MN vs real life

[GlummyMcGlummerson]

Can we have some (lighthearted) comparisons about what MN is like compared to real life. I'll start

MN: a roast chicken last for 14 days for a family of 5
RL: a chicken is cooked and the carcass is disposed of. At a push, the meat is taken off the bones for soup

MN: Parent and child spaces should only be used for randoms with invisible leg problems. Even if you have 5 children you should park in a normal space and not be so entitled as to think P&C spaces are for you
RL: Parents Park in P&C places and get annoyed when people without kids park in them

MN: Everybody wants a low key wedding with 6 people in the local cafe and the bride wants to wear a nightie she bought for 80p from the Scope shop
RL: most people have a lovely wedding in the region of £20k with a dress bought from a wedding boutique

MN Christmas:
The kids get no presents, in fact they give their own toys away to orphans. Christmas dinner is actually at a homeless shelter and the warm fuzzy feeling of helping others is enough to satisfy any hunger. Also they go for a bracing family walk after their no dinner. Granny, grandad and a dog comes along too, they all have a merry old time, where the children laugh delight at all the Christmas lights, having fun with a stick they've found. All of them looking forward to their small mince pie and hot chocolate.
Everyone declares it the best Christmas yet. And it's Father Christmas. None of this American Santa crap.

RL Christmas: it's 4:40am, the kids are jumping on the bed shouting, having ripped open and eaten all the chocolate in their stockings, Mum and Dad groan and ignore them until the kids come thundering in to the room squealing that "SANTA'S BEEN!!!"... They haul themselves out of bed, slip downstairs and watch the carnage. All presents open by 6am... Think about shoving a bowl of cereal at the kids.... Fall back asleep. Spend morning cursing that you got them noisy toys that need building and swear that next year you will make then up in advance... Knocking the batteries out of the remote controls and fire alarms just to get the bloody thing up and running, because you forgot those too.
Chuck dinner on, eat chocolate and drink wine whilst the kids go feral.

RL: I'm excited to be going to stay in a caravan in Dorset in next week, we've been saving all year and kids can't wait!

MN: I've got six holidays booked this year. Mauritius in May, Berlin in July, ecoholiday in Malaysia in September, xmas shopping in New York in December. Mexico in Feb. I'll probably try to book a few other city breaks in too. I work hard and prioritize holidays.

@midsomermurderess is this thread chippy though? You haven't let us know yet. Please do.

Me and DH were a bit about some of the high expectations of holiday lettings on MN - must have : super king beds, crystal glass, hot tub, minimum of 4 bathrooms per person etc.
But then he realised a friend of his had made some complaint about a holiday villa they stayed at (I think there was a cracked tile by the pool?) And they had no option but to leave and go and stay in a 5 star hotel!!

My son / daughter has just returned home from university and has secured a £100.000 p/a job. Should I charge rent? I'm struggling to pay my bills and a contribution would be a huge help.
MN. They're still living at home? They will never learn independence OP. You need to find them their own place asap so they learn to stand on their own two feet! You shouldn't be charging rent, omg, what sort of parents charges rent to cover the cost of food, heating, utility bills, internet etc??
RL. Your board will be X amount per month kid.

My son may or may not be riding a stolen ricksaw up and down the south bank.
MN. That's disgusting OP! Why are you condoning theft? He will grow up to be a career criminal. I hope the SS are informed and he's removed from you asap. You're a terrible mother!!

RL. The little sod 😂😂

MN..I have done an hour of HIIT, a 20k run and go to the gym everyday for 3 hours.

RL...I walked a mile to the shop and back and twice to the fridge.

MN ugh, smokers are vile, they stink, they drain the NHS, they are thick and common and chavvy.

RL nicking a cigarette off a friend to enjoy with a glass of wine on an evening out and also not scowling at anyone within 10 feet of you who is smoking.

Current smoking thread is hilarious.

MN - MLM schemes are the terrible
RL - Colleague:" fancy coming over to my house for wine and nibbles whilst my sister sells you stuff?"
"Yeah, sounds good"

MN: Unless you give your dog undivided attention 24 hours a day, 7 days a week you shouldn't have one. You can never leave the house without it EVER. If you do you're a terrible owner who doesn't deserve a dog. And your love for it should be equal to that of your own children.
RL: Dog gets left an hour or so on its own every other day, doesn't have full attention 24/7, knows where it is in the ranks and is absolutely fine and happy.

There's a live alcohol one right now which reminds me of the MN alcohol policy

MN: if you have more than a thimble full of alcohol - unless you are at a wedding, in which case you can sniff your champagne when you raise a toast - you are a raging alcoholic, and need help urgently.
RL: most people enjoy the occasional drink and it's perfectly normal to have a couple of bottles of wine on a weekend

GlummyMcGlummerson

But what if you need to take anyone to A and E??? You really MUST remain sober at all times (including xmas and weddings) as everyone knows there is absolutely no way of getting to A and E except driving your own vehicle there.

That's very true @Mothermorph - I mean if only there were large vehicles with lots of seats people could use to get to places, or cars for hire? I think I'm on to something there

I've actually just commented on a thread that I rarely drink but "enjoy the odd beer on a Sunday afternoon" - someone replied "well maybe you like to quickly down drinks on an afternoon" 🤣🤣🤣 I couldn't not mention it here!

@Parker231

Mn - pink babygros for girls and blue for boys.

RL - they wear whatever is clean from the pile of clothes passed on from friends and family.

We got pregnant with our kids at almost the same time with my best friend (not planned and 3 months apart :)) And we didn't know the gender yet, but 2 shops had huge sales. She knew she'll have at least one more kid, I didn't think so. We agreed to split the cost of many of the cloths as by the time her baby is 3 months old mine will be a newborn and it'll be almost as new. But not knowing the gender we had to improvise, so we went for loads of beige, yellow, orange, green, red and only some really cute blue/pink items. Turned out we both had sons, then she had another son and 10 yrs later she finally had a daughter. So event the pink items got used eventually. And her daughter's first 6 months wardrobe was more than 80% the original batch :D It actually was really cute to see the 4 different kids in the same outfits.

@GlummyMcGlummerson i find it the opposite. Mn goes on and on about gin and wine and how much they need a drink to the point of tedium.

@ GlummyMcGlummerson is it the DP arrested for drink driving thread?

TBH that thread is mental. In the beginning it did sound as if there could be an issue but the more the OP said the more it sounds as if it was just them drinking the night before, and the responses have been truly batshit. Clearly he is a raging alcoholic, in fact they both are nasty drunks who offend the neighbours on a constant basis, and he deserves to have been arrested.

Mind you there is a self-confessed alcoholic on there who claims that the police don’t have a leg to stand on and that it’s easy not to be caught because she has an exemplary record with a [hmm[

TBH I generally find the opposite in that people are always desperate for alcohol on here, and I have even seen threads where people e.g. say they would never date someone who is teetotal.

Thank you op and everyone else who's commented I so needed this thread today (this morning) got to be top three best threads ever x

@GinWithASplashOfTonic

MN - MLM schemes are the terrible RL - Colleague:" fancy coming over to my house for wine and nibbles whilst my sister sells you stuff?" "Yeah, sounds good"

This one stands out as being the same on MN as RL

MLM schemes are shite, no exceptions.

Nah I’m with mumsnet in the MLm thing!

"I'm having trouble sorting out childcare for the summer holidays"

RL - I know, it's a pain isn't it. Have you tried the club at the sports centre?

MN - but you must have known before you conceived that schools have 6 weeks off in the summer?

@Llamazoom

MN ugh, smokers are vile, they stink, they drain the NHS, they are thick and common and chavvy.

RL nicking a cigarette off a friend to enjoy with a glass of wine on an evening out and also not scowling at anyone within 10 feet of you who is smoking.

Current smoking thread is hilarious.

There's some v bizarre things on that thread! One person cannot be near someone who's smoked, but not actively smoking - has to leave queue/hold nose etc...then goes on to say that she bought a house from a smoker! Clearly she didn't have to run gagging and holding her nose whilst viewing it and living in it then . Another poster said that if they'd found out any of their friends had ever smoked in the past, they'd feel they were infected and wouldn't be able to feel anything for them again!! Another puts their parcels in the garage for a few days to get rid of the smell, (as obviously if the smell is that awful for you, you couldn't just open the box and bib the packaging straight in recycling)! Bonkers thread.

@SingingBabooshkaBadly

How long does it take you to clean your house?

MN: I have five bedrooms, three bathrooms, large open plan kitchen/dining/family room, separate sitting room, study, play room. I deep clean twice a week including removing and washing all curtains, scrubbing floors, walls and skirting, cleaning windows inside and out and changing all bedding - twice.

Takes me two hours.

RL: Well, today I cleaned the bathroom and changed the sheets - go me!

MN my teen children do not leave the house unaccompanied by me, an armed guard or Liam Neeson following at a safe distance. Anyone that allows a 14 year to meet her mates is asking for the girl to be abducted by groomImg gangs will become a drug runner or if she does exercise outside it’s an eating disorder.

RL my pre and early teens often meet pals out and about or go for walks runs or bike rides. It’s totally normal

MN: my teenager is a careful and conscientious cyclist.
RL: helmet on handlebars instead of on head, socks and sliders, wheelies.