The piece of bread on my living room floor has become a monument

[AintOverUntilTheCatLadySings]

DH is a being who operates on a higher plane than us mortals - a consequence of which is he just doesn't 'see' mess.

(He also has a very Busy and Important job so 'doesn't have time' to tidy anything either).

He dropped a huge piece of bread on the floor a few days ago. I've been monitoring it to see how long it would take before he would pick it up (yes, I could pick it up myself, but I always do it).

Today, he asked me to pass him 'that newspaper next to the bread'.

Not only is the bread not going to be picked up, it's now become some sort of landmark for us to navigate objects by.

Or a beloved family member or pet maybe?

Should I LTB (leave the bread)?

(I should add, he actually hoovered the floor this week- and just went round the bread )

Guarantee this is true. It's a piece of rye bread with a hole in it.

If I'd asked him about it, he'd say that he wasn't sure if I wanted it for something so left it there.

I've posted about him before (under a previous username) with such gems as...

The time I asked him to make the bed and he couldn't remember where we kept the duvet cover or sheets so used some curtains

The cupboard of plenty - when we moved out of our first flat I opened the door of an old wardrobe in his office and found almost everything I'd lost the three years previously. Pots, saucepans, clothing etc. It turns out, any time I'd ask him to put something away, if he didn't know where it went, he put it in the wardrobe.

I once found a box of eggs, crawling with maggots, under his pillow

He's actually a fantastic husband but has a weird blind spot to mess.

He doesn't 'earn all the money' - we both work. And he does take care of things that would bore me to tears - like sitting on the phone for 78hours to change energy companies to save us 36p. So it's swings and roundabouts

I think you are both dirty beggars tbh.

This reminds me of the great laundry showdown of 2005.

While I was off on leave with DS I had started to do all of the laundry. At first I folded DH's and left it in neat piles on DH's side of the bed but he wouldn't notice until bedtime and then, rather than put it away, he would 'temporarily' put it on the floor and get into bed. Over the next few days the pile would be accidentally kicked over (by him), the clothes walked on (by him) and then about 60% of it would end up back in the laundry basket without having been worn.

So I put it in neat piles on a dining chair and asked him to put it away when he had a moment. Clearly he was all out of moments because instead of putting it away he would just walk into the living room every morning to pick out fresh clothes. Until basically all of his clothes were in teetering piles on four dining chairs (it was an eight-seater and only two adults, so plenty of spares).

Then one sunny, Saturday lunchtime we were sitting there eating and I said to him, "Once you've finished eating could you put all your clothes away". And he said "For someone who doesn't do anything, you really complain a lot". I had a tub of coleslaw in my hand.

It took him four loads to re-wash all his previously clean clothes AND he put them away.

I've posted this story before, some posters thought I was a hero, some thought I was a psychopath. I'm neither, just a woman with a DH who does his own laundry.

I know this is lighthearted, and it is funny. You are way more patient than me - I'm clearly an irritable thing and would be very willing to have a full blown row over this. The inequality of it all would incense me.

But please do the flag thing and establish it as an independent territory!

I discovered DP was like this when I moved in with him. I eventually picked up every piece of crap he'd left lying about - from expensive clothing to banana skins to KFC boxes to important letters, nothing had a sodding place - and put it all in one of his suitcases. A few weeks later he went on a business trip and opened said suitcase. He didn't say anything but he was tidier after that.

I laughed and honestly, my DP is the same. He could drop an egg and leave it there for weeks and just constantly move around it. Drives me absolutely insane.

This was hilarious until the maggoty eggs under the pillow not envy!

I mean, I'm glad you find it funny but it's pretty obvious he just thinks cleaning is your job and will happily allow maggots and filth to take over your home before he lowers himself to doing housework.

Grim all round really, and not remotely funny.

this is my life lol.This morning i asked my other half to clean the high chair,i get down with the baby to find only the table clean.The seat still covered in mashed potato =p

I had a boyfriend with those tendencies once. Items would eventually find themselves mysteriously relocated to his underwear drawer, inside his socks, tucked into the pockets of his favourite jeans or inside his shoes.

More than once he has pulled out his wallet to find teabag that had festered in a cup by the bed for week cosying up with his cash.

I can't imagine how that happened. I traded up to DH who, while a hoarder, does at least understand the physics of rubbish disposal.

@theemmadilemma

The day he looked in the cupboard for a glass and bemoaned there were none (because I'd stopped bringing down the ones he was leaving upstairs to see how long it would take), was the same day I laid my lovely new patio...

🤣

So for years, when you've said something like where the heck has the wok gone to or I'm sure I put that dress in the ironing pile..
Your husband has never once said it might be in that wardrobe where I put everything ?

And a box of eggs under his pillow? How? So he got a box of eggs, he went to the bed, lifted up the pillow, placed the eggs there and then what? Slept with his head on the eggs?

It sounds insane.

We do normally have big arguments about this sort of thing - which is why I took a scientific approach this time.

I did consider stacking things on his chair but if I have to pick them up anyway I might as well do it properly.

He normally pays for a cleaner (pre-lockdown) to make up for the shortfall. This is in addition to him trying to tidy up (taking out his own plate, ignoring everyone else's). But he honestly, honestly can't see mess. His mind is on loftier things, apparently.

I don't actually think it's a lie. He's also told me before that it's easier for me to spot mess because I'm very short and he's very tall so I'm closer to the ground.

We've actually got the cleaner coming back tomorrow, so the guilt of that and the threat of my three year old getting a bread-born disease as raised by other posters means that I've ended the experiment early and binned the bread.

Sorry for the anticlimax. I actually had a frame ready and waiting.

Glad I didn't post about the time he left his pants in the sink for so long that he genuinely thought that it was a new washing basket and kept adding more and more underwear to it.

(Btw I don't disagree about it being emotional labour / selective male blindness etc. But if he was entirely shit all the time I wouldn't own a bread bin with him in the first place)

I have found my people! My DP is mess blind too, as well as generally being "attention to detail" blind... As much as it annoys me, I've also found it has its uses.

That bit of clothing you spent a little bit too much money on? It's fine - he won't notice it anyway.

New home decor items bought without consultation - don't worry, he won't notice it for at least 6 months...

Kudos to the PP with the toilet roll sculptures - that's my kind of pettiness levels! Defo stick a flag in it OP, and when it does eventually go, leave a flower as a memorial.

This could be as interesting as the Alphabet Street parking thread. Who will move first?

we've got a toddler, three cats (who eat bread, weirdly), and we have robot hoovers too (as well as the big one) so I'm actually perplexed as to why it's still there.

They’re all on your team. They’ve had a meeting and decided it’s time to take a stand and they’re all willing to leave floor snacks where they fall until he sees the error of his ways.

Oh, ok, clearly OP moved first!

This thread is brilliant.

Is The Bread still there in a green, mouldy kind of way?

@AintOverUntilTheCatLadySings

Thing is.... we've got a toddler, three cats (who eat bread, weirdly), and we have robot hoovers too (as well as the big one) so I'm actually perplexed as to why it's still there.

We've got a repair man in at the moment (non-bread issue) but when he's gone I'll go downstairs and put a frame over it, and see how long it stays there for.

Are you sure that you are not imagining The Bread?

Sorry but he sounds like a profoundly stupid individual. And a lucky one. Lucky you find him amusing.

Beer bottles in our house!!
I counted 24 over a 3 week period where DH left them on the windowsill, not in the recycling bin 6ft from windowsill.

I left them there, as Ive done with other stuff such as, his dirty washing his bed side...
Im not his slave, He is an adult!

LTB

Seven weeks.

That's how long it took for my DP to move his sock from the sofa to the washing machine. He would remove a sock each evening whilst sitting on said sofa and leave it there. Moved them myself at first and then thought 'enough' so left one there. Interestingly it remain just one sock. Socks were removed from his foot, but they were taken to the laundry basket (which is further away from the sofa, than the washing machine.) I know it was about 7 weeks as I told my class about my decision to leave the sock as we broke up for summer holidays and it was only just moved before we re-started the Autumn term.

Actually I say DP moved The Sock - thinking about it I never saw him move it. Maybe it moved itself........

Let a pigeon in OP!

The maggot eggs = he bought some quail eggs and forgot they were in his bag. He unpacked his bag on the bed because he was going away on holiday the next day. I'm guessing he absentmindedly put them down and the pillow on them.

A few days later, I went to change the sheets and found maggot eggs. (We've got a super super king bed so I'd been corpse sleeping on my side and missed them).

Can only imagine one had cracked and a fly found it.

To add to this... he'd forgotten to tell me he was going holiday, until the day before, so I was already in a furious mood.

This was before I married him. So I should have known at this point what I was letting myself in for.