MN vs real life

[GlummyMcGlummerson]

Can we have some (lighthearted) comparisons about what MN is like compared to real life. I'll start

MN: a roast chicken last for 14 days for a family of 5
RL: a chicken is cooked and the carcass is disposed of. At a push, the meat is taken off the bones for soup

MN: Parent and child spaces should only be used for randoms with invisible leg problems. Even if you have 5 children you should park in a normal space and not be so entitled as to think P&C spaces are for you
RL: Parents Park in P&C places and get annoyed when people without kids park in them

MN: Everybody wants a low key wedding with 6 people in the local cafe and the bride wants to wear a nightie she bought for 80p from the Scope shop
RL: most people have a lovely wedding in the region of £20k with a dress bought from a wedding boutique

MN- £800k-1 million budget on a house. If you are planning for a child, don't even dare buy a house without a garden and should also be near amenities, train station and country walks... Also if you are planning for a child, be prepared to go part time and be able to cover the mortgage on 1 salary.

RL- DH and I can only afford £400k and want to stay in London near family so a zone 3 flat (with communal garden) is what we buy (me). Also don't know anyone in RL with £800k budget for first house. Also don't know anyone in our age group (27-30) who can afford £1 million for a house

MNetters expect their children will get 12+ grade 9 GCSEs.

In real life parents are beside themselves with pride when their kids get just enough to get onto the course or FE of their choice.

I've also never met a person whose child is expected to do a 90 minute commute to school. In RL this would be avoided at all costs. On MN it's fine and "everyone" does it.

MN - phone rings, person is enraged at interruption and refuses to answer it, then complains endlessly that they will only speak to people when they are good and ready, thank you very much.

RL - phone rings and person answers it.

MN - any male who expresses an opinion different to the OPs own is a controlled bastard, has he always been?
RL - men are allowed opinions and they may be different to your own. It does not mean divorce if you think the bins should go out in the morning, him the night before.

MN - my DC is foaming at the mouth, fitting and has turned blue. What should I do?... Anyone?...
RL - Fuck dial 999

MN - every single MIL is an opinionated old cow.
RL - Some are, some aren't. I've had both!

@LemonadeStrawberry

MN - dogs are bought after several years researching breeds, attending Crufts, adapting the whole house in preparation for a puppy.

RL - respond to an ad on pets at home

Oh this!

@LemonadeStrawberry

MN - dogs are bought after several years researching breeds, attending Crufts, adapting the whole house in preparation for a puppy.

RL - respond to an ad on pets at home

Oh this!

MN - some suspicious man who I've never seen in the area before is in my garden and staring through my window. Should I call the police I heard there was a break in 4 streets away in 2008.

RL - Someone walks past your house.

MN: all teenagers leave their mobile phones downstairs overnight to be charged and checked

RL: teenagers are up until 3am chatting to their besties and would never dream of letting mum or dad anywhere near it

MN: no telly in a kid's bedroom until they are at least 16

RL: who the fuck wants to watch their kid playing Xbox instead of watching Line of Duty on iplayer? Get the kid a telly for their 5th birthday

RL - phone rings and person answers it.

Nah, phone rings and person stares at it 'til it stops ringing then texts the person calling to find out what they want.

Or is that just me?🤷🏼‍♀️

@cathf

MN: (even before Covid) No-one looks at, talks to or touches my baby until they are 15. Occasional exception permitted for baby's father and maternal grandparents. Paternel grandparents have to wait until baby is 18.

RL: Anyone fancy looking after my baby fir a couple of hours?

So true!

MN: toilet brushes are disgusting
RL: everyone has a toilet brush

MN: isn't it shocking anyone would pierce baby's ears!
RL: Look at these cute sparklies in my darling baby's ears.

MN: I can't stop worrying about everything!
RL: What's on telly?

MN: One piece of cake or one sweet or one pudding, but only once a week, might be ok within a healthy diet.
RL: Oi! I've only had 4 of those Jaffa cakes so far today - you aren't allowed to eat then all ! Share! You daft little buggers.

MN: I will move heaven & Earth to get DC into the best secondary.
RL: I want DC to go to the local secondary so they're close to home.

MN: People balloon to a size 12.

RL: People slim down to a size 12.

MN - 999 now!
RL - your doorbell rang

MN - A&E now
RL - I have a paper cut

YY to the size 12 thing. The number of threads I have seen where people are apparently so shocked and horrifed and disgusted by perfectly average sizes.

MN: I know all husbands password and check his phone for any unusual messages.

RL: I don't even have to time to check my own messages let alone his.

@Destroyedpeople

MN.My son is bright and quirky and in all the top sets at his grammar school and is applying to read medicine. RL. my son is operating a stolen rickshaw up and down the South Bank.

Laughing so hard at this .

MN - A&E now
RL - I have a paper cut

I’ve seen it the other way. Usually “my arm is hanging off, should I go to A and E”
No no no! Don’t bother the NHS.

MN: All my children believed in Santa until they were 11, and we had "the talk" just before secondary school.
RL: Lots of children work it out well before then, and lots of parents don't do Santa anyway.

@verypeckish I'm one who moans about the "interruption" of a phone call, but I'll give you this:
MN: Phone rings: person is terrified, especially if it's a withheld number, or if phone rings at an unusual time.
RL: Person answers it.

MN: Parent threatens to cancel a milestone birthday party in a moment of anger; then realises they have no choice but to "follow through", lest the teenager never believes what they say.
RL: Parent admits they were wrong.

Real Life: my mother is a human with flaws. She does things that annoy me, we don’t see eye-to-eye on every topic. However, she’s my mother and I love her and visit when I can.

Mumsnet: I’ve gone no contact with my mother and every member of the family who dares not do the same.

I’ve genuinely never heard of someone in real life “going NC”, but it’s mentioned in maybe 5% of MN threads.

MN-teen children should be in their own place at 18, working full time in their chosen career.
RL-my 29 year son is in his childhood bedroom Because he can’t afford to move out because he’s working at a zero hours job.

MN: Issues with MILs, neighbours, friends, cf's - what shall I do? I hate confrontation.

RL: Open mouth, speak, discuss, resolve, move on.

Mn - the DH’s job has not flexibility and he can’t do school runs, take time off when DC’s are sick, doesn’t know where DC’s clothes are, who their friends are or their favourite foods

RL - DH is a hands on parent, shares parenting, can feed and dress his DC’s as well as their mother, does before or after school runs and juggles his work when DC’s are sick.

MN - parents and children sit at the table for home cooked family meals and regale each other with their hilarious anecdotes from work and school.

RL - Everybody eats dinner on laps in front of the tv, sometimes people eat different things at different times! As long as everybody has come home alive nobody gives a shit about the boring details of anybody's day.

@Lobsterquadrille2

MN: in times of financial hardship, you must check your Boots and Nectar cards as they may have enough for a month's supply of nappies, formula and food.

RL: if mine has a pound, I use it immediately.

I save my Boots points for Xmas 3 for 2!