Has anyone ever not told their family they are in labour?

[CheddarCheesey]

Baby due in two weeks. My MIL and her sister (DH's Aunt) have asked DH to text or call them as soon as I go into labour. MIL has repeated the request a few times and been fairly insistent. I just wondered if others have not followed through on this with their families and only told them once the baby is born?

The context is, I am not keen, as I feel nervous about it (the whole birth) and the pandemic has made things more scary. Having messages and the weight of other people's expectations makes my anxiety worse. I'm attending a busy hospital in North London where there's been a massive Covid hit and it's all been quite stressful going to appointments there etc. The rules are that DH can only attend the actual birth and not be present for the beginning / middle of labour or with me afterwards in postnatal ward. I'm looking forward to it all being over and us all together back home.

Also, DH isn't really very close to his mum, they get on fine but we don't see loads of her or anything - let alone his Aunt!

I do understand them wanting to know, but is it reasonable of me to not want to let anyone know until afterwards when everyone is hopefully safe and baby is here? I'm also not telling any of my family by the way.

Has anyone else gone in and had the baby before telling family?

(Just to add there's a chance I might have to have a c-section and I think I'll still feel the same if they book that in next week or so).

I haven’t experienced this myself, however I am not telling DH’s family next time for the exact reasons you’ve listed. The pressure and constant hounding for updates. Not relevant at the moment but they also turned up uninvited at the hospital.

I think if your also not telling your family then your perfectly reasonable - ultimately it’s up to you. Whatever makes it easiest for you is what you should do.

Good luck x

We told no one until dd was born. No one else really needs to know!

I don’t plan to tell anyone when I go into labour. I’ll let my mum know when the baby has arrived and we are all back at hone.

We didn't tell anyone - no idea why we would! Told them once the baby was born.

Never told anyone until baby was born. We rang from the hospital to let them know and everybody was surprised and delighted.

With DC1 we didn't tell anyone. MIL had said beforehand that we should call her and she would come and wait at the hospital. We didn't want that so we didn't call. It helped that it was a very quick labour and we went to the hospital at 3am which is not a reasonable time to call anyone.
With DC2 we had to tell in-laws as they were our childcare for DC1.

I didn't second time. Family just got texts in the early hours of the morning. Only my friends caring for DS knew.

First time I was in labour Fri evening to Sun lunch. We got some family phonecalls Sat evening shortly before I reached the stage of being admitted and it was getting too awkward to pretend nothing was going on as I'd had regular contractions for 24 hours and was getting close to the pain relief stage.

By Sunday morning with no news family were quietly getting twitchy, and it was getting rather drawn out and leading to EMCS by that point so nothing great to report.

Much nicer not to worry about people worrying!

I did tell my mum the first time, but only because she was a long distance away! Didn't stop her fretting until baby arrived though. This was before mobile phones so it was easy to not be in contact unless you wanted to be. With the next two we said nothing until the baby arrived, apart from to the person who was going to be looking after our other children.

I'm not there yet (34 weeks) but have no intention of telling anyone other than DP and the midwife until the baby is here..

We didn't tell anyone, but I went into labour at midnight and had DS at 6am. DH phoned family at about 9am.

We didn't tell anyone until our baby was with us.

I knew which week I’d be induced in at 6 months, knew the exact date at 8 months, was in labour for 3 days and the only person who knew was my mate who feeds the cat.

In fact I responded to a few messages while in labour without saying a word.

I just agreed that I would tell them then didn’t as my family would have turned up or called constantly.

I only told my sister as she’s not a total knob and was lovely and supportive without demanding updates. I phoned her whilst in the throes of hideous contractions and she was great!

My frigging parents were sat in the hospital cafe for SIX HOURS after I told them I was going to the birthing centre and mum burst through the curtains when I was trying to get Dd to latch, with a catheter in, blood all the way up my legs. She’d told the midwives I’d ok’d it

Next time I’ll get dp to message them when I’ve actually given birth and had a shower.

@ShiningTor

We didn't tell anyone - no idea why we would! Told them once the baby was born.

This

Posted too soon - you are completely within your rights to have the birth you want, and for it to be as relaxing as you can make it. Don’t tell them.

I didn’t second and third time. DC3 was an ELCS and we didn’t tell anyone but my Mum of the date of surgery (just it was in x month). My MIL spent my first labour texting “how many cms is she dilated now”. I think after about hour 48 I told my DH if he didn’t get off his phone I would shove it somewhere so he couldn’t reply.

I went in to be induced after due date so that wasn’t a secret but we told no-one anything until after birth. Induction can take days, but as it turned out I had spontaneous labour and she was here within 20hrs of going in.

It’s entirely normal to keep that private. With 2nd babies family often know as they provide childcare for the first, but for a first baby I think it’s normal to not tell anyone.

Stick to what you want.

Didn’t tell anyone except my Mum who I needed for childcare during the birth of DC3 and 4. But she picked up older ones and then didn’t contact me until I contacted her to say baby was born.

No one else needs to know, it’s your body and your decision.

We didn't tell anyone, the only person we would have told was my mum but I didn't want her to worry. Told her I was going to bed when I was actually on my way to the hospital.

How overbearing to make such a demand!
No I'd definitely not tell any of them!
I was a week early with my first so everyone (inc us) got a nice early surprise.
Do it your way and don't engage with it. Just fob them off for now.

We didn’t. Our parents live back in our home country.

No point in telling them in opinion as there is nothing they can do about it and the last any woman in labour needs is a parent or in-law phoning.

DH phoned from the hospital while I was stitched up and showered. I actually only spoke to them when we were back home three days later.

@cheddarcheesey. I had my daughter in May and didn't tell family. She arrived on my birthday so had had all the usual birthday greeting whilst in early stages. We FaceTimed family about half an hour after she was born to introduce them to their granddaughter (we didn't know what we were having), lots of happy tears from both sets without them having to worry.

See how you feel in labour, you can change your mind either way, when I had my son years ago I went into premature labour (they stopped it and he went full term) so did tell my family as the plan then was my mum would stay with me and his dad would go with him to special care.

Yes, we didn't tell anyone till the baby had arrived the first time, and not till we'd got home the second time.

You do what suits you.

I’ll probably tell my family when I’m off to the hospital, as someone will need to feed the cat and they won’t bombard me with texts about it.
If people can’t be respectful then I wouldn’t tell them.

We told nobody - why would we?!