What happened to your rapist ?

[Iwonder777]

Please bear with me.

I never reported mine.

He's married now, 3 boys, professional. Looks to be very happy.

Did you ever get justice?

[Inaquandry19]

I was sexually assaulted by a boy my own age when I was 12. Told my parents and they told his but nothing much happened. He was told off but we were still allowed/encouraged to play together. This lead to me having a very tricky relationship with sex and alcohol which has lead to me being raped and sexually assaulted by several other men. I have never reported any of them as I didn't really understand it was rape/assault at the time. I was either way too drunk to consent (I mean passed out, not just tipsy) or was coerced into sex when I did not want to and tried to say no. I wish I could go back and relive my younger years as I am thoroughly ashamed of what I allowed to happen to me. I still have a very poor relationship with sex and struggle with consent even now. I wish I had the strength to report at least one of them, the one who had the biggest impact on me. I know he is still around and has a child now.

[NcedForThis]

One thing I find hard is the fact that it isn’t something I think about at all really except the day it happened then I massively struggle. A day later I’m fine. I know this happens and I prepare myself to struggle that day.

Why does it only affect me that one day. Shouldn’t it affect me more or not at all?!

[Iwonder777]

I'm totally bowled over by your stories. And raging.

The similarities. The differences. The pain at the time and thereafter. For so many.

I wish there was more justice.

Where's the incentive not to rape?

[TerrorWig]

I read on Reddit the other day a woman who said she was raped, had a rape kit done, had evidence PLUS A CONFESSION on text from her rapist - and the police still declined to prosecute. This was in America.

It made me so angry. I was lucky; they found my rapist, and I was strong enough to go to trial (had to go twice as it was a hung jury the first time). As evidenced by your thread, many many women don’t even report - and I don’t blame them. The rape exam by the police doctor is horrible. Absolutely horrible.

[TerrorWig]

(Quite apart from anything else I mean)

[sergeilavrov]

I don't trust the police in the UK. For me, justice has only come with political influence. That's not accessible to most people, and that's so incredibly unfair.

For most, only informal justice has had any effect. One of the perpetrators harassed me for five years, police found a mountain of sim cards but it 'cost too much' to check the texts. Despite a restraining order, he continued. He had his legs and arms broken, he stopped and never did another thing. The shopkeeper who assaulted me and left a deep bite mark on my neck has been detained indefinitely because I had more power working for the government than he did. The only incentive not to rape is the knowledge that those more physically powerful than themselves will punish them. They take advantage of inequality, so I found that making myself powerful in non physical ways kept me safer or at least allowed for justice.

I read Thomas Hobbes' Leviathan for the first time when I was 18, and the philosophy around the social contract really put this into perspective for me.

[Bananabixfloof]

@lyralalala

I never told anyone except my DH and my counsellor.

I was 15. I became fatter, deliberately didn't wash so I was smelly, I didn't look after my teeth (I actually now have false teeth because I ruined my teeth), and I was very reclusive for several years because it felt safer.

He was from quite a well known family. Not like super famous, but well enough that I knew it was pointless reporting him.

I haven't had justice, but I have had karma as he had a very public spectacular fall from grace about 4 years ago. Lots of people felt very sorry for him, but I was highly amused watching it.

Oh God me too. I didnt realise til many years later that I made myself as unattractive as possible for absolutely years to avoid the gaze of men.
If I could have retreated from life I would have done. I wanted to commit suicide for an age, I still most days think about suicide. It gives me peace (really odd I know) to know I have a way out if life gets too much.
I bloody stunk back then, and wore grubby ill fitting clothes. Looked like an old bag lady at 18.

As for them, I dont know. I didnt know their names apart from one and he died years ago.
Since then I've been raped by another stranger and not once in any of my rapes have I had more than a passing thought of reporting. I knew without being told that I would be to blame officially.

How fucking shitty that women are treated this way still.

[RaceDayCrumbs]

One hung himself after his release from prison.

The second, I have no idea. I can’t remember his surname.

[RaceDayCrumbs]

Problem is, I’m so traumatised by my experiences after I reported it, I couldn’t honestly recommend anyone else reporting it. I know, every day, that I am being punished for telling.

This. I reported the first one, it was more traumatic than the abuse. That was over a period when I was 13 and he was in his 40’s.

The second I was vulnerable and got preyed on by men a bit older, in their 20’s when I was 14. There was already one girl who was 14 that was pregnant and it was all normalised. I didn’t consider all the occasions we had intercourse as rape, it was sometimes consensual. But one time in particular I asked him to stop and tried to push him off him. That just seemed to egg him on and I closed my eyes and cried as I was in a lot of pain. It took me a few years so recognise that event as rape.

[RaceDayCrumbs]

I have also never shared the second event. Not even to my husband.

[lucyintheskywithcz]

I'm so sorry for you all. This is so appalling . The amount of men walking around without facing justice is frightening. Reading this I know I will always believe my daughters xx

[stillathing]

I don't know. They were and are still strangers to me. I didn't report after either of the times because I blamed myself. Within the culture of the time (late 90s) that seemed the easiest thing to do. There must have been something bad about me, to make it happen. I only really admitted to myself the extent of what happened after witnessing #metoo. I have to say, after a brief period of hope, it has been far tougher since I realised that what happened to me was common. Now we all know how common it is for men to rape women and girls and yet nothing is being done. No outrage, it's barely even acceptable to be a feminist.

[Pinklynx]

I'm just so sorry this happened to you. So many awful stories. Devastating that people you told brushed it under the carpet. For what it's worth, I believe you.

[Pinklynx]

@Stillathing I'm outraged for you and for all the women it's happened to. Please don't blame yourself. There's nothing bad about you.

[jasmin93]

Never reported it. I was 15, he was 19.
He is a soldier in the german army now.

I sometimes check his facebook account (its public) to see what he is up to. I moved abroad, so did not see him for 10 years.

[Kahlua4me]

I am so sad to hear all your stories, sad for us all and sad that it still goes on with no real change.

Mine went on to rape somebody else as I saw it in our local newspaper. He was found guilty and I didn’t hear anything more about him for a long time. Then a few years ago I saw him begging in car windows at some traffic lights which shocked me completely. Luckily I was with my lovely sister in law who managed to drive around the traffic so we could avoid him. Dh knows about it but not his name..

[dreamingdream]

To answer the question, I don't know what happened afterwards to him. Why did he hurt me? I still don't get it, I never deserved it. I went through therapy and many hospital appointments because of this.

[Iwonder777]

I've read this thread back and I'm struck by how many of us have similar stories. Of being young. And taken advantage of. And keeping it locked away for many, many years.

For those who weren't believed when you did say, my heart is literally broken for you. I believe you. As trite as that sounds perhaps.

[Bananabixfloof]

@Iwonder777

I've read this thread back and I'm struck by how many of us have similar stories. Of being young. And taken advantage of. And keeping it locked away for many, many years.

For those who weren't believed when you did say, my heart is literally broken for you. I believe you. As trite as that sounds perhaps.

It's not trite, it's what we all say on here when another sleb rapes another young girl and inevitably gets away with it, because reasons.

And I for one mean it.
I know how it alters your entire life. It effects you for ever. It's been decades now and I still wont go in a room with men I dont know. Going to the drs or dentist can be utterly terrifying. I dont want to give in to my fears but I cant always get a female practitioner. Some times in life you simply have to be alone in a room with a man. Its inevitable. So I've noticed the times when it happens I am nervous, fidgety, fight or flight breaks out and I cannot concentrate on what's being said.
I flick my eyes to the door, constantly checking if its locked and where it is so I can run if I have to.
If I know in advance that I will see a man, I check out the area beforehand (I mean the outside, around the building) so I plan my escape route. If I can I check the inside for toilets and ways out for escape.
I seriously doubt at my age and with my fake attitude that any man would want to look at me, much less worse.
But I cant shake it. It's what I have to do, plus of course the ever present option of suicide if life gets too much. It's my security blanket.

[saffy1234]

I believe you @CarlottaValdez

[saffy1234]

I've never been raped but I have been sexually assaulted when I was 18 and a cloak room attendant at a nightclub
He only stopped because I kneed him
He used to own a pub not far from me and the last I heard he got robbed and beaten up in his new pub....

[wewillmeetagain]

I was 13 he was 18, I never reported it. I thought it was my fault. He is now a heavy drinker who goes from woman to woman being violent and aggressive from what I hear.

[honeysuckleblossom]

Like so many, I never reported mine. I was 19, he was 20. Last year was the first time I found out what happened to him (20 years to the day of the rape I decided to Google). He's a Headteacher (no idea if married or not)..

[FrenchFancie]

I don’t know. We were at uni in the first year. I didn’t report it at all. He got to be threatening afterwards and followed me around for a bit but then failed the end of first year.

I’ve searched a couple of times on Facebook but never find him. I actually don’t know what I want to find. I recall someone telling me that he had been diagnosed with MS, not sure if there’s karma in that or just back luck.

Like others, it was the late 90s, no one would have cared. I think the taxi driver who picked me up and took me home had an idea what had happened as he seemed concerned and asked if I needed help or the police. I just went home and got a very long hot shower, it was only afterwards I realised that that buggered any chance of reporting it as any evidence had washed away.

So I tried very very hard to forget it and honestly, I can got for long stretches of time not thinking about it now, over 20 years later.

[EnglishRain]

Another one chiming in to say I reported it and wish I never had.

Abused from the age of 11-15 by a middle aged man. He got sentenced to 12 years and served about 8. On the sex offenders register for life. Hand on heart I couldn't encourage someone to report it. People might say it's great that I did report it, but I was forced to by family.

Horrible that there are so many of us on this thread