Page 8 | What happened to your rapist ?

Iwonder777 · 2020-06-10T20:45:42+00:00

Please bear with me. I never reported mine. He's married now, 3 boys, professional. Looks to be very happy. Did you ever get justice?

madcatladyforever · 14/06/2020 19:42

Mine was banned from ever meeting his subsequent son after I divorced him.
He went to pieces after me and DS left and messed his life up even more. Lost his house, lost his subsequent house, only had one relationship in 35 years which didn't last long and is now living in a bedsit bouncing around Europe never settling anywhere.
Tried to contact me after 30 years on facebook, I sent the police round and he never has again.
His life is a chaotic nightmare of homelessness and mental illness.
Before he became a rapist he was a professional person earning loads of money with everything to live for. Now nothing.
I don't give a shit.

madcatladyforever · 14/06/2020 19:43

Unfortunately for him he never thought I would report him, he never thought he'd be banned from seeing his son, he never thought I had a voice and it utterly destroyed him.

Pissflapflip · 14/06/2020 19:57

Nothing. He is still happily married, enjoying his retirement, proud uncle of 10/great uncle of 4 children. I was 8 years old and not believed apart from by one teacher. Police were involved but it was all dropped.

Original poster

Iwonder777 · 14/06/2020 22:10

I'm shocked. So many of us. I'm so sorry

OP posts:

MillionthNameChanger · 17/06/2020 18:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MillionthNameChanger · 17/06/2020 18:28

^ sorry, wrong thread. Have asked mnhq to delete.

Ze1tGeist · 17/06/2020 20:22

happily married to his third wife, as far as i know. he drove me to a complete breakdown. i never told a soul.

i was also seriously sexually assaulted during that marriage by a senior police officer. a group of us had been out for dinner and i was drunk. my husband left me in this man’s house for the night rather than either help me home or stay with me. the next morning he came round to pick me up and asked why my underwear was on the floor. i told him i didn’t know. he couldn’t have been less bothered. i never told a soul.

i was assaulted more than once as a child. i never told a soul.

i live with these attacks every day. i’ll just never be able to tell anyone.

LesbianMummies · 17/06/2020 20:26

Absolutely nothing. He was the fiancé of my my best friend, I told her and she supported him. They are married now. I reported it and the police questioned me like I had committed a crime, asked me how I knew I didn’t consent as I was drunk, asked me if I was sure I didn’t give him any indication it was ok. When I told them I was a lesbian and had no sexual interest in men they actually said that people change their minds all the time. The case never went any further due to insufficient evidence. I moved away to not have to face him daily.

whoissylvia · 18/06/2020 02:00

Never reported mine. The one who did it to me as a child died of cancer when I was still quite young.

The other was a stranger. It was abroad. I don't expect I iwll ever see him again. am glad.

whoissylvia · 18/06/2020 02:01

@Ze1tGeist

happily married to his third wife, as far as i know. he drove me to a complete breakdown. i never told a soul.

i was also seriously sexually assaulted during that marriage by a senior police officer. a group of us had been out for dinner and i was drunk. my husband left me in this man’s house for the night rather than either help me home or stay with me. the next morning he came round to pick me up and asked why my underwear was on the floor. i told him i didn’t know. he couldn’t have been less bothered. i never told a soul.

i was assaulted more than once as a child. i never told a soul.

i live with these attacks every day. i’ll just never be able to tell anyone.

am so sorry @Ze1tGeist

whoissylvia · 18/06/2020 02:03

@Pissflapflip

Nothing. He is still happily married, enjoying his retirement, proud uncle of 10/great uncle of 4 children. I was 8 years old and not believed apart from by one teacher. Police were involved but it was all dropped.

@Pissflapflip

so sorry. I hope you have someone in your life who believes and supports you now

Augustgirl · 18/06/2020 02:13

Nothing happened
I didn't report him or tell my family at the time due to other circumstances and not feeling like I would be believed.

I moved away so have avoided all contact since

AlovelybitofsquirrelJackie · 18/06/2020 02:40

@TerrorWig I'm so sorry your examination by the doctor caused further harm and trauma. SARCs up and down the country have amazing caring clinicians (often specially trained nurses supported by crisis workers) and the care is client focussed and trauma informed. Im reading all the posts and I'm not surprised that so many didn't report or were not believed especially as children. It's just awful that so many experience this.
If it helps anyone reading this thread, you can receive care, treatment and advice along with gathering forensic evidence (stored for up to 7 years) from a SARC even if you don't want to involve the police.
Sending love and strength to all you survivors

BernardoTeashop · 18/06/2020 07:53

All of you are amazing and so strong. I’m sorry that most of you weren’t believed and weren’t supported. I hear you all and I believe you

MillionthNameChanger · 18/06/2020 22:36

Is it ok to really not feel strong at all? I am an absolute disaster; I think my only achievement is still being alive.

lyralalala · 18/06/2020 22:56

@MillionthNameChanger

Is it ok to really not feel strong at all? I am an absolute disaster; I think my only achievement is still being alive.

It’s absolutely ok to feel however you feel.

Staying alive is a bloody big achievement though. It really is.

Twentypasttwelve · 20/06/2020 18:54

@MillionthNameChanger

Is it ok to really not feel strong at all? I am an absolute disaster; I think my only achievement is still being alive.

I felt like this for the longest time, and sometimes still do. But as an MNer pointed out on my other thread, it's the times where you don't feel strong; when you feel weak and vulnerable... Those are the times you are showing true bravery and strength. To continue on every day while you feel like this... Well it just goes to show how strong you actually are.

Every single person who has posted on this thread is strong, and brave, and resilient. Just for the mere fact they are still here. That they are posting their experiences, which help others who are experiencing something similar.

Absolute respect and love to each and every one of you

frugifanatic · 20/06/2020 19:05

Mine is still living in our house that we bought together. He's fighting in court with his high powered legal team to get access to our son. It's destroying me. The courts will likely give him access

Whositgonnabe · 20/06/2020 19:06

@frugifanatic

Mine is still living in our house that we bought together. He's fighting in court with his high powered legal team to get access to our son. It's destroying me. The courts will likely give him access

Do the courts know about the rape?

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Keep going.

LevelOfConcern · 20/06/2020 19:09

No justice. Mine is a solicitor, happily married with two children. I'm left an agoraphobic wreck with no friends or family. He took my virginity and also, apparently, my life.

frugifanatic · 20/06/2020 19:10

@Whositgonnabe yes. We had to go through cross examination and I froze on the stand. They found him guilty of racism towards me, harassment, coercive control, emotional abuse and intimidation. The judge said that whilst she does not believe the sex was non consensual as such, she could see how I felt like I couldn't say no due to how scared I was of him. I argued that this means there was no consent, but she said she couldn't find him guilty of it. It's in family court not criminal so he gets no record.

Sherloidbaisherloid · 20/06/2020 19:16

I don’t even know if mine was rape, it’s complicated and without giving too much identifying info, it was in a foreign country and was a work colleague. Went out in the group we were there with, had too much to drink. I remember some sort of argument then I left the bar. I don’t remember getting back to the hotel. Next think I do remember is waking up in bed with him, i was naked and just started sobbing, he quickly got up and grabbed his things and left my room. I don’t know what happened, I can’t say for sure if he raped me or not

Whositgonnabe · 20/06/2020 19:19

[quote frugifanatic]@Whositgonnabe yes. We had to go through cross examination and I froze on the stand. They found him guilty of racism towards me, harassment, coercive control, emotional abuse and intimidation. The judge said that whilst she does not believe the sex was non consensual as such, she could see how I felt like I couldn't say no due to how scared I was of him. I argued that this means there was no consent, but she said she couldn't find him guilty of it. It's in family court not criminal so he gets no record. [/quote]
Oh god this makes me so fucking angry on your behalf and on the behalf of all women. I'm sorry I don't have any words. For any of it.

Please please keep going. Do not let him break you, you still have your life to live. You'll get through this xxx

frugifanatic · 20/06/2020 19:22

@Whositgonnabe I don't know how I will cope with sending my son to my abuser. To his abuser too. He wouldn't even let me pick him up when he cried. The courts are all for contact. Even with the abuse proven. I hate it. It's so wrong.

Whositgonnabe · 20/06/2020 19:38

Frugifanatic... I've been through similar.

Yes the system an abomination. If he gets access, my advice to you is this...keep an eagle eye on your child. Anything he says that might point towards abuse (physical / mental /name calling etc) write it down. Date, time, and what was said. If you notice any bruising... Straight to the doctor... This is very important. Take pictures. Report to SS.

You can then go to the court (I waited all day to see a judge, for an emergency hearing) and ask for a cessation on the court order because you fear your child is being ABUSED. In my case the judge agreed to cease the court order until the SS conducted an investigation.

It was all so long and arduous but my ex seems to have got the message. After being investigated, being forced to attend therapy... He now has contact with our dc again and things seem to be going well.

But I still have my eagle eye. Any change in behaviour, and bruising, any admissions of abuse from my dc... I will be stopping contact again...getting SS involved again...

Basically make it hard for him. Make him see that you will not tolerate the abuse of your son. You will report him again and again, until he either stops, or gets bored and fucks off.