Has anyone ever not told their family they are in labour?

[CheddarCheesey]

Baby due in two weeks. My MIL and her sister (DH's Aunt) have asked DH to text or call them as soon as I go into labour. MIL has repeated the request a few times and been fairly insistent. I just wondered if others have not followed through on this with their families and only told them once the baby is born?

The context is, I am not keen, as I feel nervous about it (the whole birth) and the pandemic has made things more scary. Having messages and the weight of other people's expectations makes my anxiety worse. I'm attending a busy hospital in North London where there's been a massive Covid hit and it's all been quite stressful going to appointments there etc. The rules are that DH can only attend the actual birth and not be present for the beginning / middle of labour or with me afterwards in postnatal ward. I'm looking forward to it all being over and us all together back home.

Also, DH isn't really very close to his mum, they get on fine but we don't see loads of her or anything - let alone his Aunt!

I do understand them wanting to know, but is it reasonable of me to not want to let anyone know until afterwards when everyone is hopefully safe and baby is here? I'm also not telling any of my family by the way.

Has anyone else gone in and had the baby before telling family?

(Just to add there's a chance I might have to have a c-section and I think I'll still feel the same if they book that in next week or so).

Don't you need your oxytocin levels to go up and your adrenaline levels to go down during labour?
You can't relax knowing someone is doing a count down on hours/days etc you're in labour.
Neither aunt or mil sound like they're remotely interested in how this birth will affect you/your experience and memories... why not just take a leaf out of their book and think "not interested in how this affects you" and say no.

If they're bugging you/DH about it tell the you will text and then don't.

We didn't tell anyone with Ds1 until after the birth.

With Ds2 we told DH parents; we had a home birth and they were our "in case of need" childcare. FIL got a phonecall around 2am as Ds1 had woken up and came with MIL to collect 16mo Ds1 so that dh could focus on me. I didn't see FIL or MIL until they dropped off Ds1 (and met Ds2) the next day. The fact that they were our childcare in that situation tells you we have a good relationship though

I had to tel my mum as she was meeting us to look after our daughter (she was induced so the whole world knew) and my husband works with his brothers so they knew and so indirectly MIL would have done too. But if it wasn’t for the fact that he works with them I’d not have told them.

We didn't tell anyone with any of our DC. If you don't need them as a birthing partner or childcare for older DC then I don't understand why you would?

And another thing. If you think they're likely to hassle, give them a date about 2 weeks after you're actually due. If you've already given them a date tell them they changed it at your scan (has happened to a couple of people I know)

Why on earth would you tell anyone unless you need to for childcare or cat feeding? I didn’t tell anyone with DS and even got DH to reply to texts while I was in labour so people would t know.
The idea of texting the in-laws updates about the state of my cervix fills me with horror.

We didn’t. You’re busy and you’re partner should be focused on you during labour not fielding numerous calls and texts from worries/well wishing relatives.

We only told people after they were born too. That was both families not one sided.

Nope, not the first time, only with dd because dm was supposed to be babysitting.

No, we told nobody. Why do they need to know? Are they going to push the baby out for you?

Family knew with DC1 as I was induced and my mother drive us mad with constant texts for updates. With DC2 only MIL knew as she was doing childcare. Called my mum after the event. She was furious!! 🤣

I didn't tell a soul and with a 31hr and a 38hr labour, they'd have just been worrying.

Why WOULD you tell lots of people you were in labour? We told my mum (we needed a lift to the hospital as our car had broken down!) but we phoned DHs family once DD arrived.

DD we didn't tell anyone until after she was here. Overdue and 50 hr labour but no one guessed as we kept up the usual contact with me dictating messages to DH to send my mum. I was even sending messages to work in between contractions. My boss told my assistant to contact me even tho I had left a handover sheet with all document links saved on it! WTF!

DS was a ELCS and my side of the family knew as they were childcare for DS. I gave my husband the option of telling his side to keep things fair but he said no as he didn't want to worry them. When they did find out and that my family knew they weren't that bothered as a healthy baby had arrived

A friend who had let family know she was in labour had over 150 WhatsApp messages in the space of 2hrs. Not long after her baby arrived another midwife came into the room with a message from her father for her husband to urgently give them an update! No one needs that kind of pressure when your focus is on birthing and your partner supporting you through labour

Slightly different as I had a planned c section. I was admitted to hospital 3 days before and didn’t tell anyone (had kept the section date a secret too). Sent family a message later when we were in recovery.

With our first we told people about an hour or so after he was born. In laws came the next day and stopped about 4 hours as we were actually trying to leave. She then gave me a bit of a telling off and asked why we didn't tell them. I said "What could you do?" When we had the second, didn't tell her for about 6 hours :-)

With DC1 our families knew as I had a scheduled induction which then took about 5 days so there was a fair amount of keeping in touch from the hospital. With DC2 we needed DH's parents to come and look after our toddler, and I also rang my mum to tell her I thought I was probably in labour, not sure why, I had been up all night and was a bit doolally. I rang her at 7.30am, DH's parents turned up shortly after, and by 10 I had DC2, so pretty quick all in all.
I think it just depends what you want to do but for practical reasons we did need to let people know.

My family didn't find out until a few hours after DC was born. OH's mum was there whilst I was in labour (we were living with her at the time) and very supportive.

Completely down to personal preference and what you feel most comfortable with. Bottom line; I'd make the same decision again because I knew my family would stress me out if they knew I was in labour.

We told noone for the first. For second and third my brother who was looking after our others during labour knew I was in labour of course.

The only time I know of anyone doing different was when DH's best friend's wife was having an absolutely awful labour that lasted 48hrs with nasty complications and he needed his bff to help in various ways.

No because I am busy labouring?

The first time it took 8 hours and I simply sent a picture in the morning.

The second time I called my MIL as I was on my own and wanted someone to watch DC1. Anyway she thought it was a massive inconvenience "really? Can it wait till after dinner?" my BIL came to babysit in the end. It took 1 hour and everybody from the taxi driver to hospital dude in lobby was screaming at me to "hold it in"

We made the mistake of telling my mum with DS1. It was a long labour and she worrying and messaging DP throughout, which he found distracting and a stressful.

DS2 we told nobody (except DPs parents who needed to know as they were looking after our other son). It was nicer to surprise my parents with photos once DS2 arrived!

Can't understand what the problem is. No need to tell anyone else until baby is delivered and all is safe.
Do what suits you, not what anyone else thinks. Can't even understand why you need to ask......

We didn't tell anyone until after DS was born. My parents expected me to tell them and were annoyed that I didn't. I didn't tell them because they would have texted me every few minutes with update requests and advice on what to do. Not telling anyone was the right choice, it took the pressure off. The last thing you need is to worry about keeping people up to date while in labour!

Do they want to pray for you or something?

Alright @WanderingMilly! I was asking because it's my first baby and I've never done this before. I also don't know many other friends with babies to ask. Hope that's ok by you?