MN vs real life

[GlummyMcGlummerson]

Can we have some (lighthearted) comparisons about what MN is like compared to real life. I'll start

MN: a roast chicken last for 14 days for a family of 5
RL: a chicken is cooked and the carcass is disposed of. At a push, the meat is taken off the bones for soup

MN: Parent and child spaces should only be used for randoms with invisible leg problems. Even if you have 5 children you should park in a normal space and not be so entitled as to think P&C spaces are for you
RL: Parents Park in P&C places and get annoyed when people without kids park in them

MN: Everybody wants a low key wedding with 6 people in the local cafe and the bride wants to wear a nightie she bought for 80p from the Scope shop
RL: most people have a lovely wedding in the region of £20k with a dress bought from a wedding boutique

MN- should i have a 3rd/4th child? I only have 3 bedrooms, 2 receptions and I am a stay at home mum. how dare you? Have you thought of the environment? Have you thought of the welfare of your DCs? your lack of savings would mean that your DC's welfare is severely compromised and they will miss out on so much! How dare you not give your DC their own room? you are so selfish!What about your career? Are you addicted to getting pregnant

should i have a second child? I can't afford childcare and only have 2 bedrooms. Yes you should, children can share, and you get 30 free hours.

IRL- no one cares. Children share rooms.

Mn: you can’t say baby names are chavvy or common ever! Even if the option is lambrini-moet . Similarly no name is ever too ridiculously pretentious...

Rl: certain names are chavvy and I’d never call my dc that. Similarly certain names are ridiculously pretentious. But ultimately upon meeting baby Violeta-Chardonnay III no one will make any comment other that “ah lovely name”

MN: my neighbour has been feeling my cat. I've not seen the cat for 5 minutes and I'm sure the neighbour has now stolen my cat.

RL: cat is in the garden.

Dirty cat-feeling bastard!

Tenants have decided to move out of a property you rent out.

MN: I can't believe you are throwing them out. You should let them live their rent free. Why do you own more than one property? You should offer to pay their moving costs. Why don't you do their food shopping when you do your own? I can't believe you don't cook extra food and sent it over to them each night.

RL: Tenants move out because they have purchased their own property. I wish them well and look for new tenants.

Dirty cat-feeling bastard!

cat-feeling bastard

Perv

I don't get on with MIL, she wanted to see DC once a month. AIBU to go NC? We see my mum daily.
MN: Go NC, you have a DH problem, she must be narcistic.

RL: You are the problem, you are a bitch to her.

I live in a council house, is it unreasonable to expect them to repair the roof that is leaking onto the kids room?
MN: How dare you be ungrateful! You should rent privately! Why don't you buy your own place? Why are you complaining about your free house? (never mind that tenants pay rent, people earning 19k wont get a mortgage and if they privately rent still need rebates due to sky high rents)
RL: complain and get environmental health or local councillor involved if they don't fix it.

MN: my 6yo has just finished Harry Potter. Should they read War and Peace or Pride and Prejudice next?

RL: child picks up another Rainbow Fairies book in The Works.

@Desiringonlychild no up the deepest darkest depth of Cumbria but I knew that you must do and that property ownership is a whooooollleeee other level in London and the SE (still blows my mind tbh!!)

@pennysea

MN: my neighbour has been feeling my cat. I've not seen the cat for 5 minutes and I'm sure the neighbour has now stolen my cat.

RL: cat is in the garden.

HOWLING 😂😂😂😂😂

MN: The family member who disagreed with my course of actions is a narcissist.

RL: Everyone's a bit of a selfish arse sometimes.

MN You must never ever express any negative statements about your step children. Not even when they deliberately tip emulsion paint on your new carpets. You KNEW what you were getting into when you married your dh you evil cow

RL Step kids piss me off sometimes just like my own kids also piss me off sometimes. Most of the time we get on great but the Waltons we are not

NM - Always take non resident step children into account when booking holidays or considering a day at the zoo. Under no circumstances can they be left out

In a similar vein:

MN: you should have one bedroom per non-resident child. Even if you only live in a 4 bed and there's 3 resident children who are there full time, the two stepchildren that visit twice a year MUST have their own rooms, and the resident children can share. Because the trauma you've all inflicted on them for leaving an unhappy marriage must be atoned for!!!

RL: Stepkids sleep on the pull out sofa and it's fine

MN: Learning to drive is an essential life skill. Anyone who doesn't drive is a selfish, self-centred, oafish layabout. Men who don't drive are not sexy and probably have a small youknowwhat.

RL: Millions of us get around by public transport just fine, thanks.

Oooh oooh I have one!!

"Someone has been coming in my garden and using my outside tap and leaving it on!"

RL: probably a cheeky window cleaner, or maybe even foxes? buy a tap lock.

MN: don't lock your tap it could be some poor homeless/down on their luck person desperate for a drink of water! They will die of severe dehydration and it will be all your fault!!

Parents are round here all the time, but won't even watch baby for even ten minutes so I can have a shower. I need a break.

MN - You're so entitled. Get a babysitter.
RL - Ffs. Thought they'd be all over your baby. I'll pop over and give you a break when I finish work.

MIL wants some alone time with my 3 year old. Wants to take him to park. I'm scared she'll give him an ice cream.
MN - Evil controlling woman. Go NC. You have a husband problem not a MIL problem.
RL - Great, have fun!

Kids are home from Uni. Forgot how much they eat
MN - You still cook from them? Are they paying rent? They are adults!!
RL - missed you and great to have you home.

Friend's kid and mine don't get on. Friend keeps wanting them to play. He's badly behaved and a handful.

MN - Does he have SEN?
RL - Fancy popping out for drink/dinner without the kids for a proper catch up?

MN My DS wears Elsa dresses, pink trainers and tutus. It's one in the eye for the patriarchy.
RL Nobody cares what your DS wears. He's only playing

I moved away for work and rented my house out. Now I'm back and tenant won't leave when agreed and has also stopped paying rent.
MN - Greedy landlord. How dare you expect him to leave when he said he would? AND pay his rent you say??
RL - Bloody hell. That's really shitty. Wtf is wrong with some people?

There's one of these on every thread like this..
OP Statement 'I don't like random example Homes Under the Hammer, the female presenter annoys me.'

MN - well don't watch it then, you have an off button you know, dimwit. And that's bitchy, what about the male presenters?
RL - oh I quite like it/her/don't like it/her/adult discussion..you get the picture.

OP statement 'I don't like chunky marmalade'

MN- well don't eat it then, you don't have to eat it you know and you don't have to buy it either, idiot.
RL - ooh I like it/oh do you like smooth/which varitey do you like/adult chit chat blah blah

OP statement ' I don't like the seaside'

MN - well don't go then , you don't have to go you know there are other places to visit...honestly
RL - really , don't you like sand etc or too busy/no me neither/where do you like to go?/adult chat blah blah

And repeat.

I had a row with my partner and he stormed out saying he was leaving. We've both been working silly hours, homeschooling and kids are playing up. He came back an hour later, tail between legs, apologising and saying how lockdown had got to him. I had also been an arse and apologised. We cut ourselves some slack, had a cuddle and ordered a takeaway. We get on great normally.
MN - LTB, ducks in a row etc, this is the start of abuse, why hadn't you changed the locks in that hour...also why the fuck did you let him back in in the MIDDLE OF A PANDEMIC?!!!
RL - Glad it's sorted. We've had a couple of rows in lockdown too.

@tectonicplates 😂😂 that thread is ridiculous

Ohhh going with the Elsa dress thing

My son likes to wear an Elsa dress and fairy wings to the supermarket.
MN this is fine, my son was wearing his sisters hand me downs until he was 12, even her knickers.
RL get that dress off and put some trousers on, do you want people to laugh at you.

Or

My daughter likes to wear an Elsa dress and fairy wings to the supermarket
MN oh my god, why would you ever let a little girl wear anything pink and glittery, she never grow up to be bricklayer/plumber/any stereotypically male occupation. She should wear dinosaur t shirts and dungarees!
RL meh, it saves on the washing.