Things that make you cry with laughter years on

[WhatWouldYouDoWhatWouldJesusDo]

I'll go first having spent the night pissing myself laughing over an incident that happened when I was a kid.

Many moons ago I was left being babysat by my brother, I'd been hiding upstairs, found my brother's Viz stash when I heard shouting coming from downstairs.

Thinking it was a prank I ignored it.

Shouting became more insistent so eventually I went to investigate, tip toeing my way into the living room as my brother was a known and impressive prankster.

Cautiously walked into the living room only to be met by my poor brother lying prone on the floor with our idiot dog locked onto him having a merry old time. I can still see him now humping away 😂😂😂 and dbro lying there shouting 'I've broke me leg, I've broke me leg phone a fucking ambulance' whilst trying to shove off the idiot dog who probably couldn't believe his luck 😂😂😂

(( It turned out he had broke his leg and it was his own bloody fault. He'd left a plate on the floor and somehow managed to skid on it and landed on the brasses we had on the fireplace somehow )) absolute fool and to this day, about 30 years on we'll still lock eyes on occasion and he knows what's coming 😂😂😂

I had a Nintendo DS when I was about 11, you could do voice recordings on them and save them- I used to lock myself in the bathroom and sing into it and play it back. One time I recorded myself singing "OMG- Usher ft. Will.I.am" it was horrific but I kept it on there. My mums friend was staying over in hospital and needed something to keep her busy, and my mum gave her my Nintendo DS to play on. The thought of a really ill woman lying in hospital, listening to my pathetic quavering voice singing makes me absolutely howl, although I was so embarrassed when realisation kicked in at the time.

@Soubriquet

My dh always makes me laugh...but one that still brings tears to my eyes happened last year

He had been working on some flooring but without any knee protection so had badly hurt his knees which caused him to walk completely straight legged for a couple of days.

Anyway, one day, this massive...and I mean massive spider suddenly skuttled on to the floor. Cue dh freaking out. He threw a shoe at it which caused the spider to turn round and charge straight at him. Dh shot you, waddled over to the other side of the room and face planted straight down on to the sofa where he was stuck as he couldn’t bend his legs to get up.

I was crying with laughter, nearly wetting myself, whilst he desperately trying to get himself up whilst screeching “that spider is out to get me!!!”

Pissing myself at the image of him rushing straight legged to escape.

DM arrived at school for my first ever nativity play, and was sitting next to her friend with my dad on the other side. The Headmistress stands up at the front, and welcomes them by saying "Everybody has been working so hard to make this nativity a success, if you'd arrived 10 minutes earlier you'd have seen Mrs Green touching up the donkey."

DM said she made the mistake of looking at her friend, and they both shook with laughter. Dad didn't find it funny at all and kept glaring and nudging her which only made it worse.

DP grabbed a hoodie straight from the dryer as we headed out to Asda. Exiting the shop, security stopped us.

Turns out a pair of my ENORMOUS knickers were stuck in the hood and security thought we were trying to steal them. Ended up with me, DP and security guard in floods of tears. Took me about 15 mins to compose myself for the drive home.

I was once on a train with my friend on the way into a uni lecture. As we passed a construction site, 2 workmen leapt out of a portokabin and started having a duel with 2 massive poles. It looked quite professional and almost ended me. Once we arrived at the lecture we tried to tell our friends but...you had to be there

On a family holiday in Cyprus at a waterpark my gran wanted to go on an age appropriate ride. I showed her the lazy river on a map & off she went. Some time later she returned, hair standing on end. She had accidentally went on the park's scariest ride full of twists and turns and flashing lights. Thankfully she enjoyed it!

A few days later at a big wheel she waited at the bottom for us. She was wearing a bum bag and the next customers tried to give her their money.

At uni, I was friends with two twins. We had all been out clubbing with a big group of friends, and the twins came back to our flat. They then had a big bust up over something minor, and twin A flounces off out of the flat, slamming the door behind her.

Unfortunately, you couldn’t get out of our communal hallway without a key. So she’s trapped herself in a hallway. She couldn’t get back into the flat, because she’d slammed the Yale. And she was in too big a strop to come back and ask to be let out. So she was stuck there. In the dark as well, the light switch is in our flat and it’s on a timer.

Me and my flatmates realised what she’d done as soon as she slammed the door shut, and were silently shaking with laughter. Twin B didn’t realise, and was upset we found her fighting with her sister so funny. Ten minutes later, Twin A gives in and knocks on our door again.

Years ago my friend invited me to a posh RAF awards dinner with her folks. Proper black tie affair, wine and port during the speeches etc. Anyway, during one particularly long speech a gentleman opposite us casually let out the loudest fart I've ever heard, shrugged, and carried on listening to the speaker.
Friend and I were in stitches and trying so hard to not be. Made worse by her embarrassed mum telling us to grow up and stop it

My nan's funeral.

First of all there was a hiatus at the crem as the hearses (with the undertakers, my mum, sister and myself, and the priest - a very good friend of mine, along with the coffin, must have taken a different route to everyone else, so we were waiting in the cold for about 20 minutes. The priest started winding me up so I started to pretend to kick him, resulting in him jumping all over the place in his cassock. My mum thought it was hilarious, my sister was most definitely not amused, and the undertakers were rather taken aback.

The amusement increased as we went in to the Crem. Since Nan was from an Irish family my mother had thought it would be nice if Danny Boy was played as we went in, thinking of a nice instrumental arrangement. Instead we were greeted by a recording of an old Crooner giving it his all. Mum and I looked at each other and burst out laughing, and continued to giggle intermittently during the service. Again, my sister was not impressed but it kept the two of us in good spirits so all was good.

Oh gosh I’ve got so many put to pull a few out...

My DP and I was flying to Rome from Sicily and I was sandwiched between him and a lovely American man. We are British.

My DP pretty much strikes up a conversation with everyone (whereas I’m more socially awkward) so they were talking over me and I was happy remaining silent or just nodding politely every now and then. My DP leaned over mid conversation and said to him ‘have you got far-‘ (to go?) only to be cut off by the man who then turned around and started talking to his family across the aisle. My DP bless him was leant over looking pretty rejected with a sad look on his face that his new friend hadn’t heard him and he just slowly sat back and stared ahead of him in silence for a few seconds then very very quietly in an American accent said....

“Have you got Fart?”

Cue absolute howling from me the whole flight, I could not breathe with laughing!! The lovely guy to my right must have thought I was a right loon. Occasionally we will drop ‘have you got fart?’ To one another and it still has me in fits of giggles.

Another story... on the same flight...

We had bought the children some travel neck cushions for the car at the airport (the bean bag sort with the teeny tiny polystyrene balls inside them) and therefore took them on the plane so the us. Mid flight, I accidentally ripped one of them and because it was made of silky material it exploded and all these little balls were everywhere all over my seat and clothes and stuck to me. Of course I had the American guy side eyeing me all flight probably wondering why I was laughing polystyrene mess all flight, and I didn’t want to make such a huge fuss when we landed so I shoved a plastic sandwich wrapper in the hole to try and stop it (and made more of a mess).

We was in Rome and had to go through airport security and when the bags got scanned I remembered that I had a strange object in there with loads of balls and some plastic wrapper I had ‘hidden’ in the cushion and I freaked out, I have really bad anxiety so my partner was trying to calm me and he was like ‘it will be okay they might not even notice, if they do just explain what has happened, you have done nothing wrong...’

Of course I got pulled aside by a really stern Italian security man who wasn’t happy, and he just looked at me and said ‘it’s a mess in there’ and I went red in the face and started panicking - ‘I promise I’m not smuggling drugs or anything I swear it’s my child’s travel cushion and there and loads of really tiny balls in it and I ripped it and...’ he just looked at me like I was a PURE IDIOT and went ‘that’s not what we are concerned about! This is!’ And he tipped my bag upside down and a load of rocks fell out, and the relief and embarrassment I felt was a strange mix of pathetic emotion when I realised I’d forgotten I had crammed a load of lava I had picked up from climbing mount Etna the day before was in a pile in front of me (with loads of polystyrene balls in the mix)

And I could not help but laugh when he was there all serious, not at least bothered about the mess which looked like drug smuggling but he was stood there wagging his finger at me telling me to explain why I had half of a volcano in my bag!

The other was from labour. I'd been induced on the Thursday evening and straight away I'd been uncomfortable, so by the early hours of Monday morning when things were in full flow I was exhausted. I hadn't wanted an epidural and even after the anaesthetist had arrived I was still semi-arguing against it and the poor guy was sent out of the room whilst they examined me, and then had to come back, so I was not his easiest patient. I then ranted at him for telling me the procedure would take 15 minutes when it was over in 5 (I was intently watching the clock) - he just couldn't win. I'm sure by this point he was more than slightly wary of me.

Anyway, at one point the machine started beeping so he had to be sent for. He couldn't find a cause and concluded something had been twisted, so told me not to get any kinks in the tubing and went to make his escape. Before he could, I called to his retreating back “You're telling me there's no kinkiness allowed in here? You're such a spoilsport!” He took another couple of paces before realising what I'd said and laughing. The midwives thought it was hilarious! The poor guy finally escaped (and probably switched off his pager!!!).

@backseatcookers

If anyone needs a laugh

https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amiibeingunreasonable/3178898-DH-embarrassed-by-my-sensitivity

😂😂😂😂 I just read this thread. Seriously funny. That poor husband.

A great aunties funeral. Her sister had dementia. She had more lucid moments than not at that point (or so it was thought) so she attended the funeral. At least 3 times during the service she would forget where she was and shouted out "who's getting married". I was 14 and kept sniggering to myself. You know that uncontrollable laugh you get when you know you shouldn't laugh but can't help it?

[quote MamTDM]@Ze1tGeist - when I was a PhD student, I shared an office with a very forthright mature student whose research involved ringing various hospital departments to ask for interviews with doctors. On April Fools' Day one year, I left a Post-It note on her desk asking her to please ring a Mike Hunt urgently, with the number of the local STD clinic. I will regret to my dying day that I wasn't in the office when she made the phone call, but apparently she spent several minutes getting increasingly agitated, saying things like 'Look, I know Mike Hunt is there and it is imperative that I speak to him immediately' before she twigged and slammed the phone down. Fortunately she thought it was hilarious and didn't kill me.

The other incident that totally slayed me was the day my DS decided to stick his finger into a hole in the new metal railings along the school drive one morning when he was about 6 and it got totally stuck. My mature and adult reaction to this was to instantly become helpless with that awful silent shaking internal laughter to the point where I literally couldn't speak, and could only stand there uselessly until a mum I knew walked past and flag her down to help. She promptly whipped an industrial-sized tub of Vaseline out of her handbag, which only made me laugh more, and then a teacher came running down the drive with a bottle of washing-up liquid, all concerned because someone had gone into Reception and told them that DS was stuck and I was crying [/quote]
This made me roar .

Please can you be my friend. We have the same humour 😆😆😆

@Yaya26

When my daughter was little I’d sometimes bath her in the kitchen sink for convenience. She was also prone to chest infections and I’d been advised to give her pure apple juice to drink everyday. As it was always in the fridge my husband had also become partial drinking apple juice as well. My husband also has a really annoying habit of grabbing hold of any drink I have sitting around and taking a swig of it. It really bugs me.

One evening I was bathing my daughter in the sink, she was just about 2 and she said she needed to wee. I was heavily pregnant with twins and our bathroom was getting renovated so instead of taking her out of the sink I got her to stand up and she to pee in a disposable cup. I set it on the worktop/ drainer and continued to bath my daughter.

My husband came in the back door. He was talking about something and as he walked past us he lifted the cup and before I could say a word downed it. He didn’t even realise it was was wee. I’ll never forget the look on my daughters little face. I was in hysterics laughing and she just sat in the bath staring at him completely horrified looking. By the stage my husband had realised there was something going on and was going “What is it, what is it?” I couldn’t talk for laughing. Still horrified my little girl just said “Daddy drinks wee” . He realised what was going on and started to nearly boke and was sticking his head under the tap while throwing a tantrum saying “ what the f**k sort of a lunatic are you?” Still makes me and the kids laugh and it still makes him cross seven years later.

😂😂😂

Mine happened last week. DH and I were playing Trivial Pursuit (lockdown...) and DH asked me the question,

‘What costumes were worn by the perpetrators of the St Valentine’s Day massacre?’

I have no idea why my answer was ‘clown costumes’ but I was quite concerned that DH was going to expire from laughing. He still keeps snorting a week later, and mentioning how hard it must have been for the gangsters to run away in their massive shoes...

To set the scene:

My parents are deeply religious. I never, ever heard either of them swear. Even the word "bum" was considered inappropriate when I was a child.

My dad was selectively deaf it seems. We thought it was constant until this incident occurred.

Dad's 80th birthday was approaching and I was organising a big family party as a surprise. My daughter was coming home from University, my cousin was coming home for the weekend, my two aunts - dad's sisters - were also going to be there. The three of them had not been together for a couple of years so it was very special. I had booked the restaurant in a local hotel and had arranged for my aunts to stay in a house that belonged to my uncle which was fully furnished but unoccupied.

Before and after the weekend of the party a couple of friends were borrowing the house. They had dropped the keys off with my parents and mentioned which room they had used so that I would not have to change the sheets there and just make up the other two bedrooms for the aunts.

My uncle came round to collect the keys. My mum was at one end of the room, my dad at the other. We were just chatting and mum said "X and Y used the middle bedroom so when F and D come they can use the other two rooms!"

My quiet, deaf, look directly at him before you speak dad turned round so quickly he almost had whiplash and grinned! My uncle and I stared at her in amazement and she and she yelled "Bloody Hell! You're supposed to be deaf!"

Not the wildest of bad language but coming from my mum it was enough to make us all weak with laughter.

It has gone down in family history as "the night that grandma swore!"

I was about 15, and my family owned a very timid cat who got bullied by all the neighbours’ cats. One cat kept coming next door to attack her, and I’d chase him away. One day, I chased him back through the hedge into his own garden. I saw that he was poised the other side of the hedge, waiting to come back in as soon as I’d left.

I leapt onto the hedge, so that I was lying on it on my tummy, waved my arms, and shouted “RAAAAAAARGH!” Too late, I spotted our neighbour next to the hedge. Too late, I saw (and heard) him drop a stack of flowerpots. I’m afraid I ran away.

Shopping with my elderly grandmother and she spritzes herself with what she thinks is a perfume tester only it’s not, it’s a small can of shaving foam. All over her face. Literally cry laughing just thinking about this.

Also when my friend got off the bus the doors shut on her handbag and the driver didn’t notice and drove off and she had to run alongside the bus with her bag still trapped, banging on the doors telling him to stop 😂

When my brother and I were younger, our parents dragged us to some historical town to wander around on a cold, grey day. Obviously sullen teenagers aren't the best company but on the way back to the car, my mum was ranting and raving at us about how she was sick to death of this family, we spoiled everything, she's never going anywhere with us again... all the while walking backwards so she facing us.

As she turned to face forward, a massive pigeon took flight and launched itself at her face. She absolutely shat herself and it was hilarious but laughing at the time was out of the question!

DH was setting off for a walk a few weeks ago with a pair of DD's woollen grey tights draped neatly round his neck, which he thought was his scarf! Similar colour, to be fair

The sudden realisation on my face and my au pair's when she asked me to explain an English word a boyfriend had used. The word was "count", and the context was money. Apparently my explanation on basic accounting didn't seem right.

She said, all innocent, "he no say it like that, he says he was a count. What it mean exactly?"

I howled 😄😄. Also I had no explanation!

Del Boy and Rodney and the chandelier..... even now., every time I see it.

Many, many others from the antics of growing up in a large family, but they are all “you had to be there” moments.

When DC were very young - both under two but both toddling, I decided to try reins for the first time, so they could walk instead of being in the buggy all the time. First time we tried them, they got to the top of the street then one ran one way, the other ran the other and I ended up flat on my bum, weak with laughter. When I looked up, I saw a double decker had stopped right beside me because the driver was laughing so hard he couldn't drive.

I don't know if this is funny - maybe you have to hear it told complete with Yorkshire accents - but it makes me cry laughing every time.

Dh tells of a caravan holiday he and his siblings went on many years ago, with his parents and grandparents. His parents saw no reason to lower the volume when they were having sex, and dh's grandma was getting fed up.

One night, the parents were at it again. All other occupants of the caravan are lying silently in the dark waiting for the performance to be over. Finally, silence descends until it's broken my dh's grandad saying in his broad Yorkshire accent "appen they've finished now Lil".

I really don't know what it is that sets me off but every time I think of this I laugh until it hurts!

Aged about 14 in an English lesson with my best friend and a very old fashioned straight laced male teacher. He’d asked everyone to pass books around to each other but they’d run out by the time it got to us. Teacher shouted ‘Retrieve, friend, come down here and I’ll give you one.’ We looked at each other and collapsed laughing as it was so unexpected. He had no idea what he’d said that was so funny!