Has anyone ever not told their family they are in labour?

[CheddarCheesey]

Baby due in two weeks. My MIL and her sister (DH's Aunt) have asked DH to text or call them as soon as I go into labour. MIL has repeated the request a few times and been fairly insistent. I just wondered if others have not followed through on this with their families and only told them once the baby is born?

The context is, I am not keen, as I feel nervous about it (the whole birth) and the pandemic has made things more scary. Having messages and the weight of other people's expectations makes my anxiety worse. I'm attending a busy hospital in North London where there's been a massive Covid hit and it's all been quite stressful going to appointments there etc. The rules are that DH can only attend the actual birth and not be present for the beginning / middle of labour or with me afterwards in postnatal ward. I'm looking forward to it all being over and us all together back home.

Also, DH isn't really very close to his mum, they get on fine but we don't see loads of her or anything - let alone his Aunt!

I do understand them wanting to know, but is it reasonable of me to not want to let anyone know until afterwards when everyone is hopefully safe and baby is here? I'm also not telling any of my family by the way.

Has anyone else gone in and had the baby before telling family?

(Just to add there's a chance I might have to have a c-section and I think I'll still feel the same if they book that in next week or so).

Unless they’re needed to help, I can’t understand the need to know. I asked not to be told with Gdc1 until it was all over - I’d have been a nervous wreck otherwise.

I told no one first time around and second time just my mum as she was looking after dc1.

I didn’t, just called from the post-natal ward. I didn’t see a particular need for anyone to know.

We had intended that DH would let our parents know via a WhatsApp group once I was admitted i.e. in established labour. However, DS was in such a hurry to arrive there was no chance to tell anyone! In the end, he was born in the small hours and by the time I'd been stitched up and moved to postnatal it was about 3.30 am so not really the time to be ringing anyone. We sent them all a message and photo a few hours later and they were just so delighted he was here and everyone was well that no-one cared about who knew what when

No of course not, never occurred to me that it was expected (unless you need childcare or similar). DH & I went to hospital ... I ended up having an EMCS and then phoned my DPs after I had come round from the anaesthetic. DH called his mum. It was 20 years ago & I didn't even have a mobile phone those days and certainly it wasn't the norm to share everything on SM. . I've never been told when a close friend or family member goes into labour and wouldn't expect to ... unless specific help was needed.

Is nothing private anymore?

We didn’t tell anyone either. I knew MIL would ring every 5 mins for an update and my mum would sit at home and worry.
As it was, she worried anyway as she rang our house that evening (a few times) and when we weren’t in at 10pm on a wintry dark Monday she guessed I’d gone in.

Both time’s but my children were very premature. So it was the start of a medical emergency rather complete joy. Plus our families didn’t constantly text but wait for an update ie baby alive on vent stable.

Tell your husband to tell them to back off. They are going to be a nightmare. This will be only the start.

The idea of texting the in-laws updates about the state of my cervix fills me with horror

Do you want to know what is worse? Your MIL telling you the state of her pals daughters cervix and telling you that they'll both be grans soon. WTF!

So no we told nobody with DC1.

DC2 I told ILs that hospital didn't want me going over my date. FIL dismissed it "That's not true. They let John's daughter go past her date". Beyond me what John's daughter had to do with my pregnancy. I never mentioned it again. They went to visit SIL, a couple of hundred miles away, just before my due date, oh well they were safely out of the way.
My parents babysat DC1 and got first cuddles of DC2.

We didn't tell my in laws until he had arrived safe. I was 5 days over and MIL texted me so many times each day that it just annoyed me and I didn't want that pressure during labour.

I did tell my mum but I wanted her there with me, and even then I didn't tell her until I was established at a good 6cm.

My DH told everyone he ever met when I went into labour, then we got constants texts asking for updates.
Only told mum second time round as she looked after DC1. To be fair, he couldn't tell everyone that time as it was early hours and done by 5.30.
On the flip side, my bro and SIL told us when everything started and then it took longer than expected so we all started to worry. Didn't want to contact them so we're left clueless.

So No. don't tell anyone who doesn't need to know.

We told parents and in laws for first one, learnt our lesson then didn’t tell anyone for the other.

We told no one. DH and I had been at a big family dinner at my DGPs house, complete with another 10 adults, a 4yo and a 5 mo. Didn’t even let on to them when we left although it had kick started a couple of hours before we could leave.

Woke up both sets of DPs at 6:30am with the news in phone calls, and sent text msgs to wider family around 9am. Dd had been born about 6am.

There was no need for any of them to know before then.

I wasn’t planning to tell anyone until baby was here but as it turned out my waters broke at a family BBQ surrounded by all of DH’s extended family so that didn’t go to plan!

Exactly what you say is how I felt though OP. Didn’t want the pressure of everyone knowing and waiting for updates etc. Also knew my mum would worry the entire time so wanted to avoid that.

I didn’t tell anyone.

I felt intensely private, as if I wanted to retreat into my nest, and the last thing I wanted was an arena if people all waiting for news.

In fact I spoke to my Mum (who is lovely, not intrusive or anything) in the phone when I was quite far in, and didn’t mention it.

I'm also due in a few weeks and won't be telling anyone other than my mum if she's needed to look after DSD when I go into labour!

I'm terrified and I don't want all the messages asking how we get on

I didn't.
But then, my mum rang when I was in hospital.

Still, I don't see the point of people waiting at home to hear news that may take several hours. About 12 in my case.

Basinhaircut that was probably really embarrassing at the time but I hope you laugh about it now.

I was induced 5 weeks early with DC1. We didnt tell anyone until.he was born 2 days later. I rang my mum and had a chat and then said "by the way, I've got someone with me you might want to.meet" and she wouldnt believe me!

We told my PIL purely because they had to watch the dog (went into labour at night so couldn't leave him alone as if we were heading out for a little bit) so they knew, but we didn't tell my parents or anyone else until about an hour after she was born. We really enjoyed spending some time just the 3 of us before anyone else knew she was here.

We didn't tell anyone either. I knew the family would fuss like hell and keep badgering me and DH all the way through and that would stress both of us out. I could also envision certain relatives turning up and just hanging around the hospital etc obviously not possible these days though! I went into labour at 4am and didn't go to hospital until about 10.30pm and baby was born at around 9.30am the next day. We started calling close relatives to tell them she had been born once the staff had left us in the room after stitching and cleaning up whilst we were waiting toast they brought so was probably around 11am. Next time around we will probably have my DPs looking after DD whilst I'm in hospital with DH so we will need to tell them my DPs who live with DB and would definitely tell DSis too. But still wouldn't tell anyone else. Nobody was bothered about it btw expect my DPs and DB especially my DF who was very angry and had a big angry rant at me and DH when they came to visit us in the hospital later that afternoon, which I was fuming about as thought it was disgraceful to start an argument and having a go at someone who has just given birth! I did ask what they could have possibly done that would have been helpful to me during labour which they obviously couldn't answer and they just kept going on and on about how we "should" have told them and they "wanted to know". Despite me pointing out that it wasn't their "wants" that mattered and actually it was MY wants that mattered given I was the one giving birth ffs. It just demonstrated exactly why I didn't tell them and that I definitely made the right decision! For additional context my DM later told me that my DF said I should have refused to consent to the ventouse delivery and insisted on a section, essentially blaming me for my birth injuries and behaving as if I should have rang him up and asked him to decide my mode of birth utterly bizarre.

Yes! I rang my mum once DS was born and said I'm holding your grandson in my arms! It was lovely

I only told my best friend (had to go in for an induction) with the first one. Second baby I had an elective c-section so the world and his wife knew what I was up to that day. Luckily I knew none of my family would just turn up at the hospital though. But I did feel obligation to ring my Mum so she wouldn't be sitting there worrying (actual quote) a bit keenly.

I told my parents and in laws both times. They're not the type to turn up at the hospital or anything like that. With dc2, dc1 went to my parents and sister so they obviously knew! My friend rang the house to see how I was with dc2 as I overdue so I ended up having a chat whilst in the early stages of labour. I guess it depends on individual circumstances and relationships. I wouldn't tell them if it's going to make you anxious. Your priority is yourself and your baby. You don't need any added. Stress.

We didn't. My mum had been pretty... not boundary respecting and tried to steamroll her way into the delivery suite.
Then, my labour took ages and we were sent home then suddenly back for induction and by the time we knew it was really happening, it was really happening and we were busy so called no one. Actually, dh's parents called him amongst all this and he still didn't tell them
We called everyone after I'd had a shower and been settled in the ward. My mum had a tantrum. 🙄

For my second, we called the in-laws to babysit, and I texted my mother. Of course she did exactly what I had feared she would, started calling the ward and then just turned up. I was so pissed off. My son needed oxygen and I was rushed to theatre but she got the first cuddle so #winner!

Congrats on your pregnancy, hope it goes well! Don't feel like you have to tell them, if they're decent sorts they'll just be thrilled about the baby. Play it by ear and see what happens. Good luck!

We didn't tell anyone- LB was born At 0.51 and we told parents and siblings for them to wake up to the message. I wouldn't have wanted any of them to know. Even telling my mum after she was on the phone demanding information.