Things that make you cry with laughter years on

[WhatWouldYouDoWhatWouldJesusDo]

I'll go first having spent the night pissing myself laughing over an incident that happened when I was a kid.

Many moons ago I was left being babysat by my brother, I'd been hiding upstairs, found my brother's Viz stash when I heard shouting coming from downstairs.

Thinking it was a prank I ignored it.

Shouting became more insistent so eventually I went to investigate, tip toeing my way into the living room as my brother was a known and impressive prankster.

Cautiously walked into the living room only to be met by my poor brother lying prone on the floor with our idiot dog locked onto him having a merry old time. I can still see him now humping away 😂😂😂 and dbro lying there shouting 'I've broke me leg, I've broke me leg phone a fucking ambulance' whilst trying to shove off the idiot dog who probably couldn't believe his luck 😂😂😂

(( It turned out he had broke his leg and it was his own bloody fault. He'd left a plate on the floor and somehow managed to skid on it and landed on the brasses we had on the fireplace somehow )) absolute fool and to this day, about 30 years on we'll still lock eyes on occasion and he knows what's coming 😂😂😂

Sistine chapel thread. A couple of times when I've felt really shit in general I've re-read it and it's made me laugh so, so much. It takes ages as well so it's a good distraction! Fuck it, I'm ill today... I'm off for a good shriek.

My late spaniel, God rest his soul, was a very horny dog and took a strong fancy to my sister as a pup and would try and romance her everytime she came over.
He would generally just try it on with her leg, but was harmless enough and she’d just have to shove him away.
Anyway, she came over one day for a cup of tea, and he’d grown a bit, I went into the kitchen and then heard a commotion and some shouting.
I walked back into the sitting room to find my sister on all fours and my dog absolutely going for it.
He’d gotten behind her on the sofa and managed to unbalance her when she went to get up, he must have thought all his Christmases had come at once. I was laughing so much I couldn’t actually pull him off as I was weak with laughter.
I can still see her trying to crawl away in an attempt to get him off, with him behind her doing some sort of bestial conga.
We had him ‘done’ shortly after.

@UnicornPug - that is hilarious!

If anyone needs a laugh

https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amiibeingunreasonable/3178898-DH-embarrassed-by-my-sensitivity

My dad always had a nap after tea, and my mum used to bellow "Fred!" loudly from the bottom of the stairs. One evening my sister's boyfriend, who my mum considered rather posh, was round, in the living room with me and my sis. She tried to shout in a refined voice, and it came out as a quavery, cracked high voice "Fre-e-ed!!" We shrieked with laughter, and she was furious!

One of mine was we were at a family meal, and I had some gossip to tell the rest so I dutifully say “ooooh did you know so and so did this etc etc” and everyone looks shocked and says “did she?!?!” And I promptly acted like I hadn’t just told the tale and shouted “did she?!?” Back at them as though it was a question that I didn’t know the answer to. One of those had to be there moments I think but nobody can say “did she?” Without hysterics.

DP and myself have very different levels of humour so it’s not often he makes me belly laugh, but taking the piss out of my love for mumsnet he sometimes puts on a voice and narrates absurd goings on mumsnet style and it absolutely kills me

Travelling up a busy escalator to the upper level of a shop chatting with my mates.

In front of us was a well-dressed, elderly gentleman carrying an empty 'Happy Shopper' carrier bag.

As he reached the top, he let rip with an almighty fart. The entire escalator of people just stopped talking & stared as he shook his trouser leg slightly & then just ambled off with his Happy Shopper bag. He didn't even glance behind to see the sea of appalled faces.

Childish, yes. Funny, absolutely.

My dad was on a morning flight and decided to take his breakfast with him - open pack of Rice Krispies and milk ( before liquid restrictions were in force). He put them in the over head locker. 20 minutes into flight he opens the locker the milk and Rice Krispies cascade all over his seat and clothes. The mess was so bad he had to move to a spare seat.

When our daughter was about 1 she was sleeping in bed between me and my husband, and woke up in the middle of the night upset looking for her doll. My husband was half asleep and thought my head was the doll's head, so I woke up to him trying to yank my head off to give it to DD. It still makes me laugh now.

In my mid 20s I checked my online bank statement and to my horror someone named Martin had been taking bits of money from my account daily! £3 here £4 there ect... I rang my dad and we swiftly went to the bank and had a really long meeting about fraud and then it twigged, the shop near my work was named Martins and I shopped in there daily using my card 😂 so embarrassing but it still makes me laugh.

In my mid 20s I checked my online bank statement and to my horror someone named Martin had been taking bits of money from my account daily! £3 here £4 there ect... I rang my dad and we swiftly went to the bank and had a really long meeting about fraud and then it twigged, the shop near my work was named Martins and I shopped in there daily using my card 😂 so embarrassing but it still makes me laugh.

Hahahaha this is amazing

😂 I've moved to a new town since and the newsagents is the same here! I think of it everytime I walk past!

@Wtfdidwedo that made me belly laugh 😂

Just had given birth so had foggy baby brain. Went for a walk with baby in pram and my dog (who is called Pippa, but we call her Pips) an old lady stopped me and asked what the dog was called and I said "Piss" I couldn't correct myself for laughing, just had to walk off. The woman looked at me like I was mad! 😄

About 15 years ago I was having a fairly serious conversation with two friends about the discriminatory differences in the age of consent for gay and straight sex. One of the others touched on the, probably apocryphal, story that there was never any official age of consent for lesbians because Queen Victoria didn't believe lesbians exist. Except instead of Queen Victoria he said Victoria Wood. It just sent me into hysterics.

@hotstepper4 it still pops into my mind now and again and catches me I love stories like these.

@Jacalouse I have laughed until I cried at this, it's exactly the kind of thing I would say 🤣

This makes me laugh whenever I remember it but don't know if others will find it funny.
I woke in the night with my DH looming over me and I thought he was trying to put his penis in my mouth while I was sleeping. I was so cross that I slapped his bum, turns out he was leaning over me to put his phone on charge and it was actually his face that I slapped 😳

@Jacalouse that’s amazing.

i once worked in an office with a very pompous colleague. we left a note on his desk while he was at lunch, saying he needed to call this number to speak to someone about an order.

the name we gave was Roland Butter. the phone number was for a local bakery. he called the number and was very annoyed when they laughed at him for ringing a bakery to speak to Mr Roland Butter.

he was absolutely furious. like, incandescent with rage. i have never laughed so much in my life, there were 4 other people in the office and we were all helpless by the time he twigged and got off the phone.

That time I told my DH he had a spider on him in a car park. He screamed and danced like a little girl. There was no spider

@Ze1tGeist - when I was a PhD student, I shared an office with a very forthright mature student whose research involved ringing various hospital departments to ask for interviews with doctors. On April Fools' Day one year, I left a Post-It note on her desk asking her to please ring a Mike Hunt urgently, with the number of the local STD clinic. I will regret to my dying day that I wasn't in the office when she made the phone call, but apparently she spent several minutes getting increasingly agitated, saying things like 'Look, I know Mike Hunt is there and it is imperative that I speak to him immediately' before she twigged and slammed the phone down. Fortunately she thought it was hilarious and didn't kill me.

The other incident that totally slayed me was the day my DS decided to stick his finger into a hole in the new metal railings along the school drive one morning when he was about 6 and it got totally stuck. My mature and adult reaction to this was to instantly become helpless with that awful silent shaking internal laughter to the point where I literally couldn't speak, and could only stand there uselessly until a mum I knew walked past and flag her down to help. She promptly whipped an industrial-sized tub of Vaseline out of her handbag, which only made me laugh more, and then a teacher came running down the drive with a bottle of washing-up liquid, all concerned because someone had gone into Reception and told them that DS was stuck and I was crying

The other incident that totally slayed me was the day my DS decided to stick his finger into a hole in the new metal railings along the school drive one morning when he was about 6 and it got totally stuck. My mature and adult reaction to this was to instantly become helpless with that awful silent shaking internal laughter to the point where I literally couldn't speak, and could only stand there uselessly until a mum I knew walked past and flag her down to help. She promptly whipped an industrial-sized tub of Vaseline out of her handbag, which only made me laugh more, and then a teacher came running down the drive with a bottle of washing-up liquid, all concerned because someone had gone into Reception and told them that DS was stuck and I was crying

This is SUPERB!

My mum hurt her leg and she took herself off to A&E. I was telling my DH all about it, and I said, ‘she’s got crutches.’ He replied, ‘oh my god. What’s crutches? That sound awful.’ Had to break it to him that wasn’t the name of the ‘disease’ cracks me right up.

Another comes from when I used to be a teacher. I had been having really, really terrible farts- think beefy/onion/ sulphur and you’d nearly be there. I had just finished explaining something to the whole class and sent them back to their places when I realised one was coming and no holding it in would help. I walked to the back of the room. Dropped the bomb. And walked off. Next thing you know there was a fight broke out in the back of the room, two boys pummelling each other. I ran to break it up, asking ‘what on earth is going on here?’ In my most stern teacher voice. One of the lads shouted, ‘Errr Miss, it’s him. He’s a right dirty bastard he’s let one go.’ And then the other yelled, ‘Naaa Miss, it’s him’ and they started scrapping again. It was all I could do to keep a straight face cos I’d realised it was me and it was indeed a ‘right dirty bastard fart’

I wasn't even there but i couldn't stop laughing when my friend rang me to say she'd just got a call from her parents who had arrived at their hotel on holiday. It was very late and so dark when they arrived and her dad was wheeling a suitcase behind him, didn't see it and walked into the pool suitcase and all....it cracks me up just thinking about it

I had a big, fat, black cat who loved having his belly rubbed. My friends were over one afternoon and one friend was indulging him, unfortunately she must've got him over excited because next thing a big splot of gizz landed on her denim skirt. The look of absolute horror on her face had us all laughing that much we were actually silent. My cat skulked off to the corner for a bath and someone threw him a cigarette. It nearly ended me.