What happened to your rapist ?

[Iwonder777]

Please bear with me.

I never reported mine.

He's married now, 3 boys, professional. Looks to be very happy.

Did you ever get justice?

Sadly he was my fiance, in the years when it was still legal for a man to rape his wife. So i stayed with him for a few years after as I had consented before, why would anyone believe me and I had no confidence to leave him. I did freeze a lot with him afterwards to the extent he called me frigid because I had no trust in him.

When we split up, he did once say he was sorry for all the bad stuff (he was also physically abusive). Sadly it didnt help.

I since found talking about it with friends that others too had been raped, mainly by boyfriends or ex's. One had had her drink spiked in a club. None had gone to the police.

I didnt tell my parents, my mum once told me she would rather die than be raped and couldnt understand anyone else wanting to live afterwards. So I never told them. My SIL told me, she thought he was such a nice man, I didnt tell her but did say he was nasty underneath.

I believe you all.

The police did nothing, he emigrated to America sponsored by his employers, got a green card and then citizenship.

Two died. One is living a probably happy life, with a happy family. I find it easier not to think about any of it at all. Any of the times. I feel I should have probably reported one, but I don't think I could face a trial, or questioning, or dragging it all out. It was long ago and it should stay there.

There will be no justice, because I will not report them. In one case, it would make something real that I will not admit happened, not to people who know me; I loved him so much I can't bear to change people opinions and memories of him, despite what he did. He was a boyfriend and it was unpleasant.

One died fairly soon after. His death was in part because of an argument about what happened, with someone who had known about it. That was much more justice than I would have liked.

One, as far as I'm aware, has a happy family. Happy life. I'm sure he thinks about me far less frequently than I do of him.

I never reported, was drunk and out in a big group together so never thought I would be believed. Then I found out I was pregnant, kept the baby and wouldn't report now due to the repercussions my child may face when older.

He's married with 2 children and happy as far as I know, apologised over text message so that's something I suppose.

Hugs to you all

The aftermath of my three rape/abuse incidents in life. I now need to have a drink before I can have sex, i can't do it naturally. I know why I'm doing it and why, but I can't stop myself.

My bf I'm with now and have been for almost two years, I've only on two occasions had sex with him without me having drink in my system.

Is anybody else the same or is this just me?

Not mine, but a family member’s rapist. She went to court and he is now in prison. I wonder if the isolation during covid19 has affected him. I hope he is suffering.

These accounts are just so horrific. I have no words for the pain you have all been through.

I think the root cause in my case was I was very naive and I was brought up to be very polite and not defy those in authority (this guy was my boss at a casual job I had). Female socialisation to not make a fuss.

He had been making crude comments and touching me up at work for ages in the run up and I thought I had to put up with it. I had basically no idea how to speak up plus I never ever imagined in my darkest horror that it would end in him raping me. I thought he was a dirty pervert but not a rapist. That's why I accepted a lift home with him although I didn't want to. Just too bloody polite to say no. When he locked me in his car was when I knew I was in real bad trouble. I actually could not hear the sound of central locking for many years afterwards basically until cars changed and it didn't sound the same.

I blamed myself for years too for not leaving the job earlier and for accepting the lift. Questioned if I had somehow inadvertently 'led him on.' Thought I should have tried harder to escape. (I thought I was locked in but actually I think I could just have opened the door- went over that one for years). Therapy helped me see it was actually all his fault and I am clear on that now.

I don't think I will ever tell DD. But I do struggle with if I should warn her what the world can be like as she is just as Naive as I was. I feel that if I'd had some idea of the risks I might have been better off. I am trying to encourage her to be more assertive and to be able to speak out if she doesn't like something.

All 6 got away, 11 years later and I still often think of what they're doing in their lives now, although I'm probably not even a second thought to them.
Thankfully though, the ones who groomed and had what would be classed as consensual sex with me did get convicted, most of them anyway which gives me some solace I guess.

I'm lost for words.

I'm not alone in this.

I'm totally sorry for all your pain though.

A pain like no other.

Nancy juice, v similar to me. I was 14, he was roughly 21, everyone in the village loved him. His dad was a police officer. The rapist was the friend of my cousin. I told my aunt (I was staying at her house) and felt like she blamed me. She made me go to his house to confront him in front of his parents (now I'm WTAF, who does that!!) His story was word perfect, I missed bits out so obviously I was lying!?! Didn't bother reporting it, but years later at the STI clinic, the lovely counsellor took the details to give to the police in case anyone else accused him.
Last I knew he had had the shit kicked out of him cause he always hooked up with underage girls and a dad found out. He was married with kids afterwards, but living a shitty life with no prospects in the crappy village my family live in. Fuck him, I had a great education, have a good job, with awesome friends, and my own house. My life is better than his ever will be. I refuse to be his victim. I am a survivor, and whilst at times it may still haunt me, I will always be better than him.

Mine was my ex fiance
He's dead

I was 9, he was 11 and my brother. It went on for a couple of years.

I reported when I was 30. He was still as much of a bully as when we were kids, and I was really worried that he'd trained as a teacher in the last couple of years and that he shouldn't be working with kids (I'm ashamed to say it took a while to realise that).

He was voluntarily arrested and bailed after I made a video statement with the police; I believe he was also suspended from his teaching job. I went NC with him and the rest of my family shortly before I reported him.

He got married 3 weeks after his arrest.
The CPS said a couple of months later that there wasn't enough evidence to proceed.

Shortly after, he resigned from teaching and career changed to become a pilot (he got a PPL years ago), but kept his respectable member of the community schtick going - he's still a church organist and choirmaster (I believe he may have experienced childhood abuse in that setting when he was young, and perpetuated it).

Ten years on, he now has two sons. I only know this because I've googled- it is weird knowing I'll never meet my nephews.
Karma wise, i don't know if I should be celebrating that he's apparently lost his job since CV19, as it would affect his kids as well.

All I can hope is that his sons grow up to be nothing like him.

I know I've been through a lot of rape trauma too throughout my life. But I just want to say that we are survivors and my heart ❤️ goes out to you all who's been though the same thing as me.

I've always felt so alone till now with regards to my experiences.

It just goes to show that you should never judge a book by its cover. You never know what that persons been through and why they are like they are.

Everyone's pain is valid, but dear God, I'm so sorry itsmylifebonjovi
I'm aghast at that.

I was 17, there was five of them. As far as I know they are out there getting on with their lives. One has a baby with his girlfriend.

I reported to the police 20 years on, I only had 3 of their names. The police didn't even speak to the named suspects and dropped the case.

I feel stupid for thinking the police would be interested. All I wanted from them was the knowledge that these men would have been reminded of what they did to me. Didn't even get that.

I'm so sorry you have all been through this.

1. Still in my friendship circle, we act like it didn't happen (we were a couple when it happened).

1. No idea, but I bumped into his mate in a pub who publicly jeered at me for letting myself get into that situation (as I had been very drunk). No care about what his friend did. My friends asked me what he was talking about and I was too ashamed to say so asked them to drop it.

1. No idea but probably dead or if not in his 90s now

He's more or less been in jail since 2005... had a list of previous convictions. Was released briefly in 2011 but breached his licence and so back to prison he went.

I'm really sorry.

Teary, thinking of you all.

What's weird is to meet us all in the flesh, you'd never know.

I wish it were easier to tell our stories in the flesh, I'd love to warn the next generation of females. What to be aware of. What to watch out for.

In a real tangible way.

I know of two people who were raped, one at 14 by her cousin and his friends. The other at 20 on a night out. There are so many rape victims it is terrifying.

I'd hazard a guess you know a lot more than 2 sadly. Only a couple of my friends know I was raped and I know a friend was raped but most of our other friends don't know this. It's something people tend to keep to themselves.

Mine went to our high school reunion the other year. I hated seeing the photos, especially as I blocked him so I wouldn't see him pop up on 'people you may know' or occasionally commenting on a mutual friends status update. Sadly, I expect he didn't give the reunion thing another thought.

Of course I couldn't go and when the schoolfriend organising it asked me if she could say anything to help make it easier to go when I declined, I couldn't tell her as I thought it would be an awful thing to hear and I didn't know her very well - so I just gave a vague excuse about being bullied (which was also true, so believable, but it wouldn't have stopped me going).

I never reported him, but I hope he feels guilt on some level and has trouble sleeping at night.

for everybody on this thread.

I often reflect that I'm 'lucky' (not at all the right word) that I managed to get the man who attacked me convicted as the rate is so low 😔 I was a university student who came to the court well dressed, spoke well etc and he was the complete opposite. I do wonder if I'd been from another 'less privileged' background, would it still have went the same way? I'm not sure.

I wish I'd reported mine but it's probably too late now. It was back in 1989/1990. He had such a reputation as a 'dirty old man' and I wonder if he raped or indecently touched any other girls. I feel so sick just thinking about him

My rapist is in the midst of an investigation at work. He is a colleague of mine and it happened 5 years ago. I told my manager in February and the investigation has been ongoing since then. I don't know what's going to happen to him but I hope they do the right thing and dismiss him so I can go back to work.

If it wasn't for covid I would have left and found another job. Things being so uncertain atm, I figured now was not the time to leave a secure job. I won't report to the police as I couldn't handle it. All I want is to be able to return to work and get on with my life.

Apparently he is close to the edge and suicidal. He's a drug addict and his girlfriend left him just before lockdown too. He's gone awol. Fuck knows what's happened to him. Watch this space.