Hi all. I've been reading MN posts for years, but never joined. This thread has made me bite the bullet and set up an account. Be prepared for a brain dump.
So many of your comments resonate with me, and made me cry a bit for you. I was always a bit of an outsider: primary school was fine, but then only a couple of people from my school went to the same secondary school, so I was always playing catch-up, trying to join already established friendship groups, and got bullied a fair bit. Never had a best friend. After school I worked rather than going to Uni, so missed that opportunity to make new friends.
Have a mother who would always remind me that I had no friends with the comment "what's wrong with you?", and then if I make friends she says things like "they're just using you", so I'm always worried that the handful of friends I do have, might not value my friendship as much as I value theirs.
I'm chatty and friendly, will talk to anyone, and have quite a few "mum friends" from school, but like so many of you have said, people will chat at the school gates but when it comes down to it, none of them have been the first to contact me during lockdown. I also worry for my DD as she has friends at school but it's hard to get her playdates as I feel I'm the one always reaching out to other mums, and they've got their cliques and always seem to be doing something with each other.
Also doesn't help that we moved here from London when DD was young, and I really don't feel like I fit in or have much in common with the majority of the school mums (there's an awful lot of keeping up with the Joneses) and conversations can be very superficial (getting hair done, make up, Love Island blah blah) which is.just not my thing. (I'm not saying that London people are necessarily better BTW!) I realise that's my issue, but at my age I can't be arsed to pretend that sort of thing interests me. I've given up going on class nights out (pre-lockdown) because of the above, but also because it's just such a faff... everyone gets dressed up as if they're going clubbing, to just go to a pub. I miss not being able to just pop to the pub for a quick drink in what I'm wearing, without being looked at like I've got the plague.
My handful of friends are still in London mostly (NCT/ people I met when our kids were babies/ex-work mates/my oldest friend from primary school), so I see them occasionally but it always requires a fair bit of planning. (I'm some respects lockdown has been good, as I've actually spoken to them more over Zoom than I normally do, and we've made more of an effort to do socially distanced meet ups).
I thought I'd made a fairly good friend here, but it seems apparent that she was mostly using me for childcare, and has been quite standoffish during lockdown. Like a lot of you have said, there's no one here that I feel I could open up to or count on in an emergency. It would just be nice to meet someone I have stuff in common with, ideally with a child the same age, to just hang out with. (On that note, @ThunderCrack could I please have the FB link too?)