Things that make you cry with laughter years on

[WhatWouldYouDoWhatWouldJesusDo]

I'll go first having spent the night pissing myself laughing over an incident that happened when I was a kid.

Many moons ago I was left being babysat by my brother, I'd been hiding upstairs, found my brother's Viz stash when I heard shouting coming from downstairs.

Thinking it was a prank I ignored it.

Shouting became more insistent so eventually I went to investigate, tip toeing my way into the living room as my brother was a known and impressive prankster.

Cautiously walked into the living room only to be met by my poor brother lying prone on the floor with our idiot dog locked onto him having a merry old time. I can still see him now humping away 😂😂😂 and dbro lying there shouting 'I've broke me leg, I've broke me leg phone a fucking ambulance' whilst trying to shove off the idiot dog who probably couldn't believe his luck 😂😂😂

(( It turned out he had broke his leg and it was his own bloody fault. He'd left a plate on the floor and somehow managed to skid on it and landed on the brasses we had on the fireplace somehow )) absolute fool and to this day, about 30 years on we'll still lock eyes on occasion and he knows what's coming 😂😂😂

Another one was shopping one day in quite a basic warehouse, it sold M & S seconds and was known to be quite the place for a bargain.
I was heavily pregnant and upon purchase of my items was instructed the two twenty pounds notes I was using were fake.

I was taken into the back of the shop, where I had to sit down along with 3 other shoppers who had also been accused of using fake money.
After half an hour arround 15 more people, including about ten 70 year olds, 4 women with pushcairs and various todlers amoungst
others, were then subjected to the third degree.

They then accused us of being in some kind of criminal gang , had we come on a coach and stated they had rung the police.
Que then Janice the cashier coming in and advising management the counterfiet detector pen didn't work.
Most were angry but I found it so utterly rediculous, I loved it.

@CoffeeAndDryShampoo

A few years ago watching a TV quiz show with my Mum (I think it was The Chase) and one of the questions was 'What is the capital of the Ukraine'. She earnestly shouts out "Nugget" to which I replied "I think you mean Kiev mum". I still haven't let her live it down!

Camping in France with friends, I'd bought a 1 man tent on Ebay and on putting it up in the garden decided in my wisdom that friend and I could share it.

First morning woke up to friend proclaiming she was never sleeping with me again and would share someone else's tent. She said she'd spent the night turning between either a faceful of my hair or pressed against the wall of the tent. The icing on the story that had me pissing myself laughing was when she said she'd opened the tent door to get some air so she could breathe and it was bloody raining, so she'd spent the night either having my hair in her mouth or being covered in drizzle on her face.

Thank you for this thread. Has given me so much laughter.

My favourite: when I was pregnant, I lived a long way from my family and wanted a fun way to share the news with my mum. I asked her partner (who speaks English as a second language) to buy a bread roll and put it in the oven. I knew he wouldn't make the connection if I said bread roll instead of bun. Anyway I then rang my mum and explained the game, and she went round trying to find the hidden message in the house with me saying "warmer" or "colder". Eventually she got to the oven and opened it and asked questioningly "there's a bagel in the oven?" I just lost it, literally laughed until I could hardly breathe because her partner had put a bagel in the oven instead of a bun. I guess I should have let him in on the joke first. It still makes me laugh out loud 2 years later.

We were holidaying with another family who we’d known for years.We’d rented a large country mansion house as we’d 5 children, boys, between us and wanted space.
The house had two staircases and the boys were all sleeping on the top floor. Their choice as it was ‘spooky’! Late one night they were making a load of noise, so the other father went up to quieten them.
On his way down he took a wrong turn, came into our room and got into our bed! Fortunately next to my DH, he soon realised his mistake and quickly left.
I only have to look at his DW, my friend and we both know what we’re thinking and dissolve into laughter and tears.

This is such a great thread. I'm checking in regularly to get a laugh fix.
So nice to have a thread that is light hearted and continues lighthearted! (Unlike others that have lighthearted in opening thread and have descended into a bun fight by page 2)

@Onthedunes

Another one was shopping one day in quite a basic warehouse, it sold M & S seconds and was known to be quite the place for a bargain. I was heavily pregnant and upon purchase of my items was instructed the two twenty pounds notes I was using were fake.

I was taken into the back of the shop, where I had to sit down along with 3 other shoppers who had also been accused of using fake money.
After half an hour arround 15 more people, including about ten 70 year olds, 4 women with pushcairs and various todlers amoungst
others, were then subjected to the third degree.

They then accused us of being in some kind of criminal gang , had we come on a coach and stated they had rung the police.
Que then Janice the cashier coming in and advising management the counterfiet detector pen didn't work.
Most were angry but I found it so utterly rediculous, I loved it.

I think this is one of my favourites. I'm imagining a small room out the back with people sat on foot stools and looking quizzically at each other as they are bought in one by one 😂

@WeatherwaxOn I had a similar experience at a comedy show once. The comedown (no idea who it was now) was talking about how people move their hands to mix the bath water when adding more hot water. I just absolutely lost it laughing but it's never had the same impact on others when I retell it.

Camping holiday with M&D when I was in my late teens. Trying to replace blue gas cannister in camping stove, pierced cannister but it didn't clip onto stove properly. The cannister then propelled itself around the site at speed after Dad while Mum and I had to hold each other up. That was also the holiday when a dog stole our supper pie out of the tent. I loved going on holiday with my parents

That M&S one has really tickled me.

I saw a massive bill for a bar I didn't recognise pop up on my online debit card statement.

I never use my debit card and was so scared someone had managed to---- fraudulently rack up this massive bill at a fancy London bar (I'd looked it up and was at a 5* hotel) the bloody cheek of someone having a jolly at my expense.

I rang the bank pretty mad and started to go through all the details for the fraud report. The bank lady was very understanding and whilst on hold I checked the address of swanky London hotel and then realised it was very veryyyyy close to the place me and friend had been getting royally drunk at celebrating the night before. I text my friend who text back saying oh yeah we had a bloody good time there didn't we. Apparently I'd used my debit card because I couldn't find my credit card I'd dropped in the abyss of my handbag.

I embarrassingly told the bank lady it was me that had run up the bill I was just too drunk to remember being there. She burst out laughing thankfully.
Still angry I don't remember this fantastic time I had

Oh I have no idea why that was all crossed out I'll try again...
I saw a massive bill for a bar I didn't recognise pop up on my online debit card statement.

I never use my debit card and was so scared someone had managed to rack up this massive bill at this fancy London bar (I'd looked it up and was at a 5* hotel) the bloody cheek of someone having a jolly at my expense.

I rang the bank pretty mad and started to go through all the details for the fraud report. The bank lady was very understanding and whilst on hold I checked the address of swanky London hotel and then realised it was very veryyyyy close to the place me and friend had been getting royally drunk at celebrating the night before. I text my friend who text back saying oh yeah we had a bloody good time there didn't we. Apparently I'd used my debit card because I couldn't find my credit card I'd dropped in the abyss of my handbag.

I embarrassingly told the bank lady it was me that had run up the bill I was just too drunk to remember being there. She burst out laughing thankfully.
Still angry I don't remember this fantastic time I had

I have another to share. Funnily enough it also involves far jokes and airports and the funniest coincidence!

When I was 20 me and a few close friends went to Malaga on a girls holiday. A drunken week just before I fell pregnant with my LO and we were giddy and downright immature the full holiday.

Me (pretend my name is Mary) and my best friend (Rachel) had somehow managed to audibly tell each other when we had passed wind in the most hilarious way. She would look at me with her lip up/teeth sticking out and in a proper funny voice she would say “Mar-ehhhh, A jus’ Far’edddd!”

And I would reciprocate

“Ray-Chelllll, a jus’ Far’eddddd!”

Anyway we was in a sorry state hungover at the airport and we went to the toilet before our flight. It was busy (think a queue of women waiting to go)

We had cubicles two away from each other. Whilst I was mid-wee I heard her go at the top of her lungs in the voice...

“Maaaaaa-rrrrehhhh!”

And I knew what was coming. I laughed but before I got the change to respond I heard the lady between us who I assume had the same name say

“Yeah?”

Followed by my friend belting out

“A jus’ Farrrr’eddddd!!!!”

😂😂😂😂😂😂

I was absolutely howling and it sent me fully under when I heard poor unfortunate Mary in between us from her cubicle go “......what?! Why would you say that...?” In the most horrified voice 😂

I heard my friend laughing and I shouted over to my friend that it wasn’t me it was someone else and the whole of the room was hysterical laughing at the incident.. bless Mary 2 who thought her friend she had gone to the toilet with had just come out with that randomly 😂😂😂😂

Im middle aged now but still gave the same best friend from school. In drama class aged about 12 or 13 , she had to read a line from a play " I am adamant " but she read " I am Adam Ant" ....the first time was a genuine mistake, but as kids do, she repeat it cos it got a laugh .
In the end she could not read it for laughing and the teacher was exasperated. We still laugh about it now 30 years later !

*have

Me and my DM went for Xmas lunch to my sisters one year with the intention of going for a leisurely walk in the afternoon as she lives out in the countryside.
My mum was about 65 but has arthritis in one hip so isn’t very agile.
We happily plod along for about 3 miles going over styles and fields until we come to a locked gate with horizontal planks about 5ft tall.
6ft BIL climbs onto second plank, cocks legs over and is down the other side. 5 ft 11 sister then does the same.... 5ft 1 mother is looking slightly dubious but has a go. And cannot cock her leg up enough to clear the top at all! Even try the other way incase it’s her dodgy hip but no... So we have me on one side hoisting her bum up as dsis is on the other side trying to drag her over and catch her at the same time . We were all in hysterics for a good 10 minutes trying to figure out how to get her over so she didn’t have to do the 3 mile walk back.
BIL been watching us the whole time looking very perplexed but not offering any help until he trots back over and asks her “why are you standing on the second plank? is there a reason you've not climbed it like a ladder and only have to bring your leg up a bit?
Oh god the penny dropped and it just made us laugh so much more she nearly fell off it all together 😂😂
She then obediently stepped up the next 2 planks with us holding on and came down the other side in one perfect go.
It’s one of those memories that will stay with me long after she has gone and I’ll tell my children

@Tillygetsit

As a teenager, my family were invited to dinner by a couple who were friends of my parents. The woman got very loud and giggly on red wine and her very pompous husband told her to rein it in. She told him to shut up and threw a bread roll at him and the buttered side stuck to his forehead. We immediately started laughing but soon stopped when we saw how furious he was...really really angry. He got up from the table and briskly march3d out eith the roll still stuck on his head. It was so awkward that we made our excuses and left. Once in the car and before driving off we all became hysterical. Mum the said oh no. We looked up and saw them standing at the front door grimly staring at us (minus bread roll) They looked just like the American Gothic painting! Still makes me laugh/cringe now.

This is brilliant 😂

@Likeindie

Walking around a packed car boot one summer with my MIL (passed away now). I pointed to some really large stuffed toy lions, I said “they are big” She said “I know “, “I’ve got a fluffy leopard and I love lying on my bed stroking my fluffy leopard. It’s so soft”. I just started crying with laughter couldn’t help it.

😂

Aged 18 working in a big retail store. The phone rang and I answered it. It was another colleagues boyfriend. I put him on hold and called colleague over. I say he's on line 2. She picks up the one with a sarcastic "hey honeybuns" her face went white and she says "oh sorry I've picked up the wrong line. I started laughing. She then proceeds to do exactly the same to the same person again!

Another one. Same shop. I'm clumsy. I stepped backwards behind the tills, tripped over something, crashed into the returns rail and fell backwards landing on my bum INSIDE a massive cardboard box half full with coat hangers. The returns rail (had clothes on) then landed on top of me. I was hysterical with laughter. Couldn't get out the box. Everyone around was helplessly laughing. I finally got out to a round of applause. There were at least 20 people staring at me.

The shop was mothercare haha

Many years ago I was working on end control at a wholesalers. We often had customers pick up items with no barcode so we'd search on the system for say "blue bread bin" and it would come up and they could pay for it.
One day a cashier came up with the kitchen utensil you'd use for flipping pancakes, or fried eggs. We could not figure it out, we tried "flipper", "egg flipper" etc. Any passing member of staff got roped in to try to guess and we just could not get it. Eventually someone ran (the half mile, huge place) to the area and found one with a barcode.
We scanned it, baited breath, and it came up with "slotted turner".
Such an absurd name we all pissed ourselves laughing for ages, making quite a show. When I came home to tell DP I couldn't stop laughing to tell him but by his reaction it was clearly a "had to be there" event. Still makes me chuckle now every time I use one.

@JuniLoolaPalooza that did tickle me.

One Christmas eve some friends and I went to Christmas eve midnight mass. One of my friends was slightly worse for wear (steaming drunk) and kept gently falling asleep. Every time she fell asleep the old lady on front of us, lifted her arse and let out tiny little trumps, just loud enough to hear and my friend would wake up. Me and my other friend tried so hard to keep straight faces, it didn't happen we were holding onto each other breathlessly and crying by the end of it. Every so often this gets brought up and we start howling with laughter at the whole ridiculous situation

In my early 20s I temporarily moved back to my Dads and his partners. We were making Christmas Dinner and I was feeling all grown up following a Delia Smith recipe for the roast potatoes.

The key thing for the perfect roast potato was to part boil them after draining them put the lid on a give them a good shake as it made them fluffy when roasted. I explained this to DDad as I was doing it and he took it on himself to say in agreement, yes that's the way to do it, you need to give them a good fluffing, and come back now and then and say Ooh they're looking nice and fluffy, keep fluffing them. Fluffing in ahem another context means something entirely different. Huge cringe factor and still makes me chuckle.

@redtartanpants

I saw a massive bill for a bar I didn't recognise pop up on my online debit card statement.

I never use my debit card and was so scared someone had managed to---- fraudulently rack up this massive bill at a fancy London bar (I'd looked it up and was at a 5* hotel) the bloody cheek of someone having a jolly at my expense.

I rang the bank pretty mad and started to go through all the details for the fraud report. The bank lady was very understanding and whilst on hold I checked the address of swanky London hotel and then realised it was very veryyyyy close to the place me and friend had been getting royally drunk at celebrating the night before. I text my friend who text back saying oh yeah we had a bloody good time there didn't we. Apparently I'd used my debit card because I couldn't find my credit card I'd dropped in the abyss of my handbag.

I embarrassingly told the bank lady it was me that had run up the bill I was just too drunk to remember being there. She burst out laughing thankfully.
Still angry I don't remember this fantastic time I had

This is brilliant, they must get this a lot.

Reminds me of a v drunken night out...the next day we are in the pub indulging in a tiny bit of hair of the dog.

I scroll through my phone and discover a photo taken the night before of me on the beach buried from neck to toe under the pebbles. I had no recollection to this point that we stopped at the beach on the way home and that we did this, and neither did my friend.

Hilarious and perturbing, I wonder if I'd ever have remembered without the photo...and what else might have been forgotten in the mists of early hours!