If you dont take DH's name or arent married to DC's father

[UltimateWednesday]

How did you decide which surname they have?

A discussion with some middle aged colleagues. Most said they'd got married when they had DC, at least in part because they wanted to have the same name as their children.

Obviously the children could have taken mother's surname but then father has the same issue, that he doesn't share the family name, unless he takes hers.

Hypenating is an option but how do you choose which order? IME people seem to drop the first one as they get older and even if they don't surely would if they tried to amalgate two surnames when they marry themselves?

I have a very popular full name. DH has an unusual name.
Unsure when we do get married at some point (only for legal reasons) I’ll change mine. I’m too old

The kids have my surname and their father’s is a middle name. I don’t want to be called Mrs hisname by the school. Women who keep their own names and then give the kids his name seem to always be explaining or eventually let people just call them the same surname as the kids. Much less of an issue for a man assuming it is the mum that does most of the nursery/school/medical admin.

I kept my surname has I'm mixed race 50/50 and I wanted to keep that part of my heritage. My kids have no middle name but hyphenated surname with mine then husband's. I think it is confusing as people tend not to know what to write on an address for example or forget the official surname of the children but that doesn't bother me as I expect it.

My girl has her dads surname, I could of put my surname as a middle name but it wouldn’t of gone. All my relatives before me had their fathers surname and I like tradition, a lot had their mother maiden name as their middle name which I like because they keep it even when they get married themselves.

Girls get mine, boys get his. Made more sense than flipping a coin.

I am married. Dc1 has my surname. Dc2 has she's. Fair's fair.

I am in my 40's. I have noticed that a lot my peers kept their surname upon marriage. I haven't noticed many younger women keeping their own names. However, I guess I don't know as many.

Dc2 has dh's.

I got married so we could all have the same surname. It was very very important to DH that both DD and I had his surname (and also the cats!) and it wasn't that important to me that I kept my maiden name so that's what we did.
Although I'm also lazy and the DVlA, passport office and bank still have me down as maiden name.

Married, neither of us changed our names. DD is double barrelled, hisname-myname. It sounds better that way.

Unmarried, and I wanted them to have my name so that's what they got. Matrilineal

I took my husband's surname because I didn't have a very happy childhood and it felt like I was able to distance myself from my awful father by changing my name.

Luckily, DH was raised by his mother and grandmother and has their surname and not his father's. He's a feminist and I'm greatful he had such a good upbringing by 2 incredibly strong women.

I now feel like my surname is part of my identity and I feel proud of it. I could never go back to my maiden name.

However, if I'd had a functioning childhood and didnt want that distance to my old life, I'd have kept my surname and given it to DS too. I grew, birthed and had my mind body and soul altered forever. I'm his primary carer and im the one who produced his entire nourishment for six months solid. Ofcourse he'd have my name.

To give him anyone's name but my own would be like Picasso painting a beautiful picture then signing it with someone else's name!

Ex had always assumed if he had kids they'd have his name.

I'm of the view that when he grows and births one himself he can name it whatever he likes, and as he had no intention of marrying me then he didn't have a legal leg to stand on when it came to naming DD, so that was that, and if he really wanted to have the same name as her then he was welcome to change his to match.

She got his surname as a middle name though, as it's one of those surnames that's become known as a first name. And he got a series of lectures about sexist assumptions in naming practices across the globe.

DS took DH's name when he was adopted, which left me the last in the line with my fathers surname - definitely not something I felt a huge desire to keep.

We were not in a position to marry at the time so I changed my name by deed poll. Then we moved to a village and people naturally assumed we are married. We've never got round to it and it feels a terrible deceit

Me and dp not married, dd has his last name.
I was happy for my last name to die with me and my brother who won't have kids. Mine reminds me of abuse. That simple for me really.

Married but both kept our own names.

Our three children have DHs surname. I am NC with my whole family of origin so have complicated feelings about the name thing. Ultimately my surname is my name and I wouldn't change it, but I didn't want to give my children any indirect connection to that family when there was another option.

Has things been different they would have had my surname.

DC has their dad’s surname. Same as his other two adult children. I wanted our DC to share their half-siblings name. They're all close and I think my DC enjoys the shared surname.

DC has myname-Exhname. DC coming with my soon to be (Monday!) DH will have myname-hisname.

I really don’t get the squeamishness about double barrelling- particularly as women who marry men with double barrelled names and want to take their H’s name in general just take both? It doesn’t seem a hyphenated name is an issue if a man has one to pass on...

My husband took my name when we got married and we all have his surname as a middle name.

We double barrelled without a hyphen when we got married. I'm not precious, don't care if people hyphenate or don't. It's my name his name, because it sounds better that way. I kept my maiden name at work because I'm lazy, but no reason other than that. Currently 37 weeks pregnant, and DD will not be hyphenated as we are. If and when she gets married or has DC she can choose to do whatever she likes with her name too.

Middle aged here, didn't change my surname and dc took mine. I've noticed a lot of my younger colleagues either change their name or double barrel while my peers sometimes kept their own ( dc taking mother's name more unusual)

I'm getting married later this year (hopefully) and I'm changing my name to my name - his name. Our children have his name out of traditional reasons I suppose but it doesn't really bother us either way.
What actually annoys me is when people call me Mrs his name before we are married. The school does it, the drs do it ect. Its annoying they know who I am but they assume I must be married with my husbands name because I have a child. So out dated and unmarried parents are pretty much the norm where I live

We are msrried but I kept my name. Dc have his surname to reflect their primary nationality. I was tjinking longterm about their chances of getting jobs etc. Plus I wanted to give them English first names so I thought it was the quickest way to get what I wanted!

We used his, due to it being the expected thing to do in both families. I wish they’d had mine as they will get teased a lot at school from his, and not mine. He wouldn’t even tell me his surname for about 6 months it’s that bad...

I am married but didn't change my name. The children have my husband's surname, just as I have my fathers - I didn't feel strongly enough to go against the status quo. To me it's just a name and we both have quite ordinary surnames so to me it wasn't a big deal. During my first pregnancy my husband asked if we should double barrel or use my surname - he didn't really mind either way.

By the time I'd given birth, I didn't give a shit in all honesty. Mine have my husband's name as a second name and my name as a middle name. I don't care at all that we have different names and it's never caused confusion.