I have no friends

[tulalulah]

Just that really. I have realised during lockdown I have no-one to talk to.
My old friends have either lost contact with me or don't seem to want to know (I always reach out to them and they don't seem interested in maintaining a friendship).
I don't know if it's me. I used to have friends but none of them seemed interested in maintaining the friendship (after eg university) when it was no longer convenient.
I don't know why I'm posting this really, I'm feeling pretty low about it right now.

tulalulah, I'm so sorry you are down at the moment. When lockdown is over- and it is easing - you will probably feel better, go and about and maybe make some new friends or close acquaintances.

One advantage to having no ties is - you are free to do what you want, as long as your health is ali right. There's something quite intriguing and attractive about a confident person and I mean 'attractive' in the sense of drawing people to you.

I hope you feel better by the morning (I know it is morning but I mean later).

OfTheNight you're welcome it is comforting to talk to others in similar positions. I'm glad you like it too.

Dracunculus I'm sorry you also feel this way. It is difficult with a little one to make new friends as I get virtually no time to myself anymore. I would love chickens and bees just a side note!
That is a sobering thought indeed. I don't know what I can honestly say that would help (but I'd share a piece of cake with you )
It's a dream of mine to live in the countryside but sadly we are in no position financially. Maybe one day! I find it really hard in clubs etc as I feel cliques are formed so quickly and I think I'm not the easiest person to chat to. I tend to make jokes to ease tension when I'm nervous but that seems to put people off. I end up on my own anyway.

You are not hijacking at all - I'm glad this thread has helped you vent

Bryony that's what happened to me too! I've tried to make more effort than the twice a year courtesy message and gotten rejected. It's not exactly uplifting is it.

3luckystars and a nice one here as well! I hope it's nice where you are.

Wrigleys yeah I think I'd be blissfully distracted enough to ignore the lack of friends if I was out and about properly, but it's kind of become a forefront in my mind right now. Hopefully things will improve.

Whatnametomorrow10 I was about to try the baby classes when lockdown happened (I'd been putting them off as nervous) and now I've not had a chance. I'm hoping I'll meet somebody but we are hoping to move away from the area soon so it feels a bit pointless (for me, but hopefully baby will enjoy them )
I'm worried about that happening to me. We don't seem to fit in around here. The people are nice but we don't seem to share any common interests with anyone where we live. Fingers crossed a move will help with that.

Thunder thank you for the link I'll check it out.

Custardcreamies101 I feel exactly the same. It seems like everyone's already found their friends and if you haven't got some by now, then tough luck. Unfortunately mine all ditched me so now I'm stuck! I'm glad I'm not alone in this at least, but it's sad others are feeling this way at the same time.

Inthebelljar I have 1 friend I'll still class as 'close' but they have such a busy social life too, that I'm pushed right out to the edge and barely bothered with. I think I'm clinging onto the idea of us still being close just because without that then I've got no-one. I'm the same, I have DP but he has his own friends (albeit not many) but he's happy trundling along. I miss my family but it's a logistical nightmare seeing them at the moment.

Lynda07 thank you for the reply. I do have ties however - a young baby! But there are still options to do things (just including the baby). I am looking forward to giving it a try but I am also scared of the rejection that may come with it.

I feel the same. I have never felt so lonely, even though I'm living with family.

Me too. The only people I have spoken to during lockdown have been people I’ve been doing favours for, and even then they only make contact when they need something.
It’s really got to me this last weekend that there is no one who thinks I’m worthy of a chat.
I was taking the baby to swimming classes and thought that might be a way to meet people, but we had to change our session and the other parents already had a little What’s App group set up that I’ve not been able to join, despite giving out my phone number in case anyone fancied a chat or wanted to meet up with the babies.
When DS started nursery I tried to get involved in the parents group only to be told by the head Mafia mummy that they had enough members and she would let me know. I asked again when nursery restarted thinking that some people might have had to drop out, and was told that she felt it best they didn’t have any newbies as I wouldn’t know what was going on. For FFS it’s a group that helps get hold of play equipment and crafty bits, not solve bloody Brexit! I’ve come to the conclusion that there is just something about me that people don’t like or warm to.
Sorry that turned into a bit of a rant (I swear I don’t just randomly rant in real life) 😀

Hopefully this thread has made you feel less alone OP, there's lots of us in the same boat. It is SO HARD as adults to make friends. If you're looking for a partner you can internet date but no such thing for friends!

@tulalulah (or any other lonely mummies) if you are in Plymouth I will hang out with you. I would love to make mummy friends. I have a 1 year old DD.

We had fertility issues so had children later, all of my friends with children have 7 year olds etc. It is hard to maintain closeness with friends when you are at different life stages, even if the intention is good.

@IronyFreeAnnie I've had similar problems with mother and baby groups. It's not you, it's them.

Lots of people join mother and baby groups with their antenatal class friends so if you didn't do proper antenatal classes like NCT you are at a disadvantage. One thing I learned (a bit too late) is that if you will never be welcomed into existing friendship groups at baby groups. So if you find yourself in that situation best to move on to another baby group to find some like minded people.

Me too. Like a pp I have two friends whom I consider to be like best friends (I guess because they're my only friends) but they each have loads of friends and don't consider me as a best friend. One of them didn't even invite me to her wedding (which, admittedly, only had about 15 people, but even so I wasn't one of the top 15), and she was my bridesmaid at mine. One of my two friends is not great at staying in touch, though great when we do get together, but we probably only see each other once a year. The other one is great at staying in touch but not interested in any problems or needs I have, just likes to have a chat and keep things light, wouldn't actually be there for me if I needed help. Apart from that, no one.

I'm a single parent and dc are older (still children but past the baby and toddler groups stage where I might meet people) so not much chance of meeting new people. I work and study part time, and that combined with being a single parent means it's practically impossible to go out and take up a new hobby. I'm just pretty resigned to being practically friendless. I was never very popular, but I usually had one or two good friends when I was younger. Luckily I get on well with my family so at least I have some support around.

I'm in a similar position, I'm currently pregnant with my first ( 33 weeks) and have been on furlough the last couple of months. I feel so lonely many, many times and would like a good friend to talk to you. I've always been quite shy and so found it difficult to make friends. Going to work has always distracted me, but lockdown has forced me to confront reality and it can be very somber.

[quote TotorosFurryBehind]@IronyFreeAnnie I've had similar problems with mother and baby groups. It's not you, it's them.

Lots of people join mother and baby groups with their antenatal class friends so if you didn't do proper antenatal classes like NCT you are at a disadvantage. One thing I learned (a bit too late) is that if you will never be welcomed into existing friendship groups at baby groups. So if you find yourself in that situation best to move on to another baby group to find some like minded people.[/quote]
Absolutely.

Basically I don't have avaliable local friends in my 30s because 10 years ago I did not buy some at NCT, and my second error was not having my children in the school's nursery.

I'm liked, I have aquaintences, but not people you see out of context.

I have longstanding "soul friends" but they tend to be at a distance or different lifestage, but they are the ones where although we can manage on very low contact, when we do meet, the time evaporates because we just "get" eachother. But these friends are rare. They tended to be made through shared experience at hobbies or date back to uni.

I moved out of area so school friendships fizzled with time, but a lot of people where I live are local so still hold those connections.

It's tough because it's a two-way process, very prone to rejection and imbalance.

I am the same.

I realised my last 20 messages to other people was to my partner or my very small family or PIL.

Thats it.

I dont know how to make more friends. I used to have a massive group of friends at school but they have all dropped off.

Anyone want to be my friend? :(

Hello, I've made an account just to reply to your thread. I'm very much in the same boat. I'm early fifties and since my divorce find myself friendless. I have Facebook 'friends' but no one nearby. I have adult children and they are busy living their lives. I have tried joining groups, book clubs etc in the past and came to the conclusion I'm not really a group person.
I'm quite quiet and I find that any group seems to get taken over by the loudest people and that I get talked over and ignored. I'm a nice person, I'm kind, I'm patient, I listen and ask ask people questions about themselves. I have Dyspraxia and wonder if that's the reason I sometimes don't 'get' social interactions. I live alone and I love it, but I would like someone to meet up with. I've given up trying to fit into established groups. I think a PP was right; people don't want anyone else in their circle. It's tough, whatever our age and life stage, I think.

IronyFreeAnnie I've seen that kind of thing happen a lot and it's worrying me that it'll happen when I eventually decide to go out with baby. Feel free to rant -she sounds ridiculous and very territorial for some reason. I don't understand people like that.

Juiceey it has helped thank you. I have a DP that I'm lucky to have

Totoros I would but I'm nowhere near Plymouth sadly. Much further north! I'd love to live in Plymouth - we used to holiday there when I was young.

Fink it's good that you get on well with your family at least. I would not be impressed if I wasn't even invited. Good that you keep busy. I think the boredom hits hard for me.

Fiona congratulations on your pregnancy, I hope all is well! I felt like that during my pregnancy, really lonely, but my hormones were all over the place which definitely didn't help matters.

BogRoll I used to have a few long distance friends, but now even they seem to have moved on with their lives. It's frustrating. I think my friends have mostly been circumstantial friends, not requiring them to go out of their way for the friendship.

Doodlebug5 I'll be your friend!

OldGlimmerNow I'm amazed at how common this feeling seems to be. It is strange meeting territorial people within a group, it puts me on edge. It would be nice to have a friend to see in real life. Once a month or something. That seems too much effort for everyone I know sadly!

Same here. Gave up work to care for a parent who has since passed away. Now work from home. I am quite quiet which probably doesn't help when it comes to making friends.

Same here. Moved to the uk a year ago. I'm friendly with one girl but we just chit chat. I haven't made any other friends , I tried joining hobbies etc and just nothing. I even tried online apps (tinder like apps but for making new friends) and nothing.
Family are in Ireland, so it's just myself and my partner. I just havent found people very friendly here. Makes things a bit lonely.

It’s is good to know I’m not alone in feeling this (made me feel a little more human) :)

@tulalulah i guess it has been made harder by lockdown! I’m from down south originally and dream regularly to move back home to the country side and be near the coast again!

@Doodlebug5 happy to be your friend :)

I have no friends. I have about 60 Facebook 'friends' from all over the place who I've got to know via various groups, but they're online friends and none live anywhere near me. There are certainly none that I could phone/meet for a chat or confide personal stuff to. The only numbers stored in my phone are for takeaways, dentist etc. I haven't had a proper conversation (ie, more than passing the time of day with a sales assistant/bus driver or whatever) with another person other than those I live with since 2013.

I live with DH and he has no friends either. He gets on ok with the people he works with but he's not close to any of them. Between us we have no family either, so it's just us.

I sometimes feel so lonely I feel almost invisible.

I don't think it's unusual and it's hard to know what to do. Thunder beat me to the Facebook mention earlier in the thread. I joined the group and it's really nice just have some people to do quizzes with and chat to. I've reached out to some people over lockdown but got very little response. The one friend I do see occasionally lives too far away and we're still in a quasi-lockdown really. I joined Meetup but it wasn't very good and I live in a sparsely populated area compared to somewhere like Manchester or London. My neighbours on one side have turned out to be vile so no talking to them.

I had the link for the Facebook group sent to me - thank you - but can’t open it/find it! Can someone send it to me again please!

Could the link be sent to me as well please :)

Slight heart palpitations even asking for that! But got to give it a try!

Can I also have the link to the Facebook group sent to me please?

Just commenting to say I'm with you! All these ads showing everyone on zoom calls and having friends come and wave outside their house make me want to burst into tears! I used to have loads of good friends at uni and work but after a few moves I feel v alone. This lockdown is really highlighting all the shit aspects of my life!

Some links sent

@tulalulah I could have written your post. I had a big group of friends at uni but once I moved away no one bothered to keep in touch. I tried and went back to visit (even a three hour drive with a toddler and baby!) but no one else put in the effort. I gave up in the end. Very hurtful.
I find it hard to make friends that don’t just want to use me for favours. I’m dreading my DD starting school in Sept as I can imagine I’ll end up being the outsider. Always the same even though I put the effort in, invite for coffee, ask questions about other people, listen, show an interest. Just no knee ever seem to take an interest back. I take a little comfort in the fact I’m not the only one.

That Fb group sounds nice but I’m not on Fb anymore