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Original poster

I have no friends

253 replies

tulalulah · 14/06/2020 16:50

Just that really. I have realised during lockdown I have no-one to talk to.
My old friends have either lost contact with me or don't seem to want to know (I always reach out to them and they don't seem interested in maintaining a friendship).
I don't know if it's me. I used to have friends but none of them seemed interested in maintaining the friendship (after eg university) when it was no longer convenient.
I don't know why I'm posting this really, I'm feeling pretty low about it right now.

OP posts:
ThunderCrack · 16/06/2020 10:59

Done :)

Onthebrink67 · 16/06/2020 11:06

I'd be interested in the link too @ThunderCrack Please. I’m early 59s and have really noticed during lockdown the few people I thought were friends are not really interested 😞 I’m in south London

Wanttobeateacherinscotland · 16/06/2020 11:07

I’m the same it’s so embarrassing.

ThunderCrack · 16/06/2020 11:14

Done :)

kikibo · 16/06/2020 11:29

And me... I had 5 friends from school, but things petered out once we all went to uni and then work. Then I worked briefly in offices before I started as a freelancer working alone. And now I work from home alone as a translator.

I've got 3 children now, but hate baby groups (there are none close by here in rural Germany anyway and I don't drive) and I just don't really strike up a conversation with anyone. I just don't really like smalltalk.

But I'm up for a Facebook group...

LilyFromTheValley · 16/06/2020 11:30

One of the other mums spoke to me at school drop off the other day. I practically skipped back to my car with a massive grin on my face. When I got back in the car, the realisation of what had happened made me cry my eyes out for about 20 minutes.
My self esteem is on the floor these days, I'm not happy with the way I look and as a result I avoid people as best I can.
I did see the other thread re no mates, but was too shy to join in.
Can I have the link for the FB group please?

BobbinThreadbare123 · 16/06/2020 11:41

I've sent a few more links out just now.

dayswithaY · 16/06/2020 11:43

I'm just reading through this thread and want to say that I don't think anyone should blame themselves for their lack of friends. I think it's down to a combination of luck, opportunity and chemistry. The same as all the wonderful single people I know who can't find a partner, it's not that they are lacking as a person, they just haven't been lucky enough to meet someone they click with. I also think with friends, there are two kinds of people. Some are kind and empathetic and will genuinely try to maintain friendship after leaving uni, changing work places etc. Others are a bit more fluid - in that they just go with the current situation. They leave uni and with that leave uni friends behind and just take up with others that live nearby, or they move house and see their old friends as part of that time they lived there. They see things as transitory and ever changing. If you're not like that then it's hard to fathom and vice versa.

In short, you have to gravitate towards people who are the same as you. Probably not much help to anyone but you need to know it's not something lacking in you, just circumstances.

How you go forward and make new friends, I don't really know. I have heard some say that it's nearly impossible to do after a certain age. I must admit my closest friends have all been in my life for 20 years or more, some psychologists say you only really have two or three close friends - the rest are just acquaintances as you can't forge truly close relationships with any more people than that, it's just not possible. Sorry for the ramble, but if you have been let go by friends it's almost certainly not you - it's them!

spikyplants · 16/06/2020 11:46

I don't have any friends, I never really did have. Acquaintances at best but nobody I could rely on in a crisis. Was always thought of as an oddball at school and picked on badly. Picked on in various jobs too - RBF, performance anxiety and suspected (as yet undiagnosed) HFA. Always thought (and was often told) I'm the problem, so nowadays I tend to avoid people as much as I can. I've enough hangups as it is.

I'm actually enjoying WFH and not having the draining face to face interaction with colleagues every day with their one upmanship and incessant chatter.

I did feel lonely when Mum passed away but I've now got used to only having my OH being there for me. If I didn't have him I don't know what I'd do.

Sometimes I think I'd like a friend but I feel so many degrees out of whack with the rest of the world that I'd find it exhausting trying to keep up.

Hope you all find what you need Flowers

BobbinThreadbare123 · 16/06/2020 11:47

Well it's that 'friend for a reason, a season or a lifetime' thing isn't it? I think many of us would forego the deep connection stuff just to have someone to bob out for a coffee with and chat shit (that isn't our partner).

Wanttobeateacherinscotland · 16/06/2020 11:48

Genuinely, if any of you are from Scotland and would like to chat feel free to PM me.

MeDented · 16/06/2020 11:59

I can feel exactly the same, people that I consider 'best' friends don't seem to rate me as highly on their list. If I didn't text them I'm not sure I would ever hear from them. It makes me wonder what is wrong with me. If I organise something I can usually get a friend or 2 to do something with me, I don't think I am unliked as such its just that nobody ever seems to invite me to anything. But they happily tell me about things they have done with their 'friends'. I've often wondered what it takes to get escalated to the inner circle. I think I try to be a good friend in fact my husband says I try too hard!! Maybe that's it?!!!

Readysetcake · 16/06/2020 12:00

@BobbinThreadbare123 totally agree. I would love to have people to call on to pop for a coffee or a glass of wine and just chat crap. I do have two friends I can talk to for the deep and meaningful but one is 200 miles away and the other in Australia. It’s the week to week general social interaction I miss.

I would like to have the Fb link if that is ok? I may sign back up just to check it out. I’m having terrible fomo!

Original poster
tulalulah · 16/06/2020 12:14

I'm thrilled this thread has been helpful to do many of you Smile I honestly didn't expect anything like this!

OP posts:
Original poster
tulalulah · 16/06/2020 12:15

Immigrantsong 100% how I feel. Sick of it!

OP posts:
missintheforties · 16/06/2020 12:15

Please can I also have the link! I think this thread is great, and definitely needed as everything is magnified in lockdown, you don't feel alone on here, thanks for starting it.

Original poster
tulalulah · 16/06/2020 12:15

Sorry everyone I've been trying to reply to individuals but I'm struggling to!

OP posts:
Original poster
tulalulah · 16/06/2020 12:17

@JoleneExotic PMme first if you can Smile I'm not sure how to send a message first! (I'm usually on the app)

OP posts:
Marlena1 · 16/06/2020 12:21

@dayswithaY all of that is so true! I've been unlucky with some friendships I've invested in and very lucky with others (and there was no way of knowing what way they would go). I would also say that while I have a good number of friends I probably would do about 60% of the initial contact e.g "hey havn't heard from you". Anyone wants to start a whatsapp group feel free to DM (but I am in Ireland).

ThunderCrack · 16/06/2020 12:23

Thank you @tulalulah

Sent links up to this point i think ! :)

ThunderCrack · 16/06/2020 12:24

@BobbinThreadbare123

Hope we are sending links to the same group :)

HillieBoliday · 16/06/2020 12:27

DranculusVulgaris your post at 20.39 on 14.6.20 made me cry. I wish I could say or do something to help you.
You sound like an interesting, thoughtful easy to like person. I wish you well.

BobbinThreadbare123 · 16/06/2020 12:33

We definitely are @ThunderCrack - just seen you post about it on FB! Grin

BobbinThreadbare123 · 16/06/2020 12:36

Also, if anyone is S Lakes/N Lancs based - gimme a shout. Our population is sparse and everyone else on these things seems to be able to connect geographically. Preston is only really 40 mins drive for me and same goes for Penrith in the opposite direction!

ThunderCrack · 16/06/2020 12:39

@Bobbin Great :)