Are you one of 4+ siblings?

[AdultFishcakes]

Hello

Thinking of going for #4. I’m an only child, DH one of two and we have DC 4, 2 and 1. All going well baby would arrive end next year when I’m 40.

(Under normal circumstances) we have a good mix of flexible work, and childcare, space and the financial ability to meet the costs.

If you’re a sibling from a large family I’d love to know what your experience was growing up, especially in terms of privacy, noise, major pros and major cons of being one of four or above.

Thanks

Oh and considering we grew up in what was then a roughish area of London we had a pretty idyllic childhood. None of us ever touched drugs (the realities of it put you off), never drank to excess. The only bad thing we did was a bit of underage clubbing. Tbh pretty much all of my friends who were also born & raised in London are strait laced, uni was a big of an eye opener!

Youngest of 4, with big age gaps. I was an irritation to my siblings and I only really had a relationship with them when we were all in adulthood.

I am one of four. Loved it. But maybe key difference was my brothers were a LOT older than me and my sister.
It was great fun having two older brothers when we were little

One of six, I wouldn’t recommend it. Parents were very selfish and father turned to alcohol and gambling. They didn’t get on and we bore the brunt of it. Used to be envious of happier families.

This reads so much like the only child threads with wildly conflicting views.

There was a good post on here once about happy and unhappy families coming in all sizes - it's just if there is an "unusual" number of children (less than 2 or more than 3) it gets attributed to family size.

I'm the youngest of 7 and it was a very negative experience for me growing up in the 70s/80s. The oldest 5 who were between 6-12 years older were a 'gang' who were mean to me and I felt very left out. The sibling closest in age was doted on by the older siblings as the 2nd of only 2 boys. I grew up with no self esteem and ended up having a breakdown in my early 20s. Am much closer to my siblings now but st 50 I still feel a lot of resentment towards them and how my life has been affected by how they treated me.

Let's face it, your kids will never tell you if they wished they were an only child or had less siblings, but clearly a lot of people feel that way. I did. I was an only child till 10 and loved it - I revel in peace and quiet and adult company. Having a sibling was awful. Constant noise and mess, having to do toddler-friendly activities on the weekends as a teenager and being woken up at 7am every day while my friends could have a nice lie-in. I certainly would have been happier if I'd remained an only. We get on fine now, about as fine as you would with a random aunt who lives in your parents' house when you come and visit, but I wouldn't say we're friends at all. Just because someone is your family doesn't mean you will automatically love them or get on with them, it's just another person forced into your life.

My dad is #2 of 11 spread out over 5 relationships & very fond of all the others. He's closer with some than others, though. The age gaps are big, 21 yrs from eldest to youngest.

I completely agree @Ginfordinner

I don’t want another baby, but I do want another child and all that brings. Being honest I wonder if I’ll be a better parent to them when they are older than I am now as I did (until Lockdown) have concerns I was just naturally shit with kids.

I'm one of 4, all girls.
Honestly its swings and roundabouts, as children we could fight like cat and dog, be best friends the next moment. Often as I child I would tell my mum I wish I was only child, my sisters would have said the time.
Now as adults, they're my built in best friends. We've always got each other, and that's not to say we still don't bicker or fall out, but no matter what we're always there. On the other side of that though, we all seem to struggle with making friends, and don't seem to put in the effort needed as it's too easy to just go to them.

Youngest of 4 and I love it. I mean sure, me and my sister hated each other for years but we're good now and we all have a laugh about some of the stuff that happened. It was great. Grew up poor but we knew no different and there was plenty of love and laughter.

Age gap wise: eldest sister 32
Middle sister 1: 31
Middle sister 2: 30
Me : 27.

I'm eldest of 4 (3F 1M)
Loved it. Lots of camaraderie between us.
We (the older two) were able to help out with the younger (10 year gap) and it was really fun to watch them grow. We also spent a lot of time making up games, playing together, holidays were super fun because we always had each other. Didn't even really think about privacy at the time and we shared a room! I don't feel hard done by at not having the trendiest things, or my own room until I was older etc. We have a very large extended family in any case so very used to having lots of people around.

Awful too. I'm one of 6 and never enough attention, angry stressed parents. No room no peace no privacy.
I have one child and want one more max

No experience but just wanted to say this thread is fascinating! I was an only and fantasised about having loads of siblings

I am one of four. No privacy. We had little money. No days out. I didn't go on holiday until I could afford to go with my friends when I was 19. I was the eldest girl and was expected to do so much around the house. I was 7 when the youngest was born and I
remember always having to bath her etc. My parents used to go out a lot at the weekends and I would be left to run the house . It was pretty shit. I was always envious of friends from smaller families who got to go on days out and holidays.
Not really close to any of my siblings now.

Noneedtocry except a lot of us have said we chose smaller families because of upbringing. Not because of our ages/ career/ other reason.

I'm one of four girls, all close in age. I loved it growing up being “one of the Cryptic girls” and it’s great fun now (although we live in different countries). Every now and again someone falls out with someone, but it’s never the end of the world. Wouldn’t be without my sisters!

I'm the second oldest of 4 girls,we fought like cats and dogs when younger but now we're adults,I personally wouldn't want to ever be without them x

1 of 4, hated it. Now only in contact with 1 sibling

@AdultFishcakes it makes me sad that a lot of people in this thread didn’t enjoy being from a larger family but then plenty of people say the same about being an only child or having just 1 other sibling.

You asked for positive experiences - I loved having lots of siblings to play with growing up, I’m a middle child myself and loved going to town with my big sisters, and loved helping look after my younger siblings. We never had to babysit or anything like that, just little things, I remember changing my brothers nappy and being really proud of myself!
We have the best memories of playing outside in the Summer, chasing each other up and down the stairs, dressing up in bed sheets, inventing silly ghost stories etc. My younger siblings always wanted to sleep in my room at the weekend, we’d watch silly movies and make midnight snacks and talk for hours. Christmas was out of this world, our Parents went to so much effort to make it magical for us all , such happy memories and traditions I want to pass on to my own DC.

I think having a large family personally made me a more patient, kind, resilient and resourceful person. I don’t remember ever feeling hard done by or not getting enough attention growing up.

Although I am closer to my younger siblings and we hang out loads, I genuinely get on with all my siblings, when I was pregnant with DC, I asked my older sister for advice and it was great, she has 4 of her own after all

I’m one of 4. I like the lack of parental pressure! I also have 4. I’d have 6 if I had the choice (I don’t).

Do consider that it could well be twins!

Eldest of six, but multiple mums and dads. Hated it, used as childcare. second class in both homes, left home at 17.

Youngest of 8 . Lost mum very early , dad not long after , much older siblings have their own life and never had any interest in the 'surprise late baby'. It's crap.

One of 11. I was number 7.

I had the most amazing time growing up. Christmas was just magical. I had so many siblings I didn’t need many friends. Even now I mostly go out with them. I’m never lonely, and I know I never will be. It’s an almost unconditional relationship.

But I’m sticking at only 1 child.