I have no friends

[tulalulah]

Just that really. I have realised during lockdown I have no-one to talk to.
My old friends have either lost contact with me or don't seem to want to know (I always reach out to them and they don't seem interested in maintaining a friendship).
I don't know if it's me. I used to have friends but none of them seemed interested in maintaining the friendship (after eg university) when it was no longer convenient.
I don't know why I'm posting this really, I'm feeling pretty low about it right now.

@MaltbyMaeve the link is showing up like this because we have made the group private And hidden in searches so it won’t show in searches unless we change the settings. I have changed them for a short period you should be able to try the link now

DranculusVulgaris 16.6.20 at 19.08
See - another interesting and beautifully written post.
You’ve enlightened me because I didn’t know the plant your username referred to and I looked it up It’s stunning.

You didn’t sound downward looking at all. I just think someone would be lucky to have you as a friend.

I am North West too if there is a group being formed!

I really struggled with maternity leave as I'd go to baby groups and people would chat and be friendly, then would then go off and do things with their actual friends. When DS was 2.5 I tried the netmums local friend finder (or whatever it's called!) and met someone with a DD the same age, who was in the same position. We hit it off and have been really good friends ever since. We meet every other weekend at least, our DC are great friends, and it's lovely to have someone who I'm finally first choice for. I wish I'd met her when DS was a baby and then we both wouldn't have had such rubbish mat leaves.

I am so relieved to see others who feel the same as me, but also sad for all of us in the same position.
I was had friends in my youth but now i am 44 and have no-one I could call a friend really.
I am self employed and work from home so apart from my kids and DP I don't really see or talk to anyone, most of the time I just get on with it but lately I think the lockdown has exacerbated the loneliness.

If I could have the link to the facebook group too that would be great, thanks.

This has turned into a lovely thread I would also like to chat about bees! @DracunculusVulgaris (and chickens - we are hopefully getting some in the next year or so).

I'm enjoying reading people's replies etc it's cheering me up and made me feel a bit more human! thank you everyone xx

@DracunculusVulgaris, I have only just seen this thread and am another one moved by your post. I honestly fail to understand (and not for the first time) how people who come across as so interesting and self aware have the bad luck not to find kindred spirits in real life. I am a similar age to you, only a few years younger so if you are anywhere near Berkshire/Hampshire borders, I would love to go to the cinema and also learn more about the bee keeping and chickens, both very fascinating things imo. Or just be in touch by email. It definitely isn't too late to make friends. Is there anything else you would enjoy doing? Horse riding? Art classes? No point in forcing yourself just to get out there, got to be some fun in it for you!

I lot of what people are saying on here resonates with me.

I have one decent friend, and one aquaitance type friend. My son has ASD, I tried going to a group to children with additional needs but even that proved fruitless. They already had their friendships. People were friendly but that was it. They all had insider jokes and conversations that I struggled to get in with. I'm mostly okay. I have a great partner, lovely parents and two kids who keep me busy. I'm also part of a couple of hobby-related groups on FB which I enjoy. I'm a natural introvert so I do struggle with the effort involved in maintaining friendships but lockdown has amplified just how much no one has 'checked in' with me. Most of the time, I just get on with it and I'm grateful that I'm not involved with any friendship drama or gossip but admittedly, it does get lonely at times, especially when I see groups of mum's hanging out. I can't even attend normal toddler groups because of my son.

I'd also like a link to the group if that's okay

@tulalulah, @HillieBoliday, @mcmooberry and @FancyRutabaga thank you all, there are some very kind and thoughtful people on Mumsnet and you have all made me feel less alone

@thunderCrack
I agree with so much of what a lot of people have written.
Would love the link to the FB page, if I'm not too late.

Please message @Wanderlustnearorfar
if you would like the link of the group

Hi,

Same for me.

I was always part of big friendship groups but they seem to have fallen away.

I still speak to some of my old uni friends but they are all over the world now and though it’s amazing when I see them we are just not part of each other’s lives anymore. Then in London I made lots of “going out” kind of friends but they all fell away when I got pregnant. Then I made a few when my daughter was born but we had a bad year as a family and our lives fell apart a bit and involved moving away for awhile and the friendships didn’t survive. I actually think looking at it all that it’s my fault a lot of these friendships didn’t survive. I was in crisis mode for awhile.

Now I’m back in London and things feel settled for the first time in ages and I realise that I literally don’t have anyone. It was masked a bit when we could be busy out and about all the time but now it’s just the park and I take my kids there and realise everyone else is meeting up with others and we’re not. My daughter isn’t back in nursery until September. Think it’s going to be a long summer!

Would love the Facebook group info. I have pmed wanderlustnearorfar.

I'm on the app, so I don't think I can PM.

@tulalulah no, don’t think I’m on the group. Do you have a link?

Could I have the link please?

Hey,

I can't believe how many people feel the same way! @tulalulah I'm NW too- Manchester.

Please can I have the link at some point aswell x

Another one in the same position! The loneliness since having children has been crushing. Lots of my “friends” stopped showing any interest when I couldn’t go for nights out, travel to other cities to see them etc. I did NCT to try and make friends but half never wanted to do anything with anyone and the other half froze me out of their clique. Looking back, I’ve always been the one to put in the most effort. Even now I’m always the first to message (after weeks/months), I’ll get a friendly reply saying they miss me and asking questions etc, then hear nothing when I reply to that message. Like others on here I was also snubbed by my own bridesmaids when they chose their bridesmaids, yet one in particular always comes to me when she needs to moan about stuff .

I’m so sorry many others feel the same way, but this thread has made me feel a little less alone, so thank you!

Hi everyone. I've been reading all the posts & can't believe how most people seem to be feeling the same at the moment. It's quite sad really isn't it. I've been thinking, especially during lockdown how little 'proper friends' I have too. Also that it tends to be me who makes the effort all the time. I have 2 friends I would call best friends & before lockdown would meet up every few months, we do send texts in a group chat but they always seem to busy to meet & it's always me who seems to text first. I've been friends with them over 15 years & our lives are kind of at different stages - they have older children. I'm 36 with a 2 year old & moved from city to countryside (only about 20 miles away so same area) Friends don't visit me it's always me going to them. I went to loads of baby groups, maybe too many in an attempt to make new friends & would consider myself easy to talk to etc & I'm pleased I did but again as pp have said, found that everyone has their own groups of friends that they talk about & don't seem to get included in stuff. I have Facebook etc but am not a massive fan of social media & don't like to put everything on there. Sometimes feel a bit left out looking at posts of people out in groups all the time etc. To me it seems that friends have sort of dwindled away as we're all at different life stages. I used to be friends with quite a few work colleagues too but after returning from maternity leave, office dynamics changed & I didn't feel as confident getting to know all the new people that had started while I was off. Feel like I've kind of lost a bit of confidence too. Have a great husband & his family are lovely but can relate to the feeling a bit lonely with not many friends. I'm NW too. Near Carlisle, Cumbria - very up north 😂

I havent read the whole thread, as I've got to get up and do stuff rather than just sitting on MN
But me too... and i had a lovely huge happy friendship group once upon a time.
Now I see them all together going out, enjoying thierselves and im not included, im coming to peace with it, but i had to come off social media etc, as it was just too hard to cope with.
I dont know exactly when my popularity started to nosedive but it did, and now i have two friends, that I know im not in thier top friends groups, they are both wildly popular and have so many friends they are never not busy.
Example

F "I cant do x y z today as I've got plans at 5"
Me: "oh no what a shame, what you doing later?"
F : " X couple is coming over, with X friend, then X,Y,Z are coming over for X"

Me: "oh lovely, have a nice time. How is X Y Z"

What I really wanted to say is, why doesn't anyone want to see me anymore? I would like to come too.

Its so sad. Im so sorry to those who are lonely too. Im trying to convince myself a life without friends is happier. Im not sure.

I'm the same , a few years ago when I closed my business my so called friends melted away once they knew I was no longer useful to them , I have got some lovely friends but they all live hours away , I would love to meet up with local people and have lunch etc so if anyone's in East Sussex in the same boat please message me 😀

@DracunculusVulgaris I don't like socializing in person but I have a couple of very good friends who I keep a friendship with over email. I'd be happy to be an email friend if you would like. (Just message me). We might not hit it off, but we might become good friends, who knows...

Sorry all, I'm just checking whether I'm allowed to send the link out from the group admins. Then I'll try to fathom the messaging section of mumsnet

I’m new to this thread but can totally get where you are coming from. I have 1 friend whom I consider my only and best friend and she has tons of friends and probably considers me an acquaintance. I’ve tried joining the PTFA but they tended to meet up in day time when I’m at work. People at work don’t seem to like me, I don’t really know why, I try to be friendly but I’m quite shy and I think I come across as curt. I even joined a local group learning Spanish, I don’t even take foreign holidays 😂

Hi all,

If you still need the Facebook group link then DM me

I was just wondering whether this brings any of you down. I feel that lack of friends has brought me to the brink of depression. Inspite of having a good life with DH and DC, and just enough financially, a lovely home, a job, I feel like I have failed at something. I perpetually feel like there is a child inside me who feels sad as no body likes them. I feel hopeless and end up binge eating which results in weight gain and affects my mood further. I know it is one thing to acknowledge a situation, but I wish it didn't affect my mood and health

I’ve been crying all morning! My DH is wonderful but he’s working away and I have no friends or family where I’m living. I started a new job which I thought would be good to get me out of the house - nope, sent home because they have no IT for me and I’ll be mainly WFH anyway so little human interaction!

TTC and that isn’t working. I reached out to my friends but nobody is really replying. So just at home crying with nothing to do feeling really silly!