Has anyone ever not told their family they are in labour?

[CheddarCheesey]

Baby due in two weeks. My MIL and her sister (DH's Aunt) have asked DH to text or call them as soon as I go into labour. MIL has repeated the request a few times and been fairly insistent. I just wondered if others have not followed through on this with their families and only told them once the baby is born?

The context is, I am not keen, as I feel nervous about it (the whole birth) and the pandemic has made things more scary. Having messages and the weight of other people's expectations makes my anxiety worse. I'm attending a busy hospital in North London where there's been a massive Covid hit and it's all been quite stressful going to appointments there etc. The rules are that DH can only attend the actual birth and not be present for the beginning / middle of labour or with me afterwards in postnatal ward. I'm looking forward to it all being over and us all together back home.

Also, DH isn't really very close to his mum, they get on fine but we don't see loads of her or anything - let alone his Aunt!

I do understand them wanting to know, but is it reasonable of me to not want to let anyone know until afterwards when everyone is hopefully safe and baby is here? I'm also not telling any of my family by the way.

Has anyone else gone in and had the baby before telling family?

(Just to add there's a chance I might have to have a c-section and I think I'll still feel the same if they book that in next week or so).

Didn't tell anyone with first baby - I don't remember even considering it to be honest. We phoned everyone from the hospital once she was born.

Second birth was an elective section (and a high risk pregnancy which involved lots of help from extended family caring for DD1) so everyone knew the date of that one. I don't remember feeling any real pressure to keep people updated, though I'm sure they were worried. Luckily I was the first one of the day, so not too long to wait.

Nearly didn't tell my in laws at all about my second. My husband rang them from the hospital after baby was out and I was showered, put them on speaker phone and FIL asked him if I was still gaining weight. He's lucky he didn't show up or there would have been murder.

I should have added in my previous post, my friend who rang and I chatted to whilst in early labour rang me one morning and said "just ringing to tell you I had a baby boy over night". That's was the best news! I didn't have any of the waiting, just the good news. Also same the with my cousin who lives abroad. Woke up a few weeks ago to photos and news of the birth! It's lovely that way as you don't have to think about how it's all going!

No I didn't. In fact I told everyone I was going in for a c section on the Friday but I was having it the day before. Couldn't cope with other people as well as my own feelings!

Don't tell anyone.

If you've already got MILs and Aunties badgering, that goes triple!

They'll get over it!

Nope, didn't tell anyone first time until baby was born and second time only told the friend we needed to look after DC1. We told people about DC2 once I was home and settled because first time, we told people when I was still in hospital and PIL came to visit (invited and respectful) but my mum was on my doorstep with my niece when we arrived home. I'd had a horrifically traumatic delivery and it was not what I needed.

DS was early and I had a planned home birth, so I just got on with it quietly. I did have to vaguely suggest to my dad mid-way through the day that things might be happening because he rang me and could tell straight away that something was up (resulting in one of the classic comments of the day: 'There's no need to worry, but I think the baby might be coming today.' 'Oh...well, I'm having my ears syringed tomorrow!'). DH rang him once DS had arrived that night. We didn't say anything to anyone else until the following morning, though - by the time the midwives had gone it was about 2am, so we just surprised DH's parents with the news the next day.

We didn't, both times. I had two inductions too! No idea why I would want my family to know. So they can picture me legs akimbo?? We eventually told them about 12 hours after each birth.

There’s really no reason to unless YOU want to tell them
If family can’t be trusted it’s much better for you to have the baby before you tell them

Some people wait until mum and baby are home before the wider family turn up demanding hugs and tea

I didn't tell family as I know they would have been worried about me and the baby's safe arrival.

I didn't tell anyone. My sister is still pissed off about it but I thought would be a nice surprise. And yeah I couldn't he doing with the constant checking if there is "any news"

Reading these Im wondering if we are actually wired to be secretive about birth, to protect the mum and the young at such a vulnerable time?
I remember when our dog had puppies all she wanted to do was find a small space like a cupboard to nestle in. Every time my mum made her a bed she pulled everything out and tried to remake it in a hidden corner. Makes you wonder

My daughter asked me to be with her for her second to look after GC1.
I texted my OH (we live in another country from DD) at 6pm saying "in the park, waters have gone!" Rang him at 9.30pm to say GC2 had arrived safely and all well. He was extremely surprised as he had assumed my earlier text referred to the lake being drained in the park.

Saved him an anxious few hours I guess

Labour is not a spectator sport, and people hanging on their phones, checking for updates and sending texts and messages are essentially spectators, and it adds pressure.

I needed to be 'in my zone' concentrating on my breathing, and quiet. I didn't want people around me busy in their phones.

Why is being in labour need-to-know news?

The birth of the baby is the news.

Reading these Im wondering if we are actually wired to be secretive about birth, to protect the mum and the young at such a vulnerable time?

KelpianCasserole I think you are right.

I felt quite primal about it. 'Get out of my space, and that includes digital'.

I didn't tell anyone. It wasn't a conscious decision I made beforehand but I suppose I didn't want them to worry and I also didn't want anyone messaging to ask how things were going. And once actually in labour, texting/contacting people was the last thing I wanted to do! I went into labour on the Sunday evening and he was born the following morning. We rang them when he was a couple of hours old and told our parents. They were very surprised so think they had expected a heads up!

but is it reasonable of me to not want to let anyone know until afterwards when everyone is hopefully safe and baby is here?

Totally and utterly. I only told one person I was starting labour because my waters went with a pop when I was talking to her on the phone. Otherwise I wouldn’t have told anyone.

Unless you need childcare, I cannot for the life of me understand why anyone has to be notified that someone is in labour. Wait until it is all over so that you can make an announcement.

After DD was born DH then went and made a few phone calls, but until then no-one had a clue that I had gone into labour

Labour is not a spectator sport, and people hanging on their phones, checking for updates and sending texts and messages are essentially spectators, and it adds pressure.

Exactly. DD was born before texting was a thing, and way before social media and smartphones.

@KelpianCasserole - you've just pretty much described my home birth! Especially the last few hours. I wanted the lights down, curtains drawn and as little interference as possibly, and the fabulous midwife who was with me kept saying 'I wish more women knew it could be like this'.

Ds1, we told family as my waters broke and we were setting off to the hospital. That was 5pm on Wednesday. He was born at 11pm on the Thursday so 30 hours later. Dp had so many phone calls from people worrying especially as the time dragged on.

Ds2 i was induced. Not much was happening so the nurses gave me a pain killer and sent me off to sleep and said we would start again in the morning. I texted family to tell them and said good night.
1am my waters broke and baby was born in the early hours, we rang them after they woke up. I think this was much less stressful for all our family waiting to hear.

Is it really a shock? I mean kids are usually as clever as their parents at least in my experience.

I had to be induced, we gave everyone the due date and didn't tell them I was being induced early. Then sent out a message after DD was born telling them we'd be home the next day if they fancied popping round.

Absolutely not. We told them we'd let them know as soon as we could but may not be for a while, especially as labour can take days. It really doesnt help early labour.
They'll get over it.

Naturally labour is private and that helps the oxytocin flow

We didn't tell anyone with DS, except mil who was looking after dds.

With our second my mum and my sister were phoning constantly for updates. When we didn't answer they phoned the labour ward directly, and rung repeatedly in the hopes someone different would answer and give them updates.

DD was born at the same time visiting started. My mum snuck into the labour ward, and then out to bring in my sister and bil into the delivery room as a surprise. Luckily the midwife stopped them as I was still having stitches.

DHs grandparents were eager to meet the baby too, and let themselves into my house to greet us when we got home. Only my discharge was delayed as some blood work needed to be repeated and a haematologist found to ok some things. They phoned to say they were very disappointed we hadn't let them meet DD, but they had waited too long and were going home.

Complete bunch of bastards.

With DS we didn't tell anyone until we had been home for 2 days.

We just told people once they'd arrived with all 3 of ours.

With DC2, I thought I was going to need to be induced, so I'd called my mum and she was going to come in the morning and stay with my eldest while I went in. But then I went into labour in the early hours and he was born at 7.40am. So I called her to say he'd arrived (although I was really tempted to wait until she arrived and say "surprise!" )