MN vs real life

[GlummyMcGlummerson]

Can we have some (lighthearted) comparisons about what MN is like compared to real life. I'll start

MN: a roast chicken last for 14 days for a family of 5
RL: a chicken is cooked and the carcass is disposed of. At a push, the meat is taken off the bones for soup

MN: Parent and child spaces should only be used for randoms with invisible leg problems. Even if you have 5 children you should park in a normal space and not be so entitled as to think P&C spaces are for you
RL: Parents Park in P&C places and get annoyed when people without kids park in them

MN: Everybody wants a low key wedding with 6 people in the local cafe and the bride wants to wear a nightie she bought for 80p from the Scope shop
RL: most people have a lovely wedding in the region of £20k with a dress bought from a wedding boutique

in the MIDDLE OF A PANDEMIC?!!!

What will mumsnet do when this is over and no one can patronisingly ask you why you went out to buy a bottle of wine or how you managed to have a disagreement with a friend when you should be locked up at home?

MN: Children should be cut off financially at the age of 18, and must never, ever expect an inheritance. If one's elderly parents want to blow thousands on crack and caravans that's fine because it's Their Money.

RL: Parents help their offspring financially well into adulthood.

Out longer than expected need snacks!

MN: well I always take rice cakes, chopped grapes, cucumber and carrot sticks just in case OR they don't need snacks! Why do children always need to be eating something? OR Wait till they get home, OR when I was a child it was three meals a day and I was fine, OR no wonder there's an obesity epidemic!

RL: Gets older children a happy meal won't need to cook dinner later then too! Hands youngest child an Ella's kitchen pouch purchased from the nearest shop.

AIBU? I asked DH did he mind my new body size, 84. I have put on a little weight and got unfit during lockdown. Before then I was size 12, worked out at the gym every day for three hours and sniffed a lettuce leaf once a day for food.

I have stayed on the sofa all the time, eating pizzas, double choc ices and full fat red bull with lard. We had to knock walls down to accommodate my body.

DH replied that he did mind. I went ballistic at him; how dare he! He disgusts me!

MN: YANBU! You are proudly curvy! You must have a gland problem, it's not your fault. I know because it happened to me and I left the bastard. You should be proud to show off your new body. Go shopping at Boden and if they don't stock size 84, throw the book at them.

DH is cruel. DH has neurological problems. He is a fascist fattist.

Have you thought of couples counselling?

RL: YABU, you fat twat. You need to lose weight urgently because of the health risks. Your house is subsidising under the weight and cracking because of all the walls your poor DH had to remove.

@YgritteSnow

[quote LemonadeStrawberry] MN - dogs are bought after several years researching breeds, attending Crufts, adapting the whole house in preparation for a puppy.

RL - respond to an ad on pets at home

Oh this![/quote]
oh yes! We have 3 dogs. Second 2 were bought after lots of planning/research etc as per MN. First is a cross breed of some sort, obtained for free from a local add(supposedly before we knew better!). She is 11 now and without doubt the best dog ever. Super well behaved, easy to train, loyal, never been ill etc.....out of the other 2, 1 has epilepsy and is thick as 2 short planks and 1 is bonkers (we love them all and they are all well looked after before the MN police start!LOL)

“My child turns three on the day we wanted to go to a theme park, I thought I would just say he’s two because the ticket prices change to adult price when they turn three.

RL: “yeah, I would as well everyone probably does.”

MN: It’s theft, fraud, the police will probably be called and he’ll end up a delinquent teenager. It’s no wonder your husband left you.”

@alternativePerspective hahaha so true!

I shouldn't have started reading this I fell over and hurt my ribs the other day may have broken one - It's making laugh so much,and it really hurts - off to get another handful of paracetamol.

MN: Everyone earns a six figure salary in glamorous, high flying careers in London.

RL: Average salary is around £25k and one in five people earn the minimum wage. Most people have average jobs working in offices, hospitals, schools, shops or factories.

MN: Every baby is exclusively breastfed and is a bottle refuser. Mums mention that their child is "EBF" in posts even where the child is 18 months old, fully weaned, and it's not relevant.

RL: Some people breastfeed, some people bottle feed. Many mums who breastfeed introduce one bottle of formula a day so they get a break.

MN: Everyone is either a very high earner, or a SAHM with a very high earning husband.

RL: I'm in two Mumsnet "baby buses" (due date groups). Between the two groups there are about 150 mums, all of whom are Mumsnetters. Of those, only about 6 of us earn so much that we aren't entitled to 30 free hours and tax free childcare.

No on in I know I’m real life gives a fuck about stealing.

Everyone I know has at least one kitten bought from a dodgy bloke in the pub who had it in his coat pocket rather than a rehoming shelter.

“I love my children more than I love my dog.”

RL: of course you do. Everybody does.”

MN: “your poor dog. You should rehome it immediately to someone who clearly is capable of treating a dog as a human should be treated, and please never ever have another pet ever again. Ever.”

I’m a single parent struggling to make ends meet in a low paying job, I barely see my kids.

MN; hire a life coach and retrain.

RL; not as easy as that for most.

@EllaAlright

I’m a single parent struggling to make ends meet in a low paying job, I barely see my kids.

MN; hire a life coach and retrain.

RL; not as easy as that for most.

I think you're supposed to take in some ironing

Or just suddenly become a child minder, even though you have no qualification to do so. It's really easy, apparently

MN: 'do not stop BLW even if the sight of your child trying to choke down un masticated whole bits of red pepper distress you'.

RL: squeeze pre mushed up food onto a spoon.

MN: If a man is unhappy in his marriage, there must be someone else.

MN: giving a toddler coffee is tantamount to poison.

@Toddlerteaplease everything apart from water is poison don’t you know! 1 can of sugary coke could rot all your child’s teeth and add to the obesity epidemic 😂

MN: Omg! Just woke the baby next door laughing! Just spit my coffee all over my laptop shouldn't it be fucked then? Laughing soooo hard DH has just leapt into the room to see if I was okay!!

RL: A slight snort.

I have stayed on the sofa all the time, eating pizzas, double choc ices and full fat red bull with lard. We had to knock walls down to accommodate my body

RL: YABU, you fat twat

😂😂😂😂 you lot crack me up!

mn: only water or milk to drink

RL: orange or blackcurrant squash? Got some lemonade for a treat.

Mn-my child is 36 + 6 months, 2 weeks and one day. He was conceived at 9.45 on Wednesday 7th of June.
Rl-my kid is 3 and a bit. (Unless we are going to Alton Towers)I think, or is that his sister, or the cat? Oi, dh how old is kid 2 again?

MN: You can only lose weight if you stop eating carbs. This is the One True Way and there is no other way. If you don't stop eating pasta and bread then you won't lose weight, and that is The Law. If you claim you've lost weight and still ate pasta, you are lying.

RL: Plenty of people carry on eating pasta and bread, and lose weight by stopping having desserts and snacks, being more careful with oil and butter, maybe measuring portions a bit more, and just generally being sensible while still consuming all four food groups. Take your anti-carb dogmatism somewhere else.

MN: it's impossible to live in London on less than a six figure salary and living in poorer borough means you will get killed in a horrific knife attack.

RL: most Londoners don't earn anywhere near that salary and survive. They also don't get knifed.

Dc looking a bit podgy

Mn: they’re obese, we’ve forgotten what normal looks like, no sugar, no fat etc

Rl: maybe they’re going through a growth spurt? Stick them on the trampoline more

MN: no one cares about your new baby
RL: everyone and their dog clamouring to see new baby as soon as possible

MN: you can't feel put out at someone parking on the road in front of your house, it's their legal right, no you can't even be slightly irritated by it
RL: who the fuck has taken my parking space when there's a car park at the end of the street, now I have to find one two streets away