you’ve allowed so far. It’s far to serious for a 16yo to be travelling with ppl you’ve never met all things considered.

PlanDeRaccordement · 20/07/2020 16:49

No. 16 is too young and your Dd is already vulnerable.

Prettybluepigeons · 20/07/2020 16:52

You didnt pay for own driving lessons at 16....cant drive until 17

quodvox · 20/07/2020 16:52

Watch the film 'Taken' and then decide

PlanDeRaccordement · 20/07/2020 16:54

@lukasiak

Absolutely not.

I'm very, very cautious in situations where teenage girls are alone in forgien countries with a boy and his 'family'. Heard that exact scenerio one too many times as a human trafficking social worker back in my 20's.

Yes, I have read several autobiographies of girls sex trafficked this exact way. Older boyfriend, they go on “holiday” and then he pimps them out, holds them prisoner, even sells them. The intense only a few months old relationship is also a warning sign.
cuntryclub · 20/07/2020 16:58

@Prettybluepigeons

You didnt pay for own driving lessons at 16....cant drive until 17

In the U.K. unless you are disabled....

cuntryclub · 20/07/2020 17:00

@Prettybluepigeons

I also have a son who was 19 very recently and if he told me he had a 16vyear old girlfriend who was of school age(!) , I'd be having harsh words with him about how inappropriate it was

Can you explain why it is inappropriate?

fortheloveofcrisps · 20/07/2020 17:06

I your 16 year old is in a 'serious' relationship with at 19 year old man!
Fuck that

Prettybluepigeons · 20/07/2020 17:11

Because a 19 year old is a man and a 16 year old a girl. There is a gap in experience which creates a power imbalance. Why would a 19 year old want a girlfriend who isn't even old enough to go to the pub?

flyingant · 20/07/2020 17:13

Another vote for yes here. I'm not sure what the problem is, seeing as she's old enough to leave home and go abroad on her own if she likes, although I say that as someone who left home and has been independent since age 15.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 20/07/2020 17:17

I would, 19 isn't much older than 16 and they have sex in this country anyway so what is the difference? Italy isn't far away really. If you like this boy generally and are happy that she is not in an abusive relationship then i can't see the problem.

FuckyNel · 20/07/2020 17:20

Yes

Mummyshark2018 · 20/07/2020 17:21

Nope I wouldn't give permission at that age.

dogperson05 · 20/07/2020 17:22

You can get married, have a baby and vote in a referendum in Scotland if you're 16. She is 16, all you can do is advise?

Vodkacranberryplease · 20/07/2020 17:24

Jesus what is everyone on! It's Italy ffs! No one is forcing anyone to marry. They are a very family orientated country with a more the merrier outlook.

They probably speak little English otherwise would have asked directly. She will be 100% safe and it will be a wonderful adventure. The food will be incredible and they will make a fuss of her.

Honestly I just can't believe these responses. It's Italy for gods sake.

Snailsetssail · 20/07/2020 17:25

Absolutely not. I also wouldn’t be encouraging her to be sleeping over at his after only a few months especially given that he is older.