MN vs real life

[GlummyMcGlummerson]

Can we have some (lighthearted) comparisons about what MN is like compared to real life. I'll start

MN: a roast chicken last for 14 days for a family of 5
RL: a chicken is cooked and the carcass is disposed of. At a push, the meat is taken off the bones for soup

MN: Parent and child spaces should only be used for randoms with invisible leg problems. Even if you have 5 children you should park in a normal space and not be so entitled as to think P&C spaces are for you
RL: Parents Park in P&C places and get annoyed when people without kids park in them

MN: Everybody wants a low key wedding with 6 people in the local cafe and the bride wants to wear a nightie she bought for 80p from the Scope shop
RL: most people have a lovely wedding in the region of £20k with a dress bought from a wedding boutique

MN- how do you make your spaghetti bolognese? Oh I cook mine for 17 hours and use the tears from unicorns. Anything less is not a spaghetti bolognese.

RL- chuck in a jar of Dolmio

MN- I never talk to anyone at the school gates. I have enough friends already.

RL- hi how are you?

On MN a lot seem to have sen dc or loads of dc or be ancient when pregnant for the first time. All are either very poor or very rich.

I'm foreign and actually had to look up the statistics to see if you were that different to the rest of Europe. (You aren't ).

MN it only takes 2 minutes in the morning to put a bit of make up on.
RL it takes 2 minutes to find my make up bag.

MN it only takes 10 minutes to clean the bathroom or 5 minutes to run the hoover round.
RL it takes me 5 minutes to get the hoover out and plugged in.

My real time is way off that of your average mumsnetter.

The stolen rickshaw post made me laugh.

I'm still aghast at the deadly serious post on a recent thread, about how the OP would be selfish to put a lock on her outside tap to stop random window cleaners (not hers) from using it, in case a homeless person made their way into her garden and needed a drink!

@ProseccoBubbleFantasies yes to the not answering the door. I'm always amazed at the posters saying they don't answer the door it they haven't got someone precooked to come round. If someone knocks on my door I wouldn't cross my mind not to answer it

MN: University Challenge
RL: Enders

RL. my son is operating a stolen rickshaw up and down the South Bank.
😀😀😀

MN - you absolutely cannot have a dog anywhere near DC
RL - absolutely no issues majority of the time

MN - if you're 3 month old doesn't talk you've failed as a parent
RL - 3mo poops, cries, eats and sleeps

These are so funny! Thank you OP -tip thread!😀

RL: This diagram took me ten minutes and the bastard drove away before I'd finished!

Neighbour's child drops a crisp packet in your front garden.

MN - Log it with 101 as a fly-tipping offence. Then move house.
RL - Bin it and have a quiet word with neighbour next time you see them.

These are so true. 😂😂 Although a reverse which proves MN can be right compared to RL..

MN: Trans ideology is the biggest threat to women's rights in more than a generation

RL: Men should be able to identify into the oppressed class of women if they WANT

MN: I can see the neighbours across the street in their bedroom when the light is on. Are they swingers trying to seduce my husband. They know I have children, should I call the police?

RL: you can only see into the bedroom if you hang out of the spare room window on a clear night with binoculars.

My dog just savagely bit a child for no reason and the child needed stitches. I think i might need to consider putting my dog to sleep so i can be sure it won't do it again.

Mn: you're evil if you kill a dog, your dog was there before the child, don't ever ever get another pet, he must have been provoked, keep your children and your dog separated for ever and ever. No of course you can't give it up just because it's inconvenient to you. Rehoming a dog is the second worst thing you can do, second only to putting it to sleep.

Rl: yeah mate that is dangerous. You don't really want that dog around a kid.

Mn: breast really is best im afraid. You can formula feed if you really have to, as long as you're aware that you're not doing the best for your baby. You really should give it a try you know. It's a fact that breastfeeding makes your baby smarter and healthier. No, fed is not best. That's the bare minimum. Its really upsetting that so many people formula feed. You really do need to give it your best shot.

Rl: it doesn't matter how you feed your baby. Theyll be fine either way. if you need help with anything let me know.

MN: you're having a party for your babys first birthday? How utterly ridiculous, I'm guessing it's a PFB? You need to learn that no one cares about your kid apart from you. Yes, no one cares about your child and their milestones whatsoever, not even your immediate family. You've bought a baby gifts and balloons, they won't remember, what a waste, an environmental disaster. How entitled to think people may bring presents, you need to get over your PFB.

RL: first birthday of child in my immediate family, how lovely, hope the weather is ok, hope there's cake and it doesn't go on too long.

My favourite is when a poster says they are short of cash and someone comes along and suggests they take in other people's washing to make ends meet

My other favourite is any discussion regarding teen boys appetite they get into a sort of four Yorkshire men competitive sketch about how their son / sons eat three chickens, two currys, four plates of salad and seventeen baguettes!! There is absolutely never any discussion of teen girls and their appetites. This also begs the question how are all these families able to make a chicken last for four days meals if they have teen boy in the house.

haven't got someone precooked to come round

brilliant typo

"I've just found out my hubby has been sleeping with alot of women behind my back"

RL: Oh, poor you!
MN: That should be 'a lot' not 'alot' and if you refer to him as your 'hubby' it's not surprising he's been unfaithful.

Do the MN grammar and spelling police turn into the pronunciation police in RL?

My favourite is when a poster says they are short of cash and someone comes along and suggests they take in other people's washing to make ends meet

This always makes me laugh. How many shirts would you even have to iron to pay a mortgage, heat a home and feed a family?

A lot of MNetters seem to suggest they'd end their marriage or friendships/family relationships based on off-hand comments or minor behaviour they take offence to.

I often wonder if the MNetters composing long texts about how they feel they have to end the friendship because the friend hasn't texted for a few weeks, cancelled plans or not liked their FB posts are the same ones that never open the door or answer the 'phone because they find it intrusive.

Many people seem to not know the difference between anxiety as a mental illness and being anxious about something, which is completely usual and experienced by everyone.

An anxiety disorder can be crippling but that is minimised when 'I have anxiety' is used as a way to shut down unwanted opinions or justify why an OP is behaving badly or foolishly.

It's a part of life, being anxious doesn't mean you're ill and need cosseting.

MN: Always being told what great skin you have, often by strangers in the sreet
RL: The occasional 'you look nice /well' from a friend when you're about to go out

@YgritteSnow

MN "What's for dinner?"

Mint and yoghurt marinaded lamb on a bed of wild rice with chargrilled vegetables, and home made lychee granita to follow.

RL: Spaghetti Bolognese. Usually no pudding but maybe a magnum out of the freezer occasionally for a massive treat.

You forgot the HUGE salad and MASSES of veggies that their children, especially teenagers, inhales or hoovers

MN cosleeping is the devil, you're making a rod for your own back!

RL I sleep better with my daughter as she doesn't snore like a bear!