The piece of bread on my living room floor has become a monument

[AintOverUntilTheCatLadySings]

DH is a being who operates on a higher plane than us mortals - a consequence of which is he just doesn't 'see' mess.

(He also has a very Busy and Important job so 'doesn't have time' to tidy anything either).

He dropped a huge piece of bread on the floor a few days ago. I've been monitoring it to see how long it would take before he would pick it up (yes, I could pick it up myself, but I always do it).

Today, he asked me to pass him 'that newspaper next to the bread'.

Not only is the bread not going to be picked up, it's now become some sort of landmark for us to navigate objects by.

Or a beloved family member or pet maybe?

Should I LTB (leave the bread)?

(I should add, he actually hoovered the floor this week- and just went round the bread )

This thread reminds me of this ("The Magic Table"):

Here's another....

WORSHIP THE BREAD

Get some rice, colour it in black, scatter it around the bread, pick a few bits out of the bread and wait. 😉

Crumbs

I can't really defend him because it is insane, but I don't think it's laziness in the way you or I would see it... Some people just genuinely have a weird tunnel vision when it comes to mess.

It's not just men - I've had several female housemates like it.

He's also told me before that it's easier for me to spot mess because I'm very short and he's very tall so I'm closer to the ground.

I'm sorry but if you believe that you'll believe anything. Utter bollocks!

@UnaCorda

I read an almost identical story the other day (?Twitter), except it was a sock in the middle of the living room floor instead of a piece of bread and a remote control that the DH asked someone to pass him rather than a newspaper. The writer also commented that the sock had become a "landmark".

I think this is rather too similar to be a coincidence...

Same here.

@theyoungandtherestless if this was true he'd be able to spot cobwebs and dust doors

I’d also have written on the bread something like “help me”

@AintOverUntilTheCatLadySings

I can't really defend him because it is insane, but I don't think it's laziness in the way you or I would see it... Some people just genuinely have a weird tunnel vision when it comes to mess.

It's not just men - I've had several female housemates like it.

Yeah, women can be lazy pigs too - that doesn't make his behaviour any better

He doesn't have any kind of weird tunnel vision. He just thinks housework is beneath him and would rather let things go mouldy and maggotty than actually pick them up and put them in the bin.

Jeez, raise your standards.

@baconandavocado No - rye bread doesn't seem to go mouldy just crispy and curled. Although this bit looks remarkably intact for three days on the floor.

@VettiyaIruken No. didn't mention it once. I'm sure sometimes he even helped me look for the things.

I once found a box of eggs, crawling with maggots, under his pillow
LTB

My house probably isn't as dirty as some of you are imagining - otherwise, how would I be able to tell The Bread from other bits of bread on the floor?

I really think we need a diagram of the bread and it's positioning on the floor before we can advise.

Also I agree with the pp who said we need a photo of the bread

Or at the very least a diagram!

Get some gaffa tape and tape the bread to his head!

Sorry for the anticlimax. I actually had a frame ready and waiting.

You need to mark the spot with masking tape, crime scene style.

When my friend and I were teenagers, he started growing one of those horrible scraggly little moustaches that teenage boys get. He refused to shave it as "It's not a real moustache yet. If we acknowledge it as one, it will win..."
They were a tense few months.

If we had a piece of bread on the floor the ants would be all over it in a day or two, but I live out in the woods.

The eggs under his pillow really takes the cake. Didn't they smell horribly at that point?

@AintOverUntilTheCatLadySings

My house probably isn't as dirty as some of you are imagining - otherwise, how would I be able to tell The Bread from other bits of bread on the floor?

Because of it's new celebrity status. All the other pieces of bread are taking pictures or clamouring for autographs.

In a few years, it'll be a dirty old washout. But it'll still have it's money and therefore has it's pick of any of the new, freshly risen pieces of bread. There's no justice.

@missconductus - yes, were awful. I thought the (clean) bedsheets were oddly smelly, which is why I went to change them.

Terrifying and fascinating that nature claimed the eggs back in such a short amount of time.

@AintOverUntilTheCatLadySings Was there any explanation offered as to how or why the eggs wound up under the pillow? Short of a poltergeist, I'm just at a loss for how that could happen.

@missconductus I'm more worried about mice than ants. I'm extremely anal about food waste and open food as we've got cats that like to bring mice in. Which is why we tend to have Big Arguments about food out.

One of ours cats once brought in a mouse that escaped down a crack in the floorboards. Fortunately/unfortunately the crack was next to the cat food bowl. So the mouse would come out to feast whenever the cats were away.

Sadly, Gus as we named him, got so very fat that one day he couldn't squeeze back down the hole. And our deadliest prize-fighter of a cat found him soporific and round in her food bowl. The end.

So depressing how many folk think that it is "funny" that their dp's are lazy, bone idle dirty shits.

Having said that it explains most of the AIBU/relationship threads.

Teabags! My partner takes them out and leaves them either on the side next to the bin or on top of the recycling which is further away than the bloody bin