Things that make you cry with laughter years on

[WhatWouldYouDoWhatWouldJesusDo]

I'll go first having spent the night pissing myself laughing over an incident that happened when I was a kid.

Many moons ago I was left being babysat by my brother, I'd been hiding upstairs, found my brother's Viz stash when I heard shouting coming from downstairs.

Thinking it was a prank I ignored it.

Shouting became more insistent so eventually I went to investigate, tip toeing my way into the living room as my brother was a known and impressive prankster.

Cautiously walked into the living room only to be met by my poor brother lying prone on the floor with our idiot dog locked onto him having a merry old time. I can still see him now humping away 😂😂😂 and dbro lying there shouting 'I've broke me leg, I've broke me leg phone a fucking ambulance' whilst trying to shove off the idiot dog who probably couldn't believe his luck 😂😂😂

(( It turned out he had broke his leg and it was his own bloody fault. He'd left a plate on the floor and somehow managed to skid on it and landed on the brasses we had on the fireplace somehow )) absolute fool and to this day, about 30 years on we'll still lock eyes on occasion and he knows what's coming 😂😂😂

Screaming at the Sistene Chapel - it was a thread on here. I've never forgotten it.

I have 3!
When I was a teenager we had an L shaped staircase with a window at the angle. My Mum had climbed onto the window ledge in her tights to clean it whilst I was doing my makeup in the bathroom at the top of the stairs. She slipped and fell down the whole flight of stairs. I didn't see anything, just heard it but she must have bounced a bit because every step she hit she let out a squeal. What killed me was each squeal was about an octave higher than the preceding one so she made a tune as she fell. That and the fact I knew I shouldn't be laughing.

When I was 7 months pregnant I was at the top of a ladder fitting a window blind. My bf was holding the ladder. Suddenly the absurdity of the fact I was the one up the ladder hit me and I couldn't stop laughing. Then I couldn't get down for laughing and was clinging helplessly to the top of the ladder which just made me laugh even more.

I used to be a stoner and had a few friends round after work. We had a tray for making joints, covered in old tobacco, rizlas and cardboard bits. We were already stoned. My friend was using the tray to skin up and inadvertently knocked it onto the floor. Tobacco etc goes all over the carpet. This was funny enough on its own. It was Christmas time and we'd been wrapping presents so had sellotape in the middle of the table. He spots the sellotape and has a bright idea, to wrap it around his hand to pick up the fallen tobacco bits. He duly winds it round and starts dabbing at the carpet but is bemused to find it's not picking anything up. Then at the same time we all realise he's done it the wrong way round and actually sellotaped his hand. The best bit being him removing it in agony as it ripped all the hairs off the back of his hand. Oh God, we just collapsed. Must have laughed for twenty minutes straight.

My (usually very competent) DH trying to collapse a pop up ball pit someone had bought for DGS. Every time he managed to get one side collapsed the other side popped back up and DH got more infuriated. The look on his face every time he thought he was winning and another corner managed to escape was the funniest thing I've ever seen.

My dh makes me laugh so often but the one that still brings me to tears is this one

He had hurt his knees so he couldn’t bend them. There was a massive spider in the house and he is terrified of them.

It skittled out from under something and he threw his shoe at it. Unfortunately, the shoe landed in front of the spider which caused it turn around and run straight at dh.

In his panic, he shot up and ran straight legged to the sofa on the other side of the room. He then half threw, half fell face down on the sofa

Because he couldn’t bend his legs, he was sort of laid there like a plank screaming the whole time about how the spider chased him

I couldn’t help him as I was too busy laughing. Even now it still makes me laugh

I was on holiday with my friends over 20 years ago. We were sitting in a beach bar having lunch when one of the girls says "jeez would you look at the size of your woman's melons". We all turned around and right enough there was a girl walking towards us with two big water melons - for lunch i presume.

@Soubriquet

My dh makes me laugh so often but the one that still brings me to tears is this one

He had hurt his knees so he couldn’t bend them. There was a massive spider in the house and he is terrified of them.

It skittled out from under something and he threw his shoe at it. Unfortunately, the shoe landed in front of the spider which caused it turn around and run straight at dh.

In his panic, he shot up and ran straight legged to the sofa on the other side of the room. He then half threw, half fell face down on the sofa

Because he couldn’t bend his legs, he was sort of laid there like a plank screaming the whole time about how the spider chased him

I couldn’t help him as I was too busy laughing. Even now it still makes me laugh

This made me laugh for the second time. It’s an old thread that’s been revived and you told the same story first time round 😂

Did I?

Serves me right for not rtft

First-time poster, long-time reader!

Out shopping with my Mom, (now ex) Step-dad & Nan. Finish up in shop, Mom & Nan walking across the car park, slightly ahead of me & step-dad. He notices something on the floor ahead, gets closer, then shouts to my Nan, "Kath, are these your teeth?". My Nan (RIP) was always taking her false teeth out & putting them in her handbag. As she'd put her purse away, she'd knocked her teeth out of her handbag!! I couldn't stop laughing, but she was mortified!!

Also my Nan, kept telling people about the new "dildo-rail" she'd had put up. My Mom (her daughter) had to explain to my very prudish Nan, what she'd been telling everyone!!

Loving all these stories, hope everyone is keeping well & taking care of themselves x

These are great
One that still makes me chuckle many, many years later. This would have been early 90s, I was in my 20s, always wore combats / vests / DMs, you get the picture.

I was trying to arrange an event, and I'd been told that one of the women who worked at our local wholefood co-op did catering, but hadn't managed to catch up with her (days of using the payphone down the street rather than having a phone in shared houses). I went into the shop, & saw someone working on the counter who matched the description I'd been given. So - as you do - I dashed up to her and announced to all the shop "Ah - You must be Gay! I've been looking for you!"

Then I realised I might have been giving the wrong impression

My other one - later 90s when computers were a bit more flakey. I had an office job & was working away on the computer doing a complicated database query when the phone rang. Just as I picked it up, the computer crashed. On the whole "Oh FUCK" was not the approved way to answer the office phone Fortunately it was a colleague, not a client !

We, six colleagues, are meeting in London for dinner. Four of us take public transport. Mark decides to drive and James joins him. It's a beautiful day and Mark lowers the roof of his convertible. They arrive at the edge of the congestion charging zone just minutes before the enforcement period ends. Mark decides to wait and avoid the fee. He parks outside a takeaway restaurant. Moments later a refuse truck appears and bin men lob a few swollen refuse sacks into the rear of the truck. Mark and James take little notice, until a loud pop grabs their attention. Instantly lettuce leaves and tomato slices are raining down upon the uncovered convertible. James is spared, but Mark is left peeling old, warm salad from his head and clothes. Hearing them tell this tale of unlucky decisions over dinner, and many times since, always leaves me in stitches.

I am the youngest of my cousins within the little group that meets up regularly with my mum too (30's - they're all 65 up to almost 80).

For the eldests 70th birthday we had a little party get-together with a few others at her house during the day. Sadly her long-term partner had died some years earlier so she lives alone and our family has an... interesting sense of humour that we all share.

A little extra stocking filler type gift came from my mum of a set of cards for her to play patience like her mum famously had done for years. Said cards were all very naked very well endowed gentlemen displaying all their wares.

Cut to a group of mostly 65-80 year old women all reaching for their glasses to have a look in depth at every single one of the cards getting passed around the room.

"Why doesn't she just get off the bus?!" Brilliant!

I remember one assembly in school just after the summer holidays, the head mistress (fairly unpleasant Miss Trenchball type) was giving a talk about her holiday and said "this summer my husband and I did something together that we've never done before". Cue loud sniggers from the kids. She looked appalled and said "No not THAT!". My form teacher had his face in his hands and was shaking with laughter. Never did find out what it was they'd done!

@Bloodybridget

Friends of mine, a couple, went for a meal in a pub garden with their adult DDs. One of the couple suffered from misphonia, and wanted to move away from some of the other customers. They'd already been served, so decided the easiest thing was just to carry the table between them. As they moved across the grass, one by one, all the legs dropped off.

Comedy timing!

When DD was in year 6, the class teachers invited the parents to a short meeting to give us advance warning of what they would be learning in PSHE and sex education. So the class was packed with mums (presumably dads could have gone if they wanted, but none had) and the class teachers were joined by the headmaster. He outlined what topics they were going to be covering ending with .."and masturbation..." and then in the next breath said "...and if anyone has got any problems with that, they can come and see me afterwards...!"
Everyone was sniggering and the deputy head, who was also one of the class teachers, was barely able to speak she was laughing so much. What made it funnier is that he just carried on regardless, and didnt mention it!

A long, long time ago.
Went out for a family drive (me, parents, sibling). We decided to stop at a tea shop on the way home to get something to eat and drink. Dad went to the counter to order and we sat at one table but mum didn't like it as it was too draughty, so we moved to another table. However, this was too near the speakers ("awful music") so we moved again. Unfortunately this table also had some fault, and we moved yet again, but this table was too near the toilets. As mum said this, she inadvertently burped. She was quite proper and was mortified. Sibling and I were crying with laughter, even more so when Dad appeared quite flustered as he had no idea why we'd moved tables so many times.

I have two that put me in stitches every time.

The funniest thing I've personally ever said/done:
I was maybe 14/15 and out with my best friend and her mum at a restaurant. Friend managed to let slip a "fuck" in conversation, to which her mum replied "Don't say the F-word!" In a magical alignment of the heavens and cosmic timing, I immediately said "I'm about to say the F-word!" followed by a big, audible fart. I still can't believe I just happened to have a fart ready just at that moment. All 3 of us were doubled over, and 25 years later I laughed so hard I was crying and nearly pissed myself just trying to tell that story to my DH. Yeahhh, my comedy peaked at about 15!

The other:
Friend and I were standing right outside the door to the stairwell at the office, talking about something funny at work (can't remember, but likely some ridiculous bug in our software). We were both red faced and doing that nearly-silent, barely breathing, just holding on for dear life type of laugh. We were so lost in laughter we were holding ourselves up against the walls on either side of the door, legs crossed trying not to wee ourselves.

Just then, another friend in our department walked out of the stairwell door, to leave the office building. He looked at her, then looked at me, and we were about to try to tell him what we were laughing at, when he simply said "Nope. Absolutely not." and turned right back inside and closed the door! I don't think I need to tell you that he set us over the edge, and we both ended up weeing a bit.

@MsFannySqueers I love the turnip shoe story, reminds me of my best friend abandoning her stiletto shoe after getting in stuck in a grid and trotting about in one shoe at my wedding!

So many of these I have been crying laughing - with DH looking at me incredulously as we have a rather somber episode of Silent Witness on in the background .

My story is from when I was pregnant. Mum and I were in Tesco, just getting a few bits, not a big shop. We were looking at bubble bath and I said "oh this one smells nice" and held it up for mum to sniff. Except, I gently squeezed the bottle, which ejaculated a small blob of white goo onto my mum's nose . Oh my god the pair of us were in hysterics, as was a passing stranger who had witnessed it .

My sister also likes to fondly recall the time I ran into the patio doors that weren't, as I had thought, actually open. Apparently I rebounded off them like a cartoon

My mum went into the garage and myself, my dad and siblings waited in the car.

We see my mum coming out the garage completely in her own little world and my dad said 'she's going to get in that car' it was silver just like his. My dad sat there and watched her sit down in the passenger side of this car chuckling away to himself which of course made us all giggle.

My mum finally realised when she looked around and saw no one in the car and my dad waving at her from our car.

She even put her seatbelt on in the strangers car. Luckily no one was in the car they just left it unlocked.

Chuckling now as I write it .

I've just been crying at these for the last hour 😭🤣🤣

I live in a town that's known for an amazing Jazz festival thats held every year, people travel from around the world to it.

One time myself and my sister were heading to a specific pub and a tourist approached to ask directions to X Street, when the free music was.

My sister tried to say "oh are you going to the Jazz?" instead she said " Oh are you going to jizz?" He just gave her a disgusted look and walked off.

I thought I would have a heart attack from laughing, I couldn't breathe. It's the silly things that really get you laughing!

@Wtfdidwedo

When our daughter was about 1 she was sleeping in bed between me and my husband, and woke up in the middle of the night upset looking for her doll. My husband was half asleep and thought my head was the doll's head, so I woke up to him trying to yank my head off to give it to DD. It still makes me laugh now.

This made me cry with laughter

Aged 13 my friend and I were bullied by our fierce French teacher to take part in some weird multi school fashion show. We had to make our costumes and describe them to a crowd in French. My friends costume for reasons lost in the mists of time was entirely made of bubble wrap. Hat of bubble wrap then entire body wrapped. Only her pissed off / embarrassed face was visible. Never laughed so much and am laughing typing this!

Oh I forgot another that I found hilarious.
Probably a bit outing if anyone I've told sees this .

I work in dentistry and we had a new patient in and the dentist was doing the check up and the male patient said to the male dentist 'ooooh you've shoved your fingers in my mouth and not even taken me out for dinner yet!'.

I'm glad I had a mask on. I wanted to cry laughing. Pretty sure if I but my lip any harder to stop me from laughing I'd have bit through it.

The male dentist was more like .

Bit*

Me and DP was driving down a narrow road one night and spots a man waving and flapping his arms to get our attention.

So we stops by him does the window down and asks him if everything was OK. The man was absolutely steaming drunk and starts leaning in the car shouting nonsense at DP. I panic and drives off quickly. Cue DP screaming OMG stop the car you've ran over the fuckers foot.

So I stop the car DP get out and start jogging down the street to check on the man. Well this man obviously thought DP wanted round 2 so starts charging up the street at him, clearly nothing wrong with his foot. DP quickly turns and runs back to the car and instead of getting in the car door, he launches himself through the open window and lands face first in the passenger footwell, the muffled drive drive!! Still sets me off now