What happened to your rapist ?

[Iwonder777]

Please bear with me.

I never reported mine.

He's married now, 3 boys, professional. Looks to be very happy.

Did you ever get justice?

No idea, I've always assumed even 15+ years on they still work in at the hospital. Going there alone still makes me feel ill though they're likely long gone.

I was 18 when it happened. I was terrified at the time that if I told the hospital that other members of staff I'd need later would hurt me too, I mean - who is going to be more important to them? It took me over 5 years to even talk about it, and the only person I've told in person is my spouse. I don't think I could handle having someone tell me to my face, as has been said online, that I should call what they did ‘assault by penetration’ just because two people held me down while a third raped me until I left a large bloody stain on the bed to 'teach [me] a lesson' with an object rather than a dick, no matter how the law here would classify it.

to everyone.

I did not know the person (stranger rape). But I do sometimes wonder. Based on what happened I'm fairly sure he had done it before, and no doubt again since.

In some respects it must be even more difficult if you know the person, they are still in your environment, etc.

Based on the posts (if I'm interpreting them correctly) I'm surprised that may people don't discuss it. On a personal level talking helps me, I want DH to know how I feel, and there is nothing I feel ashamed of. In fact, it is only by bringing this issue to attention that people can begin to grasp the scope of the problem. The people who stood up to Weinstein wer so brave. I was soooo happy for them with the verdict.

I can got for long stretches of time not thinking about it now

Me too, I think ive managed ok. I didn’t for many, many years but I’ve found peace with it all. I’m not angry about it anymore. It makes me sad to remember it and since this thread I’ve been dwelling on it a little. But it feels like a different time.

I remember watching Three Girls and sobbing uncontrollably, for hours. I’d not been with my now DH all that long and just totally broke down. It reminded me so much of my own experience and I just felt so awful for those girls and how things turned out for them.

My MIL was discussing with my DH about a teacher who she knew who had been convicted for child abuse. He had offences and victims spanning many years, all similar crimes. She said he couldn’t possibly be a sex offender because “he didn’t even shout” at the children in the playground. My DH got cross and told her about my past (in no detail) and he was so upset but he’d said because he was cross. That made me really upset as I felt like it had been brought into my present where it was buried in my past. I don’t tell people about my past and find the whole “me too” campaign a bit strange. Not that I disagree but I cannot imagine sharing my experience on social media. To be clear I don’t think it’s wrong and I think it’s good to discuss it. My mum told me never to tell anyone about as she was worried people would think we were related to the man who did it to me. It’s no wonder I then got passed about older men for sex and never said.

Eugh. I'm so sorry. I genuinely never realised how many survivors like me there were 😭

I'm bloody gutted in one sense and feel more supported in another.

OP. Just to say, the route cause of your experience was a rapist. You did not contribute to that.

Thank you.

Sadly. I walked in like a lamb to the slaughter as I wanted to be wanted.

Had never really had an adoring male role model thus lapped up the seemingly kind male attention; misconstrued it as good x

Just the other day someone told me he has a kid now like it’s a nice thing and yes they knew he raped me we were actually talking about it when they mentioned the kid I was 11 he what’s 19 it went on for 2 yeArs and came to a head with a pregnancy which whilst I was pregnant he was going through a court case for rape of another young girl but the case fell apart because she was in care and a runaway so was an unreliable witness I do know he was in Prison for a while though why I do not know!

I was 16 he was 34 and a friend of my then BF’s older brother.

He was the first person to treat me like an adult and really listened when I talked. I was used to being dismissed or talked over at home so that felt nice.

He persuaded me to have sex with him and shut me up by paying me afterwards. Because I took the money I felt it was my own fault and couldn’t say anything. I know he recorded it too, I could see the red light on the camcorder on the shelf.

I felt guilty for years, it was my own fault for not saying no and for taking the money.

It was only after my parents died that I had a sudden realisation of what had happened, I knew I’d been groomed.

I struggled badly, the grief after my parents deaths had become depression and anxiety and remembering what had happened to be at 16 took over my life. I haven’t had sex with DH in years, I can’t bear the thought of being touched or even admired, it reminds me of him and how he’d look at my naked body.

I hadn’t seen him in years, I honestly thought he’d died, then a few months ago I was opening my shop and he walked out of the cafe opposite. He stopped still and smirked at me. I ran back in to my shop and had a panic attack.

I often dream about reporting him, I’m sure I wasn’t the only one, but the thought of having to talk about what happened or the possibility of the videos coming to light fill me with dread. I just hope I don’t have to see his face again.

Horrific on both counts.

I'm so sorry.

Harrysmum2020

Jesus, 11 years old!
I look at my 11 year old dd I could cry at the thought, just a little girl playing with dolls. So sorry it happened to you.

I never reported it. I was 9. He OD'd and died in 1993. I've never got over it.

This thread is completely heartbreaking.
So much love for you all xx

I was sexually assaulted at school by another pupil. I was made to feel like it was my fault as the boy mocked me about it in front of his friends.

I came home and told my dad, who went ballistic and said he was going up the school to kick the boy up and down the playground. He came with me to the school and reported it the deputy head.

The deputy head said I was over sensitive and the lad in question was a popular class clown. My dad was warned not to come to the school and that the police don't take this kind of thing seriously as it's kids stuff.

Sadly it never progressed any further apart the the boy being banned from sitting by me. My dad who is my hero still feels guilty that we didn't take it further. This day and age we would, but 20 years ago things were different.

I do wonder if I can hold the school accountable all these years on?

@EnglishRain yes, I wish I hadn't reported mine either.

The court experience left me broken. He got off with not guilty and I was made out to be a liar. I was asked again and again by his lawyer why I didn't scream or cry out, as if I wanted to be in that room. I was 6 years old when it happened??!

How are they allowed to question victims like that?

I will never recommend anyone to report their rape or abuse.

Nothing.
He had me working on adultwork for two years as well. Thousands of rapes. I don't know how many.
I was told it's not possible to rape a prostitute. By the judge.
I was told it's not illegal for a man to advertise his girlfriend for sex.
So he's out there doing it to someone else now.

I reported him and he was taken into custody, but I received death threats and had to drop the charges. It was a gang member of a notorious gang. It took all my will not to cry like a baby when I was in front of the detective who I spoke to and asked to drop the charges, he knew I'd been 'got at' and said as much, but I was terrified and no way was I pressing charges. This was 21 years ago now.

Mines was my FWB. He assaulted me when I was drunk and I stupidly met up with him one more time a year after to "regain my power".

Broke down to my father about it last year and he's always on about tracking him down and it makes me anxious he will actually do something.

Wish I never said anything.

I divorced him. He is an dirty person and developed alcohol issues

I divorced him. Eventually.

It's beyond my comprehension how much suffering rapists have caused so many of us.

Where's the outrage?

I feel like starting my own protest with 'women and girls matter' ..... ( not to detract from current protests but you get my drift I hope).

The thought of my daughter being raped and carrying the shame I've carried guts me to the core. But she needs to have her wits about her. I must teach her well.

He died at quite a young age of a heart attack some years later. I had never reported him so he had no consequence in life. He said no-one would believe me and it would be shameful for my family. I am not actually convinced he was wrong.

I did think it was karma (probably was the booze and fags in reality). I was mainly surprised to realise he had a heart at all. I had wished him dead a lot of times.

I felt so much safer after I found out he died. Absolutely a weight lifted. I could go back to my home town again without any fear of seeing him by accident. It was really freeing.

I don't even know who mine was (2 years ago) I think I'd been spiked as I hadn't even drunk that much on this specific night I was out. I can't remember it happening, but I do know it happened.

A few days later I ended up reporting it, but due to me having no memory of the actual rape, I ended up not going through with it. Tbt It was because I felt like when the officers came around to see me they were doing the whole 🙄. I felt like I was wasting their time.

Even though, I did have evidence on my clothes I'd been wearing that night. The police didn't get the chance to look at them though, I placed them in the evidence bag for them to take, but when I said half way through I wasn't going ahead with it, they didn't take the bag.

So who the person was or what he's doing now I don't know. Maybe I walked past him on the street today who knows.

But then again I was sexually abused when I was younger and when I was a little older I reported it, but I dropped it for the same reasons as I didn't feel like they believed me.

Then in my teens I had my virginity taken by a rape in the nightclub toilets, once again I think I'd been spiked. I was in the men's toilets in a cubicle and when he'd finished he left me on the floor with blood allover me. A guy came into the cubicle and found me on the floor with still my tights and knickers down. I vaguely remember the bouncers came and took me out and took me upstairs in the offices in the club, but I couldn't even speak properly I was slurring and could hardly see. And drink never did this to me. I ended up dropping this case too as I had no clue what he even looked like due to the state I was in.

My childhood abuser is still married and lives with his wife in a nice house and grandkids all around him.

I think my case with regards to "on three occasions dropping the charges" due to me thinking it's pointless or that they don't believe me, is a deep rooted issue. Because regarding the childhood abuse when I finally told my mum she didn't believe me and took his word over mine. Needless to say I left home asap.

Nothing that I know of. My parents pressed charges but nothing came of it - apparently his father was well connected.

I was 14. He was 21. He died before he was 50. I don;t know what killed him, but the day I found out he was dead I felt like a huge weight had been lifted from me.
I never reported but feel that karma got him in the end.